Snow Drift
by Lighter
Summary: Even when you have everything something unexpected happens and you find yourself without, infact, you can't even remember all the things you've had since your memories are as white as a field of snow. also pairs Seifer/Zell.
1. Look up in the sky

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VIII universe or any of the characters, I make no profit from this its simply for fan enjoyment- haduuuu.

Warnings: Maybe sex (not sure yet), some language, and blood. That's all.

A.N: I'm putting this in here for a friend that got kicked out of this site I liked this and he said whatever when I asked so I thought I'd share it with all of you; he's just playing with the idea so I don't know when an update will come, I hope no one minds, in the meantime thank you for reading this and leaving me a review it means tons to me and if you have any questions I will answer them.

...............

Vaulny Canyon. 11:20 a.m.

Squall and Irvine have been hiding out in a bush on top of a hill surrounded by trees in the forest outside of Timber. The two have been asked to scout for a new type of monster that's been reeking havoc in that area, its their job to kill the beast and any others that may be around like it; since its a new breed who could say if it were a single or a female with a family. The two have been out there since 8 o'clock that morning and so far have heard nothing. It was better to get the drop on things when they don't expect it; Squall said, than to go looking for it so its riled up. Irvine disagreed and has been bored since. Infact, he'd been brought along a handgun with intentions of shooting some rounds off just to beat boredom, but it isn't loaded.

Glancing to his side, he grabs four bullets from Squall.

"Hey." He warns when feeling the cowboy's hand at his butt. "Do you mind, we're on a mission."

Holding his hands up defensively he says. "Just borrowin' some arsenal, I didn't bring any for this gun- what kind are these, anyway?"

"Whatever my gun takes." Explains the commander glancing down at his artillery belts that cross over his hips. "And there were plenty by my hip."

"Yeah, but your butt is much better to look at." He winks at his lover. "..-sides if you don't like it, don't wear it around your hips, put it over your chest, then maybe everyone will stop mistaking 'em for belts o' 'king of chastity'." He teased.

"Yeah, but then everyone would mistake them for suspenders."

Irvine chuckled about that. "I guess that's true." He loads the tiny bullets into his gun.

Watching him, Squall says absently, though, very seriously. "I hope you don't plan on wasting those."

"Why? You need 'em?" He mocked as he aimed the small gun at something making phony bang sounds. Changing subjects he says. "Gotta wonder why _we_ were picked for this boring work." Aiming at a tree, he squints out a target far off.

"Because you're better with distant combat and I'm alright with both close range and far."

Irvine scoffed.

"What's that for?"

"I have never once, in my many years of knowing your military life, seen you use the gun on that blade of yours- Seifer either for that matter, but then again, I've never really been on a mission where that pyro hasn't burned the place up and down before even one swing."

"I use it."

"Use it now then," He nods. "that beast is over there."

Turning in his crouch, Squall spots the beast in the distance; it appeared to be sharpening its long shining black horns against a boulder. Its bigger than either of them had guessed.

Removing his hat, Irvine then reaches into his pocket removing his Creds card. "Tell you what, I'll give you three hundred Gil if you use your gun."

"Deal."

Watching his lover stand up, Irvine shifts in protest. "Hold on, where's your card?"

"Didn't bring it; Garden paid for us to get out here, remember."

"Well what if I wanted to have lunch after a job well done?"

"I'm your boyfriend, right? Show me some of that southern hospitality everyone is always going on about." Leaning down he steals a quick kiss from, pouted in a huff, tightened lips before starting away for their target. "Turn on your communicator."

"Alright." Twisting the knob to the radio attached to the choker which holds a wire going around his neck and sticking out of the earpiece in his ear he tests it with a few words. "I'll be listening for gun fire. Don't let me down."

"Shut up, Kinneas, you'll hear it and I won't miss. You might not have been needed after all."

Laughing, Irvine says. "We'll see."

................

As Squall ducked his head from a low branch, he wonders how he'd managed to let Irvine talk him into being the decoy while he lines up the shot which will take down the monster. The lion of Balamb can hear the monster gaining on him; its large black horns knocking down branch after branch with a simple shake of its head- better the branch than the tree he figures, dashing behind the safety of a large tree. He can't believe his shot missed- well it hit the monster but the damn thing had on a barrier and the shot only alerted the beast that he was there and so the chase began. Unsnapping his double-edged sword from its holster he swears to Hyne that a certain cowboy is gonna freeze his nuts off for slacking off when he should have shot the thing by now. He must have been running for ten minutes!

_'I may as well take care of this by myself.'_ He turns around from behind the tree, gunblade drawn, facing the red snarling beast head on. _'If I can get in under its chin I should be able to bring it down in one thrust.'_ He accessed the odds.

"Hit the dirt."

Irvine's voice comes mechanically through the earpiece Squall's wearing.

"I'm gonna **kill** you, Kinneas."

Laughing in his usual way, Irvine replies to the death threat with "I know, I know. But I found something interesting and it distracted me, but I'm here now so do as I say."

"Easier said than d- done."

Squall struggles to get his blade free from stuck between the monster's teeth as it had no patients to wait out a conversation between the two and tried to take a nice chunk out of the lion- it'd figured his entire torso and up would do nicely.

"Can you see me at all?" Asks Squall managing to break one of the beast's teeth while pulling his blade free.

"Yyyep, and you're luckin' cute as ever when you're pissed."

"Prick."

"Just leave the rest to me and high-tail it."

Stuffing the blade under the monsters chin when it reared back intent on trying to severe him again, Squall blinked his eye hard to avoid the small sputter of blood that came out in the stab; finger on now on the trigger he fires off four shots, thus giving Irvine what he wanted.

"AaRrrraaaaahhhhhhh!!!!" The monster howled in pain twisting itself free to shake the pain from its large head.

Turning Squall takes off at a run knowing that Irvine's Ulysses is loaded with pulse ammo which meant-...

The monster exploded as shockwaves pumped its body full of charged air, expanding it far greater than it should have been from the inside and when the pressure had nowhere to escape the mutated animal blew up, spewing chunks into the air which smacked into the tree, the ground enough to turn it red from the blood, and enough to thoroughly dampen clothing as it landed all over Squall. The blood was disgusting in and of itself but the fact that it was strangely cold only made it worse because it was like being hydroplaned with ice cold glue.

Irvine's laughter in his ear only added to the anger the SeeD commander is feeling right now and he turned a hot glare in the cowboy's direction.

"Aaaw, you don't scare me."

"Wait until I get over there." Squall tried to sound threatening but it was hard as he was busying himself with pulling coagulated blood from his hair and clothes flicking it from his fingers once it was removed.

"Hurry up, I wanna show you what I've found."

Squall could hardly wait; Irvine rarely found anything worth once a look over, but he sounded pretty persistent so he may as well look into it; but first, he wanted to collect on the choice steel of the monsters sharp horns; he planned to use one for himself and give the other to Seifer since the male's been talking about getting a new blade on Hyperion made up. Hauling them home is gonna be a bitch, though, and for getting him covered in goo Irvine had better help him without complaint. Grabbing the tip of the horn, one in each hand, he starts off to where Irvine is waiting.

................

"Just a little further now," Says the cowboy. "Why do you want this anyway?" He asks having had a horn shoved into his hands.

"Why else... now show me what's so great that you nearly left me to be monster food back there."

Giving a shrug, Irvine smiles. "You know I'd never let you end up as some monster's dinner." He grunts as his shoulder blades groan in annoyance of being placed in an angle less than comfortable due to his holding the horn in both hands while they're behind his back. "Its right here." He lowers the horn.

Looking around Squall shakes his head. "I don't see any-..."

A low sound hits his ears, kind of like a whimpering almost. A bird maybe, no... this is different, its more... **human**.

Kneeling down into a bush Irvine lifts out what appears to be... a baby. Its wrapped up in a green blanket with something brown around it, it looks like a leather carryall but there's a postal mark on it, which means its a mailbag.

"Wha-...?" He can't even get the rest out, too dumbstruck at what to say.

"My thoughts exactly; I was sorta- y'know, followin' a butterfly when I heard his crying. I look up and there in that tree" He nods. "is this little guy stuffed in a mailbag."

"Up a tree?" Looking around with his dual gaze for something he asks. "The mother?"

"Ain't see her- no father neither. Kid was just left here." Seeing that Squall was saying nothing, he went on to ask. "The parents might have been eaten or dashed off to Timber after hiding him in the woods... So like, what do we do with him?"

Squall opened his mouth with a suggestion but then said what came as top priority. "Change him."

"Look at the little baby person!!" Selphie shouts louder than needed while jumping up and down, clapping her hands together before she waves one of those hands in the air to somehow hurry the pace of her blond, male, friends she spots at the other end of the hall. "Speed it up, come look!"

The girl had been waiting outside when she'd seen the Ragnarok from the open air hallway on her way from the library where she was doing a little studying. Selphie Tilmitt can study too. But when her two, soon to be crushed in a hug, friends exit the monster of a ship holding what appeared to be a baby the shriek was heard round the Garden and a small crowd gathered behind the two that seemed to be making their ways to the headmistresses office; chattering cadets wondering with each other who the baby was, and where he came from, what the two of them would be doing with it- _especially_ Squall, though, he's made changes in his personality over the years he still has a few quirks to work out every now and then.

"Alright people, let's not get stupid, its just a-... a baby?" Xu says looking at the bundle held in Irvine's arms. "What is that doing here? There is no place for a baby in a military school."

"Calm down, Xu, we found him in a tree- can you believe it? We had to bring him here," Irvine looks down at the child that began to make little sneezing sounds. "What could we do; we searched Timber for hours and ain't nobody ever seen the kid before so we don't know where he's from and we couldn't just leave him up in that tree with all the monsters roamin' around." Adjusting the child in his grip so that he's facing the woman. "Come on Xu," He says in a childish voice. "have a heaaaart and let me liiiiive here for a while."

Not impressed or moved by the adorable child she clucks her tongue to the back of her teeth. "We'll see what Headmistress Edea has to say."

"I think his odds are good considering she used to care for war orphans." Says Squall heading up the stairs with Irvine in tow.

Blushing from the hidden insult, Xu says. "I liked you better when you kept your opinions to yourself." Walking up the stairs after them she gets onto the elevator so she can hear the plans for herself. Wouldn't want anyone sneaking around the Garden with a baby after they've been told not to. "And where is your shirt?" She asks Irvine when noticing the man has his duster buttoned.

"He's wearin' it." Irvine explains.

Twisting back and forth with glee while waiting on Seifer and Zell, Selphie begins chattering to them as they approach. "Squall and Irvine have a baby!"

Eyes wide, Zell shrieks as well. "A baby! ...Wow, they didn't even show." He says to himself while scratching the back of his head.

Groaning Seifer just about leaves a hand print on his face from slapping his hand to it so hard. "She means they have one with them, go back to Sex Ed. Dinky."

"Ha ha, I knew that. I was just messing around." Looking to Selphie he asks. "Did they say where it came from? Or whose it is?"

Nodding, she replies while walking down the hall to nowhere. "Irvine said they found the kid abdandoned in the woods, but no sign on the parents in the forest or even in the station. They're either dead or they ditched him- which means, we have a baby!!"

"_We_ don't have anything; let the kid be their problem." Retorts Seifer.

"But isn't it exciting, and I snuck a glance at him, the kid is cute."

"Tch. Girls think that everything is _cuuute_, that's what's wrong with the world now. Everyone is making love and not war."

"You don't mean that," Selphie rolls her eyes. "I'm gonna tell Quistis and Rin-... oh wait, she's in class. Okay, well then Quistis. Come on, Zell."

Taking the offered hand the martial artist lets himself be stolen away with the happy brunette.

Scoffing, Seifer crosses his arms then shouts after him. "Enjoy the giggle fest, Zell. I'll be in our room throwing darts at your stuff for ditching me."

Zell looked over his shoulder, shrugging a hand as if to say what could he do when the jaws of life have gripped him.

In the office of the Headmistress, the woman can't believe what she's heard. Who in the world would abdandon a baby in the forest- _that_ forest in particular when its been all over the news that people should be extremely cautious when there. Were they trying to sacrifice the baby? Was it stolen from the parents and dumped off their as a punishment to them? So many questions and no one to answer them. What can she do.

"He can stay here." Says Edea.

"Alright!" Cheers Irvine.

Squall looks as though he's going to die from a heart attack. Xu wouldn't be far behind.

"But," The woman interrupts. "you have to be the one to watch him, are you ready for that responsibility, Irvine?"

"Uhh, aheh heh, sure thing."

"And in the mean time, we'll get his picture out to every town and city. I'll assign some cadets to be incharge of the search for the boy's parents."

"Yes ma'am." Irvine says saluting.

"Wait! Headmistress," Xu says walking over to the woman when she was once hanging out in the background. "this is no place to keep a baby, what if something happens? This is a military facility after all, lest you forget the bomb threat from 2 years ago and the rift that happened just last year between us and some war stragglers. This is no place for a baby."

"Dammit, Xu, Matron just said he could stay- and he'll have me and Squall to watch him."

"How did I get mixed up in this?" Asks the lion still wondering too many things about the new situation and wanting to file his report as an after thought.

"Ain't it obvious?" Irvine states.

"He can't stay here!" Xu insists.

"Listen," Edea silences them without so much as raising her tone. "Xu is right, he can't stay here. Its too dangerous, even in times of peace you never know about uprises."

"But you just said we could keep him?" Irvine questions.

"And you may, but... you can't stay here. I'll put you up in a home in the barracks. You'll be staying there with the child until we can locate the parents. Does that sound like a better option then sleeping with both eyes open."

Irvine thought it over. Commuting will be annoying but... he has no choice, right? "Alright. How soon should we move in?"

"We?" Squall inquiried.

"As soon as after dinner." Replies their former caretaker.

"Got'cha. Come on little guy, let's get packed up to move into your new home." He starts away.

Still stunned, Squall shakes his head to the woman that he often calls Matron. "Edea are you sure about this? I have missions to go on, so does Irvine- coming up soon infact, wouldn't it be better to leave him with Dr. Kadowaki or someone better suited from the medical team?"

"Irvine wants to do it, the child seems comfortable with him." Smiling she says calmly. "Don't be nervous Squall, children are easy to care for, more than you think. And you will have lots of help."

"You're missing the point."

The woman only looked at him with question in her eyes and a bit of faith knowing that he can and probably will end up doing it.

Sighing with great dispair Squall tries to salvage his nerves. "Can I at least file a report?"

"Later. You should pack."

"Then can I assist the search party for the kid's parents?"

"Whenever you can."

He seemed satisfied with at least that. Saluting he leaves the room. How do things like this always happen to him?

"He sure is adorable." Says Lexi from the medical team. The girl wags a finger over the baby's nose not earning so much as a glance from the child but didn't care in the least too smitten with the child. "Well, we brought some diapers from the store, bottles and formula, baby soap and a small tub for him." Saluting she says brightly. "If you need anything else, we're a call away; this stuff is to just get you started.... do you need lessons on changing a diaper?"

"Okay."

Looking at Squall she asks him. "Commander Leonhart?"

Squall, who is sitting on the small couch with his face in his hands still getting over the fact that he's packed up to move into the barracks with his boyfriend and a strange baby, shakes his head with no other response to the question.

"I'll fill him in."

Nodding the girl takes walks into the soon-to-be empty bedroom with Irvine close behind with the baby in his arms. Squall looks over his shoulder into the room; Irvine seemed really into it.

_'I don't believe this; its good that we rescued the baby but I'd rather we hadn't. I wanted to complete the mission and come home, that's it; not spend hours in Timber questioning families about the baby and searching the forest for missing parents that may or may not be dead. I can't be responsible for a baby, adults and people my age __**fine**__, at some point or another when you leave them alone you know they're going to be okay, but not with him... not with a baby. That's constant care and attention that I just don't think I can give to a kid- I'm a terrible son, how the Hells can I be a father?'_ After a thought he corrects himself and thinks. _'Well, a guardian.'_ He hears Irvine speaking with Lexi; sighing quietly he rubs his hands together in nervous thought. _'I'm sorry, Irvine, but the kid has to be put in an adoption home. We can keep him for tonight, but no longer.'_


	2. What's in a Name

A.N: Thank you for reading, I hope that you liked it and will continue to read and review in the future. Lighter.

...........

The drive to the barracks is in silence between the two men, the baby is asleep in Irvine's arms since they have no car seat as of yet. Irvine can't help but wonder what's on the lion's mind since he is the one initiating the awkward silence between them. And don't get him wrong, he's very used to Squall's many mood swings and dips into silent thought but this is ridiculous. Squall hasn't said anything since dinner. The girls 'aaaw'ed' and 'ooohhh'ed' at the baby and Zell made faces making the baby laugh, even Seifer spared the child a glance or two but Squall just sat in silence.

"What's up? You've been kinda quiet, is something wrong?" He asks in a quiet voice.

Squall shrugs.

Shrugging as well, Irvine looks out the window at the passing forest turning into mountain side. He wondered how much longer the silent treatment is going to keep up. Better push the subject. "Because, y'know, if something _is_ wrong you can tell me." He glances at him. "Just sayin'..."

_'What could possibly be wrong,'_ Squall thinks. _'I'm leaving my comfortable room at Garden to move into what may or may not be a bread box with my boyfriend and a strange baby- who may or may not have living parents or relatives.'_

Smirking the cowboy taps his lover on the head. "I know you can say it up here, but how 'bout sharing with the rest of us.'

"I just think that we're making a big mistake by caring for that baby. It could have been planted in the forest by some renegade bomber or nuclear war monger," Hearing Irvine's laughter he says. "Its not funny, I'm serious; who leaves a baby out in the woods alone with no intentions of coming back?"

Frowning, Irvine says. "A bad one."

Hearing the sadness in his lovers tone he switches his reasoning. Trying to talk the baby away wasn't going to work period, obviously, so its time for another approach. "And what about our missions? We're both active SeeD, we can't just take care of a baby that needs constant attention, the job is better suited for one of the medical team members or the Garden doctor... maybe even an adoption home, but not us. Irvine you have a mission coming up in three days, what am I supposed to do while you're gone- I can't take care of him."

"You don't know that you can't, the thing is that you won't."

"Whatever." He said defensively.

"Whatever, whatever. Its true, just say it."

"Fine! I _won't_ take care of him."

Expecting a fight Squall keeps his gaze ahead on the road lit by the bright headlights of the car. But when no fight came he glances at Irvine to see if, instead, the male planned to ignore him but Irvine seemed to just be looking out the window thinking to himself.

"Say something." Squall practically orders, though, his tone sounded more request.

"Nah, I'm just wonderin' how a guy that was put in an orphanage can't find some compassion for a kid in the same situation that he was once in."

"I don't know if you remember but I was dumped off there, I wasn't left on the streets or something... but... I guess I can understand what you're saying." He said.

Giving in to the fact that, out of all of them, Irvine was the closest to Matron and remembered her when everyone else forgot. The old gang is more alive in his heart than anyone's so his compassion for the baby is explainable and justified. It still doesn't mean its a good idea to keep the baby, they are active soldiers as the world is still calming down after the Sorceress wars and natural uprises occure from time to time. Even with help from his friends Squall isn't sure if he's cut out to be a guardian.

"I'm sorry." He says sincerly, though, absently.

"Forget it. Anyhow, he may not even be with us for very long since Matron's gonna get some searchers to look for his parents. They might have gotten into some kind of trouble and left the little guy out of harms way then took off until the danger was over." Turning his head so he's no longer looking out the window but at Squall, he goes on. "They could be filing a report right now."

_'Let's hope so.'_ Thinks the lion.

The large brown vehical pulls to a stop outside of a high chain gate. A cadet leaves a small post approaching the car. Squall takes out his I.D. card from the compartment between the two front seats then holds it out the window for the man. Taking it, the cadet looks it over then nods handing it back. Returning to his post, he presses a button to open the gate allowing them entrance to the housing area. The car winds slowly along the rounded metal houses that look more like bomb shelters than living flats. Arriving at house 5 the car stops into a small carport.

"I'll get the bags." Says Squall exiting the car.

Watching the brooding males departure, Irvine shakes his head. "Don't worry, he'll come around."

The car shook from the activity going on in the trunk, by the time Irvine climbed out of the car Squall had removed all four bags carrying two by the handles and the other two are at his hips the straps crossing his chest.

"I can take one." Suggests Irvine seeing the further pissed look on his lovers face.

"No, just get the door. The card is in my pants pocket on the left."

Waiting for the grouchy male to get closer to him he removes the key from Squall's jeans pocket then heads for the front door. Looking about the area Squall notices that its a very quiet area, not only because its night but because it seems almost abandoned. They did pass two places with cars in the port, though, so its not a ghost town completely or anything. The sound of the opening door calls the commanders attention and he follows Irvine inside.

The light came on instantly, both of them half expecting a light that would flicker a little bit; the place is really not as bad as the outside would like you to believe. There is a carpet that goes from wall to wall, furniture of a couch, armchair, coffee table, to the right is a small kitchenette area 3 walls but the one leading into the living room is simply a partisan divider with a counter top, left is a tiny hallway that has two bedrooms or at least thats what the housing guard had told them, the bathroom is in the master bedroom. A simple little home.

"Color scheme's kinda tacky." Irvine comments while heading off to the bedroom area.

Squall gave his lover a bitter glance before following after him.

................

"At least there's hot water." Squall says while exiting the bathroom, drying his hair with a, thankfully, thick towel.

The place really isn't as bad as he originally thought it would be, its more like a small apartment than a trailor home which is what he had pictured. It would just need some personal touches here and there to make it more visibly appealing than the ugly furniture and iffy cookware, but then again these places weren't meant as anything more than living area's for training soilders not life long houses with families. So to someone alone this place would be a kingdom, but not Squall's kingdom as he doesn't plan on living here longer than need be and with luck they'll find the kids parents and soon.

Patting the bed beside him, having already taken his shower once putting the kid down in the middle of the bed surrounded by couch cushions to prevent him from rolling and falling off, Irvine reaches for his lover pulling him in close by the hip. "You're really against this aren't you?"

"Its got nothing to do with anything personal, I just think its a bad idea and taking care of a baby doesn't sit real well for me." He wraps his arms around Irvine's waist. He's more tired than he thought. "Its a lot of work, look at Theodora and her brats. She can never keep that good of an eye on them and they live around water, she must have eight heart attacks a day thinking that they'll drown or something."

"I'm sure she does, but it ain't like I'm leavin' you alone with him." He rest his chin atop Squall's head. "I'm gonna be watchin' him mostly if you're sketchy about it, but I can guarantee that you'll love Kait eventually."

"Kait?"

"That's his name."

Raising a brow he sits props himself up on an elbow. "He had a name?" He asks hopefully.

"Ahehe, not really, I just sorta made it up during dinner."

Brows furrowed, Squall asks. "Why Kite?"

"Because... he was... you know, stuck in a tree and thats kinda where most Kite's are found." He laughs lamely. "But the spelling is different, its K-a-i-t not like the toy."

"Irvine that is so weak. Why not call him Cat, or Kitty- Kid could work, I've seen kids get into trees and not be able to get out of them. Plus, Kait is easy to pick on with all that go fly a kite stuff."

Snickering, Irvine pulls the male down into his arms once again. "Make fun all you like, but I like the name."

"I think if you're gonna name the kid you could come up with something a little better than Kait."

"We'll see, but for now, it stays."

"Suit yourself." He closes his eyes ready for sleep to take over but its instantly disrupted by Irvine, who normally would be down for the count before himself.

It was weird, at first, when they started dating Squall has always been used to a certain way of things and within 72 hours of giving into the cowboy it was thrown right out the window like it were nothing; his sleeping habits being the number one thing, Irvine likes to cuddle, he's almost desperate for human contact it seems like, whereas he likes to sleep alone and cuddle himself with his legs pulled into his chest; a childish habit he supposed wouldn't break someday but it hasn't happened yet, either way, Irvine became like this fleshy moogle almost and its soothing. Squall's self supporting craddle straightened out after a while and the knees digging into Irvine's gut became legs tangled within the other males. Kissing before bed is also a lovely little perk that Squall has gotten used to. But, from a man that takes naps when he's good and bored he cannot get into sleeping early, the latest he stays up, though, is maybe 1 o'clock.

"Hey Squall?"

Eyes still closed, he intones. "Hm?"

"Where do you see us in five years?"

"Where'd this come from? Don't tell me you're thinking about the future because of the baby?" He opens his eyes.

"A little. I mean, don't you want kids at some point?"

Squall closes his eyes laughing quietly at the prospect.

"Don't laugh, haven't you ever thought about it?"

"What would be the point, we're men- unless there's something you're not telling me."

Cocking a brow looking a bit peeved, the cowboy says a bit irritant. "You're in a silly mood for someone who was, not to long ago, ready to shoot someone in the nuts."

"And you're in a cranky mood for someone who was ready to cry motherly rainbows from first child joy."

Irvine laughed sleepily; he could never stay up past Nine on a normal day, but if things were heavy and they were on a mission or something he managed somehow the late hours of Three in the morning. "Come ooon, seriously."

"Seriously? ....Once."

"Yeah?" He asks in genuine surprise.

"I had a dream and I don't know where the baby came from or if it were even mine but I could feel- even in the state of dreaming, that I loved him."

"Aaaww."

"Oh, shut up."

Kissing his emotional lover on the cheek, he asks humorously. "And did dream baby have a name?"

Irvine wasn't sure but... it looked as though Squall were blushing. Something he's seen maybe once their entire year and half relationship when he told him that he loved him- which is not why Squall had blushed, but when Squall Leonhart had come to him and decided he wanted to say it back.

"Well?"

"....It... it was Lyon, okay."

Irvine laughed so suddenly he couldn't control the volume of it, and because of that the sleeping existant child woke up in a start and began to cry.

Leaning up o his elbow Irvine then sits himself up picking up the baby. "We'd better get you changed and fed, huh, Kait." Looking down at Squall he says. "Wanna get him a bottle while I change him? ...Its easy." Cocking his head he sighs seeing that Squall has chosen this particular time to fall asleep on him. Making a face the cowboy gets up from the bed, rocking the baby gently back and forth, he whispers in a loud voice. "Though I know you're pretending to sleep, I'll let you off the hook this time." Now speaking in a kiddy voice he says to Kait. "Let's get you some cereal and milk going while I change you, then its right back to sleep so pappa Irvine and daddy Squall can get some rest."

The crying quieted only a bit when the two left the room; Squall peeked an eye open then smiled. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if they didn't find the kid's parents for at least a week. Let Irvine get his fun out of him. Squall still had to snicker at the name Kait, its strange, but not bad when it comes down to being called anything else. He still liked Lyon better.

....................

Morning had been a nightmare the kid woke them up at 4:16 and didn't stop crying until 5:02, there was a brief break during his bottle at which point he threw up most of the milk which only caused him to cry further. Irvine seemed like he had the patience of a saint, Squall was ready to crack.

"I'll get it!" Squall couldn't get up fast enough to answer the door.

Probably the guard checking up on them or something, it could also be nosy neighbors wanting the new brat to pipe down since they are in training and need their rest whenever they can get it but the homes are well spaced in Squall's opinion and possibly sound proof. Pulling the door open he's ready with a half-hearted apology but instead is a bit surprised to see....

"Zell? What are you doing here?" He asks standing aside to let his friend in. He checks his wrist watch. _'7:30 a.m.'_ He notes.

"I came with breakfast- well, muffins, assorted. Ma gave 'em to me to bring over since she can guess how your morning might be going. More attention to the baby than to yourselves, right?" He walks in handing the basket off to Squall. "Where is the little guy?"

He's already over joyed to see the baby again. Something about babies just makes you a little happier- though, Squall would say otherwise this early in the morning. Looking at the baked goods in the basket he takes a chocolate chip muffin from the pile.

"He's in the bedroom getting changed or maybe he's getting a bath, I don't know."

Flabberghasted, Zell asks. "What kind of way is that for a father to talk?"

"Zell, I'm not his father. I'm barely his guardian;" He pulls the wrapper down off one of the sides of the muffin. "Irvine said that _he_ would care for the kid... I plan on searching for his parents and finding them." He takes a bite.

"Thought I heard somebody- hey breakfast!" He cheers with a simple saying what the food is. "Come look at this cute outfit Kait's got on." He waves Zell and his muffin munching boyfriend into the bedroom.

"This place is kinda cool, wish I was staying here." Says the blond at a steady trek down the hall.

"Wanna trade?" Squall jokes with a serious tone.

"Really?"

"Now what fun would that be?" Asks Irvine appauled that his lover would suggest something like that.

With a shrug Squall replies. "Boys night in."

Shaking their heads the two excited men enter the room. Kait is sitting up against a pillow that's leaned against the crease in the wall playing with one of the little outfits in the package the girl that was helping them bought. Too bad she didn't purchase a crib, but then Irvine figured it'd be kind of fun to house and baby shop, Garden is paying for them so they can spare some gil for the baby.

"Hey there baby, did you have a good night?" Zell asks holding the baby's hand with his finger to give it a shake of a greeting.

Squall scoffed. _'Waking up then being pampered back to sleep, I can't image he didn't have a good night.'_ He shoves the empty wrapper into his jeans pocket, that's when it hit him. "Zell your mother likes kids, doesn't she?"

"She sure does," He spoke in a childish tone since he was playing blow on the belly with the baby. "why?"

"Couldn't she watch over him- at least until after Irvine's mission; we're going looking for the parents anyway and odds are that we're going to find them so it wouldn't be for very long. ...He won't be a hinderance."

Zell shrugged then stood up leaving the baby's attention to talk. "I'm sure she'd love to do it, but with the dinner and all her time has been kinda thin in the morning and she's tired at night...." He trails off feeling a tinge of hopelessness then snapping his fingers he says. "You could ask Sis' to watch him! I mean, if you guys are really all that stressed from him, she's still in Esthar but I'm positive she'd do it." As an after thought, he says in question "Kait?" as though what Irvine called the child just hit him. "You found out his name?!" He sounded hopeful.

"Made it up." Irvine shook his head to the question.

Smiling Zell returns to the kid picking up his little hands. "Kait, huh? Its cute."

"Ya see! Thank you, Zell." Cheers the cowboy triumphantly. "Squall didn't like it."

"I didn't say that I didn't like it." He starts to leave the room. _'Just that he might get picked on for it.'_ Pausing his exit he thinks further. _'Picked on? What person would pick on a baby, I'm starting to think like this kid isn't going anywhere, and I shouldn't be; calling Sis is a good idea, though, I should check into that.'_

"Say, Zell, wanna come with us to the store? You can help shop for baby clothes and junk."

"Yeah!" Hoisting the baby into the air he holds him at his side. "Are we gonna go shopping? Yes we are, yes we are."

The child sneezed giggling directly after it.

"Better bring a blanket or somethin'." Thinks Irvine outloud hearing the sneeze.

"Naah, it sounded like a normal sneeze to me," Assured the martial artist. "that means someone is thinking about you." He says to the baby.

_'Let's hope its the parents.'_ Squall chimes in mentally then continues down the hall as he intended to.


	3. Supermarket Sweep

A.N: Thank you very much for the review, you rock for that! I have to tell you though the rating is going to change to M so make sure you go there next update, okay. Enjoy the chapter. Lighter.

.............

For January its only mildly cold, which is nice considering they live near the sea where the water can become ice cold and make the land around it even colder. The clouds are like a sheet of gray snow in the sky covering any bit of sun that might try to come through it, though, you can feel the suns radiated warmth. Squall and Irvine took the car given to them the other day, while Zell drove in a rental from the school. Unlike last night the car isn't silent due to the radio being on playing a lilting balled from a violin. Squall's taste in music is all over the place, sometimes he likes classical, other times rock, and once Irvine even heard him listening to rap. He personally preferred the tunes from his homeland Galbadia which is a different language all together. Kait is seated upon Irvine's lap shaking the life out of a tiny teddy bear- if it were alive, that is, then biting the bear on the nose.

"Kid's kinda violent." Squall says to no one in particular.

Snickering, Irvine looks down at the kid receiving big blue eyes back at him before the child is distracted with killing the bear again. "Maybe he's playin' mobster, tryin' to shake out some answers."

"Like why you're so happy to have a strangers kid with us?" Again Squall says out loud but to no one in particular.

Irvine shrugs. "For me, there are always two paths to take- always, up or down, left or right, shifty or a field of flowers only with Kait I saw just one path and that was to take him with us if we didn't find his family." Clutching the child tighter in his hold, the cowboy sighs. "I remember being a kid- not a baby, but a kid... I'd of given anything to feel cared for- **really** cared for; I could be good or I could screw up but good or bad in the end the result is always that feeling that I'm loved and not alone."

Listening to that Squall looks at Kait then back at the road ahead to where Zell's car has taken the lead of their little trip to the store. "Did you ever find it?" He wants to know.

He and Irvine have been together for a while now, and whether he's shown it or not he really loves the cowboy but often has a hard time expressing it other than being bluntly direct- which can be humiliating or he could mumble then end up talking in his head, never saying what he wanted to say. But Irvine has never complained so hearing this Squall had to wonder.

He shrugs. "I feel it in little ways but, I don't know, maybe my childhood only led me to the lonely life I feel I lead. Can't quite make the shift yet, ya know? But it won't be that way forever," He says to Squall with a smile as if he knew what the over thoughtful male might have been thinking. "and even if its for a little while, it won't be that way for Kait, isn't that right?" He makes faces at the child.

"Ahmamamama." Kait shakes his head kicking his feet then tosses the bear to the floor.

Squall sneezed startling the baby who laughed seconds after then reached over for the driver.

"Sorry, Kaity but you can't sit with him." Irvine readjust the kid on his lap. "But he can hold you when we stop drivin' how's that?"

Kait responded with a long 'Hhhuuuu' into a scream before he smacked his legs.

"Hn. He sure blows hot and cold." Squall snickers pulling the car into the parking lot.

Zell drove his car over to the first empty space he could see parking the car. He had called the girls during his drive telling them to meet the three of them at the store. Rinoa and Selphie said they could come but Seifer replied with a very well spoken- he'd rather be dead then go doily shopping like some girl, at which point he then added to buy him a box of **Cheeze-its**, he can be such a child sometimes, fussy but cute. Closing the door, the martial artist spots Selphie jumping up and down waving her arms to catch his attention. Rinoa is looking over her shoulder at a woman walking by with a potted tree, stepping aside since the woman didn't seem to want to shove over an inch.

Pocketing his keys he walks through the parking lot, being sure to watch out for any cars backing out, making it over to the two he hops onto the sidewalk.

"Good morning my pretty little ladies."

Selphie giggled clapping her hands together placing them at her cheek. "Why do the gay ones always flirt with you?" Her question wasn't really a question.

Answering, though, he knew she didn't really ask the question. "Because there's no worry about follow through." He shrugs. Turning to face the lot he stands on tip-toes to peek over the cars, as best he can. He managed to grow an inch when he hit nineteen, he's a whole 5'6" now.

Hand on the males shoulder, Selphie stands on her toes as well with a hand shielding her eyes. "Where are they?"

"Probably haven't found a space yet, I saw them right behind me until I parked." Lowering himself to straight, he looks left then right. "Where's Quistis? She couldn't come?"

"Nope, she has filing to do." Replies Rinoa. "I don't know how she can do it, being fired as an instructor then taking a secretaries job. I'd just prefer being a SeeD member."

"No way!" Exclaims Selphie releasing Zell's shoulder. "I plan on getting a job at Garden, its better than anything else. I'm gonna be an instructor."

"I thought so too," Says Zell. "but than I thought it'd be kind of cool to be a mechanic too- I'm kind of good at that sort of thing."

"But how would we all stay together?" Whines the brunette with a pouted bottom lip and cocked head, as though, this separated future is coming true in an hour or so.

"I don't know." Zell cocks a brow wondering when this conversation got so serious.

"So like," Irvine's voice interrupts them like a car crash. "we goin' in or standin' around to decorate the sidewalk."

Squall snickers at the comment since they've been standing beside the three for about a minute and half while they discussed future dreams.

"Eeee!!! You brought the baby!" Shrieks Selphie hopping up and down as well as her bouncy flip of a hair style while her hands clap rapidly.

"You wanna hold him?" Squall practically shoved the seven month old into her arms.

"Can I?" Selphie asks reaching for the baby.

"Sure."

But Kait had other plans latching onto the fur collar of the males bomber jacket making a small fuss until he's replaced within his arms.

"Heh heh heh, guess he showed you who's boss." Irvine comments starting towards the store.

"Aaaww." Rinoa caresses the childs cheek with her index. "He likes you."

"Don't I feel special." Squall follows after Irvine.

Leaning over to Zell, Selphie asks. "What's with him?"

Zell shrugged.

Dashing ahead a step or two, Selphie asks directly. "What's with you?"

"Nothing." Replies Squall. "I'm just not big on babysitting."

"But you're not doing it alone, you've got Irvine."

Squall couldn't disagree with that; its only been a day but the male is doing a lot more for Kait than he is changing the baby and feeding him, he woke up with the kid last night- though he was forced awake as well, he didn't have to leave the bed so it wasn't so bad. Squall figured that holding Kait for a while was the least he could do. And try as he might he had to admit the kid is kind of cute with his big blue eyes and brown hair, slightly tanned skin, although, it could be sun tan from being in the Timber forest because who knows how long the child was out there before Irvine found him.

"What are we here for?" Rinoa asks when the cool air of the store washes over here.

"Food for the house, and stuff for Kait." Irvine says. "Blanket, pillows, a crib- I wrote it all out on this paper. Which do you want?"

"Baby stuff!" Selphie raises her hand. "I'll get anything themed and too cute to pass up."

Shaking his head Squall warns in a kind tone. "Don't go overboard."

"I won't." She seemed a bit taken by that.

"Good, the place is small with one extra room so we can't crowd it out with junk- plus, we may end up finding Kait's parents so we shouldn't get too attached."

"Someone's got postpartum." Whispers Zell to Rinoa, a hand placed beside his mouth.

She chuckled into her hand.

"I do not!" Barks said male overhearing him.

"Alright, y'all, calm down." Reaching for the child he takes him from his lover setting him into the cart he's got prepared with the thick blanket laying over the bench in the child's seat by the carts handle. Tugging Kait's legs through the square holes he grabs the handle bar. "I'll go with Selphie for baby stuff, Squall you go with Rinoa for food- Zell?"

"Hmm, decisions, decisions..." He dramatically taps his finger to his chin. "I'll go with you two." He walks beside Selphie. "I'm a sucker for kids." He shrugs as though an explanation is necessary.

"We'll meet at the register in an hour." Says the commander going into mission mode just to pick up food. Not only does he have a list to look over but knowing Irvine, and he's sure that he does, he'll have to change just about everything on it to something they can both eat or he'll end up starved to death or have to commute to the Garden cafeteria for a meal.

"You got it," Says Selphie. "Come on, I know where the baby section is."

The three drift away from Squall and Rinoa who walk to where the refrigerators are.

_**Allmart**_is stuffed with people so maneuvering in some sections is a little tricky and it seemed that everyone and their mother- well **father** was shopping today but mostly for snacks for the big games coming up and they need party food for their friends and themselves to watch it with. Squall looked thoughtfully over some bags of tortilla chips wondering if he could get away with flour chips instead of the jalape?o that Irvine put down.

"Look at this stuff," Squall flaps the list limply between his fingers having it resemble a wet noodle. "five alarm chili, spicy chicken, I can't even pronounce **this**... is he trying to burn a hole in my stomach."

Chuckling, Rinoa pokes the male on the cheek. "Are you afraid of a little heat? What would the guys at Garden say?" She joked.

"They wouldn't get a chance to say anything because I'd be pouring this stuff down their throats." Retorts the male. "I'll meet him halfway with this." He says to himself.

Rinoa cocks her head to the side; her big brown eyes squint as her mouth turns into a thoughtful smirk. "Do you hate him, the baby- what did Irvine call him? Kait? Do you hate him?"

"Why would I hate him he's just a baby." Squall answers very nonchalantly while picking up a bag of honey barbecue drummies rather than the spicy bag next to it.

"Something about him seems to be bothering you."

Squall shrugs. "Don't know."

"Don't you?"

"Don't care."

Raising a brow she sighs. "You can tell me if not Irvine. Its better to get it off your chest."

"There's nothing much to tell, I don't want to get attached to someone that isn't gonna stick around and I don't think Irvine should either- it isn't healthy, but listen to him ...he's already completely in love with Kait."

"He does seem to like him, but... I don't know, isn't it better to just enjoy the baby while he's around. You don't have to love him- no one is asking you to."

"Whatever." Comments the male pushing the cart out of the freezer section.

"Darn," She twist her face up. "I was hoping someday you would grow out of that."

Squall scoffed. "I should have done this alone." He says to no one.

Overhearing, an elderly man smiles at them then nods. "I feel the same way about my wife when we shop together, nag, nag, nag." He chuckles with a rasp in his throat.

Rinoa smiles at the man then chuckles.

Squall only pushed his cart passed the nosey oldman saying very clearly but in a dead tone. "I'm a homosexual."

"With the way my wife is, so will I be soon enough!" He exclaims laughing merrily.

The made Rinoa laugh out loud. Its nice to see two old prudes having a battle of patients in manners and language barriers and sadly for Squall the oldman is winning by one point as he easily deflected the males bad attitude.

"Your wife must be a saint to put up with your bad humor." Comments Squall unable to believe he has stopped to continue conversating.

"I'm the saint and my bad humor is the punishment for the little devil." This time the oldman slaps his knee during his hoot of a good time.

When Squall's left eye twitched he knew it was time to go before he started getting any deeper into this thing. "Don't have an asthma attack from laughing too hard."

"And don't have a heart attack from all your greasy cheese burgers whipper snapper." Calls the man after Squall's retreating back.

Walking through the bread aisle Squall mutters to Rinoa. "You can stop laughing, it isn't funny."

"I was just thinking that I can't wait to see you as an oldman, you're gonna be so high strung they may as well have hospitals on standby for you."

The not-so-old commander spared the girl a look.

"Come on," Getting back on subject, Rinoa goes on to say. "its only been half a day, really, since you got him and Kait really seems to like you, look at how happy you make him just by holding him."

"Rinoa, Kait giggles when you sneeze; I'm sure he'd cozy up to anyone in a heart beat." After saying that he reached into his pocket. _'That reminds me, I have to call Sis' to see if you can care for the baby while we search for the parents or someone else in his family.'_ Speed dialing the young woman, he waits out the rings but there is no human reply, he got the voicemale. "Ellone, this is Squall, I really need to talk to you. Call me when you get this, at any time, I'll pick up."

The girl shakes her head in dismay knowing exactly what that call was about. "I can't believe you would just give him to someone else, Squall how could you?"

"He's not my kid." He answers simple enough.

"You know, he kind of looks like the two of you- you and Irvine," She says as if to clear up the 'two' of whom she speaks. "Cute blue eyes, he only lacks that bit of extra color the two of you carry, but brown hair, Irvine's skin tone. He could easily be yours."

_'At what point is she going to realize I'm no longer listening to her?' _Wonders the male while deciding over brand names of breads.

He hates shopping, **all** shopping, he missed the simple life of going to the cafeteria and having a nice bite to eat. Not meals that need to be prepared or babies that need feeding, or anything else other than eat, sleep, mission, train when not on a mission- good simple things.

"Don't you agree?" Rinoa continues.

_'Agree, to what? Okay, so it is eerie that Kait could pass as Irvine and my kid but he isn't that's a fact and somewhere his parents are looking for him or they're dead and he needs to start getting paper work done for a good home found for him by an adoption agency.'_

"I'll bet that in a week tops, you'll love him."

Shocking himself that he'd been listening enough to reply, Squall states very bluntly. "You'd be surprised. Kait is like Irvine, he seems to like people until the do him wrong... I'm the opposite, I dislike you until you do right by me- just look at Seifer, it took a long time to convince myself that his constant presence in my life isn't always going to be a problem, that he'll eventually be a good person at least somewhat of a good person."

"Aaand?" She questions missing the point.

"And he's Seifer, he'll never change, not your face anyway- Zell always says otherwise about him so he can't be all bad."

"But Kait's a baby, what harm can he do?"

"We don't know anything about him, where he came from, why he was left in the tree in the first place... A mystery is a mystery and until its solved I'm gonna have my guard up."

Rinoa groaned inwardly at how stubborn men can be- **this** man in particular, but there's nothing she can do but hope Irvine has everything under control and that Squall will eventually come around. After all Kait is adorable.

..................

"I'm actually surprised that you didn't want to join them Seifer." Remarks Quistis when the ex-knight holds the door to the third floor office open for her. "Thank you." She said it like 'did you know when the traffic light turns yellow that red is the one to follow'. "Zell's with them, and the baby."

"Yeah, because my goals today are to hang out only with Dinky but maybe snag a peek at the ticking time bomb wrapped in a baby's skin." He comments following her in since their conversation hadn't ended.

"You don't honestly mean to tell me that you really think that baby has a bomb in it, do you?" She opens a filing cabinet rifling through until she finds the correct folders that she needs, Quistis then proceeds to file the papers away in them.

"Tch. You don't know where or why that baby was put in that tree and you sure as hell don't know if it isn't carrying something. It could have been a trap."

"Seifer," She adjust her glasses with a very controlled snooty look on her face. "I had no idea that you possed such a suspicious mind."

Seifer shrugged taking a seat on the desk. "Hey, I hate 'em first and" Rocking his hand back and forth he continues. "we'll see, them later."

Rolling her eyes she wanted to tell him to grow up, but decided against it. Reforming Seifer would take a person their entire life and she has plans.

"Can I ask why you didn't go, Miss Trepe?"

"I have work, as you can see." She states very matter-of-factly.

"Mm. Wanna eat lunch with me?"

Nodding, she then shooes him from the desk. "I have to concentrate now, beat it."

"Excuse me."

"Your excused, close the door on your way out." She waves him off with her back turned to him.

Seifer walks to the door then right through it leaving it as open as it can be, laughing when he saw the look on his childhood friends face.

...................

"Good thing we brought separate cars, there's a lot of stuff." Irvine glances to the back of the large car he and Squall drove to the store in when the trunk is closed causing the vehical to jiggle. Clipping the buckle into the latch he checks it giving a few quick tugs to the thing ensuring that it won't break away if the car hits a bump in the road or something. "Hn. Not bad for my first go."

"We'll be right behind you guys." Says Zell before walking away from their car to return to his own.

"I can't wait to see the place, I've never been to the barracks before..."

Selphie can be heard speaking with Rinoa as they walk back to the car they came in.

"Did you get everything he needs?" Asks the tempering grouch.

"Every thing we could think of." Irvine answers. Smirking he gives his lover a nudge. "Got some other things as well."

"Such as?"

"I'll show you when Sis' comes, knowing you, you called her and she's on her way."

Shaking his head, he replies. "She didn't pick up, but I left her a message to call me back."

"Mm." Turning in his seat he says to the rambuncious baby. "You'll be stayin' with Sis' while I'm off on a mission, but don't you worry she's one of the best people in the world and she'll take good care of you until I get back."

"If we don't find your parents by then." Squall chimes in.

Nodding Irvine repeats. "If your horrible parents don't come back for you then- **ohf**." His eyes close as the teddy bear smashes into his face after leaving Kait's grip.

Squall laughed outright. "Guess he doesn't like you bad mouthing his parents."

Returning the bear to the child, Irvine turns back around in his seat unphased by it. "Not like it ain't true."

The car quiets for about a minute or two, so Irvine reaches for the stereo restoring the classical tunes that were playing earlier in the day and for most of the way home it was enjoyable silence to the sweet sounds of piano with a Japanese flute which knocked the baby out cold.

"So like, after disecting seventy five percent of the shopping list is there anything edible for lunch?"

"Check the bags when we get home." Squall replied a little too casually.

Smiling Irvine chuckles softly. "This is gettin' kinda romantic now; we've got the home, we've got the baby- I may just have to put a ring on your finger darlin'."

Squall scoffs. "I'd sever it afterwards."

"Heh heh, no you wouldn't."

"Wanna try me?" He looks at the cowboy a second.

Holding his hands up in defense he answers. "Not for a second, but the thought is nice, though, havin' a family that will be there for ya- one you can call your own." After a thought he adds. "Not that I would trade my family now for a second, but you know what I mean."

_'I do. That's what scares me, wanting something so bad and then it all just goes away. Can anyone really talk so uncertainly about something just based off hope? Sometimes I feel like I know too much to dream like an emotion driver child and other times I can't stop dreaming or smiling at what the dreams consist of, but aren't some things better left unsaid- like how you truly feel about some one? Because what if it all did just go away... I need to stop thinking.'_ So to Irvine he says. "Sort of."


	4. The Right Stuff

Warning: Sex and more to come I think.

A.N.: Thank you so much for reading everyone I'm glad that you like it. I told you the rating might change so watch out for that. I'm sorry I didn't properly address you vedensolina so thank you very much for your review.

...........

"Now lets see....." Zell unfolds the instructions that tell you how to put together a crib. Looking it over he glances at all the pieces being laid out by Irvine and Selphie.

Rinoa had a class so she left them to take it, but in her place Quistis came over. Baby Kait has been placed in a little bouncer that can be set down whether floor, chair, coffee table, or even a counter top so he can sit in the kitchen with Squall who is making a lunch of chicken stir-fry for them all.

"Can you hold up the sides you two?" Zell asks his friends.

"The back ends or the side pieces?" Selphie looks at the mess spread about the floor.

"Uuuhhh, how 'bout if Irvine picks up the front end and you pick up the side- can you hold it?"

"I'd be pretty miserable if I couldn't hold it." Selphie snickers at the implication that her arms may be too weak to hold up a crib wall.

"I was just looking out for you." Zell replies as though her comment were serious. "Alright... screw driver?" He picks up the screw driver he asked Quistis to bring over with her as well as other tools for them to build the baby's room. "Check. Screws?" Picking up a sealed plastic bag from the floor he again says. "Check. Hold the pieces together so I can put the screws and brackets in."

Doing as they're told, Selphie and Irvine press the pieces of the crib together. Zell sets down the instructions then makes his way around the barricade to the open space and kneeling down he opens the bag pulling out one flat silver bracket and two screws setting to work to seal the crib. Once done he stands then presses his weight down on it to be sure it won't move or shift. Three good shoves earns it a nod of approval.

Grabbing the end piece in one hand and the side wall in the other he looks over his shoulder. "Okay, get the other two pieces and hold them up."

Releasing their grips on the assigned object Irvine grabs the end piece again and Selphie the other wall pressing them close together so they're ready to be bolted. Letting go of the already bound pieces Zell quickly screws in the other two pieces, scaring them all when the former bits of crib leaned to the side smashing onto the floor.

"Ah!" Selphie yelped from start clutching the crib a little tighter.

Irvine snickered at Selphie's frightened admittance to being startled and they all turned their heads when Squall came in.

"What happened?"

"Crib fell." Says Zell still twisting in the screws to the other side.

Rolling his eyes, Squall turns to head back to the kitchen, though, not before saying to them. "Keep it down, the baby is asleep and I don't want him waking up to cry the rest of the afternoon."

"Sheesh, what a grouch." Mutters Zell giving the other wall and end piece a shoving to test it. "Perfect, now we put them together and I screw in the rest."

"What about the frame?" Asks Irvine looking down by his foot where a slatted bed frame rests.

"Oh yeah." Scratching the back of his head, Zell looks over his options.

Rolling her eyes Selphie says to herself. "And this guy wants to be a mechanic."

"I've got it!" Grabbing the frame he nods. "Put that piece against the wall, right, and I'll slide this into place- screw it in, then we add the other side."

Doing as they're told the two set the crib against the wall. Zell lifts the frame getting help from both Irvine and Selphie who hold it in place while he screws it in.

"Hold onto that while I put the other side on." He asks while retrieving the dropped side and headpiece, wheeling it over he puts it in place after the two of them change their hold on the frame by sticking their hand through the slats of the side and end piece. "Alright, now we screw it in-.."

"Eh, maybe Selphie should do that partner." Irvine suggests. "Her arms are smaller than ours."

Cocking his head Zell looks over the layout of the crib realizing that he probably would get his arms stuck if he shoved it through an opening to screw the crib together. "You're right."

Grinning, she takes the screw driver and teasingly says. "Jealous?" Getting to work she screws the crib together.

The three of them take a step back to admire their work.

"Looks good enough to sleep in." Says Irvine grabbing a hold of the mattress dropping it into the crib. "Sturdy." He informs them but says it mostly to himself. "Maybe we should have put the sheet on first, the mattress is kind of a tight fit."

"No, we'll just pull it down at the sides." Selphie is already making herself busy snapping the sheet into place. "See. Gimme those liners." She holds out her hand closing it when the soft bed lining hit her palm.

Zell moves the crib out from the wall to help her fix the other side; a pillow whizzes by his face landing in the crib, next came a blanket. "Irvine if you throw that mobile I'll deck you."

That comment only earned him a laugh from the cowboy as said item had just been picked up. Snapping it into place on the wall of the crib, he sets up the little music box by attaching it to the bare hook at the end of the handle. "If this thing starts playin' in the middle of the night I'm chuckin' it out the window."

"Ahahaha." Zell snickers.

"Don't laugh, I saw you runnin' for your life when that bird moved that armor in Winhill."

"I didn't." He defends his honor, although he can clearly remember that he did.

"Squall says lunch is ready- oh, you've got the crib together? That was fast." Quistis steps into the room to admire the handy work. "Let's hope it doesn't fall apart."

"Don't jinx it." Selphie walks out the door heading for the kitchenette.

"Of course it won't fall apart, it was constructed under my care." Says Zell exiting the room as well.

Waiting for the two to get out of earshot Quistis stops Irvine from leaving the room. "Irvine, you got a crib for him? Does that mean you and Squall intend to keep the baby?"

"Nothin's certain." He shrugs. "Squall seems hell bent on gettin' the little guy outta here but I don't know, keeping him wouldn't be too bad."

"Squall said he called Sis', though."

"He did. She's gonna take him while I'm on my mission tomorrow."

"In the meantime?"

"In the meantime, Kait will be stayin' with us."

"Kait?"

"I named him myself." He heads out the door.

Following she says. "Squall's been calling him 'the baby' since I got here."

"He just needs some warming up time." Irvine shrugs.

Zell spoons a plateful of food out then hands the dish over to Selphie; Squall is pouring drinks while the blond sets the meal out on the counter top slash table top since there are three stools set in the living room.

Taking a seat beside the chair swiveling Selphie, Irvine grabs a fork. "Alright, load me up."

"Here you go."

"Thank you." Digging in he stops eating after three bites. "Eh, Squall.... I don't mean to nark your cookin' but I don't think these noodles are done."

"They're done." Squall insists with a glare coming Irvine's way.

"No, look. You can't even get 'em to twist around the fork."

"Its not spaghetti, you know; just _lift_ it." Snaps the cook taking a bite of food for himself.

Playfully the male snickers. "I don't think I want to."

"Aaaw," Says Zell cocking his head to rest it against Selphie he cocks it in return. "Its like watching an old married couple."

"Watch it Dincht." Squall growls taking his meal from the counter into the living room. Still pissy he mutters. "I don't see any of you volunteering to cook."

"I would have if I'd known you couldn't cook a noodle." Irvine holds the **almost** limp strand between pinching fingers looking it over.

"Whatever." Squall replies. He never said he belonged on the cooking channel, he was just making lunch for Hyne's sake.

"Don't feel bad, I like it done this way." Says Selphie taking a bite. "Although ten more minutes wouldn't have killed it."

"Would have cooked it though." Snickers Zell.

"Will you all shut up."

"Yeah, yeah. That's enough." Irvine says to them. "We're sorry." Taking a seat beside his lover he plants a tiny kiss on his lips.

They often do that to let the other know that its just teasing, even when their fights are serious they do it to let them know the anger is only temporary.

"Hey Quistis, did you see Seifer today?" Asks Zell finding his lover to be a good change of subject.

"He's at Garden harassing the kids in disciplinary."

"Mm. I'll just call him then."

"Speakin' of calls, did Sis' ever call back with her answer?" Irvine reaches for Squall's phone that's sitting on the table.

"Not yet." He scoots the under cooked noodles from beneath the, thankfully, perfectly cooked vegetables.

"I wouldn't worry too much about it; she might just come by instead of calling. It's been a while since she's seen us." Irvine picks at a baby corn before eating it.

"Where will Ellone stay once she gets here?" Asks Quistis unable to see Ellone, the elegant woman that she is, cooped up in the barracks with a baby. She can't even believe he and Irvine have agreed to it, surely they have funds for one of the small apartments in town.

Since Balamb town is small and its building relatively the same the apartments only have two stories an upper place or a lower is the only option. The place also has flats, and the usual two stories.

"I guess we could rent an apartment if they're cheap." Squall thinks out loud. "The mission shouldn't take long so it would be kind of pointless to make living arrangements for something that isn't permanent."

Irvine couldn't help but feel a pang of emphasis on those last words as they sounded directed towards him. He doesn't doubt that Squall will turn the world upside down looking for Kait's parents while he's away. He wouldn't mind it if they were found because honestly he has some choice words to say to the couple but he can't just keep their kid because he sees them as unfit. He has no right to judge them over a stupid mistake, but still he'll always wonder about the poor kid when he goes back with them. Zell's ringtone called them from their thoughts.

"Its Seifer. I'll see you guys around, okay?" Zell stuff the phone back into his pocket. "Let me know what you plan to do about Sis', I'll ask Ma if she can stay at the house with her until she has to leave."

"Thank you, Zell." Squall says before the blond could get away.

"Always lookin' out buddy." He waves them goodbye then exits the small home.

"I'd better get going too." Quistis checks her watch. "I'm sure Headmistress Edea has something for me to do."

"Bye." Says Irvine.

Squall offered a nod to her departure.

"Looks like its just the three of us." Says Selphie rinsing her plate in the sink.

The baby looked as though he had been startled in a dream and woke from his sleep screaming. Irvine hopped up from the couch almost too quickly and if Squall hadn't grabbed the plate from his lap in the nick of time it would have fallen to the floor.

"Want me to make a bottle?" Selphie asks between the cowboy's soothing words to the child.

"Do you know how?"

"Um, no. But its got instructions doesn't it?"

"Here, I'll do it." Squall gets up from the couch. He actually had been looking over the instructions for a bottle while making their lunch and sort of avoiding small talk with Quistis- she's not the best conversationalist out there but then again neither is he.

"What can I do?" Selphie asks watching the two move about the small living space like it were a breeze.

"You can help me change him." Offers Irvine with a shrug.

Glad to be able to help she follows the native Galbadian into the baby's room.

Squall removes the formula from the cabinet where Quistis put it away. The two of them set up the kitchen while the others took care of the baby's room. Taking down a glass bottle he then spoons some powder into the bottle adding some water from the filtered tap at the sink, he grabbed one as he and Rinoa passed by it figuring they'd need it. As the water fills in the bottle his phone begins to ring, the buzzing of the vibrator causes it to move around the coffee table top. Putting the bottle on hold he rushes to his phone picking it up.

"Hello?"

"Squall, I got your message. What's wrong? You never usually call unless its something important."

"I'd rather see you in person, but I can tell you now that I need your help and if you could come as soon as tomorrow that would be very helpful."

"Alright, I'll buy a train ticket as soon as you hang up."

"Thank you. I'll meet you at the train station, then, to pick you up."

"Okay."

There is an awkward silence between them for a moment.

"Laguna says 'hello'."

"....Yeah, tell him I said 'hi'." He replies rather stiffly.

Laguna is exactly why some things in life like children and responsibilty for them bothers Squall. He can't even make a connection with actual living family because he can't get over the fact that he's been abandoned so many times in the past- sure, some of the time it wasn't by choice but that shouldn't have stopped them from returning when they could. Maybe some day he'll be super mature and want that bond with Laguna but for right now he can't do it and last thing he wants is a connection with someone elses kid to have him rely on him only to be disappointed when he's not around.

"I will. See you soon."

"You too." Hanging up, he looks over seeing Irvine and Selphie enter the living room. "Sis' said she can make it, we only need to hear from Mrs. Dincht about them staying with her."

Irvine nods then glances at the un-made bottle. "Guess I should finish with that." He says passing by into the kitchen.

Sensing trouble Selphie walks over to Squall touching his shoulder. "Can you help Irvine out with Kait, even a little?"

_'What the hell is this? I was helping out up until the phone call and I don't need you telling me how to be or get along with me boyfriend.'_

Headcocked as she wonders what the male is thinking about she then shakes her head in exasperation. "Just remember, okay? I have class. See you two around."

"Bye Sel'." Irvine calls to her. When the door closes Irvine sets the bottle into a pot of water to warm it through. He's quiet which for Irvine is odd but he can have his moments.

"....You need any help?" Squall asks.

"Hn. You mean you don't wanna hurry on out and search for his parents? I'm touched by that, but no thanks I'm good."

Sighing in agitation he walks to the counter dividing the two rooms. "Its not like I want you to be in this alone, what do you want from me?"

Irvine smirks. "I want you to help me see that this kid- even for now, doesn't feel like he's been alone. Can't you see that its a terrible place when you're feeling that way; you should know, all that cryin' you did when we were kids, you think you were the only one."

"I wasn't crying, I was just.... the baby isn't old enough to feel alone. He doesn't feel anything but hungry and wet."

"Naah partner, you're never too young to realize when its just you." He removes the bottle from the pot giving it a test by squirting a drop or two on his wrist. "You may not remember me, but I remember me and I cried lots of nights when I realized that all the playin' was done for the day and it was back to just me. I wasn't picked on like Zell, or helpful to Matron and Sis' like Quistis, I wasn't the world to myself as Selphie is so I couldn't just go off and play, I followed her around. Then there was you, if you didn't have it your way you didn't want it any way so you just left us alone. Ha, you could have made such an impact on me if you'd of just stopped wonderin' when Sis' would come back and start seeing that you could have been lonely with someone. But you, of course, did have Seifer's attention at some point."

"What are you getting at?" He follows him into the bedroom.

"What I'm getting at, is that he was abandoned and I felt abandoned, same as you.... so why can't we keep that from happenin' to someone else? Said it yourself he ain't stayin' so come on, love him for now."

"....I'm sorry." Says Squall, leaning upward he kisses the male on the lips. "How 'bout we feed him and give him a bath."

Smiling that thin feline smile of his Irvine kisses Squall back with a little more pluck. "That's the guy I know deep down."

"Yeah, but I'm not doing the vomit thing."

"He'll get ya sometime."

..................

"You should really come see the baby," He sighs, tilting forward as a wash of pleasure courses up his back when Seifer thrust up into him. "He's so cute, they even named him."

Moaning himself, Seifer gives the shorter blond something to shut up about as he drives him home picking up from the once very slow pace. Verbally silenced Zell can only grunt and groan, tightening his grip both above and below and to Seifer's enjoyment on the inside. Their mouths reconnect allowing their hurried breaths to run laps in and out of each other. Zell's thighs twitch at Seifer's sides and a few quick jerks of the shorter blond's member leaves the two of them shaking to a stop as they climax.

Kissing his lover a few times more, Seifer then sits up to say. "Don't talk about children when I'm trying to get off- its a boner killer."

"Sorry," He wipes sweat from his forehead. "You know Sis' is coming."

"Goody-goody. What for?"

"She's gonna take Kait until Irvine gets back from his mission, Squall's acting like a mom with postpartom, plus he wants to help the search teams look for the kids parents...." He trails off.

"And?"

"And I thought maybe you could help him out."

"Why the hell should I help Leonhart do anything?"

"Because I'm asking you to, and besides you know you two are friends- maybe even best friends."

"My best friend is Hyperion's blood." He says speaking about his black and flame colored new gunblade.

"Oh yeah, and who do you think went to the trouble of getting you the horn piece you need?" He cocks a fine brow.

Rolling his eyes, Seifer says. "Fine, I'll help Leonhart out in his little search. Better hope lonely man doesn't end up falling for me, he's never had a real friend before."

Snickering, Zell gets out of bed to dress. "I should say the same to you, but I won't."

"Damn right you won't." He tosses a pillow in the males direction hitting him on the rear.

"Aaaw this pillow feels like your punches."

"Say that again,"

Grinning, Zell has to poke the bear. "Aaaw this pillow- ow! Seifer!" He scrunches in when the males fist aims at his gut and yet he goes on. "feels like your punches."

Wrestling him to the ground, Seifer pins Zell to the floor. "Little pest, for that so sex for ten days. No kisses either."

Leaning up, the plucky male steals a kiss from his lover right then. "Ha ha!"

"Chicken-shit. I'm getting dressed and then I'll go invite cry baby to come look with me."

"You won't regret it." He says to the retreating male.

"I already do." Replies Seifer as the bathroom door closes.


	5. A Puzzling Developement

If Squall Leonhart still offered up sour faces to people it was possibly missed every time, but Seifer never once missed the expression gracing the lion of Balamb's face nearly every time he came around.

"What do you want?" He asks in a clipped tone.

"Is that any way to greet an uncle?" He sneers mockingly.

"Whatever. Why are you here?"

"On request of Dinky, I came to help you search for the brats' parents or whoever." He brushes past the male heading into the small, wannabe, home.

Though he made it appear that he was going to go that day Seifer had actually just showered then returned to bed with Zell, saying he would help the crying lion out tomorrow and as promised he did show up, though, he couldn't say that he'd actually intended on being any use to the male. Squall, still gritting-out his once rival, closes the door.

Rubbing his hands together he sweeps his green gaze about the room. "So, where is the little bundle of boy? Is he sleeping?" He takes on a childlike voice. "Is he getting a little bathy with Kinneas?"

"Is this gonna be an indication of today?" Squall mocks him using his own childish tone. Heading into the kitchen he snags one of the muffins that is left over from the other day shoving it into Seifer's hand before grabbing one of his own. "Let's go."

Cocking a brow at the, non-verbal, offer of breakfast Seifer takes a bite then shouts something over it which Squall presumed was for Irvine's sake, and with a swift tug of the knob the door slammed shut. Getting into the car the school has lent them, Squall makes a curious face when Seifer grabs him by the elbow.

"My motorcycle is faster and less bulky." Leading Squall over to it, Seifer shoves the spare helmet into the males chest. "Put it on." He climbs onto the seat of the silver bike.

Face scrunched in displeasure of being bossed about by the ex-knight he can't deny that Seifer is right about the bike being the better mobile option. With a hefty sigh, he slips the red helmet over his head smelling both Zell's shampoo and hair gel within it; he wondered if he should keep the tinted visor up so he doesn't get a headache from the light scent of fumes but the last thing he wanted was a family of bugs in his eyes, so down it went. Wrapping his arms around Seifer's torso he hears the male snicker.

"Back of princess, I'm spoken for."

Glaring, though, Seifer can't possibly see it Squall removes his hands grabbing a hold of the seat instead. "Prick." He mutters.

Smirking he replies. "The best in Balamb."

The engine revved and with a slight shift from being off balance it straightens up and away it goes.

...............

Six girls are gathered around a lunch table, bent over a bit, their little skirts risen just enough to excite the boys at the next table to a little tease show. But the girls hardly notice the sounds of the males hungry intones due to the fact that they're giving all their attention to one certain male.

"He's so cute!!"

"I just love his little cooe's."

"Hey little Kait, hiiiiii."

Chuckling, Irvine lifts the baby's hand to make him wave.

"Can he talk at all? How old is he?"

With a shrug, the cowboy says. "Don't know, but I brought him so Dr. Kadowaki can give him a look over."

A pretty girl with brown curls gasps as though someone just slapped her on the butt. "Is he sick?" She asks voice full of concern though Irvine had to question the concern a bit.

"Naah, he's good- I guess, its just that he was outside for who knows how long and he's kinda skinny so I figured he should get a check up."

"Why not go to a hospital?" Quistis asks taking a seat but not before giving the mob a stern glare that they should move along already.

"Because the Garden doctor is free and if ain't nothin' wrong with him why pay medical bills."

"Sad to say it but you have a point." Shaking her orange drink she opens the can. "Where's Squall? Class?"

"He doesn't have class today. He went with Seifer to look for Kait's mom and dad."

"Seifer's helping?" Her blonde brows raise.

Nodding, he snickers while playing with the baby. "I doubt there will be any lack of tension there, those two fight like old cats hurtin' for a dead fish."

"Mm. They really need to find a way to kick that habit, they know they're friends."

"Mm-mm, don't take them out of their natural habitat, something like that could kill what bit of relationship they do have."

"Its never wrong to kick a bad habit to the curb, they'll learn to like outwardly caring for each other."

"I don't doubt you." But he shakes his head. "You wanna come with me to find a house for Ellone later?"

"Alright. Well- if Headmistress doesn't need me for anything more."

Kait pulls his bottle from his mouth looking it over as if wondering something then he sticks it back into his mouth sucking away while giving a side long glance to Irvine, who's eating a hotdog beside him. Irvine and Quistis eat in silence for a bit just listening to the sounds of the cafeteria existing around them.

"What mission are you going on?" Quistis asks for conversation sake.

"Its practically-..." His words are cut off a second as a hand smacks him on the back of the head and with a glance he sees the martial artist cock his head to smile at him before sitting down. "Aaaw you brought Kait? What's the occasion?"

"Lack of babysitter, and he needs a check up to make sure he's alright." Answers the guardian cowboy.

Noticing what's on the tray the only female at the table inquires. "No hotdogs?"

"They're out," He sighs ruefully. "But its alright, its kinda cold today chowder will do me good."

Quistis nods.

"So like, the mission is just a simple one. I'm helpin' out the guys that are hunting down the war rebels that still wanna stir up trouble. They need sort of a scouter for distance or something. Piece of cake."

Swallowing a creamy mouthful of potato and crab chowder, Zell wags his spoon at the brunet. "It always starts out that way, I remember being asked to help them once I ended up just carrying things while they played assumptions."

Snorting Irvine takes the bottle from the baby seeing that the kid intended on chucking it rather than drinking it any further. "Hn. I ain't gonna carry a danged thing; I'll leave if it comes to that."

Reaching over, Zell plucks a hotdog from Irvine's tray. "Yoink." He grins as he takes a bite. "Mmm, mmm, yeah that's the good stuff. Want some of my chowder?"

"Yeah." Taking the spoon from the martial artist's tray he takes two spoonfuls.

"Uugh! You two are disgusting." Quistis turns slightly in her seat so she doesn't have to bare witness to the gross act of germ passing.

"What?" Asks Zell.

"We know each other." Defends Irvine.

The woman only shakes her head.

"Mr. Kinneas?" Dr. Kadowaki says as she approaches. "I'm free now, can you come to the nurses room."

It wasn't so much a question but a command.

"I'm off." He takes another spoonful before leaving the utensil on the tray. "See ya around." He picks up the carryall with the baby inside then follows the nurse out of the cafeteria.

"Bye." Quistis says. Turning her attention to Zell, she adjust her glasses. "I take it you're the reason that Squall is going to be a in a foul mood for the rest of the day?"

Shrugging as though someone has smacked him on the head, Zell defends his intentions by saying. "What? Seifer isn't going to class today, so I thought he'd have a fun time helping Squall out."

"Mhmm."

"Its true! Why? You think Seifer is childish enough to still be getting on Squall's nerves?"

* * *

Back leaned against a tree, arms crossed over his chest Seifer grins slyly at Squall who's looking on the ground of the clearing at Vaulny. "I'll bet I know what the real reason is that you hate the baby so much."

Ignoring the immature bastard Squall continues searching for something out of place that might give a clue as to where the parents had gone once putting their kid in the tree. There has to be something left behind- anything!

"Its not because you're scared about what a crappy caretaker you'll be- I'll bet you'd love that kid with every ounce of your cold Leonhart. The real reason that you want the kid gone is because you're still having separation anxieties."

That got his attention, mildly. "What the hell has separation anxiety got to do with anything?" He doesn't turn to look at him but continues looking.

"Well think about it, all you ever did was complain about people not relying on you and shit like that to keep things nice and simple- more understanding I could not be, but after a while you became a softy and now you want everyone to stick together in a nice little package, only with the baby around you've got competition since Kinneas seems to like him so much."

"Guess you've got me all figured out." He says dryly, though, he can't disagree with him. He does sort of feel like Kait is snatching away Irvine's attention from him, but it doesn't mean he hates him because of it. It just means that the kid has to go so things can return to normal; he lives at Garden, his friends stop speaking in those dumb baby tones, and Irvine refocuses on them instead of keeping the baby from feeling lonely. He wondered why Irvine felt so lonely all the time, he's gotta be one of the most talkative and well liked people around- maybe next to Zell; the cowboy can't honestly still be upset that he was forgotten about, that was years ago and the GF's messed with their memories. Who's to say he and Irvine weren't close and he just forgot. No need to make a federal case about it, Irvine just needs to focus on the fact that they're together now- odd as it was for the male to ask him out, but Squall excepted and didn't find it to be a bad time hanging out with the flirtatious playboy. He wondered if Irvine was like that as a child, from what the male told them he seemed more like the follow-the-leader type. The leader at the time being Selphie for the children and Matron for the adult. Well, he'll give him something to remember before he leaves tomorrow that way he won't feel left out. Should the feeling creep up on him.

"Oooh, and he doesn't disagree. I was right, wasn't I? You hate that Kinneas is giving all his attention to a baby rather than you."

"So what?" Right after that he slapped himself for being coaxed into saying something. You never give in to Seifer's teasing; its like staring at the sun, you're just asking for the pain.

Removing his weight from the tree he kicks a stick. "So give him some slack, do you have any idea how annoying it is being on a mission with him when you're not there? Its always Squall this and Squall that, its fucking obnoxious. Besides, its lame to hate a kid because you're insecure."

Glancing over his shoulder he asks blandly. "Where is this coming from?"

"A place where no one measures up to The Great Squall Leonhart." He announces to all in the forest who will listen. "You have no idea how good it is to be out of your damned shadow," He shrugs. "maybe I feel responsible for looking out for the hundreds of thousands of people who don't fit into all that is you."

Straightening up he turns around looking at the male. "I had no idea you felt so passionately about it. I always just thought that you liked being my dick of a shadow; you never made much effort in succeeding me." He crosses his arms knowing he scored a point there.

Glaring, Seifer comes in closer looming over the shorter male. "That's right... I don't like striving for things I'll never have- when I take I want it to stick."

"Is that admittance that I'm better than you?"

"Its admittance to the fact that I don't need to show I'm better than you; I'll just wait for you to fuck up and watch your glory fall as I swoop in for the kill."

"That is so sad I can't even repsond to it. This is why you didn't make SeeD, year after year."

"Watch your mouth crybaby."

"I am not a crybaby."

Moving in closer, he breathes down on the commander. "Yeah you are; example, no one is hated more than me, no one is loved more than me, no one is more sad than me, and if anyone has attention then by all means let me do something to stand out just a little bit more!"

Anger flared Squall snaps. "We're nineteen years old- grow up!"

"You first!"

Squall leaps onto the male knocking him to the ground raising his fist to give a nice sized welt on Seifer's lip with one punch but a shadow draws his attention up. Tilting his head back Seifer looks at the underside of aWendigo; its dark eyes hold a wild look in them as it pants looking down at them.

Removing himself from Seifer, Squall mutters a spell casting blind on the beast. It worked fine but not before Seifer got a punch to the gut. Squall couldn't say that he wasn't going to pat himself on the back for it happening but he didn't want Seifer to be hurt- at least not by that thing. "Let's move!" He orders.

"Fuck you, weeping willow. I'm fighting." Straightening up. He holds out his hand casting a Firaga spell burning the gold and green fur off the monster in some places to a third degree.

It let out a monsterous howl charging for them only to miss do to the smog like gunk covering its eyes. With a sweep across its back from his new black blade with a gold flame cutting through the center Seifer removes one of the beasts' arms; the spray of blood stains across his sleeve covered arm. But the monster, supporting itself on its one arm, lifts itself from the ground kicking Seifer in the stomach with a force powerful enough to knock the male into a tree.

Squall wasn't going to be counted out as he makes a downward swing at the Wendigo intending to remove its small head but he missed since the beast rolled over to recover from kicking Seifer. Turning his down swing around with a shift of his weight the back of the gunblade cuts into the Wendigo's spine knocking it onto its stomach. Moving in for the kill before it can recover, he raises the new Black Lionhart, a black sword with a thin blue luminating blade around it that cuts impressively like a lazer, into the air but before its brought down a warmth is growing beneath his feet causing him to take two large leaps backward to avoid being hit by the Fira that was cast by Seifer who is kneeling down beside the tree he was slammed into. The beasts' cry from burning away scared a few birds from the trees, and slowly it disintegrated.

Walking over to the brunet Seifer taps him lightly on the shoulder slugging him when he turns around. "I know you owed you that."

Glaring up at the male, he barks. "What the hell did you come out here to help me for? Or did you only agree because you want to pluck my nerves." Standing he ponders retaliation but decides against it.

"Mostly. But like I said, Zell asked me to so I came."

"Yeah, well remind me to thank him." He rubs his cheek. "I don't see why you always have to fight with me. What? Can't you let your hormones find a more normal way to release themselves than through violence. Growing up with you must be such a pain for Zell."

"Tch. You don't know anything about that."

"I don't want t-..." His words cut off as he looks down into a gap. "Look." He points down.

Doing so, the blond has to blink out of disblief. "A dress?"

"I'm going down. Here," He hands over his blade. "don't do anything to it."

Rolling his eyes he looks around for maybe a vine or something to help the male down, but seeing none he just watches his slow descent.

Grabbing the dress once he reached it, Squall looks it over noting the blood covering the front. Turning his attention from that he looks around for the owner, left then right, lowering his gaze he can't see clearly enough. "I have to go lower, go into town and get a rope incase the surface smooths out near the bottom."

"You got it commander." Mocks the blond. Sheathing Hyperion's Blood he carelessly drags Black Lionhart along beside him to his motorcycle. Latching the blade to the attachment he usually slips his own blade onto he climbs onto his bike then takes off for Timber.

Listening to the sound of the motorcycle disppear from the forest he continues down the canyon to search for the missing body.

..............

Covering his nose from the stench of blood he swats a fly that buzzes past his face. "A man..." He kneels down touching the body. Shoving the shoulder he sees that the landing is what killed him since the back of his head has been broken open. "So where's the woman?" Standing he continues to walk the crater in search of the owner of the dress. _'Are these people Kait's parents? If so than what did this to them? A monster. It doesn't seem likely, and why would the woman undress? It was stuck to a branch, maybe it was pulled off.'_ All these thoughts ran through his head as he stepped carefully around the area.

Squall searched for a good hour but found no trace of the women. Luckily, the walls weren't too smooth for him to be unable to climb them so when Seifer returned with the rope he tied it to the man instead climbing up along side of it.

Grunting, he gives one final pull. "Might wanna slim down five pounds Leonhart, you're pretty heavy."

"I'm right here." He says reaching the top of the ledge.

"So then what the hells am I pulling?"

When the body reached ground level, Squall points. "Him."

* * *

"Congratulations, you have a perfectly healthy seven month old." Says Dr. Kadowaki removing her stethascope from the baby's chest.

"Thank you Doc. But eh, can you watch him for a little bit. I have a mission prep to take and I ain't got nobody else."

"Sure, I can watch him."

"Thanks." He heads to the door. "I'll be back in about forty five minutes." Out in the hall his phone rings; taking it from his pocket he flips it open. "Hello?"

"Irvine, we might have found Kait's father. We're at the hospital morge right now." Says Squall.

"Alright, want me to come by?"

Squall is silent a moment. "If you want, where are you?"

"Garden. I was gonna go to the mission prep, but I can come."

"No. You do that Seifer and I can handle this."

"Okay."

"If it takes a while, though, will you pick Sis' up at the train station? She should be here by now."

"Will do? Anything else?"

"Yeah, tell Zell I'm gonna shave his head for sending Seifer to help me look for Kait's parents."

Irvine chuckles. "Okay. Say, speaking of the mother did you find her too?"

"No. Only the father, he was in the crator in the forest. He died from the fall and split his head open."

"Yikes."

"His clothes are in tact which makes me wonder if he was attacked by a monster or not."

"Mm." He thinks.

"I'll call you later with the news. Bye."

"See ya." Hanging up, he ponders going to class or not. "Naah, I'd better go to prep." His phone rings again. "I'm very popular today," He jokes with himself. "Hello?"

"Nevermind what I said before, Sis' arrived tell Quistis or someone to pick her up. Okay?"

"You got it." He was hung up on after his response. "I've got to get that guy to relax a little more." Dialing the woman's phone he calls Quistis asking her to pick up Ellone, but she can't do it. Next he tries Selphie who luckily just got out of class, she said that she'd gladly pick her up and bring her to the school since the baby is in the building. Taking a step towards the location he needs to be, after a second thought Irvine exits the building to make an errand run instead.


	6. Loving Freedom

A.N.: Thank you very much for the review, I've never been called really good before I don't think. I hope you continue to enjoy the rest of the story because its gonna take a turn for the worst as I love a bit of tragedy. *wicked smile*. That's what my friend says to your review perfectxdrug.

Warning: There's sex in this scene, so don't say I didn't warn you.

...

"Ma!" Zell calls out entering his home. "Ma, are you here?"

Foot steps sound on the stairs and soon the portly woman appears; a sponge in one of her gloved hands and a bottle of _Tilex_ in the other. She must have been cleaning the bathroom. Her face, at first, showed question but upon seeing her son it lit up to a happy smile. Crossing the room she wraps her arms around the male careful to not let the items she's holding touch him.

"Its been so long." She says whole-heartedly.

Making a face he laughs. "Its been a day, Ma."

"To a mother its long enough." Backing away she then notices the woman that's come in with her son. "Oh hello- is that the baby?" She instantly drops her things to the floor, removing the gloves and discarding them in the same way; the woman ignored she takes the baby into her arms giving tickles to Kait's tummy with her index finger. "Tickle, tickle," She laughs when the baby cracks up. Looking to the visitor that isn't her son she says. "I'm Martha Dincht, and you are?"

Jutting his thumb at her, Zell answers for her. "Ma, this is Ellone. When I was at the orphanage she helped the Matron take care of us."

"Nice to meet you." Ellone says with a polite bow and lovely smile.

Smiling in return, Mrs. Dincht replies. "Nice to meet you as well."

Martha Dincht bounces the baby in her arms playfully, chuckling at his little sounds and his bright eyes looking up at her. Watching his mother Zell sucks his lips in wondering how he's going to ask what it is that he wants to ask. He'd feel like a real creep if Ellone couldn't stay at his house, he was sure his mother would say, yes, but he couldn't exactly be certain as Ellone is a stranger to her.

Hand behind his head giving it a good scratch, he says quietly. "Uhh, Ma... can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Sure Zell, what is it?"

Taking her arm he leads her into the living room. "In private, please." He removes Kait from the woman's arms giving him back to Ellone. "Okay, come in here." Leading her into the living room at a far off corner so they can't be overheard he says in a low voice. "Its really important that I ask you this, but you can say 'no' if you don't think you're up for it."

"Zell, what is it?"

"It's Ellone, she's here on... sorta, kinda, business but she doesn't have a place to stay... so I was hoping that maybe she could..." He brings his self into a draw back as though anticipating a hit or verbal assault. "stay here until she has to leave? Ahaha." He laughs nervously.

"What kind of business is she here on? Military business?" Asks the woman looking over her sons shoulder to where the frail woman had been left.

"No! No, no, nothing like that. You see, Irvine has a mission tomorrow and Squall doesn't wanna take care of Kait all by himself- ha, at all really," He says offhand to himself. "so he asked if Ellone could do it and she agreed, but Ma, she's a young woman and the barracks are full of male cadets so-..."

She puts her hand up to silence her son. "Say no more, she can stay."

Feeling his joy swelling he leaps into the air, fist pumped. "Oh yeah! Thanks Ma!"

"Its alright. And I expect, as payment, that you will come over to paint the living room and me and your father's bedroom."

Laughing he draws her into a hug. "Anything you want, Ma."

Chuckling at his sweetness she pulls back. "I'll go make your room comfortable for them."

"Sweet- wai-... my room?" He follows his mother to the exit. "Bu- but that's where I keep all my stuff, where I come to stay when I visit."

"You said it yourself that she helped raise you; don't be so young, Zell." Entering the foyer the woman says. "I'd love it if you stayed, Miss Ellone."

"Thank you."

"My son will take your things to your room." She gives Zell a light shove towards the girls bags.

"Alright, alright." He picks up the bag. "Right this way."

Martha smiles watching her defeated son head upstairs. "I'd better get dinner started, then."

"The police have been informed about the man." Says the doctor coming out into the waiting room where Squall and Seifer have been seated waiting to hear from him. "We did find a wallet on him."

He hands it to Seifer who glances at it before handing it to Squall, who snatches it from the males grip, surprised it wasn't held away from him- something Seifer has done to him many times, so many infact that he snatches everything from anyone now.

"Martin Redfield." He read off the man's I.D. card. "He was a massage therapist."

"What about the blood on the dress?" Asks Seifer.

The doctor shrugs. "The results haven't come in yet, so there's no way of knowing whether or not it belongs to his wife or someone else."

Having written down the man's information, Squall hands the wallet back to the doctor. "You know to give this to the police when they come?"

"Of course."

Standing he says to Seifer. "Let's go."

A bit surprised, he stands following the male. "Where are we going?"

"Back to Garden, where else."

"Why? We haven't found the woman yet, I thought you were all about getting rid of the kid."

"I am. But now that we have the man's name and no trace of the wife's body she may still be alive so we have to find a way to contact her and tell her that her son is ok."

Shaking his head he grabs the male by the shoulder. "Yeah, that sounds good in theory but what if she only managed to get out of the canyon and died somewhere else?"

Squall paused a moment then continues walking. "We look for relatives of the husband since we have his last name."

"Oh sure, but what if he isn't even Kait's father and just some random ditch dude?"

"We'll worry about it when it comes up- if it comes up." Climbing on back of the motorcycle he reaches into his pocket for his buzzing cell phone. It read that he has one message. Opening the message he scrolls down reading it out loud for Seifer's sake. "Zell says his mother is letting Ellone stay with her for a little while, while she watches Kait."

Seifer seemed not to care either way revving the engine on his bike getting ready to leave but when feeling Squall's arm come around his chest he looks over his shoulder. "Do you mind?"

"Deal with it, I have to text Zell back."

Rolling his eyes he speeds off with a bit of hope that the Lion of Balamb falls off. They may be friends but they're rivals as well and that's something that Seifer kind of... well, as sick as it is, holds dear in a sense of familiarity. He tends to pick at Zell as well regardless his new found love for the male he can't help wanting to call him a little chicken boy or feather head, pretty much anything that comes to mind. Its in his nature to be vicious and since he knows this its also good to be around people that don't take it the wrong way. Most of the kids at Garden still look at him like public enemy even after knowing he's been brainwashed- mostly; they just can't get passed it like the others. Squall got over it most of all as he recalled some of their conversations over the war and what Zell told him. Squall really seems to care about him and for what its worth he cares back. ...He still wishes he'd fall off the back, though.

"There are several men intending to make an army of Sorceress worshipers, they plan to sacrifice a woman to be their leader; this isn't the first time this has happened, it tends to start up in just about every region that's what makes stopping it so important."

The large room is silent as the 4 cadets, as well as Irvine, listen to the briefing by the female speaker. They've been seated around the long wooden table since after lunch hours going over the mission. Irvine has been asked on this mission to general the new cadets who have never been out before. Something like this, though, should be very easy for them the cowboy doubts he'll so much as have to raise his gun much less fire it off. But then again, he's seen low level missions turn serious with the snap of your fingers. That's how the gang ended up back together after all a small dispute with Rinoa turned into a lot more, especially after Seifer got kidnapped.

"Though mortals they can harness the abilities of magic; we know its forbidden to use by anyone but the military but there are still G.F. out there unknown even to us so a simple law alone won't stop them. We have to be cautious of the worshipers pulling tricks on us because even if human, you give a man a knife and he can definitely kill someone with it or even a simple stick can become a violent beating."

One of the men at the table nods in hard jerks, as if to say, I've seen it too. After giving them all one last word of advice the lights come back up and the screen off. "Everyone meet tomorrow morning at the front gate so we can go to the train station together." She says.

Standing the room mutters their good bye's before making their ways out of the room. Walking down the hall Irvine feels a tug on his coat sleeve. Turning around he smiles at the pretty girl who just dipped her head in embarrassment. "What's on your mind, little lady?" He asks kindly.

"Do you think I can lead this mission- I mean, if you think I'm doing something wrong can you tell me? I really want to impress my parents and show them that I've got what it takes to be here." Her calm and cool demeanor from the briefing room has gone out the window leaving behind a nervous child seeking her parents approval.

Patting her on the shoulder he nods. "Yep. I think you'll do a damn good job. Heh," He snickers. "infact, I'll see to it that your parents know it detail for detail."

Looking up, eyes bright, she smiles. "Thank you, so much." Dashing off she turns to wave before disappearing into the dorm hall.

"Heh heh, sweet kid."

Brow cocked Squall asks. "Who is?"

Looking over his shoulder he says quietly. "Oh Squall, didn't see you back there... I guess the jig is up."

"Watch it cowboy." Warns the male playfully.

"Whaat? I was gonna say tutor." Walking along side the two he asks. "So did ya find anything?"

"A body, and a bloody dress."

Irvine makes a displeased sound over the dress. "Is the man Kait's father?"

"We don't know yet, but we're gonna search for the family with his last name."

Nodding, Irvine looks at the blond then smiles says. "Howdy partner, why do you look so bleak?"

"Crybaby's mad because I had to ride with him on his bicycle meant for one." Answers Squall mockingly. "We have to report to Matron," He kisses Irvine on the cheek when the male leans over toward him. "be a good boy and help Sis' bring the baby's stuff to the Dincht's."

"Don't have time, we'd have to break down the crib and reassemble it once I drive it there. That could take forever."

"Tch. Even baby muscles shouldn't go to waste." Says Seifer. "Chop, chop and do as he says. I wanna dump Leonhart off as soon as possible."

"No one asked you to stay with me, I can give the report on my own."

Irvine watched them a second then shakes his head. "Heh heh, yeah I'll see ya back at the home."

Hearing that, he stops his end of the arguement. "The house? Irvine, Ellone is here so we can stay at Garden again."

"I know, but I figured we could use the place one last night, since all that food and junk is still there." He shrugs.

"Hyne." Seifer stuffs his leather glove clad fingers into his ears. "I'll leave the report; you two can go be disgusting."

Watching Seifer's departure Irvine sighs with a smile. "He was right you know, I do wanna get disgusting."

"Is that why you don't wanna bother getting the crib?" Starting down the hall again Squall turns when they reach the parking lot.

Irvine shrugs in his defense. "I had only intended on having a nice meal alone together since we won't see each other for a little while, but uh, there ain't nothin' wrong with a little bedroom activity."

"You took the thought right out of my mind." He smirks slyly glancing his dual colored eyes his lovers way.

Going through the entrance they climb into the car buckling up before Irvine speeds away for the barracks. The soilders were training by the time they got there, all of them marching and shouting to pass the time they aren't on the field. Smirking at them Irvine recalls his days attending Galbadia school, working like a dog, bleeding from open wounds during training sessions and hard labor in general- man it was good to be alive, and yet, he could still find time to just hang out and relax- granted none of the instructors spotted him. Squall unlocked the door to the flat going inside. Seeing the open cabinets he wondered if Zell and maybe some help didn't already take the initiative and get the things themselves.

After removing his coat Irvine crosses the living room entering the kitchen. "Formula's gone- bottles too. Wanna check the bedroom while I start dinner?"

Squall didn't answer just walked into the hall down to the baby's room. Walking over to the change stand, he lifts the piece of post-it that caught his eye. "Squall/Irvine we got the crib but left the other stuff since its a bit much to take back on the first day but we'll come for it tomorrow. Little heart, Zell/Selphie." Returning to the living room he takes a seat at the stool. "Zell and Selphie came for the crib and things but left the other stuff, said they'll get it tomorrow." Watching him a second he cocks his head in thought. "...Irvine. Do you think I'm attention needy?"

"Yup." Missing Squall's pissed face he continues speaking. "Everyone is, its the way of life."

"You think so? Seifer says I'm practically a headcase for it- me! Mister 'don't rely on me for anything', you know how I was."

"Mhm. But see the thing you gotta know darlin' is that people are gonna want some kind of recognition even for bad things; that's why Seifer gets on you so much, its our way of being remembered, I guess."

"That's stupid. Who'd wanna be remembered as a dick?"

"...Don't know, but if that's the way he can get attention that's the way he'll continue getting it- at least from whomever takes it that way, but don't rule out the fact that they may just wanna be a jerk that day." He shrugs; chopping two carrots held side by side with a large knife, he pops one into his mouth before dumping the rest into a pot of butter and olive oil. "I think that when you go, all those people that noticed you for even the smallest thing will remember you for that, you'll always be alive in that way. That's the big appeal. So to your question, yes, you're needy for attention."

Squall let that sink in; craning his neck he asks. "...What are you making?"

"My specialty."

Frowning, he says. "Chili?"

"Nope, my other specialty- chicken pot pie."

"Can I help?"

"Can you chop an onion?"

"No, but its just us so it doesn't matter what it looks like, right?" Getting up from the stool, he grabs a knife then stands beside Irvine. Giving it a tap on the counter top he then slices into the onion.

Stealing a glance at his progress, he blinks in shock. "Hn. Don't know how, huh?" He elbows his love against his arm.

"I'd never call myself a show off but I tend to amaze people with simple things."

"Maybe public speaking will become one of 'em."

Shoving Irvine back he says. "Let's not get carried away."

The cowboy only laughs. The two work together to prepare the meals for its pre-made dough and once the ingrediants are dumped into a glass oven dish they head into the bedroom since the oven is set to low.

...

Shirts removed the two lay down on the bed, lips together, tongues entwinded; the mattress sinks in from their combined weight on top of each other. Scooting off to lay beside his lover's body, Irvine's palm rest on Squall's crotch and gently, through the jeans, he caresses Squall's genitals; their kisses never cease. Sighing into his loves parted lips he tangles his fingers into the male's thick tresses deepening the kiss; reaching around to the back of his head Squall locates the band that's keeping Irvine's hair in a ponytail and he pulls it free chucking it who knows where in the bedroom. Unbottoning the lions jeans Irvine removes himself from the kiss to pull them off, removing his own once the task was done; lips now trailing along Squall's bare abdommen, Irvine takes his tongue ghostly around his navel before lowering his lips to Squall's groin exposed by his pulling away the obstructing boxers which he dropped to the floor with their jeans. Now its a well known fact that sometimes Squall can be somewhat of a prude when it comes to sex- especially when Irvine wants it so much, but there are ways to make the male want it more. No one knows this, nor should they, but Squall is a slave when having his stomach touched, get him worked up from that and he'll never say 'not right now.'.

Said male arched his back from the bed when his cowboy's fingers snake up his torso just high enough to reach the underside of his chest to then return to his thighs with the back of his hand; knuckles just brushing his nipples with the rise and fall of Irvine's hands. Digging his fingers into the blanket Squall lets out a low groan, his heels make residence in the blanket and mattress digging into them. Irvine kept that going for a very good three minutes, feeling Squall's insides tingle into quickly loosened knots through his kisses that went from the groin to his navel before staying at his nether region to draw the lions member into his mouth sucking it lavishly. That elevated his love's moans by five on the scale to ten. Time to kick it up a knotch; and his once up and down movement became a sweep on circling finger tips with the one hand while the other held Squall at the hip. His hand went as high as his chest shrinking the more it went around until just the one finger traces his belly button. A seven in volume comes from the male now as his pants and groans come out a bit louder and quicker.

Squall has to give it to Irvine for blowjobs, the cowboy can probably suck a set in stain out of a white shirt if he tried, which is what earned him legs coiling around his back, feet lowering just enough to reach the cowboy's back thighs he heftly massages the backs and insides of the males legs just as gently as Irvine's fingers are working his stomach. Much like himself, Irvine has a sweet spot for making him scream and its his legs, you touch him there just the right way and he's yours, well Squall's, because the lion didn't like to think it could happen from just anyone doing it that he holds some key part of it; surely enough Irvine's body twitches to the action and his sucking becomes ever more fierce. The ball of Squall's foot brushing Irvine's balls and his member is paused briefly due to Irvine's clamped mouth opening so he can moan around the meat in his mouth, and the hot puffs of panted air left Squall squirming. Hips rising and falling to Squall's touch he rode the waves a moment before he finally found his semblance and reclamping his mouth he meets each of his lover's thrust with ease, enjoying the sounds and the feel of a hard grip in his hair, but he's dying over the the tingling sensation of Squall's feet playing with his thighs. Neither of them can take it anymore; pressure and pleasure built, Irvine only needed to do one last thing. Raking his fingernails hard over the lion's torso he could feel every shiver from every corner of Squall's body let itself be guided down the trail to his cock. And with back arched off the bed, control completely broken he let out a sound that Irvine considered a lion's roar that ends with the sensual sound of Squall's normal yell lowering into radically hard pants that catch no ease since Irvine could never resist kissing him after hearing that.

Nibbling the males bottom lip Squall asks. "Where's the lube?" Voice carnal with need.

"Dinner first." Irvine says insincerely.

"Let it burn." Sitting on the males lap, he leans sideways to grab a jar of lube from the side table drawer. Opening the jar of hot oil, he coats his hands grabbing Irvine's member.

Moaning, he tilts his head back into the pillow. "But what about the food?"

"Dammit Kinneas, I'll kill you and take what I need from your corps if I have to."

A deep, lust filled laugh escapes the could be dead man. "If you're gonna put it that way."

His breath hitches when Squall's warming slick hand presses into his thigh, fingers fanning as he moves them from the inside out thumb giving a tug at the skin beside his lover's member each time he does this. Lowering his head Squall licks at the slit before spinning tongue around the head itself; you would think that Irvine would be very verbal in bed, but contrary to his loud jovial ways in the real world he can actually be pretty to himself when it comes to private matters, keeping his moans in Squall's ear as though they're only for him, he pants and whispers things to him. Drinking it all in Squall thinks to himself a moment as he lets his free hand knead his cowboys genitals before his middle finger dips between his legs to mess with his entrance, that the thing he'll always remember Irvine for would be his big voice and overall presence and the fact that he's able to be a friend and lover engulfed in this big life.

That picked up his pace and he removed his finger from inside the male, knowing they're too much of a good fit to need much preparations anymore. Irvine is elevated from the bed to sit upon his lion's lap, and the contact of Squall's nuzzling cheek combined with strong, gunblade weilding hands, on his hips has Irvine losing his grip on reality and he grabs a hold of Squall's shoulders for purchase. It was having Squall attack his neck with lips and teeth that hastened his actions of bouncing up and down over Squall's cock. Squall's hand smoothes its way down Irvine's thigh then up again but it moves sideways to grab the hot flesh slapping between them.

That gave Irvine's voice some volume and during pants his tongue licks the hoop earring his lover chose to wear today and he lavished that earlobe with expert attention. But it was coming to an end, his rise and fall that was rapid became steady, before dropping to once in a while then everything froze like the calm before the storm; both men looking into the others two colored slitted gaze before Squall's grip jerked up when Irvine's hips slammed down and they forgot what happened after that or even if the oven were turned off. But who really cared either way, they just wanted to lay in each others arms and rest in the comfort of spent sleep.


	7. First Down

Squall stands at the front gate of Balamb garden with a bored expression on his face as he watches his lover and a few cadets double checking their supplies. He honestly hoped that the supplies would be a pointless bring because the mission might be really short. Clear skies for February but the gray seems as though a bit of snow might come through the area a little later today or maybe even a couple days from now, as is February's nature of unpredictable cold. Irvine is wearing his favorite duster with a dark blue turtle neck underneath that are making his dark eyes stand out like a red dot in a field of white; Squall considered that to be cruel of the cowboy since they'll be apart for a while and Irvine happens to know what that particular color on him does to his lover. As if last night wasn't enough for him. They did manage to get in a few bites before they spent a good 35 minutes on the couch since it was the closest soft place.

Giggling, the one of the girls on the four man team pokes a blond boy in the ribs before leaning over to whisper. "Isn't it sweet how commander Leonhart wants to see off his lover?"

Cocking a brow the boy looks over his shoulder. "Are you kidding, he looks pissed to me." Mentally cowering he adds. "Kind of like he's thinking we're gonna fuck up."

"You've gotta read between the lines, Phineas." She says shaking her head.

Phineas only shrugs. He honestly didn't want to think about two men being in love- not that there's anything wrong with that, if they're happy, they're happy but if its gonna be the war hero commander Leonhart and SeeD lieutenant Kinneas he really didn't wanna think about it. _'Crap, I'm getting an image.'_ He tries blocking out the vision of Squall and Irvine getting on all fours after deciding who would be on top, which would probably be Squall- he seems very take charge in anything, with the sweet vision of the lovely leader of their group Eurydice Montego. _'That's right Phineas, think about the way her pretty brownish orange ponytail brushes her soft cheek when she bends over.'_ He coaches his mind only to have the thought interupted by Irvine who gives him a slight push to get to the trunk to put in a bag.

"Excuse me, partner." He says sitting the bag in the trunk before slipping one of his tresses behind his ear, he then closes the trunk. Noticing the odd face the boy is making he smiles at him then says. "Don't be so nervous, this'll be a cake walk."

"A-.. I.." Phineas mutters.

"Irvine get over here." Squall demands.

"Comin'!" To Phineas he says. "Be sure to check over the map for Centra Ruins, okay?"

Nodding the male watches as Irvine heads over to the front gate. Squall says something to him which makes the lieutenant laugh it sounded as though Irvine responded to Squall saying "you've gotta be kidding me?". The next thing he knew Squall called their team leader over. Eurydice bows her head respectfully to Squall but upon hearing what he had to say she blushed then nods before getting to the task of.... Phineas' jaw dropped to the ground as Irvine pulled his long hair from the half ponytail he had put it in so that the girl could give him a long braid down his back instead. Eurydice worked quickly, her skilled hands entwinded the hair tightly and efficiantly before she tied it off with the band that Irvine handed to her. After being thanked the girl lowered her head speeding over to the van, climbing in. Coming out of his stupor of what just went on, he also climbs into the van wanting not to be the last man standing outside after such an odd scene.

"What was that all about?" Asks Luna.

"Commander Leonhart didn't like that Lieutenant Kinneas was parading around with his hair undone, that it was unprofessional and he should get it out of his way." She explains the conversation that went on. "So he asked that I braid it for him."

"Aaaww, I think the commander might have thought one of us might try to flirt with his boyfriend." Luna giggles.

Groaning Max is completely red; he asks them kindly. "Can we please stop talking about lovers and the things they do? Please?"

"Oh Phineas, don't be such a... such a..." She thinks for a word. "boy."

"Kinda hard considering that I am a boy."

Both girls roll their eyes. Rakuta sat quietly in his seat looking out the window over the hills as though trying to see town or the train station. He's so excited to be on this mission since, like the others, its his first. He's been to the ice caves and had to battle the frightening Shiva; its been told that Shiva was naturally drawn to Squall and he often has her around just living inside of him unjunctioned. Man it must be cool to have a G.F. that compatable with you for it to go as far as actually liking you. But some say, that she's drawn to the natural icy cold heart the male has but, from where he's sitting the commander doesn't look so icy to him as he grabs his lover's shoulder to lean him over for a kiss, on the cheek, good bye. He wished his boyfriend Lucky would be so bold. The four of them: Phineas, Luna, Rakuta, and team leader Eurydice perk up when they see their senior coming. They are to drive the twenty minutes to the train station, take the B train to Fisherman's Horizan and rent a boat that will sail them out to the Centra Ruins. They had to start the journey early in order to make it to the check point in time to stop the rebelians from succeeding in their plans to create another sorceress, and the boat ride will take at least half the day. But this is so exciting for them and as the car starts up and they head towards town they all share similar smiles. Mission time.

................

Coming from class Zell spots Squall on the bench; eyes closed, head tilted back, arms up on the back on the seat. Grinning his dashes over plopping himself down beside the male as he wraps his arms around Squall's waist and rests his head on the male's shoulder. "Aaaww." He says as he steals a hug from the unsuspecting lion. "Sorry buddy, but when you sit like this you're asking for a cuddle."

"And if anyone else had pulled it, they'd get punched in the ear." Comments the relaxed male, "Hey, Zell." he then greets not moving from his position, though, he does open his eyes to stare at the ceiling.

"Hi. Good to have you back amongst our ranks." He releases his hold on him taking a similar position on the bench; his muscular arm overlapping Squall's.

"Good to be back."

Snickering the martial artist turns his head to look at Squall's profile and his thin blond brow goes up. "You mean to tell me that you didn't like being all alone with Irvine playing house with the baby?"

"Alone with Irvine I like, but having a baby is just... strange."

"Mmm. Maybe. I thought it was kinda cool- I mean, let's face it, you and I and Irvine and Seifer aren't ever gonna have kids any other way but adoption" He shrugs at the matter. "wouldn't you ever want a kid?"

"Not sure."

"Oh come on, everybody does."

"I'd settle for being an uncle to one of the girls' babies."

"Oh you're no fun."

"I hear that a lot." Replies the male.

"Aaaw." Rinoa wraps her arms around the male resting her head on Squall's shoulder.

"I told ya." Zell snickers.

"So, who's having babies?" Rinoa asks joining the half heard conversation. Taking a seat on the bench at the relaxing male's other side, she moves into the same position as they have; once releasing her hold on Squall, and she looks up at the ceiling.

Straightening, he looks over at her saying as though it were a truth that's about to happen any minute; he was beginning to make a habit out of speaking that way. "You and Selphie and Quistis."

"Me? Since when?"

"Since Squall doesn't want any kids."

"How can you not want kids?" Rinoa asks.

Squall shrugs. "Just never thought about it."

The two shrug repeating simultaniously. "Just never thought about it."

Rinoa giggles to herself at how cute Squall could be sometimes with his halfway and dry answers to any question thrown his way; but she can't rule out the fact that he can also be very blunt to the point of rude when he's passionate about it.

"Can we not talk about babies for a while, I wanna enjoy my time back at Garden." Squall asks closing his eyes again.

Snapping his fingers the martial artist stands up. "You just reminded me why I've been looking for you! Wanna go to the training center and get some experience in? They've got new monsters" He says in a sly tone. "you know you can't resist it."

Sitting upright Squall gives a nod. "All right."

"Rinoa, you in?"

"Yeah, but I have to get my weapon from my room. Wait for me at the entrance, I'll be there." Getting off the bench she tugs the wrinkles from her pink turtle neck then heads off towards the dorms.

"Don't you wanna get your new gunblade? Seifer's been showing me his- he practically sleeps with the thing." The blond laughs while following Squall to the training room since the brunet began to walk that way.

"I'll use one of the school's they have there."

"Oh come on! I wanna see yours." The male puts his hands together in prayer to Hyne. "Be a friend...." He whines.

Sighing in half defeat he rolls his eyes. "I just finished cleaning it earlier; why would I wanna get it dirty again? Its just training."

Bottom lip quivering he turns blue eyes as big as saucers at the male. "Why do you always do this; you act so cold and distant when all anyone ever wants is t-..."

"Okay! I'll go get it, just spare me the sob routine."

Recovering as though he were never about to pitch a fit at all, he leaps into the air. "Sweet!! I'll be waiting at the entrance." He dashes off. "Hi Allison!" He waves to a girl down the hall who waves back.

Shaking his head in dismay that he can be tricked by **the look** everytime, Squall heads to the dorm wing to retrieve Black Lionhart.

* * * *

The boat rocks back and forth a little more rough than expected but its a clear beautiful day in the southern hemosphere, as usual, so the sea is merely being playful rather than violent. The boat captain, who's below deck, calls up to them that he's leaving them at this drop.

"Thanks for the ride," Phineas calls to the man receiving a pop on the back of his head from Rakuta and Luna. Shrugging, he removes the grappling hook from his bag. "What? Its polite to thank someone when they've helped you out."

"Yeah, but you don't have to sound like such a dork." Luna rolls her eyes during the comment.

"Pay attention now." Irvine warns them.

Eurydice could have slapped herself for not speaking up first. Irvine is only here to observe and see that everything goes alright but with this group and her lack of officiancy he'll end up taking charge of the entire mission while she sits in the side lines. "You guys ready?" She asks.

"Ready." They respond.

On her nod they shoot the grapple from the gun-like hook and with four nearly synced blast of air the guns go off slamming their sharp 3 claw hooks into the side of the mountain. Hooking into the craggy hunks of mountain the four give the ropes a good tug to be sure its inside well; assured, they grab onto their, one each, bag that is tied to a cable which will hold them on the side of the mountain. If the enemy shows up they won't happen upon their bags or campsite lying around somewhere whilst they're taking their positions. Bags secured, the five continue up the mountain taking a quick break once reaching the top.

Rakuta, rolling the sleeves of his uniform jacket, says to himself. "Its so hot here. You think it would be a little cooller since its still winter."

Phineas nods, wishing he grabbed a bottle of water from his bag before hooking it to the mountain side. Removing his uniform jacket all together, he ties it around his waist tugging at his white t-shirt that hid underneath to vent some air over his body.

"Come 'ere and take one of these." Irvine asks pulling silver sticks from a green packet. "Chewing gum will keep moisture in your mouths until we can get water later."

"Thanks."

"Thank you."

Says the girls, the boys just take it and nod.

Eurydice remains beside Irvine while they other walk a short distance away shading their eyes with their hands. They can see the entire canyon from as high up as they are. "We use Scan to check the area?"

"You are correct, Miss Montego."

"And we do it to scout the area for any monsters roaming around."

"Yep." He gives a nod.

Murmuring the spell for scan both Irvine and Eurydice's eyes flash with a green glow that sharpens their vision in range, allowing them to see a green grid over the area. Monster after monster is pointed out to them with bits of detail flicking through their thoughts as it passes over each one and with two hard blinks the spell is removed.

"There isn't that many, so they shouldn't hinder the mission- although, we should keep an eye on the Grand Mantis for just incase." Though she couldn't help but think that being attacked with a water bubble right now would really hit the spot, although, the force of the blast she can do without. _'Its fifteen minutes until the ritual, so I should check my team out.'_ Clearing her throat, she calls to the others. "You guys come over here, I wanna make sure you're properly junctioned."

Phineas, who was doing hand stands, falls onto his butt getting laughed at by Luna and helped up by Rakuta. The three come over to where their lieutenant and commander stand, giving the salute they stand at ease.

"I wanna make sure you all have the proper magic junctioned, remember, we're not here to harm these men if we can avoid it. We're only going to stop them and bring them in to arrest."

"Yes, ma'am." They reply earning a smile from their team leader.

"Luna?"

"I've got Sleep junctioned in my whip, and Pain junctioned to my body should they use magic." The dark haired girl replies.

Shocked both Phineas and Rakuta eye the girl, but Phineas speaks up first. "Where'd you get Pain?! Cadets aren't allowed high level magic until they become SeeD rank."

Blushing, the girl glances at Irvine to see if he's disappointed in here but seeing that the male is only looking around the area, though, she's sure he heard Phineas she replies. "I went to the training room over night and drew some from one of the monsters. I didn't take much." Is her best defense from the attack of her team.

"That doesn't make it fair!"

"Sure it does! You just didn't think of it." Barks the girl before crossing her arms in an angry huff.

"Calm down you guys." Commander Montego says calmly. "It doesn't matter that Luna has Pain, what have the rest of you got."

Still bitter and side long glaring at the black haired girl, the blond says. "I've got Stop in my weapon and Sleep on my body."

Rakuta nods. "Same with me in my weapon, as Phin's, but I've got Slow on my body."

"And I've got Sleep and Thunder junctioned." She wanted to ask if all that sounded good but decided against it. "Take your position, we'll be a half a mile from each other and be sure to cast Haste when the battle starts so we're ready to protect whoever needs it."

The three nod eagerly then dash off to take their positions hidden among the rocks and caves or bits of forest that managed the grow out in the dry wasteland. Irvine remained on top of the tallest cliff only he lays down in order to be out of the way. Removing a pair of binoculars from his belt he raises them to his face to watch out for the four man team. He isn't supposed to interfere but he can't help it. Its in his nature to wanna look out for people at least a bit. He's got Pain himself, Thundaga, and Stop spells to use on the men and as far as the cadets go he's got Protect, Shell, and a little Reflect should they not be prepared for the strength behind high level magic.

"Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!"

A loud scream got all of their attention as heads turn in unison off to where a crop of trees lay. A crying woman, no older looking then 24, is being dragged from the woods gripped by her arms and hair at the back of her head. 3 other men walk behind them chanting quietly of how the Sorceress will lead them to a better world; in a cage big enough to hold a medium sized dog is what appears to be a crystal which isn't so strange but beyond the glass he can see an animal that looks a bit like a bird.

"Let me gooooooooooo!!!!!!!!" She drops her legs to drag herself and hopefully slow the men down but it only ended in her getting her legs grabbed by two of the the three men that were walking behind her original bounders.

Nerves pricked, Eurydice wets her mouth then whispers the spell for Thunder aiming it between the men rather than at them, it scattered the men apart having them drop to the ground. Confused they all look about the area wondering where the blast of lightning came from when they spot Rakuta. The male ducked back behind his tuck in the cliff side but it was too late.

"Get him, get the non-believer!!" Shouts the head of the men, decidedly because he is dressed in blue rather than black like the others.

"Shit." The male figures hiding will do him no good so he darts through the woods knowing that three men are on his heels but his back will be watched by the others. Chanting the spell, he casts Ice turning quickly to aim it at one of the men missing them as they break apart amongst the trees; one of which gets frozen by his attack. "Damn I missed." He continues to run.

Eurydice would have followed Rakuta but the two men holding the woman from the start continue to where they intended to go. The satelite looms in the distance but she can tell the men aren't necessarily heading into the place since there seems to be a strange machine set up just infront of the place. Following them she cast another Thunder spell again only aiming at them to stop their pace and release the woman.

One of the men threw his arm out releasing a thin piece of metal that looks a little like a ninja star; it came straight at the girl who raised her nunchucks in hopes to swat it away whacking the thing just in time but three more soar her way. Luna takes the opportunaty to stop he man sneaking close enough to grab him by the ankle with her whip and as she does this her spell tags kick in casting Sleep. The man fought it as hard as he could but his eyes droop and sag easing him down to a hard nap. She pulls him across the land tying him up when he's close enough.

The woman continued screaming for help as the leader is binding her to the machine by her wrists and ankles. Eurydice cast Haste on herself darting forward bashing the man in the face with her nunchuckle before spinning on her heel kicking him in the face with a round kick.

"Phin', go get Rakuta!" Luna calls. "I'll help Eury'."

Phineas nods dashing off after his comrad.

In the distance Irvine watches the group, proud of them as they seem to be handling the situation nicely at least until seven other guys come dashing out of the Satelite catacombs, weapons drawn and ready for combat. They must have been waiting on the ritual to start, though, the weapons had the sharpshooter wondering if they hadn't been tipped off that someone would try to stop them. Phineas and Rakuta seem to be doing all right, but the girls are about to get swamped. Winking an eye he looks through the scope of his gun taking aim at a worshipper who has a sword in his hands.

"Sorry partner, but harm can't help but be done sometimes." Pulling the trigger a bullet is fired from his gun Ulysses. Pain is cast as the blank hits the male square in his chest knocking him to the ground. He cries out in pain as he's suddenly struck blind and poisoned unable to notice any of the other things done to him so focused on the pain of that. Firing another shot he cast Stop on that person but not before the man is able to press the button on the machine. A loud screech fills the sky as a magnificent looking bird with a pale purple body spreads its wings showing off a multitude of colors on the tips of the feathers. Its huge, its strong, its....

"Damn, they've got a G.F." Eyes flashing Irvine scans the creature having never seen anything like it before but he can only make out a single ability of Slow before the machine blocks out his use of magic.

A shield flashes around the G.F. as the machine kicks out a loud whine Luna and Eurydice turn their attention to the action going on beside them amazed at the size of the bird. Sparks turn into long waves of electricity causing the creature and the woman to cry out.

"They're tryin' to extract the G.F.'s ability and put it into that woman." Irvine stands from his hiding place. He has to stop that machine.

Rakuta and Phineas exit the forest victorious, ready to join the girls they're momentarily stunned at the sight of what's going on. Shaking it off the two head for the fight. Startled Rakuta jumps before hearing Irvine's voice in his ear.

"Rakuta stop that machine, throw your boomerang but watch out for the woman."

"Yes sir." Swinging the large bone based weapon over his head two to three times he shoots it across the field toward the machine. Having aimed at the long poles coming from the hoop atop the machine he hopes it stops whatever is going on rather than make it worse. The boomerang slams into the machine denting it but not breaking it and the shock flings it lifelessly to the ground rather than returning it to the male.

"I'll get the woman." Phineas says. "You try to stop the machine."

Nodding Rakuta darts toward the fight while Phineas moves out of view to avoid being attacked by one or more of the worshippers. While the battle is taking place the sound of shots being fired continues to ring out only none of the men are going down by them, Irvine is aiming for the bird. He has to injure it low enough to get Siren to put the thing to sleep, since he has no clue how strong it is preventing him from using the G.F. right off. The bird let out another cry as a hole pierces through its flesh. Phineas grabs a hold of the woman seeing that the machine is going haywire from being slammed into with the large weapon. Ducking from blast sweeping this way and that he unties the binds on the womans hands and feet catching her lifeless body as it drops to the ground.

Checking the scene with his binoculars Irvine is relieved to see that the woman is being safely taken away but now there's the matter of the battle and the Guardian flailing and crying out over the battle field. "Take cover." Irvine says to the team.

"Yes sir." Says the team leader. "Everybody fall back!" Eurydice calls.

"Right!" Says Rakuta.

Luna is already heading off the field helping Phineas with the unconcious woman. Taking safety up high they're out of the way in time to avoid being hit by a very large tidal wave of water slamming its way down over the battle field putting the worshippers to sleep as well as the fallen G.F. that was large enough to crush the machine trying to extract its life force to have transfered into the woman.

"Now all I need to do is capture it..." Chanting the spell for the binding contract the beast lets out a weak roar as it shrinks away into a flash of light being drawn into Irvine. Mission accomplished!

Rakuta looks around at the pile of sleeping men a proud look in his eyes. "Should we tie them up?"

"I've got some rope in my bag, if this is a G.F.'s sleep spell it should last long enough for me to get it while we notify the authorities." Luna says already heading back to where they left their bags on the mountain side.

"Commander Kinneas we're ready for clean up. We can head back to Garden as soon as the police get here." Eurydice waits for a response. "Commander?" Blinking her face sets itself on confusion. "Maybe my communicater is broken; hey you guys, can you call the squad commander for me, I think my radio is busted."

"Sure." Phineas presses the button on his radio. "Commander are you there? Hello?"

"Hello?" Luna asks.

"Why won't he answer?" Rakuta wonders after giving his a try.

Concerned, the team leader shakes her head trying to make sense of it. "He captured the weird Guardian, I heard him chant the spell so he should still be on the cliff."

"Let's go back and look for him. Maybe he's getting the bags ready for camping out."

They all start away towards the cliff.

"But why wouldn't he say anything?" Phineas wonders.

"Maybe he's just trying to surprise us on a job well done." Eurydice offers.

"Or scare us." Rakuta accused. "Its not gonna work! We're too steady to be frightened from some boo!"

Reaching the top of the cliff they look around but no Irvine.

"Here's his hat." Eurydice says picking it up. "But where is he?"

The four exchange looks and with fear running around in their heads they split up and look for the missing cowboy.


	8. No Guts, No Story

A.N.: Thank you for reading and reviewing. :-)

..................

1 week later. Zell, as promised to his mother, with the help of Squall and his boyfriend are getting ready to paint the living room of the Dincht home. They've got the supplies needed for the job, paints and newspapers- some brown bags from the market are taped together with painters tape, rags to clean off any mess they might make during the job and the three of them are dressed in orange jump suits to protect their clothes- not that they wore anything of any value should they have gotten paint on them. This was all done after Seifer and Zell helped move the things in the living room to upstairs minus the little things that could fit in the tiny den.

"So the police took the I.D. and still haven't managed to find the mother?" Zell asks; opening a bucket of paint with a flathead screw driver. The lid pops up being removed with care of pinched fingers before its place on a full newspaper covered floor. "What about other relatives? Its been a while now and Kait's still here... its getting kind of sad, his not having a real home."

Squall felt a pang of guilt over that since the baby's home was sort of with him and Irvine in that rat hole in the barracks. Grabbing a brush he tries to put it out of his mind, though, he can hear the seven month old speaking in long vowels while banging a rattle on a walker made only for standing or spinning in a circle as the seat moves; it also has a few built in toys- balls that are filled with smaller balls to make sound, a tiny keyboard- which, Squall was sure would have driven him nuts if the kid kept banging on it for too long, there's a stuffed giraffe that squeaks when squeezed, and a bunch of other noisy toys that have babies at a loss for boredom when playing with them.

Seifer rolls his eyes saying very casually. "Zell, out of all of us, you're the only one with a real home- you don't find _that_ sad."

From his crouched place on the floor he cocks his head looking up at his lover to say. "No, not really." He blinks suddenly as some paint is flicked his way. "Well, we're all adults here. Kait's just a baby." He shrugs to Seifer's mutter. "Hey, did the police find out the kids name? He got his blood tested Thursday, didn't he?"

"Would you believe it- the kid wasn't born in any hospital so he was never registered anywhere, I guess his name will have to be Kait since no one else gave him one." Squall adds as an after thought. "At least he has Redfield."

"That's even worse than not having a home!" Zell declared looking through the opening of the living room into the den where the child is sitting. "Poor little guy, we should bring him into our family- you know, the _orphanage gang_." He snickers at the term.

Brushing paint onto the wall, Seifer says. "We stopped being 'the gang' the moment we moved into Garden."

Looking as though Seifer had just sprouted three noses on his face, the stunned male says. "I hope you don't mean that."

"Of course he does, he's _Seifer_." Comments Squall getting some painting done on his wall.

"Shut up Leonhart," He flicks paint at him as well, but the glob only splats a bit on Squall's back.

"Real mature." He continues to work with no intention of further riling Seifer.

"Don't fight you three, work goes faster when you're actually doing it." Says Ma Dincht passing by after coming from upstairs.

"Yeah, Ma, we're working." Says Zell. "Knock it off you two." He warns. "We're supposed to be working."

Scoffing with a smirk Squall comments. "Says the only guy _not_ working."

Seifer chuckles to himself.

"Tch. I'm working, who do you think opened all the paint cans?"

"Keebler Elf?" Says Seifer.

"I was gonna say a paint troll, but good answer."

Smiling Seifer says. "Where're my cookies dinky?"

"I'm partial to the peacan sandies." Squall says to himself.

"No, I've always been a fan of the elves with the cream inside."

Rolling his eyes to their laughter, what is it about those two that they can only get along for a while when insulting something. Zell dunks a paint brush into the can then spreads it on the wall in long brushes. He couldn't believe his mother wanted this blue, though, its so.... dark. Maybe he's just too used to the original color. They work in moderate speed and occasional conversation, they have the window open already to keep the paint smell out of the house but when the baby pooped in his diaper they made sure to pass by the window as much as they could to keep the smell of **that** from their noses. Ellone came to the doorway only to put down a small radio to give the 3 some music to work to; a pop star by who knows what name sings the second verse of her song raising brows as they wondered if the girl were singing out being nervous on stage or if it were secretly about her first time having sex.

"Do you kids want lunch?" Martha asks.

Looking over his shoulder to where his mother stands he asks. "What are you making?"

"We were going to have warm biscuts and baked beans."

Grimacing at the thought of beans, Zell straightens up from his crouch on the floor. "Naah, Garden's making chowders again today, we're gonna go eat that- can we break now?"

"Ha! Suddenly your mother's cooking can't compare to a what's prepared by a cafeteria woman."

"Aaaw." He wraps his arms around the woman giving her a kiss on the cheek. "Its not that, we just want something warm in our system. We'll have some when we come back- if we have room." He smiles innocently.

Shaking her head, she waves them off. "Go on, go eat your lunch, then hurry back and finish up."

"We've only got one wall left." Squall says removing the jump suit then folding it up to set on the bench beside the door. "Bye Mrs. Dincht, bye Sis'." Folding his scarf in half he sits it around his neck pulling the two divided parts through the loop he opens the door. Looking up at the sky he wonders if its going to snow again, they had a little earlier in the morning but it wasn't enough to give any height to what has stuck to the ground.

"Bye Squall, bye you two." Replies Ellone, who's feeding the baby.

Kait looks as though he's ready to call the meal quits and drop off to sleep and who wouldn't be exhausted after the afternoons bathroom break. Squall held his stomach feeling it attempt to turn on him; the one other time something got to him this badly was when they were in the **Tomb of the Unknown King** and he killed his first Armadodo, the thing released a monster-sized shit that nearly choked them to death in the dank air trapped within the catacombs.

Leaving his suit in a bundle on the bench Seifer leans over kissing the woman on the cheek. "I would have eaten your lunch Ma."

"Aaaw, you're a good boy Seifer." She swats at the back of her son's head when he passes her by but he ducked from contact.

Zell scoffed wrapping himself, unceremoniously, in his scarf by placing it around his neck then folding it forward and back tucking the two end pieces behind his head in a one of the tightened folds once his mouth is covered. He then zips his coat as high as it will go to keep the scarf from falling. "Butt kisser." He mutters through the materials.

"What did you say?" Seifer punches his love in the shoulder as he's exiting the house.

Laughing, Zell dashes off down the street with Seifer chasing after him until the taller male caught up with him wrapping his arms around his boyfriend from behind, threatening to dump him over in a trash can while carrying the shorter blond bridal style. Squall watched the scene with a smile, with that he wondered where the hells Irvine was. The mission must have gotten serious, they should be calling for back up in no time then if he and the cadets can't handle it alone- although, knowing Irvine he will most likely try handling it alone. He's the same way, actually- worse even, but Irvine has those days when he just wants to do things by himself.

_'I'm sure all that southern sunshine isn't slowing their pace to return.'_ He stuffs his hands into his pocket following after the two lovebirds.

......................

Humming a Christmas song she heard on the clock radio earlier that morning in her room Selphie- in her scarf, gloves, boots and semi-long skirt bounces from toe to toe waiting for the man behind the small cart to fix her an ice cream cone. Used to Trabia weather she doesn't feel the cold as easily as everyone else does and judging by the way some of the other people in Balamb are dressed they come from the same area. Its nice to see other natives visiting around the holidays.

"Here you are little lady." Says the man behind the cart.

"Thanks!" She offers him a smile. Turning away she gives the chocolate ice cream a lick; normally she'd get peach but since the man only makes tiny hot fudge sundae's in the winter season he only offers vanilla, chocolate or strawberry. Walking to find a bench to sit on the girl cocks her head spotting a group of cadet returning from the peer. They look terrified- positively spooked.

".....What are we gonna say to him?" Eurydice asks her team.

Max only shakes his head, but Luna started to cry.

Watching the sad sight, Rakuta sighs feeling hopeless; spotting a familiar face he points. "There's Selphie."

The three others look over to the girl then hurry to her side calling her name. "Selphie! Selphie! Commander Tilmitt!"

"_Creepy_; they're dirty too! Should I run?" She thinks out loud as they approach. "Whoops, looks like you caught me." She slips her free hand behind her head. "I wasn't really gonna run. So, what can I do for you?"

"We need to know where Commander Leonhart is?" Says Rakuta looking as though he were going to faint just by letting out that much of their shame.

Curious, she asks. "Squall? I think he's at the Dincht's- no... no I saw them leave a little while ago, they may be at Garden by now." She shrugs. "Why? What's wrong?"

"Its urgent, we can't stay long. Sorry." Says a blond boy before they hurry away.

"Hope its nothing serious." Selphie suddenly feels a shiver run up her spine. Shaking it off, she turns herself towards the Dincht home. "I should probably go warm up, its gotta be cold if even I'm getting chilly."

Thick bright gray clouds loom over the sky bringing with it a group of flurries that twisted and twirled through the town of Balamb as the nipping winds carry it along to the fields and ocean. Though its twenty minutes to Garden on foot Eurydice Montego, Phineas Max, Rakuta Baron and Luna Cates choose to walk; its sort of like a punishment for them they figure, besides, catching pneumonia isn't anything compared to what Commander Leonhart will do to them once he finds out. Why did this have to happen? The mission was over, over! But Irvine... Irvine disappeared maybe not right before their eyes but he's gone all the same and after a week of searching they knew it was hopeless for them and it was time to bring in the big guns. If only one of the 'big guns' wasn't dating their missing commander.

All 4 of them take a hard swallow when the tip of Garden rose in the distance they'll be there in eleven minutes.... each step seemed like it would become their last to the point of them taking hands with the person next to them: Phineas and Luna, Rakuta and Eurydice. He's just one person, they can handle this.

In the cafeteria. The three hired painters are having their meals while playing Triple Triad off to the side of their trays- minus Seifer who's watching but eats as though only interested in the rich stew before him. Taking one of his cards from the pile Squall sets it down on the board; it flashes beneath the cards clear background behind the monster then turns blue changing three of Zell's cards from red to blue.

"Shit." Zell complains. "You always pick **ultimate weapon**, change it up man."

"Hey, if you don't like it we should play with the rule to pick each others cards."

"Then you'd pick all my bad ones."

Squall snickers knowing his deck has maybe 1 bad card which is a **Creep**. "Buy better cards then- or capture them."

"_That_ is too much trouble." He opens his mouth to Seifer's chowder coated cracker taking a bite, raising his hand to catch the crumbs falling about. "Wanna play again?"

"Yeah."

"No walls, let's play with Balamb rules."

The 4 enter the cafeteria; unfortunately, yet fortunately, the girl with one pig tail- they forget her name, watched Zell and the others enter the cafeteria. Approaching, they stand idly behind the lion of Balamb, all with knots in their stomachs and lumps in their throats.

Being team commander Eurydice figures its up to her to say something. "Um.. commander Leonhart?"

Without turning around Squall says in a bored tone. "If you wanna hear war stories find someone who likes to talk." He shifts through his deck picking 5 cards.

Grinning Zell puffs up his chest as if to say 'I'm right here, up and coming cadets, ask me anything'. The four give each other nervous glances.

"Commander, its not about that."

"What's with the commander thing?" Zell comments absently. "You're not on duty."

"Not that I know of." Replies Squall still focused on the game frowning when two of his cards are flipped.

That only made it worse, they feel sick to their stomachs seeing this. Look at how close they are- they've probably seen each other naked!

"Max, you say something." Luna gives the male a shove. He always acts so brave, time to put it to better use then puffing up his chest and acting as though he's Hyne's gift.

The blond looked ready to wet himself. "Uh, commander-.."

"Squall." Corrects the distracted male.

"S- Squall," He swallows hard. "Its about Irvine."

Zell snickers hearing that. "Was he showing off again?"

"Probably. Just tell me what hospital he's in and we'll go see him."

Chuckling, rich and throaty, Seifer jokes. "I'll bet he broke his leg or something, he's in the hospital crying like a baby."

"Don't make fun of him, you cried like a baby when you broke your leg last year." Retorts Zell being cut off.

"He's not in a hospital." Phineas says his tone growing desperate. They wouldn't be taking it this lightly if they knew.

"He's at Garden then?" Squall finally stops playing, turning in his seat he stands from the chair.

The group cowars under his blue-gray gaze, especially when it fell on the cowboy hat in Luna's hands.

"No." Says the team leader.

This got the attention of Zell and Seifer now. "Then where is he?" Asks Squall, though, his tone still wasn't quite sure what to think yet.

"That's what we've been trying to tell you.... Irvine's not at the hospital or Garden because... because..." Closing her green eyes Luna says. "He disappeared!"

Squall blinks thoughtfully trying to figure out what that could possibly mean.

Standing as well Zell asks. "What do you mean 'he disappeared' what the hells happened?"

Whimpering, Eurydice explains in what she hopes is a calm tone. "We did the mission, everything was going great, but when Irvine tried to seal away a G.F. a bolt of light shot out and... he disappeared. We searched for him for a full week but found but his hat."

The air around Squall suddenly became very still as his haze hardens and the slight touch he had on the table turns into a fist.

"Hyne its cold!" Shouts a kid.

"What happened? Did the heating system break again?!" Shouts another kid.

The entire cafeteria, once a very relaxing 83 degrees, has now dropped in temperature so drastically it had to be 45 and dipping.

"Squall!" Zell grabs the males arm in hopes to stop him from turning the place into an ice cave and freezing statues out of everyone in it. "Squall stop, the more time we waste here the less likely Irvine will be found. Come on!"

Blinking the male polar male nods. "Right. Let's move." Moving away from the table he, Zell and Seifer exit the lunch room in a hard pace.

Luna released her held breath as the anticipated beating didn't come.

"Guys look." Points Rakuta.

The table had small clumps of ice where Squall's fist once rested and it remained there melting slowly as the students all wonder what that sudden bought of cold was but figure the heating system must have just malfunctioned for a moment since the room is now warming up again.

Clutching his chest Phineas jokes as best as his nerves allow. "Well, that wasn't as bad as it could have been." He reminds himself to thank Zell later only to have said male snatch him up by his collar. "You're coming with us."

The other three watch as their friend is practically dragged off with the martial artist.

"Poor guy." Says Luna, though, glad it wasn't her.

The team made haste to pack some things since you can't just go to a place like Centra and expect to be alright, the place is a wasteland and a few hours without water could be costly to your health. Zell filled the girls in calling them once they informed matron that they're leaving. She couldn't believe what they said, wanting to go look for the male herself but being headmistress that would be a bad decision. She knew if anyone could find Irvine it was her children, though, she now had to re-schedule or flat out change teams for missions any of them were going to take. Hopefully the search would not as long though.

"He's ready to fly. Are you buckled up?" Selphie looks over the seat she's in to ensure the others weren't just standing around during take off. Squall said he'd co-pilot, though, Selphie was pretty sure the male had no clue what to do she didn't dare tell him no.

The engines came alive as fire burned behind the large dragon shaped ship and with a few levers pulled and buttons pressed the ship is up in the air. Heading towards the Centra Ruins the ships passangers are silent. The only sound if wind whipping around the craft as it speeds through the sky at record breaking speed.

Though terrified, Phineas can't help but be in awe of sitting among the higher ups. The rulers of Garden, the ones that fought the great sorceress war. He'd like it more if he weren't in trouble with the commander of the commanders. Lowering his head after stealing a peek at the silent and angry male seated up front diagonal to his vision.

"Mr. Max, was it?" Says Quistis calling the males attention.

"Yes ma'am."

"I'm still not clear on what happened. Tell me again, from the beginning."

Nodding the male swallows hoping to dispel the dry lump in his throat; where's that stick of gum Irvine gave him when he needs it? "We were waiting for the worshipers to show, we all took our positions before they did, commander Kinneas remained on the highest cliff where we climbed up from to just- I don't know, keep an eye on us without interferring."

"Go on."

The others, Rinoa, Seifer, Zell, and Selphie are all listening in as well.

Feeling a bit of pressure he continues. "Well, the men showed up as scheduled but they were carrying a small stone in a cage- it had a bird inside."

"A small stone?" Quistis wonders to herself.

"That's where the bird came from!" He pipes up.

"This isn't a fucking hero story boy, focus on Irvine."

Blushing he keeps his eyes to his lap to avoid the scrutinizing gaze of Seifer's. "Right, sorry. Well, they hooked the bird up to a machine beside the satelite- I guess they were getting power from it or something but, when the fight broke out I got lost in the woods for a bit helping Rakuta- I mean, cadet Baron, or maybe he helped me... its fuzzy but when we came from the woods more guys showed up. We split up a little bit I was told to help the woman they were trying to transfer power into and I heard shots being fired off and blood was getting on me from the G.F. ....anyway, the last thing I heard from commander Kinneas was to take cover then Siren put everyone to sleep." He shrugs lamely. "I helped the woman to a safe spot to rest; we went to the cliff but he was gone."

Seeing how torn up the boy is Rinoa reaches across the lane touching the males hand reassuringly. "We'll find him. You're cadets after all, you don't know these fields as well as experienced fighters do."

Turning to meet the girls friendly gaze he blushes for a reason other than embarrassment.

"Guys, we're here." Announces Selphie as the ship engines die down for a landing.


	9. Fishing for a Boot

A.N: Thank you all for reading and reviewing.

.............

Sucking in as much as her lungs can be filled Selphie places a hand beside her mouth then shouts with all her might and capability, "Iiiiiiiirviiiiiiiiiiine!!!" only to break out into a fit of coughs due to dry air blowing into her already parched throat.

They've been out here not for hours but for days now and the group is more than restless. The southern sun is blazing down on them with the force of an eighth degree burn.

"Irvine!" Squall's shouting in the distance is heard, its just as loud as it was since they got there. How can the male not be running on empty like the others? "Irvine!!"

Phineas sits on the ship watching scanners that have been running since they'd landed in order to track the male from a wider range but so far nothing but monsters and other, natural, wildlife has shown up. Nothing remotely human minus the six of them. He had to wonder how much longer they would all be out here. Why didn't commander Leonhart understand that the four of them looked for a week and found nothing; he isn't saying they should give up on Irvine but searching the grounds won't do them any good.

_'Stop thinking that way you dumb ass! These guys are higher ranked, they know this area well- I've seen Seifer come out of a cave that none of us even knew was there even after looking for a week. They'll find him.'_

Watching them was becoming pain staking, though, when they'd first arrived they were fired up and on the alert. It was amazing to see their true strength in action like that, he thought for sure his- well, **it** moved when Quistis strangled a monster with her shimmering silver whip **Scalpel** and froze the thing's head pulling it free from the monsters still warm body; for them, fighting monsters at that level must feel like a joke when to Phineas and the rest of his team members it seemed to go on forever and they exhausted very quickly. The 4 commanders are something to be in awe of, even Seifer and Rinoa. He may have only just become SeeD last year but he's still a really cool guy in battle even if he doesn't officially have a team yet but Squall doesn't have one either, he refused to take them saying he needs a break and would rather remain on special ops rather than complete active duty; with the sorceress wars over- minus the worshipers trying to start trouble, there's nothing left but cadet sized missions, but to keep them sharp they do allow a few cadets at a time to accompany heavy missions for experience. Rinoa is still taking classes but she's no slouch in battle that's for sure the only difference between her and the others is that its not officially on paper yet.

Zell hunched over panting hard. He's just finished a fist to lightning rod battle with a **Blitz**; having Thundaga junctioned he's been electrically charged just as much as the lightning hungry monster; ripples of electric current are still floating about his exhausted body. He wants to find Irvine, but these sudden attacks are beginning to wear on him- everyone really. He turned his nose away from the stink of dissolving monster and started away for the small campsite where rations and water lay waiting for him.

"Irvine! Irvine!!"

"I wish somebody would find something, even the smallest, lamest thing will do" Zell slams down onto his butt a canteen in hand. "so he can be momentarily satisfied." He takes a long drink. "I'm really starting to burn out out here." He looks at his arm lifting the hem of his battle glove. "Fuck, I've got a third degree tan!" He's shocked to see the difference in hue's of his covered skin to the exposed.

"Irvine! .....Irvine!!!"

"It really is starting to get sad, now." Selphie sits beside Zell, head dipped. "I don't think Irvine is anywhere around."

Seeing Quistis approach the two glance at her before minding their own business again.

"Its getting dark again, we should turn in." She says.

"Tell that to Squall." Says Zell, thirst finally quenched he sets the canteen down in his bag where it will stay out of the heat. "He's gonna pull an all nighter again, just watch."

"I don't need to, I can't sleep because _he_ isn't sleeping." She crosses her arms below her breast. "All that shouting is attracting monsters and we're at risk the moment we close our eyes. I'm getting a little stressed by it all."

"Tell me about it. Irvine may not even be here anymore. He's been missing for two weeks- going on three; the land has been searched by two sets of teams and no one has found any sign of him minus what the others brought back with them." Rinoa joins the conversation after putting away her boomerang _Twisted Jester_ which looks a lot like a **Jellyeye**. "Maybe someone should tell Squall its time to call it quits."

"Yeah.... but it'd have to be someone he trusts." Says Selphie.

With a shrug of her shoulders Quistis adds. "Someone who can take a punch after delivering bad news."

"Someone with a kind voice and knows how to deal with the hostile." Rinoa adds her two cents as well.

The three women turn their gaze to the short blond sitting amongst them. Said male looks at them with hurt disbelief that they would, and pardon the expression, but throw him to the lions.

"That someone had better not be me." Zell shakes his head.

"Oh come on! You two are good friends and... he trusts you with all kinds of mechanic stuff- remember the toaster? And what happened at the secret base?"

Only Selphie can compare a hard ass secret mission to a toaster. Zell rolls his eyes. "But... but I only like bringing good news.... its part of my sunny disposition."

"What sunny disposition?" Asks Quistis.

"My can-do attitude, and that'll be severely stunted if my body is broken to take away the 'do'."

The girls let out a groan.

"Quit crying," Seifer interrupts their whining session. "I'll go talk to Leonhart and get him to come back to Garden so we can send someone else to look for the honky."

Getting into his face, finger pointed sternly, Selphie warns. "Seifer, this is Squall, so you be nice."

Looking down at the girl he pats her on the head. "Relax, messenger girl, I know Squall is sensitive. I can be very understanding." Listening for where the males shouts are coming from Seifer marches over to the male with intent.

The others watch with sorrow for the hot tempered blond.

"He's gonna get punched in the eye." Zell says removing a protein bar from his bag.

Seifer sighed loudly when reaching Squall; the brunet is hacking a bolder to bits with his gunblade. Pausing to watch a moment, Seifer crosses his arms. "Don't tell me you think the mountain swallowed him like in that story Matron used to tell us? I can assure you it was make-believe." He wriggles his fingers as if Fairy dust were on them.

"Worth a shot." He says over his shoulder, voice cracked and dry from not having eaten or drank anything for a long while, he continues to hack away at the large rock.

"The others are starting to worry about you... its going on two weeks now, cowboy's not here. We're going back to Garden to ask for help searching."

"Bye."

"You're coming with us."

"No, I'm not." He lowers his gunblade. "If I stop.... whose to say his voice isn't just broken from heat and he's actually been calling for us all this time? ...I can't just turn my back on him."

Rolling his eyes, Seifer comes closer. "Yeah, yeah brave prince is gonna rescue his princess- I get it, but you're wasting your strength by being reckless about it."

"Didn't think you'd care."

"_I don't_. The only reason I'm talking to you at all is because the others are too fucking scared to do it, so come on-..." He gestures towards the Ragnarok with a nod of his head. "Its either come back with me willingly, or the others are going to go to plan B and clock you over the head- look, they're already planning on how to sneak up on you." He looks over his shoulder.

Disbelieving anything Seifer says Squall, though, glances passed the male; surely enough Zell just grabbed a large branch patting it in his empty palm while the girl have leaned in to whisper to him.

_'Son of a bitch.'_ Thinks Squall eyes widening as his space is suddenly invaded by Seifer leaning down towards his ear. "What are you-...?" He staggers backward a few steps; Seifer's victorious smile the last thing he sees before passing out, his weight drops forward in a heavy heap to be caught by the ex-knight.

"Nighty-night, loser." Hoisting the male over his shoulder Seifer walks back over to the others.

"This is the right size for kindling a fire," Zell says to the girls. "we'll probably be staying overnight again."

"Good timing with the branch, Dinky." Says Seifer as he nears the group.

"Squall?!" The girls shout rushing over to the tall blond that's carrying their knocked out friend.

"What the hell, Seifer, we didn't say to hurt him!" Selphie whined only to get a pat on her head.

"Calm down, Tilmitt, I didn't _hurt_ him..." With a knowing smirk he adds. "I said that you all were planning to, and when he looked the other way I whispered Sleep into his ear." Seifer releases the male to the ground with the grace of a duffle bag that's strap was over his shoulder keeping it up.

Squall fell to the ground with not a single grunt of acknowledgement due to the strong spell over him.

"Let's get him to the ship." Zell grabs the brunet under the armpits. "Seifer get his legs." He asks.

"No way, I've done enough carrying for one evening." He waves a hand over his shoulder as he strolls to the large red ship.

Rolling his eyes, Zell gets a better grip on the sleeping male in order to lift him alone but Squall's body becomes a bit lighter when his legs are lifted into the air. "Rinoa," He says when seeing who is at the end of the brunet. "thanks."

"Mhm.. whoa!" She stumbled to the side. "He's not as light as he lets you believe, is he?" She comments while adjusting her hold. "I'm good." Walking forward while Zell backs his way to the ship they move their friend down to the ship.

Selphie and Quistis grab the bags for them, slipping the strap of the duffle over their heads to sit comfortably on their shoulder and across the chest, following behind with their weapons in hand for just incase monsters attack. Quistis knew that Squall wasn't going to be happy when he woke up but hopefully they'll have more help by the time he comes around, so it will ease the males mind. Quistis still has a soft spot in her heart that makes her look out for the five, being a year older than them never had a thing to do with it, its the need to want them to be safe and alright that does it.

_'Where could Irvine possibly be? Is he buried underneath something calling out to us but we can't hear him? Maybe he's in a time rift caused by that G.F. who knows what abilities it may have had. Knowing Squall he'll wanna start searching again the second he opens his eyes... he should really take the commander thing lightly, but how do you talk sense into someone that strong willed? Especially when it comes to his lover? ...Irvine. Wherever you are just please be alive.'_

Selphie walking beside the woman cocks her head smiling when Quistis comes from her thoughts and notices that she's been watched. "Sorry, but what were you thinking about?"

"Just wondering what could have happened to Irvine that's all. People don't just disappear without a trace unless they've been kidnapped or..."

"Abducted by aliens?"

"Selphie, no, there's no such thing."

"I know, just trying to keep things light." Looking back at the area she sighs. "Honestly, I think Irvine isn't even out here any longer, he might have fallen from the cliff into the ocean."

"Do you think so?"

"Mhmm. So maybe when we get back we can get the police to look and some experienced marine type guys and divers, swimmers and..."

"We'll just settle with the Sub specialist for now."

"Right."

Loading the ship the large docking doors close up after them; the hall is illuminated by large emergancy lights at the heads of the doors as well as large lights hidden beneath the floor. They pass through the left door heading into the short elevator which raises them up to the deck. Selphie lowers the bags to the floor hurrying over to Zell at the cockpit to take her seat. Quistis situated the bags in the corner so they wouldn't slide all over the room then takes a seat behind Squall to help Rinoa, who's seated beside the sleeping male, hold his arms to keep him steady for lift off and land.

Anxious Phineas asks. "You guys aren't giving up are you? I know he's out there somewhere."

"We're not giving up, Max, we're just taking a break and calling in other sources help." Quistis replies with an even tone hoping to calm the male down.

But how can he be calm knowing that they were the last ones to see their commander and because of their lack of experience they couldn't find him the first week he went missing making it impossible for anyone to find Irvine should he have been around then. Phineas placed his hand on his stomach to keep his lunch in. He couldn't eat dinner not when the others were still out there with nothing to show for but dirty clothes from their search progress.

March 9th.

Squall's eyes scrunch tightly before they flutter open wth blurred vision of a white ceiling before the sheet of false is covered by what looks like a large thumb with a blond fingernail that has a crack along the left side. Groaning, Squall clears his throat of, what he thinks is, a days worth of crud that built up while he slept. "Fucking Seifer," Gainging a bit of his senses as to who is in the room with him he continues speaking. "Zell.... what the hell happened? Are we still in Centra Ruins?"

Laughing nervously his, sleep monitoring, friend stands up spinning on his heels so that he's shielded by the chair he was sitting in. "Not exactly," He replies. "We- uh... that is Seifer, kinda used a spell on you to put you to sleep and we brought you home to rest."

Groaning, Squall places a hand to his forehead to keep himself from getting dizzy as he sits up in the bed. "Fine. Whatever. I'm rested now, let's get back to searching."

"No!" He holds the male back with a hand to the chest. "Dr. Kadowaki said that you've exhausted yourself by searching the wasteland without much food or water in you. You're fine now, though."

"You guys kept looking, though, right?" Squall, now seeing perfectly, looks about the room. He's in the nurses office alright, only problem is there's no injured cowboy next to him just a tray of a glass and a pitcher of water.

"Uuuhh, define 'looking'?" He begins to pour the brooding male a drink since he glanced at it; holding it out to him he shrugs.

"You stopped looking!?" Squall's confusion turns into outrage and he pushes away the offered glass; getting up from the bed he heads to the door.

"Squall you don't understand! We were all tired and kinda taking a break until we were back on our feet." Zell hurries over to the male, pulling a card from his jean's back pocket "I have the card for the door, but," tucking it safely back inside the pocket he stamps his foot down to show that he means business, the martial artist says sternly. "you're not allowed to leave until the nurse says so."

"But what about Irvine?"

Turning the male around to face him he keeps a grip on the brunet's shoulder. "We have guys looking for him, scouters and diving specilialist."

"Diving specialist?"

"Selphie thinks Irvine might have fallen from the cliffs, so we have guys in submarines searching the water."

Popping the back of his head against the sliding door he sighs out. "Fuck." He hadn't even thought of that; Irvine's an excellent swimmer but no one can last against the ocean's currents for too long. Face scrunched the male rolls his eyes back to avoid crying. "I just... want him back, Zell- can you understand that?"

"Of course I can, if it were Seifer I'd move hell and high water to get to him but, that being said, I'd also know when the chips are down. In the meantime, we have to keep positive about this."

Tears turn to anger again as he shoves the blond off him. "How can I keep positive!? They won't look as hard as we will, they don't know Irvine and after a while fatigue will make them quit and you know it."

It was most likely true, but Zell still wanted to keep positive. "I'll go get the nurse- see if she'll let you out. But I really think we should leave it to the hired help to search." Hands up in defense from any oncoming attacks from the angered male, Zell slips passed him to the door. "I'll go get the nurse." He repeats. "Stay here."

The door slides open with the swipe of the card key past the scanner; turning around he walks out backwards for just incase locking the door back once he's out. Zell would have jumped to the moon by the sudden bang that came from the other side of the door had he not expected it because, if it were him in this situation, he would have done the same. Alone, Squall slumps down against the door head back against the wall, legs bent, fingers linked together down at his crotch and he mumbles.

"Hyne, please let him be ok."

..............

"I think we should go back to help search."

"Zell, it been an entire month and we haven't found a single sign of him..." Quistis lowers her gaze to the checkered floor. "I think we should get prepared."

"Prepared for what?!" Now its Zell's turn to get angry. He can't believe what she's saying, if it were her they wouldn't just 'get prepared- it wouldn't be that way for any of them. "No! Quistis.... we can't give up on finding him, not just for his sake but Squall's too! He's gonna be totally fucked up if we quit now, not to mention he'll never speak to any of us again.... and we all know him, he'll just go looking for himself and end up in worser shape than he was last month."

"Zell's right, Quistis." Selphie agrees quietly. "We should at least look for one more month before we plan for any funerals."

"We're not planning any funeral." Squall snips out as he enters the dorms. "Irvine will be found."

"Squall-.." Quistis is cut off.

"Zell, you're still under contract with Leviathan right?"

Stammered in brief confusion he says. "E-.. w-... yeah- why?"

"We'll need to search the ocean floor, no submarine can go as low as it can."

"Right."

"And Selphie, can you fly overhead with Quezacotl?"

"Yeah. I'll do it."

"What about the rest of us?" Rinoa asks ready to help.

"The rest of you use the ships tracker to search. This way, I know Irvine will be found- if we're looking, he'll be found." He questions them meeting their gazes with his own to ensure they understand that they have to find him no matter what.

The group nods, all but Seifer who only groaned but stood to leave with them. After another month of searching the area they only managed to find one more thing of Irvine's besides the hat Eurydice brought back when that team searched which is one of Irvine's boots. Squall identified it right away and proof of that is the initials on the inside sewn in gold thread reading: I.K. But even with Leviathan swimming the ocean floors Irvine's body was not recovered and when the search was called off and everyone, all 56 men and women called it quits, for Squall Leonhart the world went white.


	10. Denial Hates Funerals

A.N: Thank you for reading and reviewing if you have any thoughts or questions. I hope you enjoy the chapter.

...........

April 6th.

A month of searching and they found nothing but a boot. A soggy, moldy, ruined leather boot. It made Squall sick to his stomach to think that Irvine may be lying somewhere beneath the piss warm crystal waters of the ocean soggy, moldy, and ruined. His skin bloated like a boiled sausage that's cooked far too long. This is what Squall has been thinking while in his room waiting for 1 o'clock: evil, living, breathing, 1 o'clock. Squall then began to wonder if he would ever see the time or date the same again. April 6th 2010, 1 o'clock. Will it always equal doomsday? Although, he can't really call it doomsday, more like the day the day-the-world-shitted-itself but for either of them Squall didn't think so, but then again in times like these Squall doesn't really care to think and yet his mind keeps talking to him like an alter ego that has a little too much freedom of conversation going on in his brain for his liking. The voice asks stupid and taunting questions like 'What are you gonna do now that Irvine's dead?' and 'What's it gonna be like when you die?' and 'Remember when Seifer was supposedly dead?' but that's where he had his chortling little alter ego because Seifer is infact very much alive. Which means there's hope yet for Irvine. Lack of a body does not make him dead, it makes him lost and they need only find him or the other way round. Irvine Kinneas is very resourceful; he once walked into a bank that was being held up by some guy who was either strapped for cash or just looking for kicks and out of nowhere decides to pull his own gun out and hold the place up as well. The man, confused, asked him what he thought he was doing and he asked the very same thing, later in the conversation of a dim matched to a wit, Irvine then says that they could hold the place up together and make more dough that way. When the man agreed Irvine told him to go for the money whilst he kept his gun aimed at the crowd and once said man turned around to do just that he was knocked out. See resourceful.

_'Fuck!'_ Squall lifts himself to a sitting position anger crossing his; steadily with age, sharp features that once looked almost like a man with hidden kindness beneath his cool exterior now has the outter looks to match the inner and a cool gaze once in while could chill through the bone with a mere glance. _'Look at me, I'm remembering things about him as if I intend to act like the rest of them.'_ Standing he heaves out a sigh of frustration and restlessness.

Squall does intend to go to that mock funeral for a non-existent corpse. He's going to.... he's going to... do something- that's for damned sure. Tell them all to kiss his and Irvine's asses for wanting to believe that he's dead or... or maybe he'll make them feel stupid for burying a boot. But as he passes by a mirror placed on the wall of his dorm room by none other than the sometimes appearance obsessed cowboy, Squall gazes at his reflections appearance. His eyes skimming down his body dressed in a black suit with a black tie and shirt; Hyne he suddenly felt ridiculous. Going over to his closet he pulls out another pair of clothes to change into. He's NOT going.

The air around Balamb town is stiff and cool in the April air. Birds seemed to sing with a bit more clarity then they had in March; the trees in bloom seemed like they gave enough of a damn to be a tree rather than an ugly, leafless- well, corpse. The sun is out but the thing with that is that the wind is a biting 66 degrees- a common occurrence with the ocean surrounding the place and all but- for some reason it seemed a bit more ominous than being just the temperature. Students and cadets from both Balamb Garden and the new Galbadia- who stayed in the hotel- came forth from their residents' to the funeral location, friends the 19 year old made here and there in towns throughout the countryside- some Squall and the others knew and others not so much, came to pay their respects to the deceased. Laguna came, Selphie didn't so much as place a hand to her gallant loving cheek in his presence being too distraught over the whole situation.

As seats filled everyone kept quiet and to themselves, either thinking of how to act or thinking of what to say to honor the fallen soldier. Most of them didn't seem as though they believed it. Checking the faces of others around them waiting for someone to stifle a giggle over the cruel joke but the grim faces returned the curious eyes down to their laps with the new knowledge that this is very much serious. A well dressed man walks over to the podium with a book in hand ready to speak, he looks as though this is just another job and to him it is, but to everyone else this is something sort of new and very unpleasant. This was for Irvine: full of life, live forever, invisible, flirty, Irvine; he's not the guy that walks around like he's keeping count for his miserable days on the planet, he's not the guy that slips a little something fishy into his food so that he unexpectedly, though very much wanting to, dies. But Irvine, their Irvine, _Squall's _Irvine is a liver.

"Hey, where's Squall?" Zell whispers to Quistis who was the one that went to the male's room to tell him of the funeral arrangements.

Dabbing her nose into a tissue she shakes her head without a word to accompany it.

"I don't blame him." Says Seifer. "I wish that _I _wasn't here."

"Seifer don't be so rude." Zell snips.

"Who's being rude? If anyone is being a shit-head its Kinneas."

"Seifer Almasy, that's disgusting." Quistis chimes in overhearing their conversation. "And if you're really going to act that way than maybe you should leave."

"Gladly." He stands.

"Sit down!" Growl the two making the fidgety male take his seat in a huff.

"Would anyone like to say a few words about Mr. Kinneas?"

Taking in a nervous breath Zell stands walking up to the podium. He chose a suit with a dark purple shirt underneath it and a black tie since he didn't own any solid black shirts he figured the dark purple is just as good. He has it written out knowing that he'd forget most of it or crack under the pressure when trying to remember it.

"I hate things like this, saying goodbye's mixed with nice things like that's all there will be- this one instant and this one goodbye to someone you care about- its weird! I can't say goodbye or treat this like its the end, ha, even with my morning amnesia I could never forget about a guy like Irvine. I remember how I'd sneak into his dorm or he'd sneak into mine early weekend mornings to watch old cartoons together and we'd just laugh the morning away and... anytime Selphie would bounce down the halls in the way she does over the holidays saying "tis the season", I'd say duck season to his "rabbit season"." He snickers softly as he can see Irvine in a winter sweater having complained for days about how cold it is and how the school should crank up the heat a little more. "When it comes to fun and goofing around Irvine's like my best friend but he was serious too. The few times that I got to see that side of him I really felt like I was being understood instead of talking to someone that was spacing out on me while I talked myself blue in the face. ...I honestly can't say goodbye to any of that, or him... I hope that none of you can." Wiping a hand over his cheek he steps away from the podium returning sullenly to his seat, receiving a comforting arm around his shoulders from his lover.

Rinoa stands next; her nerves were just as frazzled as Zell's. She took several steadying breaths before she could speak. "When I'd first met all the guys, Quistis, Selphie, Zell, and Squall I felt like an outsider. It was a cold place to be in, honestly; here you're with people that have a fine relationship and understanding of each other and you're just a former client who had hired their time then went along with them everywhere else for the Hell of it. And honestly, at first, that is how I felt it to be as well, but the longer I was with them the more I got to know them and care for them as friends of mine and I hoped that they had begun to see me the same way. I felt wanted and cared for but... I don't know, it kind of lacked something. When we all visited Trabia they spoke about their past together and I felt lost at that point but Irvine shook those fears from me and made me think otherwise and little by little, I felt the feelings that they had for each other were projected towards me as well and it was wonderful. So I'll always feel close to Irvine for helping my come out of my tiny little hut into the unexplored world of close friendship." She wipes a tear. "I like to think that Irvine's found everything he wants so leaving it he won't be sad or have any regrets because he'll never stop seeing or loving the people dearest to him. He got to love them to the fullest and receive that same love. He wouldn't want us to be sad, he'd want us to keep on doing what we do that makes him love us." Rinoa steps away from the podium eyes full of tears, cheeks stained with wet race tracks.

Quistis was next. She had more composure over herself than Zell and Rinoa refusing to cry in front of the crowd, but she planned to let the floodgates open the moment she gets back to her room at Garden where she can be alone and feel the pain of loss. The woman can't help but think that the absent Squall is off doing that very thing right now but he'll probably be by later to pay his respects in private rather then be amongst the others who will listen to his private thoughts and feelings for his lover. Squall does not like to share when it comes to that emotional storage shed he calls a brain. "He's got the biggest mouth I've ever come across, if he were a student of mine back then I can't imagine how much gil would be wasted on headache medicine from long days of telling him to be quiet or stop misbehaving. But the only thing bigger than his mouth is his heart. He may not have known it from the reactions his flirting received, but Irvine's flirting was always harmless and sweet, it made you feel.... I don't know, appreciated and appreciative that someone noticed little things about you- superficial or emotional, he picked up on it and it really helped just to be seen and heard... I only wish that I'd taken more time to get to know him so that I could tell stories instead of 'if I' this and that. I hope that the Heaven's treat him well."

Someone the orphanage gang doesn't know went next to speak about the male, telling sweet stories of how he and Irvine would sneak out of their dorm at night and head down to the kitchen in order to sneak a tastey treat from the fridge or cubberds to eat and talk over, how Irvine always laughed and was either in on or that start of a lot of trouble that went on in Galbadia never one to take authority with a serious face. The boy was very sweet and ended it the same way Quistis had ended hers before walking back to his seat.

Seifer sighed in a rather annoyed manner when Zell gave his shoulder a shove telling him to go next. Walking up to the podium the ex-knight leans heavily on the sterdy wood giving the microphone a tap with his index finger before speaking in a clipped tone. "Irvine's a bastard and to be frank, I hate him now, because the one thing I liked about him is that unlike everyone else I know he's never bothered me, never insulted me or got in my way- like Trepe said, I would have liked more time with him." He shrugs guily. "But it doesn't matter now because I hate him on the count that his being dead has caused him to do the one thing he's never done and that's bother me."

Seifer's words got mixed reviews as the male took his seat smiling at the chatter he's caused. Zell glared at the male sure that if Squall were here Seifer would be sporting a black eye for sure. Selphie, full of sniffles and sobs, went next. She's visibly shaking and for a moment every one thought she might return to her seat rather than say anything, but the girl cleared her voice, giving her head a quick shake, as if asking her nerves to obey her and stop acting up until she's ready.

"He was.... he was, to me, that one person that did it to me; he made me uncomfortable, he made me quiet and..." She sniffles again. "thoughtful," She laughs a second after saying that. "Before Irvine came to Balamb I was all over the place, bouncing off walls and talking a mile a mintute but Irvine kept me grounded enough to want things... to want a home, to want friends, and stable memories that don't go flying all around when something else fun comes along. That's why I started my journals on the computer, to keepsake things, and people, and places dear to me so that I'll never forget them. So yeah, its weird to say but Irvine gave me calm. He gave me the courage that I didn't know I lacked to stand still and slow down. And when the thoughts I had hidden away that I'm a girl with nothing surfaced I beat them away with the mighty force that, yeah I do, and what I have is awesome and Irvine showed me that just by being around and remembering me even when I didn't remember me. So now, the happiness in my head" that made the girl begin to cry so when she spoke her words garbled in her throat. "exist in my heart too."

Matron walks over to the tiny girl and in her smaller form she holds the girl in her arms made to feel as big as mountains just from the care she has for all of them. When Selphie was sure she'd be all right, she gave her make-shift mother a nod before returning to her seat. The tiny mountain took the stand next and with a voice calm like the ocean in summer, and gentle like the breeze on a warm fall afternoon, she speaks. "Irvine, to me, was like Mr. you-got-it." She smiles sweetly. "Anytime you wanted something he'd just be right there to get it for you or help hold it or carry it; imagine the skinny little six year old holding the heaviest end of something with all his might. No regard for himself, though, he would tell everyone else to be careful while in the same instant playing with the other kids as hard as he could. You couldn't tell Irvine was anything but a happy little boy until something was too much for all his might to hold back then he would just sneak somewhere to cry and cry until he'd felt better. I first saw that and thought it was so sad to see this boy hiding his pain like this and so without his permission I scooped him up and held him." She laughs then. "He fought me like a baby chocobo caught in a fence, insisting that he was playing a game and making up a story. But I held him... and when he knew he was stuck he told me his sorrows and though he never said it outloud he was very grateful that I listened to him. Irvine will always be a grown man in my eyes but when we're alone he will hold memories of that crying baby that smiled for me but not because he wanted to go on hiding but because he knew he no longer had to." Nodding she says softly. "Irvine is a sharer, because deep down he thinks that life is an adventure- every part, and he can't wait to tell someone what he's done. He will always be loved, and always missed."

...............

Squall rests his back on the cold wood of the peer beneath him; letting the full of the sun warm his face. He can't go to the funeral, he just can't. All those people gazing at him, listening closely to his every word just to get in when they don't really care about what he's saying, interested only in the words being said that come from his usually closed mouth as something new and interesting to file away about him.

_'I hate funerals. I hate the way the world acts: sobbing, remembering- creeps manage calm and collected but later they freak out taking it out on anything in their path- hn- I guess I could fall into that catagory but no... I'm not gonna do this to myself, its bullshit! Irvine being dead. There is no body, why am I the only one paying attention to that?'_ He closes his sun brightened gray-blue eyes. _'This is all so damned surreal. The thing I hate the most, I guess, is that once its over- really over, people don't look at it the same way anymore. Its no longer the lack of someone around its more of a quick- huh, that reminds me of so-and-so, imagine that, then they move on with the rest of the day as if its nothing more than a memory. You say, I'll never forget that person or that person, and sure that's true but when you just brush them off because to you its been long enough its almost as if you've lost respect for them so the most they do get for this wonderful memory they've given you of them is a scoffed out "huh".'_ Opening his eyes he sits up. _'Not me, though, I'll always remember and honor Irvine. I'll do good by your memory until you come back and can do it for yourself. He's lost but he'll be back. I know he will. They'll laugh, whisper about me... but what do they know about loving him? They love him as a friend, I know him intimately and not just through sex but anything... I can answer any question about him, I'll bet.'_ His shoulders sag. _'Listen to me, if I knew him all that well I wouldn't need to prove it. Why does it have to be the greater the love the greater the loss? Why can't it be that losing them in easier so you don't have to feel hollow and alone so all of a sudden then later on, when you're ready, you can feel the loss.'_

Standing, the downhearted male dips his head, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his blue suit pants and, with heavy legs, he leaves his sitting place to go back to Garden. The funeral should be over by now. Everyone was going to Garden in order to eat and be chatty. Maybe he shouldn't go back to Garden just yet, he isn't ready to answer the dumb question of 'where have you been?' when it should really be 'why didn't you go to your own boyfriend's funeral?' because honestly he might have socked whomever was the first to get it out. But no, he'll just take a walk for a little while, decide what to do, how to feel... then he'll return to Garden and sleep. Sleep always freed him from the outside nightmares, even if he had to be reminded of the ones roaming inside.

Ellone stands at the end of the road Squall is slowly taking to exit the docks. In her arms is the bundled baby Kait. He seems to be sleeping, or very comfortable in the woman's arms since he's not moving about, or grabbing for things he can reach with his tiny arms. Squall sees the girl, wanting to continue by without a word but he would never in his life snub his big sister. He's longed to have her back in his life so much that he would never forgive himself for being rude to her. So instead of swirving out of her path, he meets her face on.

"If you're going to ask why I didn't go-.." He starts to say but is cut off by the shaking of the woman's head.

"I came to take you with me while I look around for an apartment for me and Kait."

"An apartment? Did Mrs. Dincht ask you to leave?" He wouldn't believe that if he'd seen it. The woman is practically a foul mouthed saint. She'll get her hands dirty and fix you dinner at the same time. She'd never tell Ellone and the baby to leave. But he had to ask, to be sure.

"No. Its nothing like that, I just don't want to be a burdon to her." She looks fondly at the child in her arms. He's gotten so big for a nine month old. "I just feel that as Kait gets bigger we're going to need more space to ourselves."

Squall, again, feels that stab of guilt run through him. He's turned his big sister into a single mother without even meaning to. There's something! "I'll make sure that Kait's missing mother is found, her or one of his aunts or uncles- even an older cousin so you're not stuck with him for too long."

"Squall, he's not a problem, really. I just would like a nice place to stay that's just for me, here in town so that I can be closer to you right now." She smiles. "You're going to need me Squall. I thought that your not showing up meant that you were taking things badly, I see you're holding up, but for when you're not I want to be here."

"Thank you for being concerned, but I'm not gonna come undone- I've been away from Irvine for long periods of time before. We're not joined at the hip. Until he comes back, I'm just going to think of him on a long mission." He shrugs. "No big deal."

"Squall..." She starts to say.

Their attention is taken when a black towncar drives up beside them. The window comes down but not quick enough to prevent the passanger inside from popping his head on the upper frame of the window. "Ow." He admits before laughing it off, rubbing his head. "Ellone! Hi! Hey Squall!" Laguna greets them. Holding out a finger to ask for a moment, he pops the door open stepping out of the heater warmed car into the cold of the Balamb peer. He shivers a second from the temperature change.

"Elle' here you are. I thought I lost you after... well.." He trails off, hand scratching shyly at the back of his head not knowing how to bring up the subject of the funeral. "Do you need a lift? Its chilly out." He holds himself in a hug as if to show just how cold it is. "Oh, you can come too Squall, are you going back to Garden with your friends?"

"No. I've decided to walk around for a bit."

"Come on, it'll be fun riding together- talking, getting to know each other."

"I said 'no'. I have more important things to." He crosses his arms over his chest as if to say now ask me again.

"Right, wandering, you said something about that." He sighs sadly.

Honsetly if a clown were to ride by a bear, who's riding a unicycle it would lok less awkward than the two of them talking to each other with the way Squall Leonhart not Squall Loire brick walls the man at every attempt Laguna makes to have them be pals. Squall may not want him as a father but he could at least look at him as a friend, right?

"I really wish you'd reconsider." Laguna says. "But you said you've got other things to do, so I'll see you around. Come on, Ellie."

"Okay." Eyeing Squall with a sad expression the woman walks over to the boy she will always think of as a little brother, planting a kiss on his scarred forehead before she walks to the towncar with Laguna who held the door for her, climbing in himself once she and the baby were situated. "Bye Squall."

Rolling his eyes to the bright blue sky, Squall says in a voice low enough to hope that it wasn't heard. "Wait."

Before he knew it, he and Ellone and Laguna with Kait went searching for an apartment for her and the baby to stay in. By the time they found a nice sized two bedroom, apartment home they had a small lunch together and Squall was dropped off at Garden shortly afterwards. Exhausted and drained of company and pleasantries he fell asleep.

"Squall? Hey Squall? Wake up." A southern accent whispers before it says in a louder tone. "Hyne, if I want you awake then why the heck am I whispering. Squall? Get up, darlin'."

Opening his eyes he smiles up at the male, a simple happy smile just for Irvine. The one he always gives the male when they're reunited in a day. "What time is it?" He sits up instantly alert, never wanting to be drowsy a day in his life and if he is it'll be when he's alone. Don't ask him, its just really lame to have sleep fog clouding you when you wake up.

"I don't know, but I wanted to make sure you're up in time to get dressed for my 'becoming SeeD' party." The male grabs the lapels of his formal jacket between thumb and fingers making a face as though he were the most grand person in all the world when he cleaned up.

And to Squall, the taller male, really was. He loves the way Irvine sees fit to tie his hair back in a braid while seeing that his tresses stay slicked off to one side. Irvine is so handsome. He wanted to be handsome, but anytime he hears a compliment about his looks its always- 'so beautiful' mixed with long ignorant stares that he doesn't want. But he likes how defined his face is turning out. No more baby curves, no more pouty mouth and puppy dog eyes that makes people turn their head hard enough to snap their neck. He has yet to hear his lover call him handsome but he doesn't hate hearing Irvine say that's he's so good-looking. No swearing like he's thinking about it lecherously, just 'you're so good-looking'.

"I won't forget, you put up post-its everywhere."

"That I did. I feel kinda cheap about getting it a bit, I mean, I belong to Galdbadia and ya'll just took me in like that."

"Helps when Matron is the headmistress."

Irvine snickers with his- eternally, non-laugh laugh. "I guess that's true." He knew how Squall meant it. Matron knew how good Irvine was at what he does so why not make him a SeeD, he's SeeD material.

Standing from the bed he walks over to the mirror where Irvine is admiring his reflection. Beside him, Squall cocks his head at their relefection. Glancing down beside him, Irvine smiles as he wraps an arm around the male's shoulders. "Cute enough to get hitched, right?"

"I don't know about that." Replied Squall. "I was just thinking about something."

"What?"

"Its not important, I just wanted to know...." His words are chopped off when the cowboys hold suddenly loosens around his shoulders. "Irvine?" But it was pointless to say, through the mirror he saw the male fading away, fading with the dream he's waking up from. And futily he whispers. "Irvine."

Eyes open he looks around his dorm room. Though he hadn't expected the person that it is, he knew that someone would be there. "What are you doing here? I don't feel like talking."

Laguna pushes his side sweep of hair behind his ear, glad the rest had been pulled into a low ponytail that rested along his back between his shoulder blades. "Squall, you may not think you need this but I think you do... to talk." He explained. "Its hard losing someone close to you- I mean, I don't know your relationship or you personally but I know what its like to lose people. I've lost two people very important to me, the worst one was the love I never really got to know... it hurt-"

"Irvine is not lost." Squall cuts in. "Irvine's on a mission, lost somewhere. When he comes back you'll all feel really stupid."

Laguna laughed at that. "Its amazing when you're on the other side of denial. Its kinda scary. Well... I don't think talking to you will be easy when I wanna do so, maybe, someday, you'll willingly come to me to talk? I'll be here- well, there for you anytime." He stands giving his leg a quick rub, nerves tightening when his emotional nerves did. "I'm sorry for bothering you. Have a nice sleep." He walks to the door. "I... I just kind of thought it would be nice to talk to someone who can actually understand your pain, rather than say they know when they really don't. Imagining pain and truly knowing it are two differnt things, Squall. Remember that. See ya."

Squall looked after the man; Laguna had such a sad expression on his face that he felt a pang of guilt for putting it there. He seems to be disappointing everyone all over the place. He let his friends down when he wanted to continue searching, though, they knew it was futile; he'd let Ellone down by not wanting to talk to her about Irvine and now he's letting Laguna down because the man wants to sympathize with him over something they both have in common, though, to Squall they don't. He can slowly feel that this whole 'Irvine's dead' thing is going to put him right back in that same place he'd been two years ago and he just wished that people would stop expecting things from him. Covering his face with the pillow he takes a deep inhale waiting for sleep to take over. He'd rather be in a place where everything makes sense and is normal. It'd be just his luck he dreams about giant robots that hold you hostage in its chest.


	11. Where are you? Who are you?

A.N: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing, putting it in your alerts or favorites and Thank you very much for adding this to your community Darkest Desire.

..............

Squall Leonhart, age 19, SeeD commander, with the personal interest of fishing and hiking- though, he would never tell these things to anyone; after all, its none of their business what he does and doesn't like to do with his spare time. Anyhow, Squall was sure that he was going to have a fit; the very first fit he's ever had his entire 19 years of existing due to the fact that his best friends were plucking at his every nerve. From the moment he'd finished his morning routine of showering, dressing, then barely brushing his hair he was assaulted with their presence. Selphie greeted him at the door, a big, false, smile upon her cute little face as she cheerfully wailed...

"Good morning, Squall!"

Followed by...

"Did you sleep well?"

At which point Squall replies.

"Barely, and barely."

Selphie scrunched her face to the first barely until she released what her, mock, brother was getting at. But, being Selphie, she didn't seem to care that or she hid it well. The walk to the cafeteria was filled with her chatter about wanting to start another webpage on her site made just for Laguna- or _Sir_ Laguna, as she calls him. Squall had to wonder what the big attraction was to that lame old movie about dragons and knights that she and Seifer, surprisingly, seem so into. He's seen it and thought it was just another lame knight falling in love with a Sorceress flick. But not the two of them; Seifer even copied the man's battle stance from it! Talk about weird hobbies and interest. Squall had to wonder how the pair would get along? Seifer and Laguna have been around each other in the same room with other people, sure, but how would they be if left alone for a bit. Scary thought. They should be father and son, not him and the goofy president.

The entire cafeteria heard Selphie coming and eyes glued to her companion as she walked through the entry/exit way of the cafeteria. Squall had known the day would go like this but he had no idea how soon it would start. He figured he had at least until he lunch for every one to start staring him down waiting to see how the big bad, quiet, commander would break down and fall apart without the loud mouth cowboy at his side. Well, jokes on them because he isn't going to fall apart. He meant what he said the other day, he will be alright, and he will wait patiently for Irvine rather than go out searching for the male because the male's pace might be a bit slow. Irvine always loved taking his time with things.

Whispers fill the, once casual conversation having, room as eyes of the inhabitants follow Squall's path over to the line. They watch as he fills his plate with four pancakes, a side of sliced fruit- mixed melons- and a carton of orange juice. Selphie, beside him, gets a bowl of apple and cinnamon oatmeal, two slices of bacon, for dunking, and a carton of apple juice. Squall waits a hesitant step so the short girl can pass him and take the lead to a table, which she chooses one at the edge of the cafeteria near the back but in the center. Pulling out a seat he sits down with as much grace as someone whose just been shoved down. Head lowered, as he always eats that way, Squall cuts triangle slices from the round cake, placing it into his mouth then chewing it with care before swallowing and repeating. Again, he's aware of the eyes on him, but he will pay them no mind. He won't even give them the satisfaction of a snide comment about Irvine coming back. He'll just have his breakfast and head to the library to do some reading. Its been a while anyway. He used to use his library card so much the barcode was smudging but since getting with Irvine and accepting his friendship with his fellow war-mates, its just been sitting in his desk drawer collecting dust.

A frown on her face; Selphie wants to say something nice and encouraging but she can't think of a thing that won't sound stupid or obvious like "don't worry, Squall, it'll get easier" or "its good to grieve, you don't have to keep a brave face alone". But what would Squall say? He's clearly choosing denial, since he wouldn't even got to the funeral yesterday. But last night they all agreed that they would be happy and cheerful so that Squall isn't sad or lonely. But, Selphie's finding it hard to keep it up alone. She didn't get any sleep last night, thinking about Irvine being gone and thinking about Squall being broken because of it. It was all too much to bare, feeling this powerless to make her friends' pains go away. If Irvine had been struck down on the battle field, big deal, that's what Life is for but the funny thing about magic is that without a body it can't work, and it won't work on anyone that's been dead longer than 24 hours. If Irvine hadn't fallen off the cliff, he'd be alive today.

Zell was taken aback when he spotted Selphie and Squall seated at a table. He honestly didn't think the girl would be able to get the guy out of bed but there he is eating breakfast as though it were just any other day. Walking over to the table, he sets his tray down. "Morning guys," He says happily. "I didn't think I'd see you here, Squall."

"Why not? Its breakfast and I have to eat." He looks over at the male, his dual colored eyes then fall to Zell's tray; seeing the link sausage sitting beside a mountain of scrambled eggs and fried potato's he reaches his fork over stabbing one through bringing it up to his mouth.

"Because, well, you know. Its so early." He lamely replies. He'd really meant to say that he couldn't believe Squall was up at all since Irvine won't be joining them for breakfast ever again.

"Bravo, Leonhart." Says Seifer taking a seat beside Zell. "I didn't think you'd be able to function today. Nice to see you've finally manned up."

Setting his fork down, finished with his meal, Squall grabs the tray but doesn't yet lift it from the table. "Whatever." He replies evenly, then adds. "Remind me to repay you for putting me to sleep and having me miss a weeks worth of searching."

"_That_ he's upset over? The cowboy dies and he's holding a grudge over old shit."

The entire table held their breath after very audibly sucking it into their lungs. Quistis and Rinoa who had just joined them couldn't even finish taking their seats, and their bottoms hovered over the chair as if it were covered in tacks.

Squall cocked a brow. This was getting annoying. _'Do they really think I'm that stupid? I know they're trying to make me feel better about Irvine's disappearance by acting like they're happy and all smiles when they really aren't. Its so pathetic that my own friends can't trust my word.'_ Sighing, Squall stands from the table. "You're all exhausting."

Letting the air return to their lungs they exhale and continue having breakfast minus the lion.

"Real smooth, Seifer. What were you thinking saying something like that?" Selphie snips at the arrogant male.

"What? You said maintain normalcy, so I insulted him. I'm the only being honest any damn way, this plan is off as far as I go. I don't care either way if he's sad or he isn't." He takes a bite of his sweet cinnamon roll, talking around it. "Leonhart's a big boy, he knows that death is the end of the road for everyone eventually, Irvine's just happened a lot sooner than every one else."

The girls look at Seifer disapprovingly, Zell resists the urge to flick his breakfast at the male.

Squall walks calmly down to his dorm room, again, the stares the whispers and some points. He wasn't this popular when he gave everyone and anyone the cold shoulder when he was 17. He was Squall Leonhart, the exciting rival of Seifer Almasy, to war hero, to grieving... what do you call someone who lost a boyfriend? Just grieving he guessed. At the end of the hall he spots Irvine's former team standing idly until they saw him which made them perk up in a sort of cowering way. He thought about just brushing past them and into the dorm hall, but he doubted they would take the hint and move on so he walks up to them, stopping five steps a way.

Crossing his arms over his chest he asks. "What do you want?"

Still being team leader, Eurydice clears her throat. "I um... well, we know that you've been searching for the baby's parents and.. we thought we might help out- in anyway we can."

The other three nod.

"No thanks. I've got it covered." Walking past them into the dorm hall, he can hear their whispers growing closer rather than farther away from him. Stopping, he looks over his shoulder, hefting a sigh when seeing that they're following him. "What is it now?"

"We... we just wanted to say that we're sorry for what happened." This was Luna.

"Yeah." Chime the boys.

Squall shrugs. "Irvine's gonna come back. Stop feeling sorry for yourselves and go be useful." Walking away he hoped they took the hint and backed off; its one thing when his friends do it, but another thing entirely when its complete strangers.

He was in his room for a short moment just to grab his library card then he headed back out into the hall. He didn't see any of the others hanging out in the hall which meant they are still having breakfast. Thank Hyne. Finally he can get a little private time before he heads out to question people about the late Mr. Redfield and the location of his wife. Oh sure, others are looking, but nothing beats self exploration. Turning into the library he passes by the large wooden desk and a few shelves until he's well hidden in the back of the room where he can search for a book or books to last him a while. He had a feeling he'd be playing a serious game of avoidance until everyone quit looking for a disaster or Irvine walks through the Garden gate himself. Squall chose five books feeling watched the entire time. He was in luck if he had a stalker who would decide to kidnap him now, because he'd have dozens of witnesses.

"Squall," Says the girl at the counter. "I'm very sorry for your loss."

He was this close to telling her to shove it, but he instead nodded and waited for his books to be checked through the machine.

The girl must have been surprised about not getting a snarky reply as she decided to say something else. "We're all gonna miss him."

Raising a brow, Squall takes in the girl's appearance. Did she even know Irvine to say something like that? He wasn't sure. He thought about testing it but changed his mind and again chose to nod before walking out. Time to find a quiet place to read; he would have gone to his dorm but the others have his key code and surely the room would have become stuffy from silence. It was amazing how you could go from not minding something to then become completely bothered by it the next minute. But silence was always somewhat of a bother to him, it allowed him to think too much about dumb things, though, that was long ago when his mind had dumb things to think about. He no longer is bothered by any of those haunting memories, just lingering emotions from them but then that's been the case for just about everyone.

Suddenly very aware of his surroundings, Squall notices that he's left the Garden and has started for the forest. Surely he can get some reading done there.

................

Squall closes his eyes, smiling faintly when he feels a hand lift his bangs up to the top of his head further exposing his scar. A chin pins down both the bangs and the hand as Irvine looks down at his lap where a thick book sits. The cowboy's other hand is rubbing gently at his thigh but not in the seductive way that would make his jeans tight but just a casual caressing, as though his hands wanted to be busy since they're merely sitting out in the woods against a tree because Squall wanted to read in a comfortable open space.

"Hang on." Irvine said before he then allowed Squall to turn the page.

Shaking his head, the back of it getting messed up since its pressed into Irvine's chest. "I thought you said reading was dumb?"

"No. I said the books I get are often dumb, but you keep laughin' without tellin' me why- just figured I'd read too."

"......" He returns to the book.

The two read silently for a moment once the page is turned but then Irvine says a triumphant.

"Done."

"Its not a race."

"You're just saying that because I beat you."

Rolling his eyes he replies automatically. "Whatever."

"Whatever, whatever." Irvine teases poking the males side.

"Cut it out." He nudges the finger-poking hand away. "I'll read it out loud, you just listen."

"Deal." Closing his eyes, he settles himself against the rough tree at his back and the soft gunblader infront of him.

Squall starts to read out loud but he instead says. "I don't have to do voices, do I?"

"Would be nice?" He smirks knowing damn well Squall Leonhart would not do character voices in a book, not only would he have to speak that way, but he'd have to make them up as well.

"Screw yourself, take a nap." Squall then continues reading quietly as he had been in the first place.

Snickering enough to shake his, mock pissy, lover, Irvine begins humming softly a song he's heard numerous times on the radio, smiling when Squall hums along as well.

Presently, Squall shakes the memory away. Memories are for dead people when there are no photographs being looked at or conversation being had and he's not going to consider that word with Irvine. Opening the second book from the stack of five he begins reading. It isn't long before he's six chapters in. Ready to go on to the next chapter he looks up when his sunlight is blocked out.

"Squall, funny seeing you out here." Quistis gestures a hand out to ask if she can have a seat.

He gives no answer; he's aware that Quistis would invite herself to sit anyway, and she does. Sitting quietly a moment, the woman looks up into the clusters of branches and leaves to the peeks of light showing through, then she lowers her gaze to the male. "Squall, would you like to have dinner with me?"

Looking at her quizzically, he shrugs. "Why?"

"We never have meals alone together. I just thought it would be something nice to start doing."

_'Why? Because you wanna believe that Irvine is dead? Will everyone wanna start some new thing to take my mind off of something my mind isn't even on? If that's the case than maybe I should go stay with Ellone for a while.'_ The idea struck him as weird right after he'd thought it. Stay with Ellone, leave Garden. Why do his friends have to force weird ideas into his head with their even weirder behavior? _'I should stop being such a creep. Quistis and everyone are my friends, maybe she just really wants to have dinners with me and couldn't ask before since we'd always eat in the cafeteria and any time I didn't I was out with Irvine.'_

Quistis waits patiently, knowing that Squall likes a good amount of time to bother himself with what-if's before he gives an answer to anything- most of the time anyway.

"Alright. Where will go?"

Shocked that he actually agreed, she's tongue tied a moment. "I... I'm not sure, there are a lot of good places to eat around Balamb. Maybe seafood, whatever is fresh this season."

"Ok."

"Good. Then its settled." She smiles.

Returning to his book believing that she'd now leave him alone he has to cast a side-long glance her way as she's still diagonal from him. Sighing, he tilts his head to the sky as if to ask Hyne what he did to deserve today. "Anything else?" He asks to be sure.

"No. I just thought I'd keep you company."

"I have company." He nods to the stack of books beside him.

"You're reading?" She picks one of the books up expecting to see that the inside has something more Squall's speed hidden in the folds of the pages. A **Weapons Monthly** maybe, but no, it was just an ordinary library book.

"I do know how to read, Quistis."

"I know you do," She says in a tone that says 'I'm not an idiot'. "but you've never expressed any desire to read back in my classes- I'd just assumed you'd hated doing it."

"Never assume anything with me." He says, though, not in any bitter or agitated tone.

"Like how you surprised me and everyone else with your ability to dance."

"We all had to learn it." He says absently; closing the book he can tell that reading time was over.

"True. But we never thought that you'd ever do it."

"Never _think_ anything about me."

Quistis had to laugh at that. "You can be so immature when you're not holding up your barriers, its cute."

Squall could only sigh in defeat. Closing his eyes, he takes a rest. Let Quistis talk herself out, maybe she'll leave him alone then.

.......

Later in the day, after ditching Trepe, Squall decided to hang out in the quad but Selphie was in there trying her hardest to keep her mind happy and carefree by helping make paper decorations for the Spring festival in a week from now. Seeing him her frown turned into a smile, that looked so painful he wondered how the girl didn't crack her teeth. Selphie asked him to help out a bit and so he did. Squall began to think that appeasing to his friends need to make him happy would actually be doing them a favor because he is, in fact, not sad. But they are, and as a friend, and to keep with the promise to himself, he will help them out. So for an hour he made himself snip this, or move that for Selphie- which scared the crap out of the others incharge of the festivities; he was sure they were all glad to see him go.

Zell he met up with in the cafeteria- the others were still in class. The two of them talked about weapons and this show Zell has gotten into that has something to do with time travel and a boy saving his mother from a disaster that happened in his normal time period. It sounded boring in premis but Zell explained it well enough that he would consider having his mind changed if he could catch an episode with the male.

Rinoa on the other hand asked him to go for a jog with her to Balamb town and back, he agreed and changed his clothes to something more suitable for running. She spoke of nothing in particular and he listened attentively to her, the one thing Rinoa did different from everyone else when he wanted to part ways is that she hugged him. No words of 'hang in there' or whatever. She just hugged him, smiled and went on her way.

Dinner with Quistis was nearly the most awkward thing he's ever been through in his entire life and he would rather put it out of his mind. It could possibly get easier if they do it enough times, he supposed.

So after the draining day he decides to head into the training center to release his frustractions and clear his mind. The battlefield before him is a snowy, winter wonderland with snow capped trees and ice covered water. The place has had many upgrades over the last two years and this to Squall has been the best feature. Training in the jungle is fine but sometimes he likes to feel the bitter sting of cold as its trying to press through his own cold. Its refreshing. But there in the blowing drifts of shaved tundra stands Seifer Almasy with Hyperions Blood slung over his shoulder. Great.

Laughing hautily, Seifer says. "How 'bout a little competition- _manchild_?"

_'A new nickname, wonderful._' Intruiged by the questions, Squall asks. "What is it?"

"Bragging rights to whomever defeats the most monsters."

"Dumb prize since apparently I'm silently bragging over you all the time," He comments referring to their conversation months ago about how he's always seeking the lime light. "but deal."

"Alright, let's go." Taking his battle stance; which nearly had Squall laugh out loud after thinking about what had been going through his head earlier, Seifer then says. "Big ones are worth thirty, small ones five."

"Okay."

A monster came lazily stumbling across the invisable line of the battlefield. The two spot him instantaniously, but the ex-knight is the first to make a move charging for the creature. Squall started forward but dashed off to the side when seeing a much larger target for his prize lounging by the freezing waters. Chanting a spell for Silence, Squall leaps out of the bushes upon seeing that his spell has made contact. Landing Black Lionhart in the center of the Blue Dragon's back he let his weight drop which lowered him briskly to the snow-covered floor carving a large crator into the monster. It let out a loud bellow; its tail swung wildly through the air trying to swat whatever had hurt it like a fly, which it nearly had if Squall weren't quick enough to duck down after his landing. Rolling out of the way of the thrashing beast, he gets up to his feet dashing ahead to make some room between the two of them. The dragon saw its attacker and flapping its great wings causing a gust storm to sweep past the lion it pecked its head forward attempting to take a bite out of the male but instead met the blade of the sword-gun having its mouth sliced a little wider than it was.

This monster was weak, but Squall figured he could be a little flashy; legs parted he lifts his gunblade so that the flat of the blade would be against his chest if it weren't out before him. Running his hand across the cold black blade it glows in bright, frosty blue around the sharp edge of the blade. "_Frost Bite_." He commands the attack. A white lion's spirit emerges from the blade; its silver main peppered with bits of ice shards that have it standing on end as if the hair were a porcupine's quills, its proud body standing mightily before its owner. "Attack."

Letting out a roar loud enough to break the sound barrier the spirit dashes about with the speed of light cutting through the large dragon as though it were a wrecking ball through water. The beast groaned and twisted in pain as its body became an ice sculpture at which point Black Lionhart is weilded, rapidly slicing the frozen statue to crumbs.

A satisfied smirk crosses his beautiful features as he says triuphantly. "Ten."

Coming from the bushes Seifer admires the dissolving creature. "Wow. Ten. Good for you Leonhart. Ninety more points and you'll be up to me."

Looking at where Seifer had just come from Squall can't help but blush slightly seeing what looked to be twenty somthing monsers piled up on each other in a smoldering heap.

"That would be one hundred."

"Yeah, if you wanna sweat the small stuff."

"And it figures you'd go for something big to get over the big stuff you're trying not to."

_'So this was about distracting me from thinking about Irvine. Seifer, you're move clever than I thought.'_ Shaking his head, he laughs quietly. "I never would have expected to be distracted from Mr. it-should-have-been-you-that-died, sincerly Seifer. That's really sweet of you."

"Oh, shut up." He shoves the smug male. "Pick up your damned blade and keep fighting."

Squall continues laughing even as he takes a battle stance.

The next round was a real work out as his blond rival took it upon himself to stay close to him as they cleared the room of monster after monster- which wouldn't have really bothered Squall all that much if it weren't for the fact that sometimes Seifer would attack him out of nowhere, calling out "healthy competition manchild, what if this were a real battlefield and I got confused'. Squall was sure he would have taken Seifer's arm off to snap him out of said confusion- if this were a real battlefield. But Squall couldn't help but think that this was a good way to exhaust him, keep him tired so that he doesn't spend another night restless, missing those muscular- yet, boney, arms around him. Besides, battling with Seifer is a lot more entertaining than watching the false smile and hearing the false cheer from the others.

It was around hour 23 that Squall and Seifer staggered tiredly into the rest area of the center, which had, over the years, been refered to as the make-out room to have a seat. The climate inside is warm and inviting compared to the battle room.

Squall drank a potion handing one over to Seifer who waved it off before pulling out a hidden can of beer. Rolling his eyes, Squall put the potion back into the box of supplies kept in the room stashed away. The brunet looks down at his hip when the vibration of his phone calls his attention.

"I wasn't doing anything like that, you know." Says Seifer out of the blue. "And you were right to think that I would rather it be you."

"Yeah right. I know what you guys were doing all day, but you're the only one who did it sincerly."

"Don't kid yourself."

"Its the only way you know how to care for people, right?" He laughs when Seifer swats a hand at him. "You'll be happy to know you can all stop because I'm not sad. I plan on waiting this whole thing out and I'm gonna do that by being just fine." Opening his phone he says. "Hello?"

"Hey darlin'," Says Irvine. "You've just been invited to a dinner on the peer with me tomorrow at ten o'clock, don't be late."

It was as if he were suddenly stabbed through with his own blade; the phone slid lifelessly from his grasp dropping noisily onto the metal floor beneath him. He's paralyzed.

"What is it now?" Seifer asks crossing his arms having had enough of his rivals teasing.

"It... its Irvine..." His voice could barely make it through his locking throat.

"What?" Picking up the phone Seifer holds it to his ear. "You prick, you've got a lot of nerve-.."

"Its a recording." Squall's voice, as soft as it was, cut through the angered male's words.

"A recording?"

Squall's body lurched forward and from his mouth a small dribble of vomit slipped out; Seifer jumped out of his skin, sickened at the sight. Getting over onto hands and knees, Squall let his meals of the day spill out of his stomach in a long stream of greenish, brownish waste.

"Fuck." Seifer said getting the male to his feet so he could cart him back to his dorm room.

Squall felt it all as he leans over the white polished toilet in his dorm room; Zell and Selphie rubbing his back, Quistis and Seifer and Rinoa are out in the room standing uncomfortably silent listening to their friend puke up his guts.

It wasn't until Squall began to scream that Irvine was gone that Quistis pinched the ex-knight on the shoulder.

"What did you say to him?"

"I didn't say shit, Kinneas said it."

"What?"

"Here. It was a message." He hands over the phone.

"So, Irvine is alive? Did he break up with Squall over the phone or something?" She listens to the message becoming even more confused. "Its an invite for a date."

"Check the date it was sent."

Looking at the phone she double takes. "December 2 last year?"

"It was a pre-set, he said the message then set the date for the message to send today." Seifer explains. "So see, I didn't do shit- and besides, Squall saw through all of you idiots anway, you weren't fooling anyone."

The two woman felt a stab of guilt at that.

"All that worrying and Irvine fucked things up himself. We should have just let him be sad." He looks in the direction of the bathroom. "He sure as hells doesn't seem so great now."

"Stop rubbing it in, Seifer, we get it." Rinoa chides.

"I don't think you do."

Unable to spew anymore of his sadness out, Squall crumples over, forehead pressed to the floor as his vomit turns to tears. "He's gone. He's gone." All the happiness he'd planned to share, the waiting he'd planned to do, all of it left him in one single flush. Irvine's not coming back. He's dead.

Irvine blinks his eyes open; the brightness in the room did nothing to clear the blur covering his vision as he looks around. Rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand he gives his vision another shot. Still blurry. Damn. Something popping off and on where he's sitting caught his attetion.

"Hello?" He calls.

A chirping sound filled his ears and the bouncing thing came closer.

"A bird? Hmhm. So you're the culprit, huh? Pouncing on my chest, you woke me up, pal, thanks." He reaches out for the purplish-pink colored bird hoping to pat its head rather than ram his fingers into its face since his vision is still a little hazy.

The bird repsonded well to the petting leaning up into the hand.

Sighing heavily, Irvine looks about the fuzzy room. "Where am I?" He wonders to himself. Turning his feet out he scoots out of the bed stimbling forward. "Whoa!" Crashing hard to the floor he looks back at his fallen path in confusion. "Guess I'm not short." Rolling over onto his hands and knees he's startled as his side vision is blocked out but when he moves aside having it move with him he lets out a sigh of relief. "What the-..?" Grabbing around the side of his face he discovers the brown invader is his own hair.

He ran his hands through his matted tresses feeling that it went out a lot farther than he had expected. "Well that's new." He says to himself. Touching the rest of himself he can tell that he's wearing what feels like a nightgown. "Am I woman?" He grabs his crotch. "So, I'm a guy with long hair."

The bird chirps beside him, still on the bed.

"What is it?" He asks.

His question is answered when voices are heard beyond the door of the room.

Irvine didn't know whether he should hide or wait them out to ask questions. But his choice was made for him as the door to the room slid open. A man walks in, short, bald and... yellow? That can't be right.

"Aaa, you're awake."

"Where am I?" Irvine asks.

"You're here, in our village. Shumi is what we call it."

"Shumi?"

"You really shouldn't be out of bed. Here let me help you." He assists Irvine by holding his elbow to guide him back to the bed. "I am medic. I've come to check up on you"

"Hmhm, that's a funny name." Irvine situates himself, he wondered where his feathered friend has disappeared to.

"Shumi's go by the name of what they are best at doing. It is our way, as doing our best to receive name is natures way." The shumi smiles. "What is your given name?"

Irvine opened his mouth but then closed it. "Its right on the tip of my tongue...." He says after a moment of silence. "I... I don't know."


	12. Indentity

A.N. Thank you for reading and reviewing. My friend says first chapter set-ups were never his thing and that he hopes people don't mind his take on Squall's coping with the loss. He has a reason for it being the way it will be.

..............

A large bright light flashes past Irvine's vision, once then twice. The male follows it easily but blinks from the bright glare. Medic smiles, his large, black, eyes shine with happiness that the patient is all right. "And can you open your mouth for me?"

"Aaahh," Voices the male.

"Mmm. Yes... I see no damage has been done to your throat."

"Hnhn." Irvine laughs. "Unless life is supposed to be blurry, what can you do about my vision Medic."

"The cold must have damaged your eyes."

"The cold?"

"It was late at night," Medic begins the tale. "Scout was walking the lands to put up more barriers to protect the village from harm in the late hours when he'd stumbled upon a human like form laying on the beach, face down. Upon further inspection he saw that it was you, Patient," He's taken to calling the man without a name. "He alerted the other Shumi's in the village and we carried you here to this empty home to be treated by me."

"Mm." Irvine nods.

"We live on Winter Island, its very cold out, especially the time of year Shumi's found you."

"When was that?"

"The second month, I believe."

"Aaa." Again he nods.

Medic listens to Irvine's chest. "Breathe in deeply for me."

Taking a deep breath he holds it until asked to let it out. "How am I?"

"Patient is great; your vision should return to normal with a few drops. Medic could not heal that which Patient could not personally identify."

"How long was I asleep?"

"Many months. It is fifth month now."

"Fifth month...." He counts using fingers. "Its May."

The Medic Shumi nods. His large hands reach up fingers mimicking pinchers as he reaches for Irvine's eyes to open them wide. "Patient had quite a few broken bones, rib, leg, arm and large bruise on head and jaw. Medic fixed it all."

"My legs were a bit shaky when I got out of bed."

"Its been a while since Patient had moved about free-will, it takes getting used to before your limbs behave again."

"Ow." He mutters when the drops land in his right eye.

Medic smiled to himself. It was nice to see an up and about personality in the sleeping youngman. The tribe was beginning to think that the man would never rouse and they would have to give him a proper funeral but here he is alive and well- well, minus some blurred vision.

Irvine's stomached growled like a cat lazing in the afternoon sun, a deep _'Aaarrr'_ had erupted from him causing the Shumi to laugh. After applying the second drop to Irvine's right eye, the Shumi backs away from the man.

"Medic will fetch Harvester and Harvester will see that you get food."

"Thank you, very much."

"Medic is curious of Patient's true name."

"Maybe I don't have one. I could be a man with no name, born into this world like you Shumi's."

The Shumi laughs. "Yes, but Patient will not be a patient of Medic forever. Patient must have a means of address."

"Hmhm. Maybe it could stand for Patient man?" He jokes.

A door opened off to the side and another bald yellow frog pops his head into the room. "Elder wishes to see Medic- oh! It seems our guest has awakened." Elder's attendant walks into the room for a closer look. "He has healed well?"

"Yes. All of his broken limbs are repaired, bruises healed away quickly; Patient's eyes were a problem but are no longer."

Elder's attendant nods. "Splendid. Elder." He repeats incase his own interruption brushed aside his purpose for being there.

Nodding the Shumi gives the patient one last glance before exiting the room.

"I'm Patient. What's your name?"

"Name? No, no. It is Attendant. We in Shumi do not go by Hyne given names as-..."

"...-we humans do, I know, Medic told me about that."

"And what is your name?"

"I don't know. I've been called Patient since I couldn't figure it out and Medic felt he should address me as someone."

"Amnesia? How distressing indeed."

"I don't know. I feel fine, not so much distressed."

"Good news then."

Fidgety and feeling that knot in his stomach about to turn again he asks hesitantly, not wanting to be a bossy or over-staying guest. "Medic said that someone named Harvester would bring me something to eat."

"Mm? Oh no. Harvester is out in the fields, you may go to him but Attendant attends only to Elder. Good afternoon." He bows before leaving the room.

Watching his departure, Irvine nods. "Okay. ...Independent place, that's for sure." Looking around the room, blinks hard, he's amazed at how quickly the drops were working. Fuzzy lines sharpened with every flicker of his eyes around the room. Its beautiful and cozy. He thought it would have a stuffy hospital look to it like the feeling the room began to give off when Medic was examining him but it was nothing short of a lovely bedroom you might find at a home or a hotel, at least. A frighteningly polished wooden floor lay beneath his bare feet, a small throw rub of many different colors and shades of pink and purple, blue and a little yellow cover a small portion of the floor. A dresser sits under the other window in the room, 3 large drawers, holding what Irvine could guess to be nothing, sit closed but ask in a silent voice to be peeked into. He wondered if it would be rude if he did peek inside? Looking about a bit more he sees that the ceiling is rounded- the whole room, actually- has not a single sharp edge or pointed corner. The place must be a dome. Even the windows are round, with gold trimming with a crossed pattern on the glass. The bed, which he's still seated on, is small enough that his long legs have to hang a bit on the short headboard at the end of it. It kind of resembles a bathtub. The blanket covering the bed is a periwinkle color, crisp white sheets beneath it, the pillow, though, is a beautiful ocean of blues and a light but deep green. The reminded him.

"Hey Pal' you still here?" He asks.

The bird the size of a Barbie doll hops from his hiding place at the foot of the bed on the floor. It wasn't so much hiding just staying out of the way. It bounces, one to two talon nailed taps at a time over to the male. Chirping it pops up onto the bed before digging its nails into the long sleeve of Irvine's robes to perch joyfully on the male's shoulder.

Smiling, he pets the top of the bird's head. "Good to have you along. I'm going for food, you'll probably need to eat as well, huh? We can find this Harvester guy, I'm sure of it." Standing, he waits out the gentle sway his legs threatened to be a fall if he walked too quickly but once sure that he is steady he exits the room through a tinted, sliding, door.

"Wow." Irvine whistles being imitated by his bird friend. "This place isn't anything like I would have guessed." He squinted from the sunlight a bit, his eyes just regained clear vision last thing he wants is to be blinded by the bright, burning, sun when he was nearly blinded by the freezing snow.

The village is set up like a typical village, the kind you'd see in geographic documentaries about native tribes that live off the land. There are a few Shumi's roaming around outside, all of them up to something or another that the male could not identify. A lake sits in the middle of the village, surrounded by cattails and littered with lily pads where a few happy frogs are seated eating away at the dragon flies and gnats that choose to be around the heat coming from the lake water due to the sun overhead. A water-wheel sounds somewhere off in the distance making Irvine wonder what the wheel is used for? Crushing grains no doubt since he didn't think they would have cable in a place like this- though they do have electricity so it could be for that as well.

"Guess we should start asking where the man with the food is."

Pal flew from Irvine's shoulder over to the lake snatching a large dragon fly from the air before returning to the male's shoulder to swallow it down.

"Ahaha, help yourself, but I'm not eating that." Craning his neck he starts off towards a Shumi out in the field. He may be just the man he's looking for.

Watching the scenery as he passes by, Irvine notices how incredibly beautiful the place is in its simplicity, it was almost as if the village had grown here as naturally as the lake, rocks, plants- even the fallen trees peeking up from the water! He also sees that all the homes are identical minus one very large home seated in the very center of the place. He had to correct that thought as the place isn't so much big as it is wide. Must be where the Elder lives. Big blue mountain-like rock covers the place like a natural barrier from the outside world, trees and vines and things wrap around it or hang out on it. Pal flew off and onto the male's shoulder to over the lake snatching bite after bite of bug to munch on as Irvine made his way to the Shumi chopping long grains of maybe wheat from the field.

Lifting his long robe to get over the grass, he steps carefully toward the bent over Shumi. "Excuse me? Are you by chance Harvester?"

The shumi continued to work for a moment until his basket was full, then with full attention turns to the male who had maybe 3 minutes ago asked him a question. "I am. What can Harvester do for you, a human?"

"Its not so bad that I'm a human. I like you." Irvine offered with a smile of honest friendliness.

The shumi looked the male up and down before waving a hand before his face as if to say it matters now that he's friendly a human is a human and therefore must be up to something.

Irvine cocked a brow. "Fair enough. Medic said that if I'd like something to eat I should come to you."

"Many are named Harvester, you will help us gather it if you would like to eat it."

Nodding, he says. "Okay. My name is... well, its Patient right now but Medic said I should get another one." After a thought he adds. "This is my friend, Pal."

"A fine bird, yes, very fine."

"Hey now, don't eat him."

The bird, bored, picked under its wing while the two talked.

"A Shumi would never, we are of vegetation and feed from the land. Meat is for carnal living, which we are of friendly."

Irvine begged to differ if the nose less Shumi would sniff at his being a human.

"We shall have bean soup. You will help the other Shumi's on the other side of the field to remove the beans from the earth. Harvester has all that is needed from the field." A large finger points off to where the male is to go.

Looking in that direction he nods. "Thank you." He said mostly to keep the strange frog-like man from believing that he's rude as well as other things. "Bye." He lifts his hand as a wave before leaving. He hoped the others were a little nicer to talk to.

And they were. The three other Shumi's known as Harvester greeted him warmly asking him this question and that but he couldn't really answer due to his 'amnesia'. He air quotes it as he's sure he's fine, he just can't remember his name, that's all. Don't people with amnesia usually hold books wrong or stick food up their nose? He doesn't intent to do either of those things. He asked them questions and was answered very thoroughly by the three. They explained their tribe to the man, how they create and thrive and live their lives hidden and happy while keeping some contact with the outside world. He asked why so sheltered but they hardly see it as sheltered, they consider it careful. As he could see there's is not a very populating group and protection is always key to living and thriving.

"We're gonna make soup?" He asks once they're satisfied with the amount of beans they've collected.

"Yes, a very refreshing soup. You will like life here Patient."

Irvine smiles kindly to that invitation, though unspoken, the shumi was implying that he was staying and they wouldn't toss him out now that he's awake.

"Come this way, we shall prepare the meal." Says one of the other shumi, lifting a basket under his arm he starts for a tiny dome up the hill.

.................

Medic steps into the home of their beloved Elder, head bowed respectfully. "Elder?"

"How is the patient? Is he still resting?"

"Patient has awakened just today as a matter of fact. He's quite the sort Elder, very lively and kind from what Medic can tell."

"That's good. I would hate to see that we've been healing a harmful human here."

"He reminds Medic of master Laguna Loire." Says the shumi almost proudly as he remembers the kind and loving man, the man who tried teaching the proud and respected Moombas how to speak in human tongue believing that speech is the most powerful thing any living creature can posses. "Though, Patient does seem to have a bit of amnesia, I asked him many questions but he cannot recall whats happened to him up until opening his eyes, he does not even have a name."

"I see." The large shumi takes a thoughtful seat, his covered hands coming up to his nearly non-existant chin. "What is he doing right now?"

"Medic is sure he's looking for Harvester to get something to eat."

"When he is finished see that he comes to see me. You may go."

Nodding the Shumi exits the room.

"A man like Laguna?" Elder says to himself.

"He would be good to stay, Elder?" Asks his attendant.

"It would be fine if he stays, but if he chooses to go I want to be sure he will not tell the world of our location."

"It shall be seen to as done, Elder."

..................

The soup was wonderful, rich and earthy; Irvine couldn't believe stuff that was just picked could taste so good with so few things done to it- he always thought when hungry a can or frozen reheatable was the best way to go.

_'Huh... How can I think something like that when I can't remember the last thought I've had- or any of them for that matter! ...Maybe I do have amnesia?'_ His quick rising spoon slowed to a stop as his thoughts continue swirling like white being poured into container of colored paint, this weird feeling stung the back of his mind as the white struggles through the heavy un-moving color. _'What is it that I'm trying to think? Why won't it just come through?'_

Pal bumped its beak against the male's ear catching his attention. A few blinks later and Irvine is eating and conversating with the others around the large round wooden table in the small dining room. Its like a very intimate restaurant really. One shumi told him that this table is usually for big harvests, chopping food or simply holding it but that the next meal Irvine will eat it in his room. He understood, and continued enjoying the company of everyone.

Medic locates Irvine easily, though, the site before him was something to take in as the field workers and cooks alike sat about the large table eating and carrying on. Hurrying over to Irvine Medic leans up to the male whispering to him that the elder wishes to see him right after his meal. Irvine thought for sure that he was going to be kicked to the curb, but he didn't very well want to make assumptions, though, his food was hard to get down after Medic fixed himself something to eat then left. What could the elder want to see him for. True he has every right to want to see him; they've been taking care of him since they found him in February.

_'February is a long time to be knocked out. I wonder what happened to me? How did I get on the beach? What was I doing to end up here?'_ He thinks. The answers brick walled from him, he puts it out of his mind. He was sure it would come to him when it came to him, for now he'll just enjoy the ride. Besides, its not a bad place to end up. It nice here, the people are very kind- although, he kept wondering if 'people' is the correct word for them- especially when one of the Artisan told him that they can change forms from the shumi that they are now to a powerful beast. He wondered if their beastly state were much different looking then their current.

Lunch, dinner, or possibly even breakfast ended soon and Irvine asked for directions to the Elder's home but one of the Attendant's gladly walked him to the larger building that holds whom Irvine had expected, the Elder of the village. Outside the building sits a large fuzzy lion looking creature of orange, red and white color. It looked like a living fire. The creature looked him over giving a quiet little yap as he walks up to the large door of the dome. Elder's Attendant spots the human through the door and instantly comes to his side to escort him in. Irvine was already impressed with the place; it was a little dark inside, though, but faintly illuminated by a large tubing that traced the ceiling, glowing in an electric blue color and its filled with all kinds of little fishes. He had to wonder if they were real or not.

"Here we are." Attendant holds out a hand to gesture for the male to go through the opening into the sitting room of the Elder's home.

"Thanks." He walks through and his eyes widen as big as saucers at the sight before him.

A Shumi, as tall as himself- maybe taller, is seated in a long chaise-like chair. Its head is massive and its throat bulged in and out as he stared at the human before him; he seems to be thinking of something in their silence and eventually stands to his full 7'2". Irvine takes a step back, unintentionally. The frog seemed humored by this and let out a laugh that engulfed the male before him like the large creature were all around him rather than stationed infront.

"H-..hi." He says stammered.

"Its nice to see that you're awake. We were ready to feed you to the fishes if you'd gone unresponsive for another month." Says the Shumi Elder. "I am Elder, no need to state your name Medic tells me that you have a bit of amnesia."

Irvine's head nods in a clunky matter. He's still stuck on the thought of being tossed after one more month uncontious, swimming around with the fishes that have been nibbling at him- if it were possible that he did not drown in the meantime. Pal gave him a calming nudge on the ear, but it seemed not to work as Irvine took another step back when the large shumi takes a step forward.

"Do not be frightened, we shumi are peaceful by nature and would not harm any living thing." The Elder folds his large hands over each other, the outer fingers wringling as though he were drumming them on a desk. "I merely wanted to assess you, see what you might be good at, if you intend to stay in our village than you must work to earn a place here. Its not everyday we let man stay among us; not since one man long ago had us removed from an old area of hiding but then another man has come and restorted our trust in humanity. We see the kindness of the great Laguna Loire in you."

Irvine smiles kindly. He doesn't know who a Laguna Loire is but she sounds kind of nice. She had to be if these guys cared enough for her to have their trust in humanity restored.

"Yes, he was a great man." Elder nods to himself as if this Laguna were nothing more than a fond memory now. "We've erected a statue of him here, perhaps you've seen it?"

Irvine shakes his head. _'If I had I wouldn't have thought the man was a woman.'_ It dawned on him then that there were no female shumi walking around, not even one sat with them when they ate just now. He wondered for a second if it would be rude to ask.

"We have your things with us, maybe they will help you to recover your memory." The frog snapped its large fingers calling for his attendant.

The smaller frog rushed into the room as though he were only waiting for the 'come along' command. In his hands are a bundle of clothes which he places on the table off to Irvine's left. The male looks over the strange clothes visually, then he kneels down to touch them for further inspection. "Huh.... I've never seen these before, I know that."

"They aren't ringing any bells?"

Irvine looks over a duster jacket and purple vest, a few gold necklaces and a pair of black jeans and some.... what are they, chaps? Irvine was momentarily appauled by the sight of them. He would walk around wearing this? Surely the Shumi are mistaken. _'Hold on...'_ Looking over the coat he sees, in gold sewing, the initials I.K. _'I.K.? Is that me?'_

"We also noticed the initials sewn inside. Do you remember what they stand for?"

Irvine looks over at the large amphebian then back at the clothing, thinking hard. _'I.K. ....I.K. .....Dammit, why don't I know?'_ His mind could only swim in the darkness of the past- whatever it may be. "I'm sorry Elder, but I don't know."

"Mmm. I see. No matter, then. I will have one of my attendant's take you around to try your hands at working. We are men of work Patient, we have proud lives from the work that we do. We have strong wills from work. We have better understanding of life, because we work."

"Got it." He stands, eyes straying on the foreign clothing. "Just tell me where you want me."

..............

By the time Irvine got to bed he was pooped. So far he had stunk at pulling grains, sucked at crushing them properly, chopped like a complete novice, and due to the shape of the bowl spilt a good portion of his dinner in his room when setting it down on the dresser top; amazingly, though, he fixed it before anyone had noticed the damage. The jeans pocket of the mysterious wardrobe had a swiss army knife in the pocket and with a few quick slices he fixed the lop-sided bowl. He liked the meal with everyone around the table better than sitting alone in his cozy little room but he does have the lovely bird which he's named Pal to keep him company and boy was it; the strange bird was bouncing from foot to foot with its wings partly spread as though it were doing some sort of dance for him and it had the memory-less male laughing so much he could hardly get full bites down without feeling he would gag.

After the meal they had him try his hand at sculpting, that was a nightmare and he nearly took off a fingernail or finger as the chistle rocked and swayed on the smooth to bumpy surfice of the soon to be statue. The shumi's sculpt many statues and other little things to sell to man so that they may in turn buy or trade things with them. Irvine was then asked to help plow the field for the planting of the new harvest but he could barely make straight lines with the way the plow rocked and bumped along behind his shaking legs. He found it almost impossible to work that way in robes anyhow and applauds the shumi that can.

Next he worked as an attendant but it was hard since he'd spent most of the time asking the group of identicals who and where and by the time he found that person another attendant had already done the job. He was good at lifting, though, but not much good it did when they rarely had things to lift, not mention his arms were kinda killing him afterwards. Irvine worked well as a scout, he thought, all you had to do was walk around and report any suspicious looking monsters that might get a little too comfortable near the borders- that was also part of the job putting up these little diamond-shape crystals that acted as a barrier somehow. Scout told him that when opperated they project nothing by scenery to onlookers so the village is out of sight. He thought that was so advanced for people who live off the land; Scout then told him that Laguna understood their need for secrecy and showed them the technology so they could use it. Irvine was becoming more and more impressed with this Laguna guy and wondered if he would ever stop by so he could meet him.

Irvine helped to wash the clothes and dishes and at the end of the day the lights shut off one home at a time as the water wheel stopped its moving. Left alone, in the darkness, Irvine stares up at the brown ceiling- black, due to the darkness in the room and the shadow cast around from moonlight shading certain places.

In a sleepy voice Irvine holds up a hand, Pal lands on it instantly. "What do you think, Pal? Am I this I.K.? Can I be him? Honestly, I'd like to be a shumi.... they're so good, and its peaceful here.... you can get a lot of rest- but I guess I don't need anymore of that, do I?"

The bird voices its foreign-language opinion, spreading its wings out to their full four foot length.

"You always say that," He chuckles softly, his mind already swimming in a dreamland. "Let's stay here together, we'll be a shumi in spirit. Lots of families have patch-work children and parents from adoptions and divorces. We'll be that. sound good to you?"

The bird chirps a few times before hoping from the male's wrist to perch inside the deep windowsil.

"I can take a hint, no more talking. Good night." Making a few height to bed adjustments; Irvine drifts quickly off to sleep.


	13. Isn't Someone Missing Me?

A.N.: Thank you very much for the reviews Vedensolina and Jade Almasy. The reason the Shumi's don't recognize Irvine is because I'm thinking about it from a hard games sense with the three man teams and for me I took Selphie and Zell and walked there, plus the Shumi's say its a hidden place and all so that's another way I'm going with it; hard to find and not many people are invited.

* * *

Squall finished relieving himself in the toilet; he slowly washes his hands shaking them off into the sink before drying them on the hand towel hanging from the bar on the wall beside him. Heading back into the bedroom he looks down at the bed. Its dented in where he's been laying since April; its now July. Climbing into bed he stretches his legs out with a sullen sigh. Squall was sure that another round of tears would be coming on if it weren't for the fact that he was all cried out; its a wonder the backs of his eyelids aren't getting scraped by his dry eyes when he blinks. Squall Leonhart does not grieve well. Proof of this, Ellone being taken from the orphanage when he was a young child; he stood outside everyday waiting for her to come back; he was sure that she'd want to see him the moment she did, so he could not spare a second in the stone home messing around with the other kids and their games because he might miss her return and Ellone's heart would be broken in two if she arrived without seeing that he'd waited for her. That's the way Squall felt about things deep down. He may have become a hard ass to some but to those he cares about they know its just a shell he uses to protect himself from making a fool of himself by getting worked up from lost attachments. It was the same story with Rinoa when they'd been at Galbadia and she went into a coma-like state because a Sorceress transfered her powers into her; Rinoa's body could not take the changes and she'd gone into a deep sleep. It was because of that the weird feelings for her prickled into this relationship that he didn't even want; it was just strange to see a girl and not instantly have a friendly or sisterly bond with her. It was because of those thoughts and feelings that Squall was so frazzled when the Esthar soldiers came to seal her new abilities away- he couldn't even remember her voice! He wanted to hear all the weird, un-thought out things the girl had to say, he wanted to see her and let her know that he now cared about her as he did the others. Thankfully, Rinoa came back with them when they freed her. But it was strange, once she came back his feelings started to fade and he saw her as a sister and nothing more. Even Seifer's disappearance had effected him- he'd never admit it, but he was sure the male was dead and because of that he blew up on everyone when they were talking about him like he were nothing but a forgettable memory. He imagined he'd blow up on the others if they planned on speaking about Irvine that way, which is why he could not attend the funeral; he can't deal with everyone's memories driving the word 'death' further into his picture of a very alive Irvine. But for all the good its done because look at him now. He's been in his dorm since that day in April; a zombie of his former self, not that he was all that much alive to some people, but to his friends Squall may as well have dropped off the face of the earth.

He shifts his hips when feeling a spring poking him on the butt. It amazed him how worn the mattress has gotten from him simply laying on it- granted its all the time now, instead of at night when he's ready for bed, but still he's not all that heavy. Loss must be adding weight to him because since accepting his lovers death food has scarcely found its way into his mouth, most of his movement going to the use of the bathroom and nothing more, and yet his limbs and body have been dragging and lagging along with him.

The others have been coming by; calling through the door; trying their hardest to verbally coax him out of the room and not become a hermit but he refuses to go- actually, he refuses to speak at all. So they've just been calling to him and when realizing they would not receive an answer they'd give up and go away just to try again the next week. But it remained the same situation every time. Squall does not grieve well and, honestly, he didn't see how people could. He and Irvine- though only having been dating for two years, became very close. He would tell Irvine things he's never told anyone- or has ever wanted to. Irvine told him about the same and kept about the same as Squall had kept. They really fit each other in some ways. If he had to pick a land slide difference it would be their speaking habits; Irvine was loud and talkative nearly all the time whereas he is quiet with not much to say even when he does have something that he wants to say. He took the rooms attention never, though, he never made him feel left out or alone while he worked the crowd. There would always be an arm around him or, much to his embarrassment sometimes, a hand held; Irvine was big on guidance. Always pushing someone to do something or pulling them along to join him.

Squall lifts his hand out to look at it. He never did know why Irvine held his hand that day at the parade. He, at the time, a stranger to Irvine- at least, on Squall's end Irvine was the stranger, but there it was hidden by the crowd a weird show of affection towards him. Irvine remembered them all; Squall wondered many times if the cowboy had always liked him and just never said anything about it, and if he's said anything about it why didn't he repeat it when he found out that they had lost their memories. Had he changed his mind? Did he hope that it would come back to him? It didn't; and he was genuinly shocked when Irvine had decided to ask him out two years ago.

His cell phone rings on the desk top; rumbling hard enough to make it bounce around, shifting from where he'd set it down. He reaches over for the phone, having had to stand to get it, he sits back down once its in his hand. Flipping it open he's not surprised at the name flashing on the small screen. Irvine.

_**"Hey Squall; the weather is perfect, the sun is shining. Let's rent a boat and sail out a bit. We can have a picnic on the water; I'll bring my acoustic to play for you- I might even sing a little."**_

Squall smiles faintly hearing that. Irvine's been saying he'd whip out his singing chops for ages and he chickens out every time with some lame excuse for each reason why he couldn't or wouldn't. His favorite being that his throat is dried out because the air is too dry.

With a voice as thick as a lake frozen solid, he replies. "I'll be there, and I'll bring something to drink since you always forget." Pressing 'send' he grips his phone tightly; his forehead dropping down onto his folded forearms resting upon his knees.

Irvine knew how easily embarrassed he could get over some things so anytime he wanted to go out on a date he would send him a pre-recorded message so that no one but Squall would hear it or know of it. It was like having their own little world when they made dates but sometimes he'd have to remind Irvine about the date, which is why he'd begun replying to them because he could make the message in December but have it sent to Squall in September or some time. Receiving messages was also what he'd been doing since April; he wasn't about to miss a chance to hear his lovers voice again and secretly.... secretly he would go out on the dates. He wouldn't physically go, of course not, but mentally he was there. Eyes closed, a warm smile on his face, and he would let himself go. Irvine once said that a sharpshooter is a loner by nature, but he loved that the male wanted him- almost needed him at times and other times you'd think they were just friends and not close friends at that which would leave him seeking Irvine just as much as he was sought. But he did wish it would get easier; he wished the pain in his chest would lessen; that his eyes wouldn't hurt so much from crying- he hasn't cried since he was a child, not a full blown cry anyway and it gave him nasty headaches for hours but his eyes wouldn't let up. It was as if all the held in tears from his life had just decided it was a fine time to get out of that bottle he's stored his emotions into.

_'Hn. Even if I did lose the sad part of mourning Irvine my body would continue to go through the loss; I may have forgotten about Ellone because of the use of G.F.'s but my locked away memories came back to me as dreams so that I could continue to be weighed down by missing her.'_ He looks over at the window when voices are heard in a sough. _'What day is it?'_ He wonders absently. Setting his phone down on the windowsill, Squall gets off the bed intending to make it up, when the door calls his attention.

"Squall! Its me Zell!" He calls through the door. "Can... Can I come in if you're not coming out? Please?"

Shoulders slumped in defeat from the sad sound in his friends voice. Maybe he should stop isolating himself from everyone. Irvine isn't going to come back just because he's showing him how sad his loss has made him. Walking over to the door he unlocks it, sliding it open for the visitor.

Shocked and relieved, since he thought this would only end in failure, Zell walks into the room; his face scrunched up in displeasure of the musty, sleepy smell in the air. "Umm, not to be rude but when was the last time you opened the window for some fresh air?" He walks over to said window tugging the blinds up then lifting the blockage of relief.

Sitting back down on his bed, Squall says tightly. "That's really polite of you."

"Hey, just keeping it honest." Pulling out the seat at Squall's desk, Zell takes a seat leaning over a bit so that his elbows are down at his knees, hands clasped together. "Squall, we're all really worried about you and we think that, maybe you should go to therapy."

"Excuse me?"

"You haven't been out of this room since April and its July now."

_'July?!'_ Squall wondered why he hadn't felt the heat of the summer coming into his room. Maybe that's why it smells in here; his been blissfully unaware of the changing seasons and has continued wearing sweat clothes.

"We know that Irvine meant a lot to you, he meant a lot to all of us" His eyes scrunch to a bitter glare when his, disgruntled, friend scoffs. "_We do_. ....But we're all trying to move on and be happy. Its what Irvine would want."

"What Irvine would want is to not be dead." He hisses.

Waving his hands defensively, he tries another approach. "In his absence he would want his friends happy- isn't that what you would want if you were gone?"

"I don't know."

"See, there you go.... Squall, its important that you be around. You.... we're all really scared that you might do something to harm yourself."

Squall cocked an eyebrow at that. Was he really such a mental case when he lost someone? He'd never thought about hurting himself even once in all the time he's been hauled up in his room. His friends are just being overly dramatic. Hn. Not that he's one to talk- its July!

"So please.... either you come out of this funk you're living in now.... or you see a therapist to cope with grieving."

Squall looks into Zell's solemn gaze. He's never seen the blond this serious since the war days and that was a rare few times. Sighing, he gestures for Zell to get on with what he wants. "What do you wanna do?"

Smiling, he stands up. "Glad you're back! First we're gonna- well, first you should shower and change and then come outside with me for some good healthy activity." One fist pops atop the other. "What d'ya say?"

"Fine. But get out."

"So long as you promise not to lock the door to continue brooding."

Squall smirks in guilt. "Fine. I won't lock you out."

"Good. See you when you're done." He exits the room, closing the door after him.

Squall drops his head giving it a like shaking as he snickers. "July.... I do not grieve well." Walking into the bathroom he starts the shower, running his finger over the temperature bar until the green blocks go from yellow to red he presses the button for the shower watching and waiting for the spray of water to steam up the bathroom.

Removing his shirt then pants- boxers attached, as the jeans travel down his legs to pool at his ankles. Stepping out of them he kicks them away from the shower then steps inside under the hot spray. Even as he washed quickly he can feel invisible hands, belonging to Irvine, drifting over his body as though it were the foggy steam surrounding him. He tilts his head back into the touch along his neck; beneath the water he can almost swear its being kissed gently in the same way the water is rushing over his jugular and collar bone. Those ghostly hands join his own in his hair, scrubbing water into it madly to loosen the accumulated dirt. Adding shampoo he cleans himself from the top to down; blushing faintly as his hands would go over his lovers- at least they did in his mind. He's done this a few times- masterbation. He hardly thought it counted when he was sure the person touching was very much real and he never physically touched himself in the process of it.

He let out a sigh as the soapy rag caressed his sleepy muscles awake and by the time the final clumps of suds were cleared from his body he had to kneel down to catch his breath, both from the overheated bathroom and the images that played in his mind. Turning off the water, he exits the bathroom wrapped waist down in a towel. Freed from the haze he remembered suddenly that Zell was standing outside waiting for him. Checking the alarm clock on his desk he sees that only fifteen minutes has gone by. Scrubbing the towel over his body he allows a little moisture in his hair since he and Zell will be going outdoors anyway, it might actually help to keep him cool. He knows how Balamb summers can be just as harsh as Balamb winters at times. Dressing in a red fitted shirt and blue boxers and dark blue jeans he opens the door nearly bumping into Zell in his departure as the male was positioned before the door doing push-ups.

Clearing his throat he nudges the martial artist in the side with the tip of his sneakered foot. "Come on."

"Whoa!" He straightens up to standing. "Seifer usually takes forty five mintes to get showered and dressed."

Squall shrugged receiving a quaint blush from the blond.

"O- okay, let's move out." He latches onto the T-Board he brought over with him then starts away with pep in his step. He can't believe Squall is really getting out of that room. Maybe he can finally get him to stop moping and come around so that he isn't so sad anymore. "Where do you wanna go? I brought my board with me, maybe we could do some of that. Do you know how?"

"No."

"That's okay, I'll teach you." Humming now, the male makes a turn towards the exit.

Squall follows silently, arms crossed over his chest. He was having severe second thoughts. T-Boarding! Zell couldn't be serious about that. But as they made it outside of the building he can tell that the athletic blond is very serious.

"Its very simple, you just" Placing the grafitti covered board down on the grass he stands on it. "place it down then stand on it; grab this little handle back here and press this button."

A puff of smoke and drabble of flame produced itself under the board before it lifts from the ground hovering. Zell couldn't control a delighted laugh as he floats above the ground on his beloved mechanism.

"And its weight sensative so all you need to do is lean in the direction that you want to go in."

He examples this by leaning forward. The board darted forward at the males command. Zell did circles around his friend with ease calling out cheers of freedom and excitement; he came to a stop before Squall with a flashy spin trick that he followed up by hopping off. Squall was unimpressed, and annoyed at the stares he's getting from cadets hanging around outside.

"You want a turn? To go fast you just have to twist the handle the ignition is on." He holds out the board a big grin on his face.

Letting out a sigh consideration he snatches the craft from the male placing it down on the grass. Stepping onto he can see the glee on his friends face that he's going to do as he asks. Pressing the button the craft jumped a bit too quickly.

"Just lean." Zell instructs as though Squall might have forgotten.

Not really wanting to be in the air he leans his weight forward and the machine darts off carrying him with it- for the most part as his feet are rocked he staggers backwards hitting the ground on his butt, hard.

Zell looked both surprised and a little like he were going to laugh. "Are you alright?" He called before dashing over.

"Stupid board, you didn't say it was hard to stay on it."

"I never noticed."

Grunting in agitation, he stands brushing the grass from his jeans. Retrieving the craft he steps onto it again, starting it up, only this time he leaned a little less forward and was rewarded by the board gliding smoothly forwards.

"That's the way!" Cheers Zell.

"Hm." Turning the handle the board jerks forward before taking off for the forest.

"H- huh? Squall! Where're you going!?" He cups his hands at his mouth. "Squall!! Oh man, the others are gonna kill me if he comes back with broken limbs." Darting off after the male he has to duck as Squall shoots out of the woods and over his head. "Ahehe, I take it he's used to it now. Wait for me! I'm gonna get my spare!" He shouts but he doubts the fired up brunet heard a word he'd said.

The two were outside for hours and the sun was starting to go down when they decided to stop. Laying out in the grass, Squall stares thoughtfully up at the orange sky; the clouds drifting through it are a deep purple. Zell is sitting beside his friend, one knee bent the other out-stretched.

"Nice sunset." Comments the martial artist.

"Yeah."

"Hey, wanna know what's been going on lately? Its not the most life changing news you'll ever hear but its better than sitting in silence, right?"

"So long as I don't have to talk, sure."

"Cool." He eargerly readjusts his sitting position to a slight lean onto one arm, legs curled beside him. "Now let's see.... Quistis got a invite for a date to the summer festival, by Nida- the guy won't give up on her." He laughs to himself. "Then there's Selphie, she's pumped because she's putting the whole thing together and I gotta tell ya the school doesn't look half bad. Not my choice of colors but that's summer, right?"

Squall only blinked to the comment; he hadn't noticed any decorations in the school as they were leaving, although, to be fair, he was watching the back of Zell's head as he followed him out.

"Are you gonna come to the festival? You don't have to dance or anything."

"Maybe."

"I think you should- I mean, at least do it for Selphie, she's worked so hard on it and you know she loves you to de-..." He had to bite his words back as they were definitely the wrong choice of words to say to someone who's grieving a lost loved one. "Anyway, Rinoa and me signed up for yoga at the gym but we can only go in our free time. She'll be back from her mission Thursday, if you wanna ask her to the festival."

"Why would I do that?"

"Because its a nice gesture." He grins with an air of being up to nothing. "Aaand Seifer's become a bottom now- can you believe it!"

"I wanna see it."

Taken aback the blond asks. "See what?"

"Irvine's grave."

Zell made a small sound in the back of his throat. He really didn't think the matter would come up, he was supposed to distract him from that- hell, he thought that he had! Scratching the back of his head nervously, he clears his throat. "Why would you wanna do that?"

"You don't have to come with me." Squall says; a far away look in his dual colored eyes.

"I.... I should go with you."

"Because I'll kill myself- tch. Don't patronize me Zell.... I just... I just wanna see it."

Zell was very unsure about that being a good idea, but he couldn't very well say no- it'd be rude! So standing up he brushes off the back of his shorts, then brushes off his hands before reaching out to help the male up from the grass. Squall looks at the offered hand, sitting up he took a hold of it; he didn't need it but he could tell that maybe Zell did. Irvine was Zell's best friend, it can't be easy for him having his second banana gone either. And yet, he's holding up alright.

_'That's unfair to say, I don't know Zell in his private time. But still, he can put up a better face than me.'_ Tapping his hand against his side he gestures with his other hand for Zell to lead the way.

"We're walking?"

"I don't see why not, its only twenty minutes away- we'll run, it'll go quicker." With that he took off without looking back.

"Wait for me!" He dashes off after the male. The others were going to kill him.

.................

Squall looks down at his lovers headstone; kind and short words were chiseled into it: **Kind and Brave, loved and loving. He will be missed.** Swallowing hard, he can feel tears sting his eyes from where he was sure they had dried up. But they spilled from his eyes without fail and he dropped heavily to his knees, arms wrapping around the warm stone. "I'm sorry I didn't visit you." He managed to get out before completely falling apart with sobs and cries.

Zell stands behind the male, unsure of what to do. Does he hold him? or does he let him have this private moment? Choosing the former he takes a few steps forward to place a hand onto Squall's shoulder; if the brunet turned around for a hug, he'll give it to him but if he doesn't at least he knows that he's not alone. Zell used to come, but... eventually he stopped as it became too sad. Irvine's not even down there, he's just speaking to a peaceful gesture. Tears well in his own eyes; maybe he's gonna need some of that offered comfort as well. Wrapping his arms around Squall's back he lets his tears fall from his eyes.

Irvine rubs his sleepy eyes. He's been in the work shop all day making tiny wooden statues to be shipped to who knows where. He found that the Shumi's did do a few things for a bit of profit, other things they did only for the pleasure.

"How are things going Karver?" Asks Sculptor placing his large hands onto the humans shoulders.

"Last one." He can't hide the sleepy tone in his voice.

"Wonderful! You work very fast."

"Thanks." He takes a single slice from the statues antler then holds it up. "Done. You like it?"

"Its brilliant work as usual. Shumi's have never had such a skill as yours, as you can see our large hands make it very tough to make such intricate cuts and designs."

"That's okay, you can have me as long as you want me." He grins.

Sculptor smiles warmly at the male. He's become just a favorited dear to the tribe, and because of his skills has earned the name Karver, with a 'K' due to the initials found on the clothes he had arrived in. His first name, though rarely used, is Imari meaning a multicolored Japanese porcelean given by his unusual looks compared to their own. I.K. all cut and dry.

"I sense you're restlessness, you may go off to bed now if you'd like."

Nodding, Irvine stands.

"Although, if you could go to the front gate and get some shadow stone that would be wonderful. We have to apply the eyes to the animals and we're out."

"No problem."

Leaving the work shop he can't help but yawn into his palm. Living here is wonderful; he doesn't what kind of life I.K. had but it can't compare to this one. Its like living off the land without really doing it. He gets meals- granted he'd like a nice juicy steak sometimes he's surprisingly learned to live without it and other meat. He wondered numorous times about fish being acceptable, though, but never gets around to asking about it. Work is long and laboring but he's happy to do it. These people saved his life- he didn't even know it was on the line but here he is among people- well, life that wants him to stick around. He a perfect stranger. Even the Shumi's that were apprehensive at first treat him as though he were one their own. The only real complaint he has is the cold. He is not a cold person and rarely ventures outside because of that; he's even taken to wearing the jeans he'd washed up on shore with under his robes for extra warmth.

Getting onto the elevator he takes a seat waiting out the ride. He can already feel a slight chill in his bones as he reaches the surface of the dome. He didn't know how the guards did it. Bowing his head to the four men standing before their valued product; they bow back stepping aside for him.

"I just need a bit." He explains knowing he doesn't really have to. Stooping down he takes a small pick to uplift some of the shadow stone from the ground where its formed. A large hunk of onyx stone lifts into his grasp, bits of brown and white show through the dark clear surface. It reminded Irvine a bit of sunglasses- he once had this really gaudy pair and wore it to the beach with-.... "Mmm." He grunts, a hand coming up to his forehead.

The four men look a bit concerned but Irvine waves it off. It happened sometimes, the pains in his head. It scared the Shumi a bit but Elder said it must be his memory returning to him. Irvine thought his memories were pretty cheap if that were the case because he only ever saw little things and there were never any people around him. What was up with that? Was he a very lonely person? The thought bothered him at night sometimes, he wondered about how he'd gotten in the water in the first place. Was he trying to commit suicide? Was he that kind of person? It bugged him to think so, but then he couldn't dwell too much on it when he's so happy now, right?

"See you guys around." He waves his goodbye when his minds ceased its spinning.

"Good night Karver." The man say out of sync.

Dropping off the stone for the sculptors, Irvine then walked about for a bit longer to let Pal stretch out his wings. The bird normally flew about the village, minding its own business, causing no trouble so the tribe didn't mind it but other times he'd stay in his bedroom. So Irvine would have to take him out for a work out. The barbie-sized bird perches on his owners shoulder when he enters the room; tapping Irvine on the side of the head with its beak as a means to say 'hello'.

"How have you been? You didn't go all over everything did you?"

The bird made a low _skrawk_ as if to say it would never do something like that. Irvine laughed petting it atop its head.

"I know you wouldn't. Just checking." Taking off his robes, he changes into his pajamas, which are just another pair of robes only with different colors. "You wanna go out for a walk?" Receiving two pops to the side of the head he nods heading for the exit.

The night air is always warm, comfortable and hugging. It could knock you clean out to sleep if you were to lay down for even a minute. No stars though. He watches the shumi's as they pass by going to where they need to go or to home. Pal left his shoulder to retrieve a frog from the lake, bringing it back between its talons it drops the writhing amphibian onto the dirt pinning it down before digging in. Irvine watched with envy.

"You think I should ask about the fish thing too, huh?" He takes a seat on the ground, knees drawn up, arms hang loosely upon them. "You know what else I'm thinking about doing? Going out on deliveries- I know I don't like the cold but, surely, they have a way to get passed that. I wanna see the world a little bit."

The bird eyes his owner making quick chirps while continuing to pick at its dinner.

"Don't be mad, I'll take you with me of course." He laughs. He's never seen a jealous animal before- of course he's never known many animals that he can recall. Pulling his knees in closer he wraps his arms around them, resting his chin upon them. Secretly, he wondered if there were any one out there... missing him. Hn. If he did throw himself into the water, he highly doubted he were missed. Smiling suddenly, he holds his arm out. "Come on, I'm exhausted. I'll bring your dinner with us." He scoops the mangled frog into his hand; Pal hops up his extended arm until it reaches its favorite resting place. "Yeah, I should stop worrying about it. Things here are great and i wouldn't trade it for anything." Receiving a happy sound of birdy-cheers he laughs walking them back to their home.


	14. Decisions, decisions

A.N: Thank you so much for your review Jade Almasy. The next chapter will be mostly Irvine.... I think. I don't know, we'll see how it goes. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the chapter, thank you for reading and reviewing if you do.

................

July 20th

Balamb Garden was beautifully decorated for the summer festival that stretched into Balamb town which its parked next to. The ramp is lowered on the port to allow civilians to come and go into the place as they please- though they have to be cleared, but its mostly a minor precaution. Streamers hang from homes, balloons are tied to anything in sight and since this is a party by Selphie we're talking about, it has a touch of little to large suns hidden here and there for the participants to count and guess how many there are to win prizes. Anyone willing to celebrate summer while still finding time to look out for hidden suns can grab a card from a small dispenser, that used to hold tickets for some function or another, and with a pen make little marks upon it or simply write the answer down with their name and turn it in by the end of the festival. The prizes range from really nice to trinketish, earrings or electronics to silly things like flashing yo-yo's or hand-crafted things. As cheesy as the idea was the whole town was having a ball; loud music blasted from a speaker coming from the Garden, things that anyone could dance to whether you're old or young.

"Get back here Sabastian!" Calls a mother as her silly son dashes about the crowd of towners.

Quistis smiles sympathetically at the woman who passes by her to go after her child. She knows what handfuls are like, she had a large kid to look after once. Speaking of, she wonders where Seifer is. Out of all her friends he's the only one she hasn't seen yet. He must still be in Garden. Ducking her head from an oncoming sway of rainbow colored balloons, the attendant spots Selphie giggling as a boy she's seen once or twice hands a stuffed pig to her. Walking over to the girl the boy blushes deeply before finding his way away from the two girls. Bravery alone is one thing, but few men are brave when faced with a crowd.

"What a weirdo, right?" Says Selphie. "He has to know my heart is with Sir Laguna." Though she craddles the stuffed animal lovingly.

Shaking her head, Quistis lays a hand on the girls shoulder. "Honey, let that ship sail."

"Whaat? It could happen... a long, tidious night, I'll be older and he'll think of me." She smiles as though it were a fact rather than prayer to Hyne.

"Note the key word 'old', Selphie he'll only become older as well." She begins to walk along side the, now, moving girl. "He's fiifty nine, isn't he?"

"Is he?" Selphie twist her mouth up. "He doesn't look a day over twenty seven."

"Give or take a well placed deep wrinkle."

"Why are you being so negative; can't you tell when a girl is _dreaming_ happily." A soft laugh escapes her mouth. "Beep beep." She pops the pig to Quistis's nose. "You seen Squall? I tried looking for him but I haven't seen him anywhere around. Its getting late and I know how much he likes fireworks."

"I haven't seen him. Did you check the dorms?"

"Yup. He wasn't there."

"Then I haven't the slightest idea."

Passing a booth, the two wave their hands to a man who offers them something sweet to drink from a selection of sodas, juices, and iced teas. Three kids run screaming by with balloons bouncing violently behind them as their strings get tugged with the child they're floating behind.

"I can't believe he spent so much time locked up in his room.... You think he'll be all right, don't you?"

Quistis could only suck in her bottom lip offering at least to think about the question. "Irvine was very special to Squall, so there's a good chance it'll take up to a full year before Squall starts to act like the Squall we've come to know; it'd be wise not to pressure him to come out of his shell too much."

"I know." Selphie frowns a second. "I just wish losing people was easier. I still think about Irvine too, he was fun to be around and Matron was right, he was always quick to help someone." Stopping her pace to nowhere, her head lowers. "I can't help but think that if one of us had gone on that mission with him then.... then he would be alright."

"I don't know if it would have mattered.... he had a full, experienced, squad with him but they were helpless to the matter and we would have been as well."

"Quistis is right." Squall says.

Both girls look as though they'd just been blasted in the face with ice water. They had no idea that they were being listened to, by Squall especially. Unsure of what to say or do they only stare waiting for the explosion or the downfall.

"The place looks really nice Selphie, you did a good job decorating."

"Mm...." She made a sound in her throat before the words actually came out. "Thank you."

Looking between the two of them, he smiles- another frightening sight as Squall never usually offers up even the smallest smile unless something is really, uncontrollably, pleasent to him. "You guys can relax, I feel.... a little better about it all."

"Really?" Selphie eased her frightened expression into a smile. "That's good! I missed you so much." She throws her arms around the male's hips, resting her head against his chest.

"Really. I... I don't know, spending the day with Zell made me feel a little foolish for just ditching you guys because I was upset." He looks to Quistis since Selphie's face is burried in his chest. "I've been selfishly grieving alone when you guys are upset too; we should be helping each other through the pain."

Nodding, the blonde smiles herself. "That's right."

"I'm just hurt, though, I... I didn't go to Irvine's funeral and I never once visited the cemetery. He must think I'm a real ass."

"He wouldn't!" Selphie removes herself from the male she considers a brother. "He knows you, almost better than we do, or you do... he knows that you'll need time. But you did go?"

"Yeah." He whispers; eyes shading as he recalls what happened after.

3 days later Laguna Loire was able to leave the presidential palace to visit his son. Squall had a meltdown after returning from the cemetery; he told Zell that he wanted to be left alone then went insane. He broke things, cursed, cried, punched walls- everything! But most of all he hated.... he hated deeply and seriously. And in those three days that he'd waited for Laguna, Squall Leonhart hated Irvine Kinneas. He hated the way the bastard walked into his life all smiles and smug, as if, he were trying to show him up with cool demeanor; to top it all off he hit on the girls making trips very uncomfortable since he had to play the bad guy and babysit the creep. He hated that stupid cocky smile, and that confident way he just would say whatever the hell he wanted without consequence. Guys like him are- well, guys like him are Seifer, actually, but even Seifer has enough humanity in him to not get into people's hearts while slapping them in the face at the same time. He lets you know right off the bat what he wants or expects of you and gives you absolutely nothing in return, anything you feel towards him becomes your own fault but not Irvine; he gets inside of you and holds you close making you feel so loved and so wanted just to do something stupid to let you down- hard. He refers to anyone with some sweet little refrence 'darlin', 'little missy', 'shorty', 'partner' never once thinking that giving people nicknames might actually sting a little when they're easily dropped onto someone else when they're actually meant only for you. He continues to flirt with women, though, he's clearly going out with a man. The key thing being that he's with someone! But does Irvine care? No. And does Squall say anything about it? No. Because that damned bastard and his broken little cats smile melts any bit of anger he's managed to summon towards the male into nothing. And Squall hates Irvine's eyes. They're always looking at him with love but there's something missing; every single time they lay in bed together and talk Irvine will look at him asking silent questions or giving silent pleas and yet, he refuses to tell you whats on his mind- although, true, he, Squall, is also guilty of that he at least has a clear cut reason for it and doesn't hide the fact that he likes to keep things to himself if he can help it.

But after all the rage and anger he found himself crying once again; laying on his bed stomach down, arms folded under the pillow he's laying his head on and he just shut off. He was almost ready to fire a shot through the door when he heard a knock. But Laguna called through it to let Squall know that it was him.

"Come in." His voice said no louder than it could go but luckily the man heard and let himself into the room.

Squall remained lying down, remained silent for a good hour. Laguna remained silent as well, though, he's sitting in the seat at the broken male's desk; hands clasped together, head dipped, waiting for Squall to tell him why he'd called him there. Truthfully, he was just happy that his son had called him, made contact. He knew what it was about, it could only be one thing really. But wanted to wait out Squall telling him rather than just jumping in to try to make it better. Oh he's never been any good at waiting. Standing from the seat, he gets before the bed.

"Sorry."

Before Squall can figure out what the man is sorry for he feels the bed dip in where Laguna has taken a seat and once the man is situated he lays his head and shoulders right down on his back. Squall growls as a warning, for all the good it did though because Laguna only separates his hands as a shrugged apology.

"If you're gonna lie around through this than so am I." He explains gently. Swallowing he asks in a sincere tone. "This is about Irvine, isn't it?"

Squall sniffled. He has no tears only the raw, heavy feeling of sadness in his body but he nods; face to the wall so Laguna can't see him.

"Where are you?"

Squall seemed to curl in on himself at the question; Laguna felt the tension through his son's back, regardless how little he physically moved.

"Anger, huh?" Laguna huffs out a laugh. "I spent a little time in anger, that's for sure. Everytime I woke up and remembered how I missed out on the love of my life I was angry; and though I knew that her absense in my life wasn't her fault at all, I just couldn't stop being angry at her. I wanted- revenge! Emotional revenge for the way her absense left me feeling. I was sad all the time, and that song just kept playing on the radio- especially after she passed away. It was damn hard to forget about her and that _one_ night we'd spent together in the hotel room."

Squall can feel little wet dots cooling his back from Laguna's escaping tears after having opened an old wound.

"You may not know this, but I went back to her room that night and we... well, you know. I felt so stupid for talking her ear off when I'd finally gotten to meet her, I wanted to apologize and it just sort of happened."

Squall then wondered if that were some sort of confession to how he'd ended up in an orphanage. But he didn't question it.

"The worst part for me is that the next day, when Ward and Kiros and I left we ran into some trouble and I got hit on the head and lost my memory; I would hear Julia's song playing on the radio and it always seemed so familiar to me but the woman that I was staying with kept me from learning about her until the very last moment. I was so happy, I thought- this is my chance! I'm going to be brave and confess my love to her and marry her.... I found out that Julia was already married to another man and I was angry all over again; but then I found out that she'd waited for me; the song she sang was a song for me- like her way of making contact, but I was kept from it.... and I lost her... then she gave birth and she died.... I was mad at the world, and I was mad at Julia for not trying harder to find me- I had amnesia! I didn't know what was going on or where I was... I only had that small glimmer of who I used to be and that song trying to jog my memory."

"I have Irvine's hat." Squall says quietly. "He would see me in the hall sometimes and he'd..." His voice breaks. "He would put it on my head and pop it down tight." He'd shake his head as a smile comes to his mouth. "He'd never say anything about it, nothing more than doing it and continuing his conversation with whomever he was with at the time."

Laguna chuckles. "Don't you hate it when they leave you with little things."

"Yes. ....I've been wearing it sometimes but... its not the same without him putting it there, though."

"And you hate him for that too."

Nodding he releases a dry sob.

"But once the anger passes, once the reminders stop haunting you, you realize that you can make it- unless denial hasn't hit you yet, but since you didn't show for the funeral I think it already has. And as the stages wander in and out of you and no more bargains can be made of when you'll feel better and when you won't, you'll see that you really are beginning to feel better."

"How? How do I live without him? It takes me so long to fully let people in and not feel like at some point I'm gonna get screwed over by them and then he does this- how can it get better for me?"

"You find outlets. I chose traveling, writting... anything that would allow me to feel for it what I felt for her. Julia, like myself, loved to travel- she told me that- but she couldn't do it as much as she liked. And for me, writting about the places that I've been is like, I'm telling her the stories of where I've been so that in a sense she can be there too." He smiles. "I leave magazines for her magazines everytime I get a story published."

Squall thinks silently about the things that make him feel alive and things that made him feel Irvine.

"Do you have anything like that, Squall?"

A smile came to his face and he turned his head meeting his father's green gaze. "He loved those damned birds." He chuckles softly. "They always amazed him for some odd reason. ....He's always joking about this and that," The more he speaks the further away his new found anger slithers. "but the thing that always made me smile about Irvine is how much he cared for people- general company; he didn't even care whose, just so long as someone was there."

And it hit Squall like a smack in the face. Tilting his head to the side a bit, Laguna asks.

"Hm? What is it?"

"Can you get up," He starts to shift on the bed. "there's something that I have to do."

Sitting up the president says. "Sure, but what are you doing?" He watches as his son grabs his boots from under the bed.

"I'm gonna take your advice and remember Irvine by doing what he loved to do ....I'm gonna be there for someone."

...............

"Come on Squall, let's win some prizes." Selphie takes his hand steering him to a booth.

He allowed her to do this since it wouldn't kill him to tag along with the excited girl; He just hopes that his news later won't break all their hearts. It took him a very long time to come to terms with what all must be done to do what it is that he has to do, but in the end it would be for the better- not just for him, but for everyone involved.

"Have you seen Seifer and Zell?"

Selphie releases his hand grabbing a watergun taking aim at a clown with a balloon nose. "Nope. They're probably inside Garden since they're nowhere out here- knowing Zell he's pigging out on the all-you-can-eat hotdog buffet." She giggles at the thought of a puffed up Zell saying that he shouldn't have gone in for that last one as he rubs his over-sized stomach.

"Do you need them for something?" Asks Quistis. "I can go locate them for you."

"No, its fine. Let's just enjoy the festival." He grabs a gun, as well, taking a seat beside Selphie.

Zell arched his back from the mattress; breaths coming in and out of him in ragged huffs of air. His thighs were actually starting to hurt from the sheer strength from the back of his lovers thighs slapping against his lap. It amazed Zell for a moment how, even when on top, he's on the bottom but upon opening his eyes he sees the beauty that is Seifer Almasy hunched over him, darkened over, warmth coloring his face a bit, well-managed hair a complete mess of long strands hanging forward. Covered, almost like a cave, within his lovers massive form Zell lets out a deep groan; knee bending as his thigh tenses with a shockwave of pleasure coursing through his veins. He wants so badly to run his hands over his lovers smooth, yet, toned torso but his wrist are pinned and his arms are over his head.

The two slipped away from the festivities for an hour to get some alone time. Its been a while for them both and the mood just took over. Zell moans loudly, back at a curve when Seifer's muscular thighs tense at his sides clenching them securely between them. The taller blond raised his hips up wordlessly telling Zell to buck up into him. The shorter male complied, thrusting his hips up into his lover. Seifer tilts his head back in a groan, and releases one of Zell's hands to watch and feel the martial artist as he jerks him off with his strong, nimble, hands.

Seifer snickers through a pant that, though Zell's hand is wrapped around his length, with the way he's bucking up into his body while jerking him off it looks as though the shorter male is pleasuring himself.

Outside of the room Rinoa walks up to the door but pauses before knocking when she hears the sounds coming from the other side- amazingly though, because the music from the loudspeaker is much louder in the school than in town. If she'd known that_ that_ is what the two men were up to she would have waited a little longer or delayed her searching of the dorms by a good few minutes more. By the sound of the two men it would have only taken them that few minutes to wrap it up. She caught up with the others outside after coming from the Quad where she had been socializing and dancing, having a few snacks and playing a few games; but the four of them had decided to have dinner together but they were missing two people so Rinoa volunteered to find them. She couldn't help but wonder if Squall would be embarrassed if He had been the one to find them. Men seem more proud of each other in these situations than a woman.

When the pants slowed down; she sucked in her nerves then knocked on the door_._ "Seifer! Zell!?" She had to make it sound as though she'd just walked up or she'd never stop blushing. "Are you guys in there?! Its me Rinoa!" Listening, she can hear the two scrambling about the room in a hurry. That only made her blush deepen but she tried very hard to school it away.

"J-just a minute Rin'! We're coming!" Called Zell through the door_._

It took a good few minutes before the door opened revealing the two blond's of the group. Smiling sweetly, she waves a hand.

"We're gonna have pizza together and Squall has something important to tell us so I came to find you" She laughs nervously. "I found you."

Zell laughs as well but his is more of 'aren't you cute' laugh. "We were just... you know, trying to escape the chaos."

Walking past his boyfriend, Seifer says with a roll of his eyes. "She knows what couples do when the door is locked, Dincht, let's just get this meeting over with so we can get back to it."

Rinoa has to give Seifer points for having no shame as both she and Zell lit up like a red bulb, hers a little more than his when the shorter blond had the guts to say.

"Again?" Before following after his tormenting love.

_'I've got to make friends that are a little more discreet.' _Thinks the young woman.

The three meet with Squall, Selphie, and Quistis outside under a tent that covers six large picnic tables that have blue checkered table clothes covering them and, thankfully, a cheap cushion covering the full length of the wooden bench.

"There you guys are," Says Selphie as if the two had chose to walk up at that time rather than their being found by Rinoa. "we didn't wanna start without you. Look! Squall's here!" She points out the male.

"I wondered what that creepy looking statue was beside Trepe." Seifer takes a seat on the other side of the lion. "Are you feeling better now Princess? I notice you haven't been around the Garden halls since you went out with

Dinky, don't tell me its because you back pedaled again- that's so weak."

"Seifer." Hissed Quistis, who's across from him.

The male shrugged. "If you didn't want me to say anything smart you should have cut me off before I finished."

"Seifer's got a point." Says Squall- much to everyone's surprise.

Smiling, the male says. "See, even Leonhart agrees."

"To what?" Asks Quistis.

"Okay you two! Retreat to neutral corners." Says Zell. "Hyne, you two are starting to verbal fight more than Seifer does with Squall."

"You're right, I'm sorry Seifer. I'll try to keep myself more composed to your antics."

"Thank you." He grins triumphantly at his victory.

"Ahaha, I'll get the pizza's but I'm only making one trip so you'd better say something if you want anything specific." Selphie pulls her legs from under the table, standing up.

"Meat," Says Seifer. "and lots of it."

"Umm, can you get extra cheese and mushrooms?" Requests Rinoa sweetly.

The others didn't really care either way.

"Back in a sec'." Dashing away she parts her way to the middle of the line.

Leaning an elbow on the table, Seifer cocks his head to see his rivals face as he speaks. "So what's this news you have to tell us, anyway? And it'd better be good because I'm wasting a lot of good quality time with Zell to be here for it."

Squall only spared the male a glance. He wasn't going to say anything until Selphie got back and he remains quiet while waiting.

"Here we are." Announces the spunky girl; Selphie managed to carry four trays back with her, one tray held in each hand and another one tray resting on her short arms. She looked like she were ready to topple over any minute.

"Hold on." Zell gets up from the table snagging the two from the girls arms setting them down on the table. "There you go, Sel'." He sits back down.

"Thank you Zell." She giggles. Setting her trays down, she takes her seat as well.

The seven grab a few slices digging into delicious bite after bite; all silently wondering when Squall is going to tell them what he has to say. Squall couldn't help taking his time eating but after the third slice was nearly finished he sets it down then clears his throat to get their, already perked, attention.

"You guys... I've quit Garden."

There was silence.

"....Did you hear me?"

They nodded in a mechanical fashion that they heard the devistating news.

"Does Matron know?" Selphie asks.

Nodding, Squall says. "I told her that I can't be a part of the military anymore- not as commander anyway."

"But why!?" Zell can't believe his ears. What is Squall thinking?!

"Yeah, how can you be so stupid? We're the best gunblade weilders in the whole damned school" Complains Seifer. "Who the hell am I gonna spar with now?"

Squall shrugs. "Seifer you and I can still spar, it's not like I'm going off to die or anything. I've just decided that I need to live a safer life.... since I'm going to be raising Kait."


	15. Going On

Quistis sits in Edea Kramers office; filing papers in her hold while resting on her lap. She's wondering just how to approach the subject of Squall's leaving Garden with her but she can't think of a thing beyond telling the woman who pratically raised her that she was insane for letting their dear friend go without a fight. She can respect his wanting to do something right by the baby in Irvine's name but she just doesn't believe that he can- muchless that he sincerely wants to. Squall loves being a member of Garden and from what she can tell by the expression on his usually pensive face he really likes being SeeD commander. So why would he decide to just leave it all to raise a child whose mother may come back for him and who already has comfortable living conditions with Ellone Loire. Since Irvine died things are just slipping from life's grip to join him.

Ceasing her writing, Edea looks over at her assistant with a worried expression. "Quistis, is something bothering you?"

The younger woman adjust her glasses before releasing a sigh to allow her voice out without cracking on her- hopefully. "Edea... was it wise to let Squall go. He isn't thinking clearly- I'm sure of it. When Squall is in pain he can be very brash and indecisive, surely you know that he's making a huge mistake by doing this."

"Honestly, I know Squall better than he thinks" She turns in her seat so that she's facing the distraught blonde. "and what he's doing is very noble, it could be good for his character. As far as leaving Garden he tried to get out of it but I stopped him."

"How do you mean? He told us the other day that he's quit."

"I asked Squall to stay on as an exam monitor. He won't be called on in the line of duty as he wished but he will still be a part of Garden."

Relieved Quistis held a hand to her chest to calm her rapidly beating heart a little. "That's wonderful news, I'll be sure to tell the others."

The headmistress laughs to herself. "You're all so caring of each other; its very sweet to see."

"Sometimes in life, whether you're surrounded by new faces or not, you feel like those closest to you are all you have." She smiles softly. "I'm never gonna stop feeling like a big sister to any of the others and I hope that deep down they'll never stop seeing me that way."

"I'm sure they will not."

Resuming her work duties Quistis thumbs through the folders in her lap but a laugh escapes her mouth as a thought occurred to her. "Squall, sitting in that room monitoring cadets while they take an exam, don't they have enough to worry about without the Lion of Balamb breathing down on them."

Edea laughs as well. "I know what you mean, the thought had crossed my mind ten minutes after I'd offered the job. He'll do great at it- minimal talking, maximum intimidation."

The two women laughed heartily.

In the warmth of the summer night; Seifer and Selphie are taking a walk down by the peer. The blond is idly knocking gravel into the dark water with his boot while Selphie walks quietly beside him, hugging herself as if she were cold regardless the 79 degree weather around her. The ex-knight was becoming impatient waiting for the girl to open her mouth, but he wasn't going to say anything less he release the flood gate for her tears. He had to wonder why Selphie wanted to take a walk with him in the first place. Zell would gladly have come out with her, but she wanted him- is she insane? He'll only make whatever is wrong with her worse- accident or otherwise. Just as he's ready to clear his throat to make the girl talk Selphie opens her mouth instead.

"Say something silly."

Just as he's about to roll his eyes over the girl telling him something that he's already heard before, he's taken aback by her strange request. "What?"

"Say something silly. Everyone else is acting strange, you may as well change too."

"Who's everyone? Zell is the same, Trepe is- as far as I can tell, Rinoa and I'm hardly changed."

"Aren't you? I've seen you around, Seifer- especially after Squall said that he's quitting." She stops walking to take a seat, letting her legs dangle off the wooden bridge. "You're gonna walk around in a huff and want all this private time with Zell to get over it and then I won't see you or him anymore either. It'll just be me and the other guys but then they'll feel all weird because everything is changing and then I won't have anyone."

Seifer had nothing to say to that, she wasn't completely wrong about it. He doesn't like the fact that the only physical entertainment- weapons-wise, is leaving Garden to retire and be a daddy. It doesn't make sense and it sucks ass but that's no reason to think he'll spiral into a great depression, that's more Quistis' bag. Sighing, he places a hand on her head to help himself sit down beside her. "You wanna hear something silly? How 'bout I say that I'll sleep with you every other day until you feel better about all the scary changes" He wriggles his fingers in her face at 'scary changes' "going on."

Chuckling, Selphie shoves Seifer by the shoulder. "Don't be weird."

"Why not? Its a mad world, you don't know what I'll do next." He grabs her by the shoulders shaking her like there's an earthquake.

That only made her laugh more. Seifer snickers as well, releasing his hold of her. Somewhere out in the distance a frog croaked before there was a splash of water from where it must have jumped into the ocean or fell on accident. The two are quiet for a moment just listening to the sounds around them not knowing what more there is to say.

"Selphie ....I'm not going to change, no one is" He elbows her. "trust me, this will all blow over by next month then we'll be the same old us minus one." He shrugs. "Shit happens, change happens, you can't avoid it no matter how hard you try- I might grow facial hair next week, there's no need for it to effect everyone personally. Its time we let all that _together forever_ stuff go and live realistically."

"What if I can't?"

"You can." Looking around as though he'll be caught on the spot he says to the girl. "You're one of the strongest people that I know, you only feel like you're cracking because everything is happening so suddenly. Give yourself the time to calm down the speed you feel you're in and it'll stop hurting so much."

"........."

"All right?"

".....All right."

"Good. Now come on, its late and I'm tired. I have a damned mission tomorrow and I need my ego rest for it." He stands up. "The only yawning from me will be false ones from how bad those idiot cadets are doing."

Snickering, she takes the offered hand up, brushing off her butt before bouncing along beside the tall male, who put a stop to it by placing a hand atop her head.

"First lesson in recovery, man up and stop bouncing about like that- you're like a gnat slamming into a window."

She only laughed while swatting at his intruding hand. "Whatever."

Seifer looks down at the girl beside him and taps her lightly on the shoulder. "Hey messenger, can I ask why you always choose me to have these little chats with?"

"Because, you won't try to comfort me in anyway, you'll tell me what to do and not care that you're being upfront about it. I can respect that. I can be pretty cut throat too, you know." She grins as though they're handing out trophies and she's getting one simply for shock factor.

"Yeah right." He gives her another playful shove.

* * *

Squall brushes his fingers gently through Kait's whispy brown bangs. Its his third night with the baby in his care and in those three days he's been living like he's been under attack with no relent; Ellone was right about what she'd said when he approached her about raising Kait, he would never sleep again. First timmers never do, she'd said. He thought that was a weird thing to say since he'd slept just fine when he and Irvine were caring for him before but without Irvine being the one constantly worried and awake here he is watching over the sleeping one year old. In those three days he's also been peed on, due to putting the diaper on incorrectly, had cereal flung at him- which wouldn't have been a problem if it weren't moist with drool. Why do babies like cheerios anyway? He's an adult and he's never once cared for them. He's also been jolted out of numerous attempts to sleep by the child waking up in a crying fit for reasons he can't yet figure out. He wondered how long it would be before the baby could be successfully potty trained. But he's sticking to his word and he's sticking by the baby.

"......I never told you this but, you're very lucky to have been loved by someone who would have given you everything he had just for being around." He cocks his head so that it rest on his forearm that's placed on the crib. "Irvine said to just 'be there' that its not the hardest thing in the world so I'm gonna do that for you. I'm gonna be here and keep Irvine's memory alive for you. ...I think its important that you know the man who cared about you when your parents didn't or maybe they did- I don't know much about it, hell, I don't know much about anything sometimes, but I know this ....you will be loved, the best way that I can." A tear came to his dual colored eye. "I promise."

He wouldn't have teared up but the fifth month that he was with Irvine, those words are exactly what he'd said to him. He didn't know from being a romantic boyfriend or even a boyfriend at all but he knew how to care and he knew that he could be someone to love Squall, he promised. Promises really are cheap because when they're made no one ever consideres the possibility that they'll die from an unknown cause. Look at him now with that promise under his belt. Living in Balamb town in an apartment, retired ...the only action he'll be making is seeing that people don't cheat on written exams- oooh, look out, he's got a red marker!

"I made the right decision; so far you're still intact and you even smile at me when I talk to you. And anything that I can't do Ellone will do it for me- at least this year anyway." He looks at the sleeping child. "Aren't you lucky? I'm not gonna start crying to wake you up. ....What do you say Kait, can I get some sleep tonight? Or are you gonna make noises to keep me awake with worry?"

Kait only slept away, completely unaware of anything being said or done around him.

"I'll take that as a, yes." He smiles. Kneeling down beside the crib he rests his head against the bars closing his eyes waiting for sleep to come- if it came.

September 3rd.

Irvine checks over the list of items he has to take into the town of Timber. Some gift shop opened up there and all the sculpters and Karvers have had their hands busy making up these little statues and trinkets that the shop owner asked for a month back. The longest project to do were these little wooden trains. Irvine felt like Santa's little elves with all the things he's been doing and the things that go on around him on a daily basis. He wondered if being a harvester or an attendant had a certain feel to it as well. It was hard to think about being crouched down or bent over pulling food all the time. He's pretty tall, he'd have back problems for days!

"You wanna come too, Pal?" He asks the bird that's been bouncing from foot to foot beside him since he left the village with the scouter.

They're just outside of the village, loading up two birds for the trip out. It'll take them a while to get there but the Chocobo's are amazing birds: light on their feet, and very fast. He couldn't help but think that if he'd had a place of his own he'd have at least six or seven of them to raise for his very own. But leaving the village seemed like a far away thought to him- at least in a perminant sense. Travelling about while they drop off deliveries has been good enough for him so far, very satisfying to wander without staying but at some point he thinks it would be kind of nice to see a life uncovered by the villages walls. This is his forth delivery. So far Irvine's been to Timber- once before, this is the second time out, a place called Deling, F.H.- that place mostely asked for statues or helpers with good engineering skills, and a town called Winhill- that was Irvine's favorite place of them all. He was sure that if he did decide to flee the nest he would live there, plus its right through the mountain so he wouldn't be but an afternoons ride away from the tribe.

Pal only needed the word 'come' to seat his self atop the Chocobo's head. The larger bird didn't seem to mind it just made a few low sqwaks to itself.

Scout situated himself upon the saddle of the bird, Robes drawn up about his waist exposing his yellow colored legs. Irvine lifts his robes as well, exposing black jeans as he mounts the birds back. The two Chocobo's stand easily with the weight of the men and items then await their command. Scout gave the reigns a snap and the bird started away for the mountains. Irvine follows. The trips are usually in silence but its a comfortable silence between them. Irvine takes in the scenery of each location while Scout merely stays a steady head, steering along to where they should go. But today was different because today Irvine has questions; lately he's been feeling- well, not so much feeling but waking up with another part of himself very much awake and don't get him wrong he's very capable of handling it but that's the problem- it! He's never heard any Shumi conversation lean towards sex or pleasure of any kind and he's curious to know about it. He knows that they're an entire tribe of men but should that mean that they can't like each other in the sense or at least help one another out so that it doesn't come to degrading themselves.

The amnesiac bundled the neck of the robe about his neck when they reached the cave. It always gets colder in inclosed places. There lanterns are already lit, glowing bright enough to create light and shadows throughout the cavern. Irvine always thought that if someone were to see them in the distance they might look pretty frightening all dressed in robes with large yellow bird beneath them, those big hats on their heads to cover them. The Shumi's are very secretive about their looks and don't like to flash themselves around very much. So Irvine has adapted to that as well. He won't willingly show his face to anyone and keeps his hands mostly covered by the long sleeves of his robe and other times he'll just shove the sleeves back to his elbows for some contact with the sun- he's gotten very pale. If that's abnormal to him at all, he honestly doesn't have a clue. Its weird to not be aware of oneself, to not know anything about you or who you were when you were that person. He kind of wished that someone would tell him something more than a few disgarded pieces of clothing.

Trying to think about it, he's alerted to the present by Pal's soft churling in his ear. "Sorry about that, its keeps happening sometimes." He says to the bird. Remembering that he had a question he leans forward trying to see the man's face. "Scout, can I ask you a question?"

"Yes." Answers the man.

"I've been waking up some mornings with..." He trailed off suddenly embarrassed.

"With?" The man pushes.

"With um..." He blushes. He'd really rather talk to medic about this, he feels closer to the man- plus he's a healer so that helps. He might have something to keep it from happening or at least naturally going away. "some problems."

"What problems?"

"You're not making this easy." Irvine says mostly to himself.

"Scout's not doing anything but waiting on what you have to ask."

Irvine chuckled guilty of making himself uncomfortable. "Its just that some mornings I have to.... sort of.... assist myself to get rid of a certain problem, you see."

"What problem?" He repeats.

"I get erections." He spat out bluntly kicking himself for it all the same.

Scout seemed to hear that but made no real response to it. "Well, what about it?"

"I just was kind of wondering because I have to" He swallows hard. "pleasure myself to get rid of them and I wanted to know if, you know, you and the others have the same problem?"

"And how is this a problem?"

"Its kind of gross, empty, creepy."

"Has Karver thought of just peeing it out?"

Irvine could have fell over from that statement. "Its not so easy to just do that."

"Well, then may Scout suggest becoming shameless in pleasuring yourself."

"But see, that brings me to another question... you and the others.. have you ever, you know, been intimate with each other?"

This time it was Scout who wanted to fall over. A deep blush spread across his face. "Scout can't say that Scout has or ever thought about it. But maybe someone in the village has."

"Is that all right?"

"Scout doesn't know, Karver will just have to ask Elder of it."

"I see." He scratches his chin.

They go quiet again. The trip through the cave brought them to Bika and they make their way to the train tracks hidden away along a path to a bridge that leads to Fisherman's Horizon. Irvine wondered if they'd get there by sun up; he loves being in the midst of town, all the people roaming about talking to each other. He loves being in crowds. The tribe is filled with Shumi's of all kinds- though he used to think he'd never be able to tell them apart, nevermind the similar names thing, but as time went on they all took on distinctive things about them so now he knows exactly whom he's speaking to whether there be two Sculptors or twelve.

Scout cleared his throat to get Irvine's rose smelling attention. "Has Karver had anyone in mind for his desired intimacy?"

Cocking a brow, Irvine puts on an amused smirk. Scout can be so uptight sometimes, which made it too fun to mess with him. "Well, there is someone" He lied. "a short guy, about your height to be exact ...he's good with traps and smart with the land. Kinda guy that makes a constant pout and often chooses not to talk when there's a whole world of things that he'd like to say. That's the kind- do you know him?"

The Shumi blushed a deeper red than before, its obvious that Karver is speaking about him. Straightening his back he says dryly. "Karver is foolish in effection then because a certain someone like that has no interest, no matter how curious it may become." Snapping the reigns a little harder he pushes the birds speed.

Laughing, he snaps his reigns as well to catch up. "And that scar on his cheek, talk about sexy!"

The shumi about teleported he wanted to get away from the situation so badly. What is wrong with this guy? Did he harrass his former comrads this way?

"Will you relax? I was only joking." He laughs a little more. "You should learn a few jokes, lighten your mood sometime."

"Scout's mood is just as it should be. Slacking gets you into danger, one must always be alert."

"Yes sir. I'm very alert, nothing gets past Imari Karver." He smiles sweetly earning another blush from his companion who chose then to glance at him.

Truth is, Scout has sort of liked spending this personal time with Karver all the other Shumi in the Tribe speak so kindly and highly of him, refering this of the great Laguna and that in comparison to the male. He was sort of curious all the time and then to get one on ones with him he can see why everyone is taken with the male. He's nice and attentive. But to think of such a thing as gaining pleasure from one another, its unheard of!

"Don't you love sunrise- I mean, its got nothing on sunset, but its pretty nice too."

"Its nice."

"Mhm." Looking on ahead he asks. "Its the right turn, right?"

"Yes, go on that way." He says when he realizes that he's slowed down and been passed.

"Let's get some speed going; I'll race you!" He calls over his shoulder already speeding away.

"Karver always does this." The shumi rolls his large black eyes but speeds off as well.

The bridge, hovering over the water, has train tracks running along it but as they turn the bridge of tracks turns to land laid. An hour later the two travelers end up outside of Timber, dismounting from the Chocobo's that lay down to wait patiently for the men. Unloading the items they've brought with them the two men enter the town. The men and women of the town often whisper when they see the shumi's come through because of their need to cover up most of the time. Its strange being whispered about but at the same time it feels kind of exciting being the focal point of attention.

"Hey Scout, do you think we can stop for something to eat here?" Asks Irvine. "I've been dying for a bacon sandwich, I'll treat you."

"Scout does not eat meat- here's the shop." He says checking the address.

Entering the shop behind the male he continues his pestering for something guilty to eat. "I know you don't, they have all kinds of things to eat, though. ....You can get a veggie omlette- no wait, that's meat too isn't it?"

"We have a duty first, we can discuss eateries afterwards." Ringing the bell on the counter with his large yellow hand he waits quietly while watching his companion fidget beside him.

"Well its the happy delivering men from the Shumi tribe!" Greets the store owner, arms spread wide as if he's going to hug them by dragging them over the counter. "Come to the back, we can get a good look at everything there." He waves them over to where he's going.

Walking around to the side of the desk the two pass through a swinging door then cross behind the desk to a tiny room in back where the store owner is.

"My nephew will set these things up in the store," Explains the owner. "so you don't have to worry about that. I just need to check that the order is correct, right?"

"And sign here." Says Irvine holding out a clipboard with a piece of paper attached to it.

Emptying the contents of the sacks he checks through the order he's made. Tiny cars and wooden statues litter the table, a few mini stone carved statues are among the items but the thing the man is most impressed with is the eleven car train, beautifully crafted by Irvine and hand painted in such a way it would be a shame to make it out to be just some toy when it should sit upon a shelf for adoration.

"You men do beautiful work, you should expand your business- make it so that every town has a shop with your works in it. You'd make a killing." He looks at the two with a twinkle in his brown eyes.

"We are but a humble tribe. Money is a necessary but we do not whorship it. Thank you for your business. Good day." He bows exiting.

"You're welcome." Irvine shrugs reclaiming the clipboard and carrying sacks. "See you next order."

"Of course. Say-... young man!"

"Hm?"

"....Forgive my rudeness but, you're human aren't you?"

"Yeah."

Nodding, the man is compelled to ask. "You live with them, the men of the shumi tribe?"

"Mhm."

"Were you born there?"

"No. I just sort of fell into it."

Wanting nothing more in the matter the man nods to bid Irvine a farewell.

Tipping the brim of his wide hat he leaves the store.

"You said something about a breakfast?"

Grinning, he says. "Thanks, I owe you one."

"Forget about it; let's just get it quickly and get on our way back to the village."

"All right. Come this way." He leads them to a restaurant not far from the man's shop. It serves coffee and bagels filled with sweet cheeses or fruits, savories and other things. "We can get something for everyone." The human shumi takes a deep whiff of the air inside the shop. "Smells so good in here." He removes his hat smoothing out his irritatingly long hair. He's been meaning to ask one of the tribe members to cut it for him but hasn't gotten around to it. Living there can be very fullfilling as far as things to do but he never really gets a moment for small talk somedays so when he has questions he's often so distracted he forgets to ask. Placing his hat back atop his head he walks over to the counter. "Excuse me, can we have an order of.... I'm not sure, thirty five cinnamon rolls and one bacon, egg, and cheese bagel to go?"

"Of course." Says the woman with a smile to them before she loads up a box with the pastries. "I saw you just now, when you removed your hat... Have I seen you before?"

"You might have, we've been here once before making deliveries."

The woman smacked a hand to her head. "That must be it then." Though her gaze lingers on his slightly hidden face a moment. She's sure she's seen him but it wasn't recent- at least, she doesn't think so. "Enjoy, and have a nice day."

"We will, thank you." Taking the box he hands it to Scout in order to eat his order as they head back out of the village.

"You should have spoke to the woman a little longer, you may know her from your former life."

"I'm not reincarnated." Irvine says dryly. "I have amnesia, and if she remembered me she'd remember me better than asking if she'd seen me before." He shrugs. "I could have stopped by here maybe once or twice back then but I can't remember it now. Besides I like my life with you guys, you're not trying to get rid of me or something are you?"

"No."

"All right." Taking a bite of his sandwich he has a satisfied smile on his face. He can taste every bit of the bite as he's had nothing but what the land gives him to eat for months. The eggs are just right, dry, the bacon has fat on it just as he likes it and the cheese, white- not cheddar like it normally is. Very nice touch. "You should try some." He says after a third bite of food.

"No thank you."

"Just a bite, I won't tell anyone."

Scout laughed.

Snickering, Irvine says. "So _that_ you'll laugh at but my jokes are no good to you."

"Its just funny trying to make someone do something to show they've got your friendship."

"That's not what I was doing. I'm just saying its alright to have some meat if its between us?" After saying that he slaps a hand to his hand. "Damn, that is what I was saying isn't it? I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it. Karver is a good person, we Shumi know that."

"And you guys are good to... which is why I hope you understand it when I say that I'm thinking about leaving the tribe."

"Is this _bacon_ really that good?"

Irvine laughed heartily giving his companion a shove. "That's the spirit." He says to the shumi's joke. "Bacon is good, but no, I think its just time for me to spread my wings and see how I do out there myself. Make something new for me."

"I can understand, we had an Artisan leave us many years ago for a friend of his that lives in Fisherman's Horizon."

"Oh yeah?"

"Mhm. Do you think that ...maybe it could be because of sexual feelings."

Irvine shrugged. "Maybe they're just really close and he wanted to be around him a lot. I don't know if sex or even romantic love has anything to do with it."

"Mm." Intones Scout thoughtfully.

"I'll miss you guys though."

"Is it good to be missed?"

"I think so. It means someone is thinking about you- and its not like I'll be gone-gone, I'm still gonna come in to work; I'll just be commuting to the village."

"I see." He climbs onto his bird. "Elder is the one you will have to tell these words to then. He will tell you if you can go."

Irvine wasn't sure of it, but as he got onto his bird he thought he'd seen the uptight, business-like, sometimes moody scouter tear up. Nah. Maybe it was just the trick of the light or something.


	16. PeekABoo

In all of Squall's lifetime he never would have thought that at some point he would end up knowing all of the new things that he's come to know about children, for instance; he did not know that in some aspects in a childs life, said child, cannot be rushed in growth. So when he decided that Kait was old enough to get potty trained he found out that 1 year and 6 months is too soon when he wound up moping the floor of the tiny apartment twenty times in a week and washing, Mickey Mouse printed, underwear 4 times due to a deposite being made in them. Oh sure, Squall has done as the book had suggested about moving the potty to which ever room the child intended to occupy the longest but had nothing in it about how active and quick children can be.

Which brings him to item of knowledge number two; Squall, with all his military training, has been run ragged everyday at burst at a time following after the newly walking child, who once had the trek of a heavily rigor mortised body to a near speed demon as running seemed to be Kait's favorite pace for getting around the apartment. Squall was very glad that they don't have stairs. The cadets training at the barracks could use child chasing to train with if they plan on being field scouters.

Unknown fact number 3; children secretly hate eating. The book had this method and that for getting food down a childs throat and none of it worked, not all the time anyway. Proof of this is that Squall's love for white has become non-existant now that he's a guardian, the stoic male has been reduced to wearing colored shirts and black or dark blue jeans, anything that's easy to get stains out of so that they're not easily seen should one of the childs messy meal times become a bit more perminant. He's had everything from cereal to oatmeal flung at him and of the jarred foods the child liked to slap it to the point where he was hit with food like it were bullets from a gatling gun anywhere unhidden by table or high chair; the kid even sneezed food at him once or twice.

Then there's living hazards, switching Kait from sink to tub during baths, watching corners with sharp edges, removing the child's socks if he insists on running so that he does not slip on the slippery floor- he's really gotta get a carpet. Kids are also screamers, slappers, criers, and laughers of things that bang and boom particularly if someone is hurt during one of the bangs or booms. But its not all bad; kids have really good things about them too, like, Squall used to really hate something about himself and that was how badly he always wanted someone to be there, to love, to love him and to just be there and Kait filled that void because the child wasn't going anywhere. Where could he go?! He needs him and in some ways Squall needs Kait as well. Kait also has an adorable laugh, he laughed with his whole self holding nothing back, which adds to the boys adorable voice- his first word was "spaghetti" which Kait pronounced as "Nasketti" but it was so cute Squall just melted. Kids also can bring a calm simplicity over you that you didn't even know you could posses which ties in with the needing each other as well. Kids are also fun to talk to with their few words and broken sentences; they're sponges for knowledge if anyone would bother to slow down and take the time to teach them, which Squall has tried his best to do.

Right now they're watching Kait's favorite television show on the couch in the living room. A colorful clown starts to sing a song catching the boys full attention as he watches and listens to the clowns words. She or He, Squall could never figure it out in all the time they've been watching the program, is singing about a silly way to play golf. This show is so completely ridiculous but if the boy gets a kick out of it, than who is he to stop him. He even bought said clown for the child a birthday back and Kait carries it nearly everywhere with him.

When the song ended the child tilts his head back to look at his caretaker and pointedly he asks. "Hut's yoo name noggin?"

"Hut's" Squall learned is four year old for "what's" and "noggin" is "again". Answering he says. "Its Squall."

"Squall? I'm Kait."

Smiling, Squall says. "I know."

"I know." Repeats the boy adding a new phrase to his slew of the english language.

Snickering, Squall smoothes back the boys little comb-over of bangs placing a kiss to his exposed forehead. "Do you have to go to the bathroom?"

"No."

"You sure?"

"Yup."

"All right, but you let me know when you do."

"Ok, daddy."

The word rings in Squall's ear everytime he hears it. At first he told the male that he was not his father, but Kait didn't seem to care. Sometimes he calls him Squall, when he remembers, but for the most part its been daddy. He's just about get up to fix lunch when he hears the door bell. Lifting the 28 pound child from his lap he sets him down on the couch. "Its open!" He calls to the person on the otherside of the door. The door opened revealing the ex-knight looking as though he were ready to go jogging and knowing Zell, Seifer probably was.

Gasping, the boy happily calls out. "Seifer!" Leaping from the couch the four year old circles the tall guest making punches at the long legs standing before him; little sound effects coming from him.

"Hey brat," Says Seifer adding with a smile. "and Kait." Pointing down at the child he asks. "What the hell is he doing?"

Squall only shrugged before proceeding to the kitchen.

"I'm cowboy Irvine, and I'm slaying you monster!" He says before a squeal comes from him as the blond scoops the boy from the floor. Continuing his battle; Seifer only cocked a brow and escorted the boy into the kitchen to hand him over to his guardian.

"Tilmitt says that if you bring Kait with you, she'd gladly go to lunch with you." Seifer says afer the giggling child is transferred safely.

Selphie has a real flare for making things sound like other peoples ideas as Squall had not asked her to lunch with him. He'd actually planned on staying at home to eat. But whatever will be. "Tell her fine, I just have to get a few things together." He opens the fridge to grab a small yellow box filled with yogurt bites and healthy ravioli with vegatables inside rather than meat. Opening the package he dumps the yogurt into a sandwich bag then pops the rest of the meal into the microwave. "Since when do you make calls for "Tilmitt"?" Squall questions turning his attention back to the knight, who is wandering his kitchen in search of something.

"Since Kinneas' death she's treating me like her fucking Dr. Phil whenever she needs a pick me up." Locating a pudding, he tears off the seal. "Speaking of Kinneas, wanna lay of the tall tales of how great your boy-toy was. Don't wanna warp the munchkin's mind with lies."

"I'm not warping his mind with anything, everything I say about Irvine is the truth. I want Kait to know him."

"As _you_ see him?"

"Yes, as _I_ see him. Nothing wrong with that."

"Mhm. But don't forget to include that he was a crybaby, and somewhat of a coward."

"No he wasn't!" Shouted Kait.

Moving closer, Squall allowed the boy to sock Seifer on the nose but the knight only grabbed the boy by the hand pretending to bite it off.

Kait shrieked withdrawing his hand. Sticking out his tongue he rests his head on Squall's shoulder, vision away from the man. He loved Seifer, honestly, but he knew that out of all the big people he knows, Seifer is the mean one- sometimes.

"Well, he takes after him that's for sure." Comments said male giving the kid a no-hard-feelings rub on the back.

"Zip it, ass."

Hearing the new word the boy asks. "What's an ats?"

"Its what you call someone who's bothering you."

"Oh. Ats." Says the boy.

"Its ASS, with two 'SS'. If you're gonna insult me, pronounce it correctly."

"Nevermind that Kait, those are grown-up words so don't use them."

"I won't."

"Good." Turning when the microwave beeped, he removed the lunch from within it.

Snickering, Seifer grabbed his rival by the hair. "When are you gonna get this cut? Trying to look like your old flame or something?"

"I've been meaning to, but I'm kind of busy with Kait."

Seifer shrugged. "Ever hear of a babysitter?"

Squall shrugged. Honestly in all the four years he's had the boy he's been at the bottom of the priority list so because of that his personal maintenance and grooming have been put aside to the point of his growing out a ponytails worth of hair. But he will get it cut- eventually.

"I can always cut it for you?"

"I'm not letting you near me with a pair of scissors." He swats away the intruding hand. "Where does Selphie want to meet?"

"Uhhh... shit...." He thinks a second more than says. "Briors, now should be good for her."

"Alright. If you're staying, don't steal anything." He sets Kait down so that he can pack the meal away in a heat-sealing lunch bag.

"No promises." Seifer leans against the counter.

"I have to pack some stuff, watch Kait for me."

"You got it, mother." Watching Squall's departure Seifer then looks down at the child who's trying tp peek inside of the lunch box; his little heel off the floor twisting back and forth.

Kait looks back at the male with curiosity then smiles before returning to what he's doing. "I can say the alphabet all the way up to G, wanna hear it?"

"Be my guest."

"A. B. She. D. E. F. G."

"Its C, like SEE." He points to his eye. "Not SHE, like a girl."

"Okay. Wanna hear it again?"

Rolling his eyes he waves a hand for the kid to get on with it. He was mildly pleased when the boy didn't mess up again.

Squall returns a moment later with a small bag filled with things that were no doubt for the kid. He slid his feet into his boots which were under the side table drawer. "Kait, get your sneakers on."

"Where are we going?" He bounces into the living room.

"To have lunch with Selphie."

"Oh boy!" Sliding his little sneakers from beneath the same place that his father keeps his, the boy tucks his foot into the first one only to have to remove it.

"Wrong foot." He mentions to the child.

"Okay." Switching the sneaker he then slides on the other.

"Seifer is it cold out?"

"How the hell would I know your idea of cold? Its fine to me."

Squall muttered something under his breath then gets up to grab the boy's jacket and his own.

Its March 2014 and the weather has been up and down lately with temperatures so Squall has to be extra careful with Kait's health. Dr. Kadawoki has been doing a great job when it comes to the four year olds check ups and what not but he doesn't want another episode from when Kait was three and completely stuffed up. He was so sure the boy wouldn't make it through any nights with the heavy breathing from all the snot that kept returning to his nose. But he pulled through like a soldier and has been healthy enough since.

Seifer watched the family of two and frowned. Squall told him that he would around to train with him whenever he wanted to, but that's been a crock. The only time he saw the pouting brunet was when he sat in during the test of eager little SeeDlings. He being SeeD now, he can poke fun at these kids and takes pride in going out on really big missions knowing he'll actually get recognition this time, he can tell that Rinoa feels the same way. The others took an interesting path in life as instructors for certain classes- Selphie even has follows, they call themselves 'Mittens' after the girls lastname and she's just wild about the idea. Zell has followers but they just sort of worship the ground he walks on, no nicknames about it.

"Are you coming to lunch with us?" Squall asked when he'd noticed Seifer watching him.

"No. I'm disgusting. Can I shower here?"

"I don't care." Taking Kait's hand he grabs his keys then says. "Lock up if you leave."

"Will do Ms. Leonhart." He grins handsomely when his rival flips him off before closing the front door.

Kait was hoisted into the air by his waist to be carried down the seven stairs that lead up to their apartment then set down when they hit the street. Returning their hands together the two walk along the streets of Balamb being waved to or greeted by this person and that who have become accustomed to the family of two after four years of living there. They had thought it was very weird at first, they didn't even know that Squall was seeing anyone, and yet, there was this child. So the town's people helped him any way that they could whenever the male needed it. Rumors stopped all at once when Zell's Ma explained what was going on whenever anyone in the diner started whispering about her son's friend. Squall was then seen as a savior. Kait's missing mother was never found and no other family members emerged from the woodworks so Squall got the child legally adopted into his family. The boy hummed the theme to his favorite show, his Jojo doll swinging wildly in his grip as he skips along beside his father.

"How far is it?"

"Not too far; but we get to ride on the train and hang out at Fisherman's Horizon."

The boy gasped. "Cowboy Irvine liked Fisherman's and fishing."

"Yes, he did."

"Can you tell me a story about it?"

"Maybe before bed." He answers not sure if he could come up with one now.

"Hear that Jojo, we get to hear a story tonight."

The two arrive at the train station. Selphie was easy to spot as she always had a bright- well, loud color somewhere on her body and today it was a lime green windbreaker. The girl waved to the two, before kneeling and holding her arms open shouting as though she were singing a long note in a song.

"Kaaaaaiit!!"

"Selphie!" He dashed away from his father to leap into the girls waiting arms.

The two wriggling their fingers at each others faces going. "cheep, cheep, cheep" for bird sounds as Kait's nickname has somehow become 'little bird' after the chocobo that Irvine was so fond of.

"I got the tickets." Says Selphie while giving the child an eskimo kiss. "Let's hit it."

"Why are we going all the way to F.H. just to have lunch?"

"To escape my entourage," She giggles. "I'm kidding, I hear they got fried lobster bites and I just have to try some."

"The diner makes them too."

"Yeah but not until the summer and these ones are from a place that specializes in fishing- no offense, of course." Walking onto the train she chooses a window seat sitting the boy on her lap. "We're gonna have such a nice lunch, and maybe we can even see the guys bringing in their haul."

"What's a haul?"

"Its a big old pile of stuff!" She throws her hands into the air as if to show how big.

Taking a seat beside her, Squall chooses to read a magazine to keep himself busy during the short ride.

...................

A burly man waves the four men over to him. "Put the statue here!" He calls to them.

A large crane swings a heavy statue through the air towards a base set up where it needs to be placed.

Kait watches the men in the distance while Selphie and his father are talking to one another at the table of a small restaurant. He'd eaten his ravioli and had some bits of fish from Squall's plate but now his interest is else where. "Daddy can I watch the mans move the statue?"

"You say _men_ when there is more than one man."

Kait seemed to be processing that, but figured Squall didn't understand his question so again he asks. "Can I watch the men move the statue?"

"No. I don't want you over there where its dangerous, you can see them from here."

"But I wanna see the funny looking men up close." He looks back at the scene.

The group of men have the statue in place and are now screwing it down onto the base.

"Its not dangerous anymore, can I look now?"

Looking out towards the area Squall thinks it over. The worst seems to be over, that was for sure. "All right, but remember the rules."

"Make sure I can see you and.... and...."

"Blow your whistle if you can't."

"Right." Reaching into his shirt he pulls out a silver whistle. "Jojo's coming with me."

"Okay." He helps the boy down from his seat. "But stand in the back and don't get in the movers way."

"I won't!" The boy was making his way down towards the center of the village and when he stopped and looked back he could still see Squall and Selphie at the table, taking a few more steps he could only see the tops of their heads so he came back a few steps. Watching intently, he smiles at the men. Heavy machines were so cool! He's seen people moving things only once before but never this close. He can almost see the men's faces. He wondered sometimes how come some of the men wore hats and long robes. Were they cold?

"You like this sort of stuff, huh, kid?" Asks someone beside him.

Startled he'd nearly run for his life but looking up he instead froze in a mix of fear and awe. "You look like...."

The man smiled down at him, face somewhat shaded by a wide hat. "Who do I look like?"

"You look like cowboy Irvine."

"Really? Who's that?"

"My daddy tells me stories, and he showed me a picture and the man in the picture looks just like you."

"He does!" Taking a seat beside the boy's tiny stand. He holds out a hand. "Your cowboy sounds like a handsome man. My name's Imari Karver nice to meet you."

"K- Kait Leonhart." He's hesitant to take the man's hand because he's just too much like Irvine. Its like if he saw Jojo walking around. He wouldn't know what to do. He'd probably cry. Infact, he might cry now. Before he could stop them he felt tears falling down his cheeks. "Daddy!" He cried out dashing away.

Imari laughed thinking out loud. "What a weird kid."

Squall was to the child almost instantly, kneeling down to take him into his embrace. "What? Did you get hurt?" He checks the boy over. "Did something fall on you?"

The boy sniffled feeling foolish now for crying and running. Embarrassed he said. "I saw a man. Can we go home now?"

"Of course." Picking the child up, he looks out over the area for this man. Spotting a man sitting on the ground it all makes sense to him by the way he's dressed. The long robe and hat. Kait's never seen a Shumi before, so seeing a yellow, frog-like, creature can be startling. Although, he had to admit, he's never seen a shumi that tall before- well, except for Norg, that thing was HUGE. Hushing the child, he plants a kiss on his cheek. "Its alright. That man is from Shumi." He says to the boy intent on explaining a bit of life to the child.

Selphie stood by with sorrow on her face having never seen the boy distressed even once in her presence- babies don't count, they're always crying for something they need. "Aaaw, little bird, don't be scared. Here, want a lollipop?"

"Thank you." He says smiling.

"Oh Kait Leonhart, you are so phony!" Selphie snickers.

In the distance Imari watched the three depart. Something about them seemed so familiar. That girl's pretty cute, though. He wondered if she lived in the area. Nevermind that, the kid said he looked like someone in a picture. _'Tch. Its crazy, a lot of people in the world have twins- take the Shumi's, they're a prime example of looking alike.'_ He laughed.

"Karver?"

"Hmm?"

"Thank you for coming out this way with us," Says Sculptor. "Here is your pay."

"Thank you."

"Will you be reutrning home?"

"Yeah, I may as well- unless you wanna stick around here with me?"

"Sculptor is afraid that that would be impossible as Sculptor is needed back at the tribe."

"I understand. See you around then. Send a letter in advance if you need my help again."

"It is certain."

Imari looked off after the couple that was once here. Turning on his heels he starts away for the train that would take him back to his home in Winhill.

"And cowboy Irvine leaped onto the train and with a loud yeehaw! He waved his hat through the air and bid the people of the town good bye." Says Squall while tucking the boy into his bed. "The end."

"That was my favorite story." Kait declared.

The boy had forgotten all about his ordeal in F.H. calming down and playing with his **Candyland** game with Zell until it was time for dinner. Zell told him about what a day he had with Rinoa and Seifer- jogging with his lover and yoga with her. He's pumped for a healthy dinner, he said. But when seeing that Squall was making chicken nuggets, stringed beans, and mashed potato's he passed on the dinner invite. And so telling Kait another story with his favorite hero he sets him down to bed.

"Daddy, I can't sleep without my song."

"Really? You took a nap without my singing to you."

"Naps don't count because they're short. Jojo wants to hear it too."

"Okay." Clearing his voice he sings softly but with tempo in his words. "Good night birdie, good night birdie, good night birdie- milk is on its way. Good night birdie, good night birdie, good night birdie- sleep the night away."

Kait laughed closing his eyes. Squall was a terrible singer, but he liked how much umph his dad put into the good night songs. "Now slow it down."

"Go to sleep, little birdie, go to sleep. Close your eyes, close your eyes- don't fight. Go to sleep, little birdie, go to sleep. Close your eyes, close your eyes, good night." Leaning over he kisses the boy on the forehead. "Good night, Kait."

"Good night." He yawns before snuggling the clown into his arms.

Looking at the boy a moment, Squall then gets up from the bed and walks into his room. Another sleepless night, no doubt. Taking a seat on the bed, he isn't surprised to feel a pair of arms wrap around his chest, he lays his head against his lovers cheek. Cowboy Irvine. What a fine fairy tale, but in reality he was losing him. He could no longer see those beautiful dark voilet blue eyes, he can't hear the male's voice, only a form. The form that holds him now and every night. Whispering who knows what into his ear since the love of his life has been put on mute because time is stealing him away from Squall's memory. But it took years, years to lose the exact color of Irvine's eyes, years to lose the right pitch of his lovers voice, and no doubt in another few years he will lose his physical self as well. Its a scary thought, but he's trying to hold onto him dammit. He's trying with everything that he has. Selphie gave him video after video of their recorded times together, but what difference did it make if it wasn't his Irvine. The Irvine he holds in their private times. He can remember palsy Irvine easily but where's the intimacy and the love? Where's his hero?


	17. Crushed

A.N.: Sammako, I thought of five stories when I read your comment that make me bitter because of that reason alone, horrible kid, bad extras that are clearly the written and friends in disguise- shutter. So thank you very much for liking Kait and the chapter. JadeAlmasy you're reading into the future hahaha Seifer can never sit on anything for too long, but he's had his excuses too with missions and all since he's become SeeD. The next chapter is gonna be great I hope you guys like this one too. Thank you for reading and reviewing.

...

Irvine Kinneas, now, Imari Karver sits on the bed in his bedroom, during the late hours of a Friday night in May. With a hand gripping his chin; a pout planted firmly upon his mouth, he stares hard at the clothing hung in his dressing cabinet. He's done this every other night since that mishap at the costume party last week. Since leaving the tribe, 4 years ago, he's been feeling kind of lonely. Being new in a neighborhood, and a place, he's found himself going back and forth to Shumi more than he thought he would.

Back then, when he'd asked to leave the Elder dearly regretted the idea of letting him go, but at the same time, he felt he had no power to keep the male there. So he let him leave. The tribe surprised the male with a very lively and celebratory party before his departure. They left the protected village and danced the night away, lighting fireworks and carrying on like their quiet lives were nothing more than a charade. It was a blast, and a punch to the heart when he knew he'd dearly miss them. When dawns early light came, Karver hoisted his small bundle of accumulated things onto a bird's saddle then climbed onto the animal's back, sad, but ready to go. It was then that Elder presented him with the clothing that he was wearing on the day the tribe found him. The elderly shumi bowed to him and told him that he would find his way if it were meant to be. Karver wasn't sure what he'd meant, but he took the gift and started away for the mountains.

Getting a home wasn't hard, but getting the right home was nearly impossible as they all seemed to be larger than he'd needed. But eventually he came to realize that the size didn't matter, so long as he had somewhere to live he was happy. Camping outside every night wasn't going to cut it forever. So in the town of Winhill far out on the edge of the village, is a medium sized home with two bedrooms, one bathroom- downstairs- a tiny kitchen that's about the length of a single wall and the rest of the downstairs space is the living room, where the bathroom and a single closet are located. Everything in the home is polished wood, the floor, the uncovered walls- all of it. Its cozy and a beautiful little home.

Decorated with pictures taken during his many trips back and forth from home to the Shumi village on his Chocobo, Shu. But those weren't the only locations framed on his walls. The Tribe hung there, landscapes that he's passed during deliveries. Timber fields, Balamb plains, Fisherman's ocean view is his favorite. He even snapped one of the area surrounding Winhill. But next to the bed is a picture of one of the most beautiful snowy days Winter Island has had; the drift of the snow is captured perfectly beyond the frozen scene, the flurries have a sweep diagonal but in the center is a little curl where the wind blew at the just the right time. Something about it just reminded him of what its like when trying to remember his past. A flurry. A snow drift.

Violet eyes blink back to reality when a soft bouncing on the bed caught his attention. His small bird, once the size of his palm... maybe seven inches tall, is now the length of his hair, 24 inches. Its little chirps and churls are now heavy and screechy.

"I know, I know. If I think too hard about it, it'll never come back to me." He says to the fussy animal.

But it _has_ been coming to him, in little ways; at least, that's what he thought all the weird things about him were... flashes of who he used to be. Once, when helping with a delivery, he and Scout saw a monster but instead of reaching for the handmade bow and arrows they use for taking the creatures down, he held his arms up as if holding a large gun. It caught him off guard hard enough to get him sliced on the cheek by the whipping tale of a Glacial Eye. Pal didn't take it well and attacked the monster pecking and clawing at it with enough animosity to make a person wonder about the dangers of a bird. Thankfully he recovered from his stupor in time to take the creature down with Scout's assistance. The shumi asked him what happened but Karver could only say that it was another flashback.

Over the course of the four years there have been a few more things he would say, or crave to eat, however, none of it never jogged anything hard enough to bring back the person that's hiding, if there's a person hiding, beneath his skin. So another year, another many days within it and he eventually just stopped having them. Which is why he'd recently started staring at the clothes he'd hung so carefully in his dressing closet. The hanger's hook is resting on a little hook against the door so that the outfit sort of looks as if its standing against the door rather than is hanging. He kept trying to picture the man wearing them. He wanted to find out who he was, who he knew, if he were with anyone. Having his heart broken by the woman that he'd began to fancy after his first year in the home brought about a loneliness he's never felt before, and he wants it gone. He wants to be those people in Fisherman's: a woman, and a child at his side. A beautiful life.

"What would you like to do tonight before bed? Wanna sing? Wanna eat?"

The bird only hopped from foot to foot on the bed before tucking its head beneath a raised wing.

"Sleep, huh? Sounds good to me. I've got big plans for tomorrow." Standing, he closes the cabinet then returns to bed. Removing his pajama shirt he climbs beneath the covers wrapping an arm around the tired animal. "Goodnight Pal."

The bird made a sound before drifting off, only to re-dream the very pain that's been creeping through his body since that night.

...

It was eight twenty two in the morning when a woman stopped by Imari's place. The elderly woman had a big smile on her wrinkled face, and a load of pastries held by a basket resting on her arm. "I brought you some of those danishes you like so much, Imari."

"Aaaw, thank you Mrs. Manaji." He greets the woman with a peck to her cheek after pulling her in for a hug.

"Anything for you, lad; you know, my husband doesn't like to eat my baking any more- he has an irritable bowels when it comes to the sweet stuff."

Imari scrunched his face in distaste at the breakfast conversation but said nothing while returning to the stove to flip his omelet.

Mrs. Manaji helps herself to a cup of coffee and a seat at the table. The large bird dips its head to her for a pat which she lovingly offers. Imari often sees the woman over weekend mornings. He wasn't sure how it started, could be because he was new and on his first day in the home he nearly burned his kitchen down trying to cook chicken cutlets. This sad attempt promted to having the woman coming over some nights with food for him, or simply coming over with ingredients prepared to give a cooking lessons. And after two years of teaching and tasting from the woman, he can now hold his own in the kitchen.

"So, Mr. Karver, what's a young boy like you up to today?"

"I'm writing a letter."

"To whom." She sips her coffee.

"A girl I like, but, I need a woman's opinion on it." Walking the plate over to the table he sets a second fork down beside the plate, incase the elderly woman decides to help herself. "I don't want it to be cheesy or anything. I wanna get my point across and get good results out of it."

Smiling, Mrs. Manaji pats the man's hand gently. "You're twenty three years old, and very handsome; any woman would want a youngman as fine as you."

"She doesn't even notice me." Imari replies. Taking a slice from his eggs he chews it thoughtfully.

"You're kidding? Is she blind?"

"No. I don't think so, at least, I mean... I've been going outside to get my mail at the _exact_ time she comes out to get hers and she's never once said hello."

The wispy laugh came from the old woman's throat. "Hyne bless you son." She laughs again. "Why not make the first move and say "hello" yourself?"

Imari shrugs. "I didn't wanna come off as too pushy, she's probably already caught on that I'm grabbing my mail when she does." Shaking his head he frowns. "She probably sees me as desparate; and no letter in the world will make a difference."

"Who is this girl?"

"Carissa Eckhart."

"Carissa- _there's_ your first problem; my husband wrote me love notes, and that was many ions ago." She waves her hand through the air. "Its too old school, women today- your Carissa especially- they want a power taker, an _assertive_ male."

Chewing a sweet pastry he nods. "I'm not sure if I can be that guy, though."

"Tell you what, the Westons are having a costume party at their mansion next week." Standing she grabs the wrap that she'd taken off when entering the home. "I happen to know that your crush is going as Alice from that movie. Why not dress as a character from the same? Its a good conversation starter."

"But I'm not invited." He turns in his chair then stands to see the woman to the door.

"Oh you're invited. My invite said 'plus one' and Evan has a bad hip, he can't come with me- not to dance anyway. So I'll invite you."

Thinking it over he grins. "You'd really do that for me?"

"I'd really do that for you." She grabs his chin giving his head a shake by it. "You're like the nephew I've always wanted."

Snickering he asks. "Why nephew."

"Because my son is an angel, why would I trade him for you?" She winks teasingly. "I'll call you on the day, get your costume so you'll be ready."

"Okay."

"Bye, bye dear."

"Bye." Closing the door he strides over to the table with pep in his step and a firmer appetite. "This is gonna be great; I can go right up to her and ask her out. I'll keep my nerves back by getting the sort of costume that covers my face a bit- not much- but a bit."

The bird chirped in response. Finishing his breakfast he puts the dishes away after cleaning them then marches upstairs to dress for the day. He has to get to the market because he's running out of food. After dropping off his groceries he then decided to take a walk around the area to think of what more he can say to the woman beyond "we have great taste in costumes". A little later after his walk, he mounted Shu and rode to Winter Island to help make some more deliveries. He's already done his work for the month carving this thing and that. He even made three special ones just on a whim: two Chocobo's and a lion, so finely crafted you'd swear the little brown carving were going to come to life and move around; only thing is that they're missing their eyes. He wanted to use some life, shadow, and water stones from the village to really give it some flare and individuality. One was for him, two is for the Shumi's, and three would be for Carissa if she agreed to go out with him. Giving presents isn't old school, is it? Although he questioned giving the woman the lion, but something about her last name just seems noble and proud like a lion.

Slipping a purple t-shirt over his head he slides an arm through the sleeve then brushes his hand down the wrinkles; kicking out of his pajamas and boxers he paces to the dresser then steps into a new pair of boxers and from the drawer, beneath his underwear drawer, he removes a pair of brown jeans. Once he's zipped, a quick glance in the mirror and he approves of his look. Imari then heads downstairs to grab his sneakers. He didn't bother brushing his hair, he's got it kept up in a nappy braid down his back, unable to really take care of it properly. The stuff grew like a weed, he even had it cut right up to the base of his neck... but over time it grew back like it were nothing.

"Are you coming with me?" He asks the bird.

Graceful, large, wings flap rapidly lifting the bird from its perch and it flies over to its owner ready to take its place upon the man's shoulder.

Snickering, Imari confides. "Its a boxing match everytime you come over and land shoulder first." Patting the birds head he says. "You've really gotten big. I wonder what kind of bird you are? I can't say that I've ever seen one like you before." He pondered getting a book from the library as he opens the door then steps out into the sunshine. He always loved the air in May.

The party came sooner than he had anticipated, he almost refused to go but Mrs. Manaji was not going to let him back down if he really felt strongly for this woman. But couldn't the elderly woman understand it from a man's point of how hard it is to say things to a woman? There's always that sense of failure looming, that she'll laugh- worst of all- she'll tell her friends and it will go from laughter to laughing stock. Maybe it was good that he was talked out of writing her a letter- or at least sending it, as he's written several letters and having read them over during the course of his waiting out the party he realized that they're kind of too much. They sound like the build up to a proposal and all he'd like are a few dates here and there.

So, 9:12 p.m., he stands in front of his long mirror looking himself over. The Mad Hatter stares back at him; adding, bucked false teeth to the look to complete it. Laughter can get to a woman too, right? The door bell rang and down the stairs he goes to answer it.

"Nice. You're a bee, right?"

"I'm a honey bee." Corrects the woman.

"Of course, my mistake." He laughs.

"I see you chose the Mad Hatter, very cute look on you, green compliments your eyes."

"But my eyes aren't-..."

Cutting him off she calls. "Let's go my dear, time is wasting... and this grandma wants to dance a little before her date ditches her."

"I promise I won't ditch you- for long." He adds as a joke receiving a playful pop to the arm.

...

The mansion is beautifully decorated in masquerade masks as large as they make them, and glass diamonds hang from here and there, gold curtains have been hung only to make some parts of the home known as off limits, though, you can clearly hear a few sneaky couples behind them making out in the dark the curtains provide. Long tables littered with the most delicious looking food are lining one side of the room; some of the dancers carry plates of tasty morsals around the dance floor so they can eat and don't have to stop moving to the up beat live music.

It all reminds Imari of something very familiar but he can't recall what or from where as he totters about the floor with the elderly woman, who hasn't let her age show one bit since they arrived.

"Don't be afraid to dip me, Imari. I won't brake."

Doing as she asks he laughs right along with the delighted woman who's straightened back up. "Don't look now, but the girl of your dreams is over by the punch bowl. Go on and give her an invite to a dance."

"Now?"

"No, when the music stops- yes, _now_." Releasing her grasp of his hand, she waves him away. "Now shoo, shoo."

Back straight, shoulders back, head high, Imari walks across the room over to the refreshments. Casually he grabs a glass and remembers what he'd planned to say and do. "Its nice to see similar taste in costumes." He says in a dry voice. Maybe he should get some punch. Turning, he grabs the ladel, pouring the bright yellow liquid into the glass.

"Hm?" Asks Carissa.

"You're Alice, from the movie?" He points to her clothing. "I'm the Hatter."

"Oh! Oh, yes. My son thought it'd be cute." She blushes.

Shocked by that, he says. "You have a son?"

Nodding the woman points him out on the dance floor. "He's visiting from college- freshman. Me and my husband were just thrilled to know that he's gotten himself a girlfriend and wants to settle down as an engineer. You wouldn't happen to know of any good places he might find a job, do you? I've noticed how handy you are at making things and fixing them."

Sunk, Imari's tone lowers; he can't believe that she's married- and with a kid in college to boot! How could he be so stupid? So blind. Hn. That's love for you. Or he should say a crush, he didn't exactly love her yet. Yeah, that will keep his heart from keeping him awake with tears tonight. Four years, _alone_. Wasted pining. What kind of life is that? A flash of that couple from F.H. went through his mind. He wanted his 'cute together' romantic, happy ending. And now its been shot to hell, his heart pieces wasted on a married woman. This is so embarrassing.

"Your son should move to Fisherman's if he's interested in fixing things. They have the best guys there for that sort of job."

"Oh wonderful!" She beams at having never thought of the place. "I'll be sure to tell him. And by the way, don't be a stranger, I've seen you every day getting your mail. We always seem to go out at the same time but you've never said "hello", I'd always assumed that you were shy."

"Nope. I'm not shy at all." He looks out onto the dance floor at the elderly woman who's giving him a thumbs up. His head shakes slowly causing her to comically slap a hand to her forehead.

"There's my husband, I've got to go. What's your name by the way?"

"Imari Karver."

"Well, its nice to meet you Imari. Say 'hi' sometime." Walking away she joins her husband for a drink out on the dance floor. Not knowing of the broken heart she took with her. But he'd managed to carry on. Returning to his date, he told Mrs. Manaji that Carissa was married and the woman held him close.

"You've still got me, nephew." Manaji gave him a nudge with her bony elbow.

"Yeah, let's mingle. Shall we."

"Let's shall."

It rained that night, after the party, Imari found himself sitting in the window of his home staring out at the rush of water. His head hurt, his heart hurt but mostly his head, though, it wasn't because of Carissa something about this picture seemed so familiar. The rain, as hard as it can be, coming down all around the home but beyond the rain and the dew, outside in it stands...

A loud screech from Pal alerted his attention. The bird had made a noise because of a boom of thunder followed by a bright flash of lightning took the serene wet sky into a dark forbodding place.

"Ahaha, you're afraid of a storm but you'll attack a monster head-on." Shaking his head he moves away from the window. "I'll never understand you."

The fussy animal seemed to calm down when receiving a pat on the head. "Come on, let's get some sleep. I just want this night to be over."

...

At the Saber home. They're getting ready for bed but for some reason Mrs. Saber can't keep her mind from wandering back to the man that her husband was speaking to at the refreshments table. He looked so very familiar, like someone she had gone to school with at Galbadia. He couldn't be, though, Irvine Kinneas died four years ago. It must just be some weird coincidence. But, damn, it'd be a big coincidence.

June 4th 2014.

Imari, whistling as he waits, stares out at the glassy ocean before him. He's fishing. Pal is seated behind him on the other bench built into the boat, its sharp eyes are glaring out over the water as its planning on doing a little fishing of its own. Imari recovered completely from his long time crush, he could always love again, right?

"How are they catching fish?" He asks the bird when seeing an oldman pull up a catch laughing and cheering for himself. "Maybe we're in the wrong spot."

A few screeches from the bird it lifts up into the air then dives beneath the wavey water, popping up with a fish in its beak to land back on the boat.

"Sweet. We'll eat good tonight with you here."

The bird chirped at him before digging into its catch.

"Oh then don't share," He waves it off. "I'll just... I'll go buy some fish." Grabbing the ores he begins to row the boat back to the dock.

Imari is on vacation. He figured he could use a nice fishing trip and relaxing stay in a hotel for a while to clear his mind. He was also kind of hoping to see that cute little kid again. The kid had been carrying a stuffed clown with him and since his love interest blew up in his face, he wanted to give the wooden lion to someone who would like it more. The Shumi's have the twin to the Chocobo he'd kept for himself. Besides, a lion is always the favored attraction at the circus. It was strange, the wooden lion, he always felt so calm and serene when looking at the thing. The Sculptors were out of water stones, and he had to use a wind stone for the eyes of the lion instead; and the strange clear blue hue of the stone had a hidden gray color in back of it. He could almost swear he's seen those beautiful eyes before.

Climbing from the boat he looks at his gluttonus best friend with hands on hips and a cocked head. "Are you planning to stay there and eat? Or can I carry that to the hotel for you, your highness."

Taking one last bite, the bird holds the dead fish between its talons then flies beside his owner back to the hotel.

...

"You are aware I'm gonna kill you Seifer." Threatens Squall taking a battle stance with a wooden sword as his weapon.

He, Seifer, and Zell are at the gym. The two gunbladers are about to do battle for the second time in a long time since Seifer took it upon himself to wake him up early that morning with a butcher knife at his throat. The scuffle was of thrown fist and pillows, while the madman sliced and slashed at the air attacking him. The scuffle lasted for fifteen minutes before Squall could finally bust the blond in his mouth, giving him a split lip and possible loose tooth. But Squall wasn't completely angry about the challange, more of the fact that Seifer couldn't just wait he had to attack him in his own home only for the bastard to have to sit down to breakfast with him and Kait while they waited for Quistis to come over to babysit. Rivals, the only thing they're good for is letting off steam because they allow you to go far with them just so they can show what they've got. And for Seifer, he'd better hope its a lot because he's set to kill. He was having a wonderful dream about himself and Irvine only to have the malicious laugh of the ex-knight pull him from his sleep and have the the gleam of a knife in the rising sunlight from the window cast a nasty flare in his eyes.

"Let's keep this clean." Says Zell.

"I can't wait to show you my two sword techniques Leonhart, its even better with the real things but wood will have to do for now."

Squall could imagine that Seifer had some _wood_; the male sometimes would have to hide an erection due to the adrenaline rush of nearly getting filled by Squall dozens of times in the past. Fighting can do that to you. Its never sexual and never would be. Simply something that rivals understand.

"Rules?" Squall asks.

"None."

"Figures."

Turning his head as though he were watching a verbal tennis match Zell rolls his eyes to their bickering. Hand raised like he's about to release drag racers he lowers it steadily saying. "Aaaand... fight!"

Seifer's strong arms whirled the two wooden swords through the air over his head like they were connected as a naginata and without warning one of them shot out aiming for Squall. Just as he moved his mock blade to brush it out of the way the blond was on him like a shark smashing his fist into his face sending him staggering back a step before he caught his balance. Licking blood from the corner of his mouth he growls before launching from his kneel into a full assalt. His sword swung downward then back up only to be dodged by a leaned back which then had to bend as the sword sliced through the air lower by the waist. Straightening Seifer slices his own blade through the air at his rival, who ducked and popped back up to stab him in the chest with the tip of his sword.

"Point, Squall!" Shouts Zell, who's watching from the seat of exersize equipment.

"Whose side are you on, Dinky?" Mutters Seifer landing a few good whacks to Squall's shoulder. Recovering his other sword he really brings on the heavy.

"I'm just watching." Defends the shorter blond. Hearing a phone ring, he gets up from his work out to grab it. "Hey Squall, your phone's ringing."

Grunting as he fends off another attack he asks. "Who is it?"

"I don't know, I've never seen the number before."

"Then its probably some idiot selling something, just delete it."

"You sure?" He looks over the message. "To whom this may concern, I think I may have..." The phone went dark. "Crap, your battery died." Shrugging, he drops the phone back into the back. "Hey you guys, Ma thinks we should have a beach party- she wants to make paella."

"Alright."

Seifer who's now getting his licks asks. "When is it, I have a mission one of these weeks?"

"Tomorrow, but we have to get some seafood at Fishermans market."

"Okay." The two say in snyc.

Zell could already taste his mother's cooking again. Its been a while. He's thinking about spending some much needed alone time with the woman some day. Between being an instructor at Garden and still taking missions, he's been busy. Besides, he doesn't wanna miss another day away from someone he cares about after what happened to Irvine. Maybe he should visit him as well. He's got a lot of exciting new stories to tell the man- well teen since he never grew up with them. Sometimes he could swear, though, that he hears the cowboy laughing at his comments, like he might still be alive.


	18. Little Bird what do you see?

Disclaimer: I don't own Jojo's circus or Blues Clues.

A.N: Thank you very much for reading and reviewing, you're gonna hate me after this chapter but I had to do it. enjoy.

..........

As the train from Balamb pulls into the station of Fisherman's Horizon many sounds hit the ears of the passengers who leave it: the trains bell, the chatter of people, scuffled foots steps, always a sound of industrial origins as these people make a living by helping build and engineer things, then there's the shouts of the fishermen that work the boat yards and the familiar sound of the ocean all around them. The four, Squall, Zell, Rinoa, and Kait walk down the long stone stairs from the train yard to the main part of the sea scented town. While the adults chat, Kait's big blue eyes scan the area for the familiar face of his new friend but being only 2 foot 7 inches tall its not exactly easy to get a look at the terrain. Kait has decided to himself that he won't cry this time and hoped that his Shumi friend will forgive him for doing so before, but he wasn't afraid of the man just very surprised because he looked like a hero of his and how would that not shock anyone to tears? Maybe, to take some of the edge off, he could get the man to come over and meet his father this time, that would be nice.

"Hey Squall," Zell says when stepping from the last stair and falling into step with the brunet. "what ever happened with that message from yesterday. Did you get to read it?"

Figuring that Zell is curious because he'd taken it upon his self to read something meant for him, Squall considered his curiosity justifiable. "No. But my phone's in the kitchen charging now." He glances down when feeling a tug on the belt loop of his jeans to see if the boy wanted anything but discovering that Kait only wanted to hang onto him he turns his attention back to Zell. "I doubt that its anything important, though, they would have called back if it were."

"Not necessarily, if they battery is low you wouldn't know that they called back, would you?" He kicks a rock in his path.

"Both of my numbers are listed, Zell, if it were important they would have called the other phone."

"I guess."

Half into the conversation Rinoa asks. "What phone call?"

"Squall got some message when we were at the gym yesterday-" With a shrug he says. "phone died before we could read the full message."

"Probably chain letters from some dumb ass." Squall concludes to drop the subject.

Hopping onto his father's right foot, Kait swings from front to back singing "We're giiiiant stepping for Blues clues, giiiant stepping for Blues clues." which he learned when the television reran the episode for the fourth time or as Kait likes to say "the show forgot that they already did this so they're playing it again" but then try explaining the concept of reruns to a four year old and see how far the conversation goes.

Watching Kait, who's having the time of his life while his 28 pound weight is torturing his father's jeans, Zell laughs at the sight before saying to the child. "Do you want a ride?"

"Uh huh." He nods making a happy face when Zell's strong hands reach under his armpits lifting the boy up and over his shoulders to have a seat. "I can see the tops of heads." He looks over at his father, then Rinoa then look down at the top of Zell's head. Turning his attention to the ocean his happiness escalates ten fold because out on the water looks to be his new friend. He seems like he's having a hard time fishing or maybe he's just rowing the boat, but whatever he's doing he's coming back to shore. "Daddy?" He taps his father on top of his head. "Can I go see my friend?"

"What friend?"

"The not yellow, yellow friend." He points. "He's over there!"

The three adults turn their heads to where the child is pointing but they don't see anyone.

"I don't see anyone."

"He's right there!" He continues to point.

Rinoa and Zell look to Squall with a shrug. F.H. is pretty peaceful, at least that's what the mayor says, there's nowhere for vehicles to drive around so there isn't any chance of Kait being hit by a car and his son knows better than to hang around by the water without supervision.

"Alright, but remember the two rules."

"I remember," He removes his whistle. "see."

Patting the boy on the back he takes him down from Zell's shoulders setting him on the ground. "Okay, go ahead."

"Thank you." He said before dashing off.

Zell had to make a show of unvoiced concern about Kait wandering off. They all know that Squall has gotten murderously touchy about people leaving and not checking in, but he's trying very hard to prove otherwise; he schools it away if you will. With Kait, he gives the boy freedom to roam but every time he does the guardian will look over his shoulder every second to ensure that the child is still within sight. As for the rest of them they make a conscious effort to call and check in the moment a mission has ended to let him know that they're alright. Squall can't take anymore sudden disappearances from them and it shows more than Squall would think.

"I hope they have white fish." Rinoa says, unknowing of the worry spell she'd thankfully broken, rubbing her hands together with anticipation of eating the sea creature later that day.

"Tch. I'm hoping for the prawns are in good catch. I can taste them now." Zell is nearly drooling over the taste.

That's when something dawned on Squall. "Where's Seifer anyway, I thought he was coming with us?"

"You kidding," Zell rolls his eyes. "the moment he heard that a fire pit was needed he decided to stay behind with Quistis and Selphie to help out."

Rinoa giggles from the image of the pyro calling for more things to burn to build the fire higher and higher, nevermind the fact that its supposed to be a pit for cooking over. Having not grown up with the male, she wondered when his fire starting ways had begun. He seems to want to be the master of the blaze- among other things in life.

The fish market is covered by a large overhead tent with no cover over the sides, used to keep the fish out of the sun so it stays fresh while put on display. The market has every type of seafood imaginable: octopus, squid, tropical fish, mainland fish, even urchins! Squall took one last look over his shoulder to see that Kait was still in view which he is, so he walks further under the tented market.

"Mister! Mister!" Kait darts across the town towards the peer where his shumi friend is exiting the water to land.

Tying the boat to the peer, Imari looks around to see who, if he, is being called. "Hey, its Kait!" He says with a smile. "I was hoping I'd see you again." Kneeling down to be eye level with the child he's not surprised to see the shocked look on the boys face again. He must really look like this Irvine guy. "You're not still scared of me are you?"

"I wasn't scared, I was just suprised." The boy spoke in his defense.

Laughing, Imari says. "Well then I'm sorry that I _suprised_ you."

"That's okay. My daddy said that we can talk but I have to see him," Looking over his shoulder, he definitely can't see Squall from where he is. "Can you pick me up?"

"Sure." Lifting the child he holds him to sit on his hip.

"Whoa..." He voices when lifted, wrapping his arms around Imari's neck he looks down, his eyes widening. "I'm up so high!" He looks down again then to Imari. "You're tall like Seifer, do you know him?"

"Can't say that I know any Seifer, but if you introduce me to him, I'll gladly meet him."

"Okay." Twisting his face in thought he asks. "What's that big word mean?"

"Which one?"

Looking to where Squall is standing, he shakes his head. "Oh I can't say it; my daddy says that if there is a words I don't hear a lot then its grown up talk."

"I see." He nods. "Smart dad you've got there but, maybe if you whisper it to me I can help you understand it."

Looking back to Squall like the his guardian might overhear he leans to Imari's ear then whispers.

"Introduce? That's not grown up words, it just means... to meet new people." Snapping his fingers he says. "Here, its like this." He looks at the childs clown doll. "Clown-.."

"Jojo." Kait informs.

"Jojo, meet Kait- Kait, meet Jojo. That's how you introduce someone."

Laughing into his hand, Kait shakes his head. "But Jojo already knows me; what's your name again?"

"Imari Karver."

"I can only remember one name."

"Oh, okay, then call me Imari."

"Imari." He says it as if to file it away. "Sorry, but sometimes I forgot."

"That's okay. I've forgotten a lot of things, at least, that's what I think."

Laughing the boy pulls Imari's cheek singing to him. "If you only had a brain."

"Ahaha. You're really funny, Kait." A thought occured to him just then. Reaching into his pocket he removed the carved lion with the beautiful blue gray eyes.

The boys gasp could have doubled for a sudden asthma attack it was so hard. "Ohhh, its a lion."

"Yup. When I was making presents I made this one for some reason; I must have been thinking about you. I was gonna give it someone else but I'm glad that I didn't. It seems made for you little lionhart." He teased.

"No, not me, but my daddy is a lion. I hear things, the other grown ups at his work call him the lion of Barumb."

"Balamb."

"Yeah, Balamb. My name is little bird, all my friends call me that- do you wanna call me that?"

"Little bird, huh, alright."

"Can I keep the lion?"

"You can. It can be at Jojo's circus."

"That's my favorite show! Jojo has a lion for a best friend." Unable to contain his love for telling people about his favorite things he goes on. "She sings great songs."

"She does?" He starts to walk with the child towards the market.

"Uh huh."

"Well, I have a carved Chocobo back at the hotel if you can wait here for me to get it, I'd be happy to give it to you before I leave today."

"I can't stay, we're shopping for Palayla to have at the beach." He looks towards the approaching market. "We're playing at the beach, can you come?"

Shaking his head, Imari says. "I can't, I have to get home so I can get back to work, I have a job to do and its in Deling."

"Aaaww." He pouts a moment. Suddenly distracted by Imari's ponytail he plays on it while thinking of what to say to the man next. "Do you like Blues Clues?"

"I've never seen it."

"Its fun. You have to look for clues then solve the clues at the end. I sometimes get it." He pulls the man's braid up until he's holding the tip, then he presses it to his lip for a false mustache. "Can you go back to your hotel and get it now? I can come."

"Uuumm, I don't think your parents would like that too much. Sorry."

"No parents, just me and my daddy. I don't have a mommy because my dad likes boys- that's what Seifer said."

That came off as a shock. He thought for sure that the man and the little lady from before were together. He never would have thought that the man was gay. Kait must be adopted. Pretty good match for the man, though, from what he can see they really do look related. "Well you know what, I'll mail it to you, how 'bout that? Do you know your address?"

"Yup. Its 4D on Maytance Street."

"Balamb?"

"Uh huh." Gasping he points. "Look at that big bird!"

Turning a bit, he ends up setting the child down since he's reaching for his large tropical friend. "Here I thought you ditched me for the day." Imari says to the bird. "His name is Pal."

"Pal? Is he yours?"

"Mhm. You can pet him if you'd like he's friendly."

Marveled the boy reaches out a hand smiling when the bird dips its head to be touched. "Rinona has a dog, name Angelo. He's nice too."

"No, no, its said like _Rinoa_." He wonders how he knew that but he can't dive to deeply into it as Kait's name is being called.

"Kait!"

"That's my daddy." He hugs the man further snapping him out of his mental tumble. "Bye, and thank you for the lion."

"You're... wel..come..." He says quietly. Where has he heard that name before? Feeling his shirt tug upward he stands being assisted by the bird. "What are you hopped up for? We'll go."

The large bird darts away towards the hotel, Imari following closely behind.

................

Squall brought with them: towels, sunscreen, toys of buckets, shovels and pale, little sea life moldings, and Kait potty seat plus a tent to cover the child and give him privacy.

"Is it alright if Jojo comes with me?"

"If you keep inside the plastic, don't want her to get ruined by sea water."

"Oh nooo." He shakes his head before returning to making the toy train a new lion that he got from his mysterious shumi friend. He's been playing with it since they got back from F.H. Kait's been speaking of the man a great deal as well, that he's nice and fun and so on. Squall is beginning to think that he should meet this man his son has so much interest in, make sure he's not some kind of sicko or stalker using Kait to get to them or his un-son in general. Squall wouldn't stand for it, and nothing short of coming across his blade will be fitting a punishment for the man. Removing his phone from the charger, he stuffs it into his jeans pocket.

"And guess what daddy, he slips down from his seat at the kitchen table. "He's gonna give me a chocoocobob, but he couldn't give it to me today because he said that you wouldn't like it if I went to his room at the hotel."

"He's right, I wouldn't like it." Taking the boy's hand he kneels down a second to kiss the child on the cheek as if to say, thank you for being responsible then standing he says. "Let's go have some fun."

................

_'Rinoa.... How do I know that name?_' He wonders while packing his clothes and things. _'It was like my mouth just _said it_ but my head can't get a face to match with the name and there's no further knowledge along with it, so, what? Do I know her?'_ His action of putting a shirt into the bag is paused as his gaze falls out the window looking at the clear blue ocean before they fall upon boxed flowers set in the windowsill. They're yellow, foreign flowers that only grow naturally in the south. Even they seem familiar. Taking a seat on the bed he falls back onto the bed. _Rinoa. Rinoa?'_ Closing his dark dual colored eyes he continues trying to unwrap the thick layer of subconscious that's causing him to get a very painful headache but he can't, nothing is coming to him. "Fuck! What do you want from me Hyne?! To remember who I was or be happy with who I am?!" He can feel tears stinging his eyes. In a choked sob he says. "I like who I am." Running his hands through his loose hair he then wipes his tears. "And if I jumped to end up on Winter Island.... should I be who I was?" He doesn't want to remember the life of someone suicidle its just not him; he's been over this 4 years ago; he's happy and isn't that what living is all about- being happy, or at least that's what life has branded as most important.

The soft feathers atop Pal's head brush against his moist cheek, the birds way of comforting him.

Sighing in agitation he sits up. "You're right, stop doing this to myself. I'd better get moving." Retrieving the shirt from the floor where it fell he tosses it into the suit case closing it up. "Right, don't wanna forget this." Grabbing a pen from the desk he writes his address on the top left corner of a small brown box containing the carved bird. He has to have the return address written incase Kait gave him the wrong address; the child is very smart and seemed pretty sure of it, so there's no way its a fake but you can never be too sure. He did say he forgets things sometimes.

Heading out of the hotel he makes a quick run to the post office then boards the train to head back to Winhill.

"Your fish are very cute Kait." Quistis takes a seat, on her knees, beside the boy.

"I made one for each of us," Pointing them out as he names them he says. "This is Selphie, Seifer, Zell, you, Squall, and Rinoooa."

Overhearing, as she's close beside the child soaking up some sun, said woman smiles. "Aaaw you said my name." She applauds.

"Uh huh, Imari taught me."

Question crosses over her happy expression. "Your friend knows me?"

Confused all together, Quistis asks. "Who's Imari?"

"Kait's Shumi friend."

"Weird name for a shumi, I thought they called each other by job desciption myself. ....Hmm."

"Kait, does your friend know me?"

The boy shrugs. "I don't know."

"That certainly would be weird, does Squall know him?"

"Not that I know of. Not only that I don't know any Shumi's either." Shaking her head in thought she adds. "I've never even been to their village."

"Kait," Quistis touches his shoulder to call his attention away from poking eyes into the sand fishes. "how does your friend know Rinoa's name?"

"I don't know." He looks into the woman's eyes. "I just said Rinona and he told me its pronounced Rinoa, he didn't say anything after that."

Not through questioning, Quistis asks. "But how did he say it? Like he knew her or as if he's heard the name before?"

"_I don't know_- can I go swim now?"

"Sure sweetie."

The boy took off towards the crystal clear waters, stopping when he got to where Zell has just come from swimming. Hopping up and down, arms up; Zell picks him up taking him out into the water on foot.

"What do you make of that?"

Rinoa shrugs, pulling her bangs out of her face in thought only to have them drop back down into place. "I'm not sure, though, I am a famous general's daughter- at times," She adds with a hint of chuckle. "plus we've all had our names tossed around after the war, maybe its just well known by now."

"That's true." Standing, she brushes sand from her legs. "Well, let's go have some fun. No reason to waste this beautiful day worrying about nothing."

"Volley ball." Tightening her ponytail Rinoa grabs Quistis by the wrist to drag her over towards the net.

"Wow!"

Looking up from checking his messages Squall rolls his eyes spotting Selphie casting Water spells so she can dance the large bubble over the rocking waves for Kait's amusement. The boy loved seeing magic, not that they did any dangerous ones around him and they're all beyond their abilities with using them so there was never any risk if they had to use dangerous magic around the child.

_'To whom this may concern, I think that I may have seen Irvine Kinneas at a costume party I attended not long ago. The man had his face covered by a small mask but I was sure that it was him. He didn't sound like Irvine from what little of his voice I'd heard, but I went to Galbadia in my youth and I'm pretty sure I know what the guy looks like in posture and-....'_ It took everything in Squall's power not to crush the phone into little bits. How dare someone do something so ignorant, so incredibly rude as to play tricks on him and especially after so long! And yet the world seemed to start pulling away just like it had when he had gotten the first pre-recorded phone call from the man. The sounds of his friends chatter and laughter, the roll of the waves, Kait's big laugh after being dunked under the water by Zell, even the smells disappeared, the heat and the seafood, hot dogs, all of it! Swirling into the black abyss of his heart where he desperately misses his cowboy. Breathing hard he pulls himself back from the darkness having dealt with it long ago through talks with his Laguna, whom he's slowly accepting as a father, and raising Kait to young to understand death or pain just knowing that he needs someone and that person is him.

When all the sounds and smells returned to his senses he releases a calm breath but glares at his cell phone. What good did this person think they'd get out something like this? His anger, the laughter at his eager to know more. Well, they've got another thing coming if they believe that he's going to call them back so they can get their kicks. Deleting the message, he stuffs the phone into his beach bag. Taking another deep breath he then stands heading towards the water to join the others. He can't let that bother him. He can't reopen that old wound. To think of Irvine being alive after all this time and not saying anything is just damned stupid. Impossible.

................

Kait looks at his father's far away gaze. "Daddy, you're not making lion noises." He splashes the polished wooden creature under his bath water then brings it back up. "Daddy?"

Blinking back from his thoughts to register the bathroom and the little bird calling to him he turns his head. "Sorry, I'm just thinking about something." He smiles apologetically.

"What?"

He doesn't want to plague the child with his heavy thoughts, but ignoring his questions would be rude. He's not just someone he can brush off, Kait's his un-son, its almost like Laguna and himself- minus the fact that he and Laguna are blood related they're very much odd father and son.

"Someone is playing a mean trick on me by saying that they've seen someone who's no longer with us anymore." He shrugs. "I'm just upset because it surprised me."

"I'm upset from being suprised." He closes his eyes when Squall's hands begins rinsing the shampoo out of his hair. "Daddy, can I have a picture of cowboy Irvine?"

"Of course," He sets the cup down once the shampoo is out. "but why do you need it?"

"I'll show my friend Imari so he can see that he looks like him."

Squall's hands froze in place and before he could realize what he was doing he gripped the boys bony shoulders hard.

"Ow!" He cried out.

"Your friend is a shumi, right, then why do you keep talking about him as though he looks human?!" He nearly shouts.

Unable to answer the boy pouts hard enough to say its sagging to his shoulder.

Seeing the look on the boys face Squall shakes his head releasing the child. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Kait." Grabbing a towel from the bar beside the tub he wraps it around the child before pulling him from the tub to sit him on his lap. Holding him close, he kisses the top of the boys wet hair, rubbing Kait's shoulders hoping that he hadn't hurt him. "I'm really sorry for yelling and hurting you, there's no excuse for it."

Wrapping his arms around his dad he asks quietly. "Are you mad at me?"

"No, I'm not mad at you."

"I forgive you daddy." He hugs the man.

"Thank you." Picking him up he walks him into his bedroom; the birds on the wall, flying through a blue sky can be seen when the light is turned on.

Drying and dressing the child he tucks him into bed with a cup of warm milk to help him need to use the bathroom; climbing in beside him Squall holds him close. "Kait, this is very important to daddy that I ask you. But what does your friend Imari look like?"

"But I told you what he looks like."

"You're young, your eyes may be playing tricks on you to make him look like.." He swallows hard unable to say the name without a tinge of tears wanting to come. "cowboy Irvine. So you have to tell me what he looks like to you."

Kait thinks about that. What Imari looks like.... "He has hair like mines is and... really pretty eyes, daddy they have two colors like yours." He points.

Squall felt sick, very sick like he really has to fight to hold being physically ill in. "Kait, is Imari's hair short like ours or-..."

"Oh nooo, he has long hair," The boy giggles. "I weared it like a mustache." Tapping his dad's arm he adds. "He has a pet bird, name Pal, and its pretty like a toucan."

_'I erased the message, I can't remember the phone number to call the person back.'_ Squall beats himself.

"Daddy, you're gone again."

"Sorry about that, I was just thinking that your friend does sound very much like cowboy Irvine."

"Uh huh, that's why I cried. I wasn't always seeing him before." Holding up the toy lion he says. "He made me this and he said that he'd send another toy."

"I know." Taking the cup from the child he sets it down on the dresser. "Come on, let's go to the bathroom and then get some sleep."

Kait follows his father's lead out of the room to the bathroom.

"Hey, how would you like to visit grampa for a little while?"

"I like grampa and aunt Ellone too."

"Good. It'll only be for a while, though, I have something I need to do."

"A mission?" He understands that much about his life with a military man. The others are often gone for a while on missions. He doesn't know exactly what one is but he knows it takes people away for a while so he's used to it.

"Something like that."

"Okay. I'll miss you."

Smiling he replies. "I'll miss you too."

"All done!" He announced as he stood up; wiping himself with the offered toilet paper he drop it into the potty then walks out of the bathroom. Climbing into bed he asks. "And you'll be back quick?"

"Hopefully."

Nodding to the answer, he closes his eyes. "Bedtime song?"

"Bedtime song."

After what seemed like years they were on their way to Winhill after dropping Kait off with Laguna. He left instructions with the man, the shows the boy likes to watch and when they air, his potty chair with the instruction to give him a drink before bed to help him go so that he can sleep through the night without having to get up too much, but incase he does wake up to use it he has a lion shaped night light. Kait isn't afraid of the dark but being away from home often causes anxiety in children. Not too many sweets- not that the boy ever craved candy that much, if he asked for fruit cubes only as lunch then give him extra dinner to make up for it. A nap in the afternoon and the lyrics for the bedtime song, Kait would tell him how to sing it. Laguna tried to stall the man to chat with him but Squall was in a hurry and Laguna quickly told him to go when finding out why. The others couldn't believe the phone call Zell had made to them when Squall called last night about what the message had said and what Kait told him. But here they are loaded up in the air craft shaped like a dragon heading towards the tiny hidden town of Winhill.

Looking at the address on the box that came for Kait around 10 o'clock fingers the letters of the mans initials. _'_I_mari _K_arver, Irvine Kinneas... it couldn't just be coincidence. But what I can't figure out is why? If this man is Irvine why would he hide away? Was it a secret mission or a secret desire to leave. He always has that sad look in his eyes like he's waiting for something, or maybe he was secretly apologizing for the day when he would take off. Sharp shooters are loners he used to say. But he loves me, he tells me that all the time he would not do something like this to me. But then what else could it be?'_

He felt vomit lurch in his stomach when the Ragnarok came to a stop outside of the town. The small group marched through there like they were on a killing mission, headstrong and a determined look in their eyes. But when they reached the home.

"He's not answering." Selphie whined after the seventh knock.

"Maybe the creep found out we were coming and skipped town." Seifer chimed in.

"We could get a hotel and wait until he comes back? He could have gone to the store." Zell shrugs.

Jiggling the knob, Squall intended to just strole in to wait. He wasn't going to miss this man for a minute.

"Oh move." Shoving his rival aside Seifer pulls a piece of metal from his pocket; kneeling down he picks the lock with ease pushing the door open once the lock turned.

The first thing they were greeted with was the sound of schreeching.

"What in the world is that?" Quistis asks coming in last.

"Duck!" Rinoa covered her head as a large lavander bird flew their way with a murderous look in its eyes.

But the bird got no closer, it merely fell from the sky to the floor frozen.

"Seifer." Zell looks at his lover with disapprove.

"I'm out of sleep spells." He laughs when being punched on the arm. "Anyway, that thing was ready to attack, I was defending myself."

Everyone looked to Squall when they heard the male's foot steps walking through the living room. He seems to be looking for something, traces of Irvine's personality perhaps but he sees none. Only... he can't even discribe it, its just so not Irvine- almost a woman's touch with the little details while still being masculane by being completely bare.

"Do we wait here?" Zell asks.

"May as well." Squall says taking a standing place by the window in the back of the room. The others join him sitting down.

And they waited. They waited and waited and slowly their patients wore. Trips to the bathroom leaving for something to eat, and yet Squall remained. Night approached and the others took their leave but Squall remained and it seemed no sooner then the others leaving the front door opened and in walked....

_'Irvine.'_


	19. Asking

A.N: Thank you all for reading silently and thank you all for reading verbally- the people who review. This chapter was a bit hard because reactions they can either be good or bad so I hope you like it. and becauseimyourfavorite I like your name by the way thank you for jumping in the review pile its nice to see new faces. enjoy.

..............

Imari steps up to his front door he was walking a casual pace slowing when he felt a strange tingle in the air. It felt like someone had or is still using magic, though, he wouldn't know how he knew what the air felt like when magic has been infused with it. Turning the knob slowly, he removes a switch blade from his pocket flipping it out. Entering the home he looks around the darkness instantly spotting Pal laying on the floor, not unconscious or sleep but frozen. Flipping on the light switch by the door he rushes over to the birds aid; it must have been some type of break-in. Pal's golden eyes are still open, a look of rage in them. A slight movement caught his eye and he turned on it, instantly tossing the knife with excellent accuracy. It would have hit anyone else but Squall easily dodged it simply by turning his head.

"What are you doing in my home?" Imari growls until realization comes over his angered expression. Standing, he places his hands on his hips. "You're Kait's father, right?"

Squall only seemed to shift his weight in thought.

"Well, answer me?! And what the hell did you do to my bird?" He balls his fist wanting so badly to strike the man.

"So I'm Kait's father now?" Squall says quietly, a hint of bitterness in his tone but also sadness. "And you're _Imari_; that's how we're going to play this?"

Momentarily confused he holds up his hands in defense. "Don't get all weird on me, if you want me to stay away from your son just say so. I should tell you, though, I would never do anything to hurt him. I like Kait, he's a good kid; I'm not some damn sicko."

"I don't think you're a sicko." He shakes his head walking closer.

Imari took a step back. He can fight all right, but when it comes to something like magic he's out on his ass at standing a chance against it.

"How could you not say anything to us- to _me_?" Squall says getting closer with each slow step. "We all thought that you.... that you were dead."

"What are you talking about?" Again he steps back. What the heck is wrong with this guy? First he breaks into his home, injures his pet/best friend, and has the nerve to wait around for him, but for what? If not to back him off of Kait, then is it to creep him out so that he does it on his own. Maybe he's a bit mental! Dangerous even!

"Was it a secret mission? Like that time Quistis and I had to pose as a couple in Deling, or when Zell had to live on the streets?" Imari bumped into the counter and Squall stopped right before him, looking up into the blank gaze of his lovers now older face. The scar on his cheek that Rinoa gave him on accident a slim nothing compared to the permanent gash Seifer has given him. His violet eyes look even more amazing then Squall remembered, his lovers thin kitty cat-like lips have little laugh lines next to them now and he seems an inch taller. 4 years without this man. 4 years without being loved by him and loving him in return. He's going to give Matron a good tongue lashing if this was her idea.

"What mission?"

"Irvine, you can stop the charade now. Its over, we've found you- so please, come back with us to Balamb."

"Irvine?" He questions. Rolling his eyes he says as he steps away from the pinned position he's in. "What is it with your family and this _Irvine_-legend?" He snickers. "Get it, play on words?"

Squall turns his head in the direction the man heads. "Why are you acting like this?"

"Acting like what?" His tone is leaning on annoyed. He doesn't have time to talk circles with someone who seems to think that he's the twin of this guy he and his kid like.

A loud shriek calls their attention as the Stop spell fades from the animal and it lifts shakily from the floor.

"Pal." The concern in his voice is evident as he grabs a hold of the bird, embracing it in his arms. "Are you alright?" The bird nuzzles his head beneath the man's chin.

Squall's heart ached to be the one held by the cowboy instead of that weird bird. "I'm sorry that Seifer did that, but he was going to attack us."

"Us? So you brought the whole fleet. Where are they? Upstairs looking for stuff to break?"

"Irvine, why are you acting like this?" He asks again walking over to the man. "We miss you- for fucks sake we believe that you're dead but you've been out here this entire time, living under an assumed name. Now what the hell is going on with you?"

Taking in a deep breath to steady his anger he calmly lets it out through his nose. "I'll tell you this one time so you'd better listen; my name is Imari Karver not Irvine, I've never been Irvine, I don't know Irvine, and from what I can tell I'm not anybodies twin. So please, just leave. You've done enough damage."

"You can't be serious?" Grabbing him by the arm he jerks the man's chin in his direction so that he looks at him. "You really don't know who I am?"

"Should I?" Pulling his arm free he sets the bird down on its perch, placing the ankle chain to its leg so that he doesn't attack the man who seems hell bent on staying to question him or accuse him or whatever the hell he's doing there.

".....Yes." Grabbing the man by the arms again he shakes him a bit. "Look at me, damn it! Tell me who I am! Whats my favorite food?! Favorite book!? The nickname you gave me?!"

Rolling his eyes he says. "I know that your name is Squall, Kait told me that. You have friends named Seifer and Rinoa." He shrugs. "That's all I know."

Looking up into his lovers eyes he sees no sign of a lie, no sign of anything but confusion and a bit of annoyance. He really doesn't know.

_'He has amnesia. That would explain why he didn't come looking for us.'_ Releasing the man he blinks back the tears he feels forming.

Seeing this, Imari feels guilty. "If its any help, I'll keep an eye out for him." He shrugs.

Squall shakes his head. "You can't keep an eye out for him, because you _are_ him. Imari," He takes a seat on the couch as if to say that he wasn't leaving without getting all his questions answered. "how did you get to where you are now? Were you always in Winhill?"

Taking a seat he leans back against the back of the sofa. "No. I didn't always live here. I spent a year with the shumi tribe. They were the ones who found me, laying out on the beach, half frozen to death." There's an odd stab of sadness in the man's words at that. "They helped me, healed me, and made me one of their own."

_'That's why we couldn't find him at the site. He wasn't there. He hadn't drowned. He hadn't died....'_

"After that, I started helping them make little things here and there; that lion and bird I gave to Kait- stuff like that." He thinks back to those days. "I felt cooped up after a while, I wanted to get out and spread my wings so I went out on deliveries. Eventually I moved away and have been living here for the past three years."

"And no one has said anything to you?" Shaking his head he adds "About the way you look?" to clear his question.

"What do you mean?"

"Recognized you from the papers, or television? I know, from then, it would have been two years back when it all went down but they must have had something click when they saw you."

"Not really, I mostly kept hidden- its a shumi thing- but the few times I did remove my hat," He looks up at the ceiling, face reflecting on all the weird feelings he used to have. "people asked me if they've seen me before. I thought that was impossible and moved on. Over the years, though, I have sort of been having these flashes come over me."

"Like what?"

"Like.... Like I've said it before or eaten it, and it would rush to me but then it would fade away just as soon as it came on."

Nodding Squall says. "You must have been trying to remember, or at least you were absently remembering."

"You're trying to say that I do know you?"

"Imari, you _are_ Irvine Kinneas, you just have amnesia."

"Irvine Kinneas.... I.K." Standing he waves a hand. "Come upstairs with me, I wanna show you something."

Standing he follows the male to the bedroom. Irvine walks over to the closet opening it and there, inside, are his duster, a vest, and a pair of jeans. In other words, everything that he was wearing the day he'd disappeared.

"Elder said that I was wearing this when I was found, and when I left he gave it to me and said that they would help me find my way but every time I stare at them or try to remember I get nothing... Nothing at all. You can only ask questions without answers for so long, you know?"

Touching the clothing as if Irvine were inside of them his hand comes to rest at his side. "You love this coat, maybe not as much as you love your hat but.... no matter how many times I would tell you to get a new one, you'd always tell me you're sticking with what you know and love. That its easier."

"He sounds like a good guy- odd, maybe, but good."

"Irvine-.." An agitated sigh exhales from him as he corrects himself. "Imari, please listen to me about this; I know that you're a new person and you have a new life but you've left behind a pretty damn good one without even knowing it."

Lowering his dual gaze to the floor, he wets his mouth nervously before saying in a quiet voice. "This life you talk about... was I? ...I mean, did I ever want to kill myself?"

Shocked by the odd question, Squall shakes his head. "No. If anything you'd fail at it if you ever tried." A soft smile comes across his lips. "You're so full of life, you'd have at least fifty spare if you ever lost one .......I never could keep up with you and your need to be alive- better to dump you off on Zell whose got just as much to compete with."

Imari blinks as he watches this strange man release tears while at the same time shake with quieted laughter. Thinking that the man might go insane at any minute, he couldn't help himself from smiling at the male's odd, but nice, laughter. So much so that he even laughs as well. This time its Squall's turn to be surprised and shocked by the oddity of Irvine Kinneas actually laughing. Its... well its just a weird sound. Irvine laughs but its quaint laughter not like this loud chuckle. He had always secretly thought it was cute how someone so happy can't laugh properly to save his life. Irony, he guessed. Ceasing his own laughter due to inadvertant staring, Imari wipes his leaking eyes, stilling his laughter as well.

"What was so funny?" He asks when calmed down.

"I don't know." He looks into the man's face. "It just hit me how we've all missed you and you've been alive all this time."

"Oh....."

There's silence between them; mentally their words were shouting to be heard but verbally their lips were cealed.

"....I know that you don't remember, and I can't force you to but... please, come back with us to Balamb." Squall's sincerity bleed through his words hoping to be oblidged. "We all miss you so damn much, _I_ miss you. ...Imari... I'll answer any questions that you may have, just please come back."

Imari looks into the man's two colored eyes, something about them just spoke to him. It reminded him of the carving of the lion that he'd made without understanding why. Blue and gray stone, tough but tender. He couldn't just say 'no', it would be wrong of him. When he's had so many questions and little anwers. And he's had a major one answered, he wasn't on the beach because of a botched suicide, he's missed, he's loved. It would be wrong to have people continue to hurt just because he can't remember that life or time; only knowing of his here from then to now as Imari. But he's loved and not alone as all his visions have shown him. He owes it to them to at least assure them that he's ok, even if he can't be this Irvine. He can still be their friend.

"I'll come back with you."

Smiling, he can't hardly breath as his silent breaths become audibly as they cause his chest to rise and fall a little too hard. Its almost making him light headed. "You will?"

"Yeah," A laugh huffs from him. "Its not as if I'm doing anything here that I can't just do there, but...."

"But what?"

"I don't have much money to stay at a hotel for very long so-..."

"You don't have to worry about money; you'll be staying with Kait and me in our apartment."

"...Oh. ....Alright. But, can I have a week to say goodbye to the people I've met? The shumi's and my friends here?"

He wanted so badly to say 'no', they've gone without Irvine long enough- _he's_ gone without him long enough. But it would be rude of him to take him from the life he's known since his disappearance it would be nothing short of abducting someone. With a nod he turns away to leave.

"Squall?"

The way he froze wasn't due to his being called, but the way he was called; no familiarity in the tone, just his name. It burned.

"Its a long walk to the hotel.... might be dangerous out there too and, since you're offering me a place to stay with you, you can stay with me tonight."

Looking at the man, over his shoulder, he thinks it over.

"You can take the bed." He offers.

"I couldn't take your bed; I've seen your couch, you'd be uncomfortable."

He shrugs. "You've come so far to find me or someone inside of me; its the least I can do."

"I don't trust myself to stay."

Furrowed brows join the confused look on his face over the comment. Why can't he trust his self? Will he pop him over the head and drag him to Balamb or something. That seemed unlikely, although, he did bring his friends with him. "Okay. I'll see you in a week then."

"Yeah. ....Imari? Don't forget."

"I won't."

With a small smile he heads downstairs, leaving the house. Looking up into the night sky he can feel a grin coming over his face. _'He's alive.... Irvine's alive!'_ Eyes closed he laughs merrily for a moment, composing himself so that he can return to the hotel to tell the others. Plus he has to think of what he's going to tell Kait. _'I hope he can understand. I've built Irvine up to be such a character in a story rather than a man; will Kait be able to handle the switch in image? I don't wanna shock him all of a sudden with this. Irvine wanted a week, that should be enough time for it all to sink in for him- I hope.'_

Arriving at the Inn he checks in, receiving a key to the room he's sharing with Selphie, the happy male heads upstairs. He can hear his friends voices coming from a single room and upon reaching it he knocks on the door.

"Squall?" Quistis steps aside to let the male through. "Did Imari show up? Was it Irvine?"

"He did and he is." He takes a seat on the bed.

"It is!?" Selphie pops down beside him, hand on his shoulder to shake out answers. "Where is he? Isn't he coming back with us?"

"He has amnesia. He really does believe he's Imari Karver."

"Bull shit. Kinneas is playing games with you." Seifer says brashly. "He likes this little lie life he's made for himself so now he has to play it up because Kait ratted him out."

Glaring at his rival, Squall lessens his rage understanding that Seifer is who he is and won't change for anyone. "No, he really does believe that he's someone else. Its in everything he does, the way he walks, the way he talks.... you'd swear he was a native from the North not the South."

"Whoa, Irvine without that silly southern accent?" Zell tries to imagine it. "That must have sounded funny."

"It really does; he doesn't speak with his accent but I'm used to the low tone."

Anyone else would have blushed over revealing an intimate detail but Squall could only look perplexed over wonder of what he intends to tell Kait.

"Amnesia or not, he's Irvine and he has to come back with us." Quistis says.

"He is. He wanted a week to say good bye to all the people he knows."

"And you told him he could?" Seifer rolled his eyes so hard he tilted his head back with it. "If that were Zell I'd of clocked his ass over the head and dragged him back."

Laughing with a bit of embarrassment behind it the shorter blond says. "You make me feel so loved."

"We can't all be caveman, Seifer. It would be rude to take him away from the life he's known for years know. I could see if this just happened but he's been away from us just as long as we've been away from him. He needs to say good bye before we get Irvine back."

Crossing her arms Quistis shakes her head in dismay. "All these years.... and we kept trying to convince you that he was....." She couldn't finish the sentence. "I'm sorry Squall."

Selphie chimes in. "Yeah sorry." Pouting hard enough to crack her wrinkle free face, she says. "I feel so mad at myself for doubting you."

"Yeah, yeah, boo-boos and band-aids, whoop-dee-doo! Are we leaving this middle-of-nowhere rat hole or waiting it out?" Seifer leans against the wall, arms and ankles crossed.

"I wanna go back; I have to talk to Kait about Irvine staying with us. I don't know how he's gonna take it."

"Kait's a sweet kid, he should do alright." Rinoa pats Squall on the shoulder.

"Mmm. Rinoa, can you cut my hair for me?"

"Sure." She blinks absently wondering what hair has to do with anything right now; but she then guessed that he wanted to look his best for the man he loves, not to mention, look like the one the man he loves remembers. He's had grown out hair for a while now, they're all used to it, but if Irvine really has amnesia he won't ever be able to remember Squall if he looks different in some ways. As far as Rinoa knows most people with amnesia want reminders of their old lives to jog their memory; she just hoped she had a pair of scissors.

Grabbing the male by the wrist she takes him into her bedroom to search through her travel bag. Luckily, being in the military, has her prepared for strange things that normally she never would do, or have. Combing and parting his hair, she makes precise snips and clips after chopping off a good chunk of the, 6 inches in length, low ponytail.

"Squall?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm sorry if any of this becomes hard for you but, you have to give Irvine the benefit of circumstance."

"I am."

"....What I mean is, Irvine has been away from us for four years... He's a different man now, with a different life style."

"What are you getting at?"

"What I mean is... he may not remember your relationship. Imari Karver might be straight, or seeing someone."

Squall's blood turned cold. He hadn't even thought of that. He just naturally assumed that Irvine had become a hermit of sorts when it came to sex and romance. But.... what if what Rinoa said is.....

"Would you be upset?" She says calmly. "Because I think that you should take it easy on him, much like you're going to ease Kait into you should ease Irvine into it. Too much shock could end up hurting him, or pushing him away because he can't process it like we want him to."

"I want to say that it'll go smoothly and that I won't pressure him but, Rinoa, you're kind of scaring me." He turns in the seat to face her once she brushes her hand down the back of shirt to remove the fallen hairs. "I don't wanna go home thinking that Irvine might be saying good bye to some woman or man that he's been seeing as Imari. How the hell can I sleep with that on my mind?"

"I didn't mean to upset you, I just think that you should consider this whole thing from every stand point." She waves her hands defensively. "I could be wrong and Irvine could have been busy the entire time he was away from us, and when you're busy who has time for love- ask any business man."

"Not good enough; I'm leaving." Standing, he heads into the bedroom. "Thank you for cutting my hair. If the others ask, I went back to Irvine's they can just go ahead home without me if they wanna leave tonight. But I'm not going anywhere until I get some answers."

The door slams in his departure. Rinoa bites her lip in contemplation. "Definitely should have waited for that conversation."

.................

Slipping into his pajamas, Zell adjust them before climbing into bed beside a naked Seifer. "Do you really think Irvine has amnesia? Or do you think he's faking it?"

"Maybe, but" He whistles. "four fucking years away. Kinneas could never do it, he's too.... into people most of the time. It sucks if he's lying sucks more if he really has amnesia."

"We should tell him to come home with us sooner. Giving him a week might only make him change his mind about it because he'll know what he's giving up."

"Naah, the guys life can't be all that great if he lives in a place like this." Wrapping his arm around his lovers stomach, he kisses him on the back of the neck, closing his eyes. "Night, Dinky."

"Night." He closes his eyes still believing that forceful is the way to go. Selphie would agree with him. He hoped that Squall could manage a week now that he knows.

..................

Imari was just about to go to bed once he finished drying his hair after the shower, but the loud banging on the door ceased his activity. Crossing his bedroom he walks downstairs to the front door, pulling it open he looks surprised a moment as an angered Squall comes barging in.

"Did you get lost?" He turns on the lamp in the living room.

Squall is momentarily paused with silence seeing his lover in nothing but pajama pants. Imari has been working out in ways Irvine did not, apparenrtly travel and delivering things involves heavy lifting and as far as the chest and torso go.... Shaking his head to clear the haze he says. "No. I've changed my mind about staying the night. I don't mind the couch if you'll offer it to me."

"Go ahead." He says as if not buying the story but then he didn't really have grounds to ask too many questions so why not leave it alone. Running the towel through his hair he figures he may as well chat with the man until he's ready to turn in. Taking a seat on the soon-to-be bed he drops the damp towel onto the coffee table. "I hate doing this mess, its impossible when its wet." He grabs a brush from the side table running it harshly through the thick tangle that he, once again, plans to cut off.

Smiling, he found it odd how Imari hated Irvine's beloved hair and funny how he couldn't seem to manage it. He'd noticed how ragged and unkempt it was when he'd seen him earlier. "Here." He says hoping to salvage his lovers hair. "Let me do it."

Reserved for a moment, the man reluctantly hands over the brush, turning side ways in his seat to give the man access.

Shaking hands pick up the end of Irvine's hair; the warmth of the mans shower is still coming off of him. Squall has to tell himself over and over to focus so that he doesn't end up fucking the man into dust. Its easy not to think about sex when you're alone and have a child but alone with the man you love its number one on both heads' list. The brush goes through his hair with a little struggle but easily enough as well.

"I noticed that you cut your hair; do you have a hard time with it too?"

"No. I just thought it was time to go back to being me."

"Hm?"

Squall shrugs. "It grew out when I was raising Kait; its easy to forget about self maintanance when you have a baby to raise alone."

"Its noble of you to adopt a child- or was he a serogate?"

Squall snickers. "Hyne no, not from the women I know, and I wouldn't trust any random woman." His hands move up; fingers accidently brushing the male's bare back. He wets his mouth and continues talking. "Actually, you were the one who found Kait."

"Oh yeah?"

"We were on a mission- an exterminating mission, and you got distracted as you often do and because of that you ended up seeing a baby stuck up in a tree. His mother or father left him up there in a mail sack and took off. Seifer and I later found the father dead, nothing on the mother even after four years."

"Hmhm, you really are a hero."

"No. I wanted Kait to keep me from losing my mind over missing you. I wanted Kait to know the man who saved him, and loved him right away without question or hesitate."

"You hesitated?"

"I resisted as hard as I could. I wasn't ready to even tease about having a child but now.... I love him more than anything."

"I could tell that."

"Really? You've seen us together?"

"I had to make sure little bird made it safely over to you."

Snickering Squall asks. "He's got to you too, huh? I started calling him little bird when he was about two. He loved hearing stories about Cowboy Irvine and the adventures he's had, some made up, some real missions we've been on. He liked the one I told about you in the Chocobo race and he's been cheep, cheep, cheeping around the house and you know..." He trails off with a shrug.

Imari laughs picturing the two year old boy walking around the house pretending to be one of those big old birds.

Swallowing hard; he's unsure of how to ask such a thing and not sound rude or intrussive of the man's private life. But he has to know or he'll never be able to rest and the last thing he wants are his insomniac days to come back when he's such a good sleeper usually. War was nothing compared to emotional bog and you always wonder if you're doing the right things when in a relationship but he was assured time and time again that yes, his love his the right way.

"Was I seeing anybody?"

That through Squall for a loop. He didn't think that Imari would be the one to bring it up. Playing it cool he asks. "Why do you wanna know?"

The amnesiac shrugs. "I would just feel guilty if I were seeing someone and there was someone back there who loved me or was married to me and well, you know, I'd cheat on them- ow! Careful."

"Sorry. Tangle." He lied as he had actually just popped the male with the brush. "You weren't married, but you were- are, seeing someone."

"Who?"

"Do you really wanna know?"

Nodding he says. "Sure I wanna know. I think I owe them an apology for being away, and then going and getting a crush on someone."

His heart began to beat rapidily. "A crush?"

"Yeah, but I never got to tell her- thank Hyne; it turns out she was married and had kids! How embarrassing that would have been to tell her that I like her and want a date then she laughs." He then snickers. "Kait said I should like boys if women don't work out- like you."

"How would you feel about something like that?" He's through brushing Irvine's hair and has to hide his bitterness when the male turns to face him.

"I'd be fine with it, I guess, I mean, I've lived with the shumi tribe for a year- not a woman in sight and I loved it." He looks off into space. "I asked once, how they felt about two men being together. They said its never come up, they don't care."

"Did you... like a shumi?" A shumi woman? Do shumi have women?!

"No. I picked on my friend about it, though, the guy has a crush on someone so I teased him about it." Running his fingers through his hair. "Nice job. I should hire you to manage this stuff instead of cutting it again."

That knocked Squall from his stupor of Irvine being in another relationship. Irvine, cut his hair?

"So, are you gonna tell me who or do I have to guess?"

Placing a hand on the man's cheek he whispers. "I'll show you."

His lips part in a gasp as Squall's come into contact with them.


	20. Come a little closer to me baby

A.N.: Thank you all for reading silently, and reviewing after reading if you do. Thanks always Jade Almasy. Enjoy the chapter I'm 3 away from being done so I hope you like it and the entirety of the story.

..................

Imari's eyes shot open to a bugged out state; breath held, body stiff, he's in the kiss for 10 seconds before instincts kicked in forcing his eyes to close and the rest of his functions to work. The wood-workers crafty hands place themselves onto the gunbladers lithe hips getting a firm hold, which pushed Squall to deepen the kiss; his hands, once down at his side on the couch, lift to round his lovers shoulders; his hips shift a bit so that he can get a better angel to maybe climb onto Irvine's lap. Squall hummed his appreciation when Imari willingly parted his lips to his tongues intrusion; the tip brushed just past the underside of his upper lip and teeth causing Imari to shudder. He's never been kissed before, not ever, so he hopes that its being done right because Squall can really kiss. Every brush of his tongue is carefully done yet without plan, his-... his-..!? Shoving away, Imari looks down at his lap with a blush.

Squall looks ready to kill someone but his features soon soften as he remembers that this man before him, though he is, he also isn't Irvine. "Sorry. I shouldn't have done that."

"Ask a question." Replies the man, with a laugh, to the apology. Imari remained silent for a moment then with a smile he laughs again faintly. "So, Irvine's gay- and he's with you!" He nods at Squall. "Can't say that I saw something like that coming. ....Were you.... very close?"

"Yes." He wets his mouth.

"Then I guess I owe _you_ the apology; I'm sorry for almost having your lover cheat on you." He says sincerely.

Squall nods his thank you, though, he's more relieved than he can say. Wanting to break the awkward air growing, he says. "We've known each other since we were kids; we grew up in the same orphanage on a beach in the south." Squall felt guilty for saying that since out of everyone he grew up with he doesn't remember Irvine being there; and now its Irvine who can't remember him, how's that for irony. "We were all separated at some point, though; you told me that you were adopted by a family living on the Galbadian Plains, a ranch," A small chuckle comes from him. "guess that's where his southern accent came from, living there rubbed off on him."

Imari smiled seeing how happy talking about his lover seemed to make the man. It must be nice to be loved like that; to bring emotions to surface at the mere mention of your special someone. "Is that why you made up stories to Kait calling him Cowboy Irvine?"

"Yeah, he loves the western lifestyle, Irvine does, but he's never once seen a western." With a shrug he goes on. "That's just the kind of way Irvine is; he's big on mannerism and local color. ....He wants to know it all so that he doesn't make so many mistakes, he asks so many questions from people. He's a firm believer in knowledge- righteousness too."

"I see."

Wetting his mouth again, Squall lowered gaze looks into his companies. "You kiss differently than Irvine; even that much about a person can be erased, I see." Taking the strangers hand, holding his lovers in his mind, Squall continues speaking. "We met up again over the war, we needed a sniper and it was Irvine. He knew us but we didn't know him..... we were all victims of amnesia because of the G.F.s stealing our memories from us, but we soon remembered each other by his telling us."

"Wow.... something like that is just weird to think about. All of you forgetting things about your past because of some monster." Blinking thoughtfully, he adds. "But you remembered, didn't you? So... there's a chance that I'll remember too."

"Yeah, that's why I think that coming home with me, being at Balamb will help you remember Irvine- yourself; the two years we've spent together as a couple and the time when we were not. Surrounding yourself by familiar things might work better for some people then just hearing about who they were. But Imari... you will try to remember won't you? You can't shut out the memories like I wanted to.... you have to remember."

"I'll.... I'll try." Rubbing his thumb over the gunbladers he stares at their hands joined. Its very much different than holding a woman's hand, its got calluses, rough patches, and width, but its also delicate and soft for the most part. In all his four years of memory he thought he was one for the ladies, but for a man? Which role does he play? Has he ever been... well, penetrated? That doesn't seem like something he wants to do. But then again, two years with Squall he may have actually loved it. "I'm scared.... I'm scared of what it will be like to not exist anymore." Tears fill his eyes. "Will it be like dying? Or will I just stop being...?"

"I don't know. Part of me wants to comfort you and tell you that its gonna be ok, but honestly, I don't know. With us, we never forgot everything, just our past but we were always us. Its different with you, you're more like a... multiple personality." Imari scoffed hearing that. "I know its gonna be weird feeling the way you do and hearing the opposite but, if I can say anything towards that I'm glad that you're willing to try."

"Hn. Yeah, I wouldn't wanna mess up something as nice as what you have with Irvine."

Squall nods. "Little can .....he and I.... we got each other, you know, we knew that we had our limits and we never tried to test them. We always made it very clear how much of something we can and can't stand and with that we were near perfect. He never made me want anything, never made me have that cold feeling I get when someone leaves me come to pass; and I never made him feel alone. Irvine hates that feeling, that feeling of complete abandonment; it scares him."

Imari watches the reflecting change the male's facial expressions as he remembers the man that for four years he thought was dead. He doesn't blame him at all for kissing him and possibly wanting more, sitting here with a stranger with your lovers face cannot be easy.

"He always let you know how he was feeling, not just the words but with everything. He let people know what made him weak so that he's never hurt. Honestly, if you used his pain to hurt him he would never want anything to do with you again. That's his limit. With me, if I walk out that's it for me. My father, he... was never around, my mother dead, all I had in life was my sister Ellone and even she was taken from me at one point."

"But you have them back now, right?"

"Yeah, and because of Irvine being gone, I'm getting a nice relationship going with my father."

"Yeah?"

"He helped me know what to do when I had only planned to just sit around and rot. He saved me in a way and I owe him for allowing me to look at Kait and give him the love that in the beginning I was afraid to." He shrugs. "I just hate the idea of anyone depending on me, wanting things, when back then I had no one."

"I can understand that."

"Do you wanna see pictures?"

"Sure! I don't have many to show myself," He watches Squall remove his wallet from his back pocket. "but I take a lot of pictures."

"You do?"

"Yeah, I took all the ones around here up on the walls." He looks over his shoulder, also pointing upstairs.

"Irvine is usually into being in the pictures rather than taking them; he likes recording video's, though. He says that its good to help Selphie with her diaries of us. We're all big on being together forever and yet he's a loner by accident."

"That sounds nice. I like being together with the people that I know." He takes the wallet filled with pictures. "The shumi's Mrs. Manaji."

"Who's that?"

"She's an elderly woman that taught me how to cook when I first moved here. I was terrible at it." He smiles at a picture of Squall and some people he doesn't know. "Seifer's the tall blond, huh? Kait told me that." He remembered what Kait said about Seifer being tall like he is.

"Yeah, that's Seifer." Pointing as he names them he says. "This is Selphie- she's like my younger sister- Ellone is older than me, Rinoa- we met her during a mission to help her cause, this is Quistis, she's like a big sister to all of us and used to be one of the instructors at school until they fired her.... or maybe she quit? I kinda tuned her out because she had a crush on me and I thought that she would try to make a move."

They two of them laugh.

"This is your best friend, Zell, he's the reason I'm not mental right now having to deal with Irvine's peppy attitude towards life."

"Ahaha." Turning the picture over he sees two people standing next to each other.

"That's my dad, Laguna Loire and my sister Ellone."

"You know Laguna? The shumi's are completely in love with him. I admire the heck out of the guy too; he's done some amazing stuff from what they told me. Hard to believe he'd abandone his child."

"The world was at war and honestly, it seemed his only concern in life was finding my sister nevermind me, he didn't even know that I was alive- because my mother never told him. She dropped me off with this other woman to be raised and she died .....so I was then left in the care of Edea Kramer, we call her Matron." He turns to the next picture to point out the woman.

Imari looked at the photo hard an image flashes through his mind. "She was.... stuck behind bars, like a prison... wasn't she?"

".....We trapped her beneath the clock tower during the parade- Imari, are you remembering?! Irvine!" He shakes the man's arm. He doesn't want to shove his love back inside the man's subconscious from calling him the wrong name. "Irvine?"

Shaking his head, Imari turns the picture to the next one. "I'm sorry, that's all I could see."

Fist balled in frustration, Squall calms himself down. _'I have to be patient and let it come naturally. He won't remember if its forced.'_ Looking at the exposed picture, he says. "That's Kait when he was one and a half. I got him a rocking Chocobo for Christmas and he loved it. That's Irvine's- your hat he's wearing."

"He really did love the cowboy thing."

"Yeah." Closing his wallet after showing the man a few more pictures of Kait he stuffs it back into his pocket. "You named him, you know. Something about finding him in the trees being the reason, because kites get stuck in trees."

Laughing he comments. "That is so lame."

"That's what I thought, but everyone else thought otherwise. ....I do like the name though. Its really cute on him, it fits." Sadly his says. "We could have been one busted up family. He loved Kait and me and would have pushed to keep him instead of putting him up for adoption like I'd wanted to."

"If this is making you upset, we can talk about something else."

"Yeah, we better. I don't wanna end up crying or something."

"I wouldn't mind."

Shaking his head, Squall leans his head on the male's bare shoulder. "Tell me about what you did in Shumi, how'd you get the name Imari Karver?"

"I didn't look like anyone else, Elder thought that I was a bundle of color so Imari was given to me. But I was Karver first, because out of all the task given to me I stunk at them, but when it came to carving wood, I was the best."

Yawning, Squall says quietly. "Living there must have really been nice."

Imari can feel wet droplets hitting his chest, tickling as they slide down his torso; so Squall is crying and trying his best not to. That's alright, he'll give him a distraction if that's what he wants. "Living there was nice, and peaceful.... but after a while you kind of want something beyond that wall they have up."

"I wouldn't... I like shelter.... Its relaxing and.... comforting." His words are becoming more spaced apart due to drowsiness. "When did you buy a bird?"

"He was just sort of with me when I woke up in the village and.... You're not interested in a word I'm saying are you?" He smiles down at the near sleeping figure.

"No... but keep talking anyway."

Cocking a brow at how rude that might have been to some people; Imari shakes Squall a little. "Can I have a look at your wallet again?"

Squall lifts his hips a bit removing the wallet, handing it over he then lays himself down on the couch. It was as if all the relief he had from finding Irvine alive was catching up with him and putting down in a blissful sleep- a much needed blissful sleep.

"Good night, Squall."

He was already gone.

Imari flips through the booklet of pictures smiling at the silly ones: Christmas party with Santa hats on everyone's head- that girl Selphie must have taken most of the pictures because someone she wouldn't be in them or she'd be on the side as if she'd set the timer then dashed into place. Pictures of them at the beach, or just sitting somewhere waiting- looks like the train station. Flipping a few more times, sure enough, there he was or at least there's a picture of him only in this picture his name is Irvine. Amnesia is such a weird thing when it happens like this. Squall may be on to something when he said its like a split personality because most people remember nothing, he remembers everything but this other self. Irvine looks happy a genuine smile on his face; he honestly doesn't believe that he smiles that way. In another picture he's making a pig-nose and sticking his tongue out while a ticked off Squall tries not to smile while clutched at his lovers side. He wondered what went on when this picture was taken. The nicest one is of the two of them holding hands, Irvine leaned over, Squall leaned up and they're giving each other a kiss. To think that his happy existance has ruined someone elses- a lot of someone elses. This was the final nail in the coffin for Imari; he will mail his letters then head to Balamb, saying goodbye personally would only keep him from doing anything to get his memory back.

................

"Are we really going back without Irvine?" Selphie asks as they take their seats upon the Ragnarok; her at the pilot. "I didn't even get to see him for myself, I wanna say hello too."

"Selphie, he said that he would come to Balamb and he meant it." Squall settles into his chair. "Let's give him his time for now. He swore that he would allow us to help him get his memory back and I believe him."

"I still wanna see him." She pouts; starting the engines the others are seated and buckled as the ship lifts into the air.

................

"Daddy!!"

"Kaity!!" He scoops the charging boy into his arms lifting him into the air.

The two cheep cheep at each other making Seifer roll his eyes.

"Nothing more nausiating than father and son, oh but wait here comes the grandfather bringing up the rear."

"Shut it, Seifer." Squall and Laguna say simultaniously to Seifer, through smiles at the young child.

The male only shrugged.

"Guess what daddy, Grampa said that I have a loose tooth and the tooth fairy will leave me one whole gil for it if I stick it under my pillow when it comes out. What does she want with little kid teeth, doesn't she have any of her own?"

"She does," He takes him from his father placing him on the floor, kneeling down to eye level so they can talk man to man. "but she likes to take the teeth so that babies can have teeth when they start to grow up."

Scrunching his face the boy says dramatically "Eeeuuuww!" before laughing.

"Laguna, don't fill Kait's head with that non-sense." Squall reprimands. It was cute, though, he'd give him that.

"So did you confirm what you wanted to confirm?" Laguna asks; one hand resting heavily on his bad knee in order to give him assistance to get up. He may have a youthful soul but his body is steadily trying to quit on him, damn it all.

"Yeah, its Irvine alright."

"Wow. .....So, what happened?" He takes Squall by the bicep leading him into the hall to talk privately. "Where is he, what's he been doing?"

"Irvine's not himself and... Laguna, something happened to him- he popped his head or maybe just got effected from being passed out for so long but he doesn't know who he is. Irvine thinks he's a human Shumi named Imari Karver."

"Whaat? You mean like amnesia?"

"If it were only that simple. He's known himself as Imari for so long that he believes if Irvine is going to live that he'll die and he's scared of his memories because of it. I could see it in his eyes when he was remembering Matron, one minute a glimmer of light was there and just as fast it was gone."

Laguna whistled. "Damn that's bad, worse than bad- he's like a split personality."

"I thought so. .....Laguna, you had an accident when you were younger and you hit your head ....you were alright when you woke up, though, weren't you?"

"I was a broken man living off the together that I found around myself, but yeah, I had a touch of amnesia but it passed. I remembered everything just about anyway, all but my beloved Julia and then I heard this song and it all came back to me but by then any thing between us was gone; she'd married another man lived a life and died."

"Well that's not going to happen with me and Irvine; Imari said that he'd had a crush on someone but thankfully it was only one person and she's married."

"That is lucky. Love is a hard thing to give up; if Imari had found someone I don't think becoming Irvine would be top priority on his list."

"I know that!" He snaps but Laguna isn't most people and didn't shrink back by the lion's outburst. "Which is why he's coming home to Balamb to live with Kait and me; the more he's around us the better of he'll be. He asked me for a week to say goodbye, hopefully it won't be a drawn out tearful one or I'll drag him there if I have to."

"I know you will, son. That's one thing we have deeply in commen, we're both impossible to be around when we want something." He pats his son on the shoulder.

Squall scoffed, but smiled knowing that its true. He's seen the man's devotion to his sister and he's very much the same towards the people he cares about.

"What will you do now?"

"What can I do?" Squall shrugs. "I'm gonna take Kait home and clean the place up before he comes. I want everything to look nice and be nice so that he'll want to stay."

"He'll stay, if he's willing to come at all then he'll stay. Anyone else would have turned you away regardless of what proof you have that they're someone else, but Imari wants to try so don't push him too much."

Squall wasn't sure how he would act with the man around him so he said nothing choosing to return to the living room with the others. "Do you have all your stuff together, we have to get home and clean up."

"Its already clean." Protest the boy grabbing Jojo from the couch where she was set down.

"It needs to be really clean, we're gonna have company staying with us and we want them to like our house."

"Okay." He's bouncing on the couch on his knees. "Daddy, grampa sings the goodnight song really fast and it has a drum solo."

"A drum solo?"

"Uh huh, its funny because the bed shakes and he makes silly noises."

Squall cocks his head to the man who shrugs. "He got to sleep.... eventually."

"Are we going home?" Kait gets off the couch walking over to Selphie taking her hand.

"Yeah, you can go out to the ship while I get your things."

Seifer was speaking with Ellone but quickly dropped the conversation when he saw Selphie exiting the room. Zell and Quistis were seated on the loveseat minding their own business.

"I'll help you with that stuff." Zell offers following the brunet into the bedroom down the hall.

Quistis says farewell before leaving the room as well.

"So I've got some idea's on how to make Irvine remember quicker."

"What do you mean?" Squall grabs the boys overnight bag, pointing out the potty seat to Zell. _'Laguna's so weird, why would he put the potty seat in the bedroom?'_ He shakes his head in dismay.

"Well, Irvine thinks he's this other guy so why let him continue to sit on it? I think the minute he shows up we should have a home movies night, or take him to his favorite places.... maybe we should even stop at the place where he disappeared- the area might jog his memory."

"I agree, the sooner he remembers the better. I've gone long enough without him, but, everyone thinks we should keep it low key with what he needs to know and things he used to do."

"That's bullshit, if it were you wouldn't you wanna know?" He looks at the male who only raised a brow. "Right, well if it were me I'd wanna know right away." Walking down the hall he continues his protest to his best friends doubt. "Past isn't past all the time; its what built who you are, its basically your memories and if Imari wants to deny those then we need to make him remember, because he has no right stealing Irvine's life."

"I agree with that, but we also have no right to steal his." Opening the front door he squints in the sunshine. "We should just wait and see what all he's ready to handle and introduce him to things little by little."

"Daily?"

"Yeah."

"That's the Squall I know." He grins before darting away to the ship.

_'Screw Irvine's memories, I'm the only concern for him right now. The rest will come in doses once he's back to remembering me.' _Reaching the rented car, he stuffs the bag into the trunk. _'I've got to find the right way to ease Kait into, though. He may not take it as well as I hope.'_

"We're home! I remember this and this!" Kait points at things in the room.

_'Its funny how a once nothing word like 'remember' can become so heavy.'_ Squall looks down at the child with a small frown. "Kait, do you have to use the bathroom?"

"No, I went on the ship."

"Come sit with me then, I have to talk to you about something."

Ceasing his recalling celebration he looks at his fathers broken expression so he joins him on the couch without trouble. "What's matter?"

"Its about your friend Imari and Cowboy Irvine."

"Did you see him?! He looks like Cowboy Irvine, doesn't he?" The boy nods hoping for his father to mimic him to confirm it.

"Kait, Imari _is_ Irvine. He got a bump on the head and can't remember who he is, so he had to make someone up instead."

Face twisting with confusion Kait asks. "Is this a story?"

"No, its real."

"But I don't understand."

"You remember how in January you asked me to tell you about when you were a baby? And I told you about all the silly things that you did as a baby like sucking on your foot, and spilling your food?" The child nods. "Well that was a story about a real person, and that person was you."

"........Hmmm....." Is all he can say.

Squall smiled dryly wondering how to dumb it down to make Kait understand. "I told you stories to put you to sleep and while some of them I did make up, other stories really happened, and they were all staring a real person."

"Irvine?"

"Yes."

"But how come he's pretending to be someone else? Because he's famous like grampa and has to wear a bisguise?" He rocks his clown back and forth making the head cock to the side. "Or maybe because he doesn't like him?"

"That's _di_sguise and he likes himself- very much to be exact," Squall snickered at that fact. Irvine thinks very highly of himself or at least he likes to pretend he does. "Its just that Irvine can't help it; think about it this way, you know how when you spin around you're very dizzy afterwards?"

"Uh huh."

"Well Irvine spun around so many times he can see the whole world flipping back and forth passed his eyes and he can't get it to stand still, so he doesn't know which way to walk to avoid bumping into something."

"Oooohhhh. He's all mixed up?"

"Yeah."

"Can we help him?"

"I hope we can."

"Me too. He's nice and he gives me nice things even though I was scared of him."

"Irvine is very nice."

"I mean Imari."

"Kait, remember what I told you; Imari is Irvine, he's just mixed up."

The boy nods staring down at his clown sorrowfully.

"Kait," He wraps his arms around the child, nuzzling his cheek into the boys hair. "Imari is like Jojo, the toy. It isn't alive but when you play with it, its alive to you. Irvine is playing as Imari, like make-believe. You're not a little bird are you?"

"No, I'm a little boy."

"Exactly. And Irvine isn't Imari, he's Irvine."

Sucking in a breath the boy says. "Oooohhhhhhhh. Why didn't you say that before?" He asks in a mock know-it-all tone.

Playing back Squall groans like a child. "I was tryiiiing." Tickling the childs tummy, he gives him one more hug before setting him down beside him. "What's for dinner?"

"Ummm can we have pizza?"

"Sure. You want to eat out or order in?"

"Can we eat at the pizza place; I like to watch them throw the pizza."

"Alright, take a bathroom trip then get your sneakers on."

"Okay." He dashes off to the bathroom.

_'Shit, I forgot to tell him that Irvine's going to be staying with us.'_ He grabs his boots sticking his feet into them. _'One thing at a time. I'll tell him when the week is at an end.'_

In Winhill.

Imari is finishing up his letters to all the Shumi, making sure to put Squall Leonhart's address inside so when they reply he'll get them. He has to wonder how long he'll be with those people. A month, months, a year? Will he really remember being Irvine Kinneas? A flash of Squall ran through his mind; he's such an odd person, but handsome he'd give him that. It'd be weird if he wanted to make-out or something, he may know his past life but he doesn't know him. He said it it his self that it was like kissing a stranger- or something along those lines.

Walking from the home he slips the letters into the mail box.

He locked the place up, giving it a look over before walking to the single stable beside his home to climb upon his Chocobo. He'd have to give it up as well. Mrs. Manaji agreed to keep it, she said it would help her when she goes to the market. He's sure going to miss the old gal and her husband. The two of them are card buddies. What a weird turn of events this all is; and all do to a child Irvine found in a forest. He wonders if Kait knows? Will he freak out and want him to go? Steering the large bird up the hill he starts for the elderly couples home. A three day trip to get to Balamb should be long enough to give him steady nerves and an open mind.

_'A cowboy. A sniper. Irvine is a strange guy alright; how can you love people yet be a loner? How can you want something but project the other. He sounds like he's just as confused about certain things as I am.'_ Looking up at the moon he remembers when he was out on the field with Scout; he had raised his arms like he were holding a gun. _'Maybe he's not as gone as I think he is.'_

Pal voices his opinion about Imari's mental matters, the bird would rather he remain the same person that he is now. Why change it? Why change anything? If the large bird weren't on Imari's head he might have seen the creatures eyes begin to glow.


	21. Its Hurts When Your Eyes See It

_Vwwwwiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!_

Kait, who's laying on the couch, is watching television but his attention is continually grabbed by the sounds of this new contraption, his father bought a day ago. He told him that its called a vacuum cleaner and its used to pick up filth and what not from carpets; another new thing in their tiny home. Squall and Kait stayed in a hotel so the carpet company could place a thick blue carpet throughout the entire home- minus the kitchen- and when they got back in the boys eyes lit up. He thought the floor grew a beard. He was then taken to the _Allmart_ where they purchased the machine and came home to use it. Kait, unfortunately, has diarrhea and can't move around much without feeling the need to use the potty. So he's laying their watching television glancing, repeatedly, at the halls entrance when the vacuum comes down that way. He wants to watch it so badly!

"Daddy.... Daddy...." He calls over the noise.

The engine died away and Squall appeared at the entrance way.

"I wanna watch, can you do it when I feel better?"

Shaking his head, he walks into the living room to take a seat on the couch. Rubbing the boys back he informs. "I can't, sorry. But I haven't done the living room yet, so if you can stay awake a bit longer you can watch me vacuum in here."

Squall can tell the child is doing everything he can to stay up as it is. Watching that show **Little Bear** tires him out almost instantly. You'd swear it was a tranquilizer. Squall has sat through an episode or two with his son and it does seem to bring out restlessness; they both ended up taking a nap that afternoon. Squall had to wonder if it was because they spoke so slowly and most of the show consists of music while the talking animals did things.

"I'll try."

Squall could only smile at the yawning child; there was one mini-episode left in the half hour of two- sometimes three shows- and Kait was a goner.

"Hows come we have to clean and carpet?"

"Because we have a guest coming, remember?"

"Imari?"

"Irvine."

"Oh, right." He nods closing his eyes, soothed by the caresses on his back from his father's hand.

He watched the child in his near doze off then asks quietly. "Do you need to use the bathroom?"

"Mhmm."

"Don't you think you should get up and go?"

"Mhmmm... But it hurts....." He takes in a deep sigh in order to keep his eyes open but it didn't seem to aid him one bit as he conked out.

_'It would suck if he shit on the couch.'_ Standing, he walks to the bathroom removing the potty chair, bringing it into the living room. Shaking the child he lifts him, bridal style, from the couch setting him to stand on dead legs. "Here, I'll help you." He pulls the childs pants down for him, glad that Kait became alert enough to take a seat and go without assistance.

Heading into the kitchen he grabs a box of **Medialite** from the fridge to give to the boy to calm his stomach from having to be emptied for the third time that afternoon. Kait didn't even really want to eat, out of fear that he'd have to go to the bathroom again. But he's got to eat; he's already so thin, the boy doesn't need to be anorexic from diarrhea. Kait takes the juice box but sets it on the table for after he wipes up. Squall was back with a bundle of toilet paper for the child and a bit for himself for the follow up. You don't want to know what a bad job a kid can do when it comes to the runs. The horror.

Kait pulled up his pants, sitting carefully on the couch, juice in hand. "Daddy I like apple?"

"Yup."

He nods and drinks from the straw. "Little Bear is silly, he always plays in the bathtub with mermaids."

Looking at the television Squall had no comment but as the smell in the room wafted up to his nose he picks up the potty to empty it into the bathroom's toilet. Looking at the small mess left behind he takes the seat apart then grabs the toilet cleaner from beneath the cabinet to clean it out. Rubber gloves cover his hands before he does anything, then he shakes the can and sprays away.

Grabbing Jojo from beside him, Kait brings his straw up to the clowns mouth, making slurping sounds for the lifeless doll. "Aaaww. That was good, huh, Jojo?"

The door bell rings and the child hops off the couch; he feels a bit better after going to the bathroom, and through the mail he places the clown into view. "Who is it?" He asks.

Imari kneels down a bit, smiling at the toy. "Why hello Jojo, are the Leonhart's home?"

"Let me see."

The slot dropped and after a moment it lifts again revealing Kait's big blue eyes. "Who goes there?"

"Imari Karver or the Shumi tribe. May I come in?"

The boy disappears in a fit of giggles; unsure of what happened Imari's surprised look changed when the front door opened revealing Squall, holding Kait on his hip. "Irvine.... what are you doing here? You said a week?"

With a shrug he replies, though he's a little stand-offish about being called Irvine, he knows that Squall can't really help it. "I realized that staying for a week would only result in me going back on my word, so I wrote some letters, mailed them off, and here I am."

Squall can only look at his lover, who's dressed very much unlike himself. A white tank, long black shorts, and yellow and green sneakers are so not Irvine Kinneas.

Embarrassed at the long look, he says casually. "I was under the impression that I was invited to stay here."

"R- right, come in." He steps aside. Setting his son down he walks straight for the kitchen to retrieve a can of air spray. "Forgive the smell."

"You kidding, I own a very large bird I hardly notice any smells anymore."

Pal didn't take kindly to that comment and pecked his owner on the ear without clipping.

"You don't mind if he stays here too do you? He's my best friend and I wouldn't know where to keep him-..."

"Its okay." Squall waves off the explanation. "You can put your luggage in the bedroom off to the right. Its the first one."

"My room is the other one." Kait says following the man so quickly that Imari had to lift his leg to avoid stepping on the child. "Do you wanna see it?"

"Okay."

Squall followed the two, into the hall then Kait's room they go. The young boy walked over to his toy chest opening his arms as though there's an entire spread about the area. "This is all my toys!!" He said happily, then opens the chest. "Aren't they fun? I keep them in here from the bandits that want them."

Imari takes in the sky colored walls, the wispy clouds and the flock of birds flying through the air, a single willow tree painted near the closet. He can smell a sort of cinnamon scent coming from the carpet and with the streaks it must have just been vacuumed. "Its so clean. Its not what I expect when thinking of a four year olds room."

"Clean helps you to know where your stuff is." Explains the boy with a shake of his head, as if Imari is such a novice about reasons why things are tidy.

"Ahaha. Okay."

"Wanna see my daddy's room?" He takes the man's hand. "Its this way." He charges out of the room.

When they enter the room Imari isn't the least bit surprised at the decor. Squall's outer physique doesn't match the inner person he saw back at his home. Imari had to wonder if Squall had an unknown identity crisis or perhaps his inner self constantly conflicts with his outer self. Steal colored walls, a cherry colored bed set and curtains to match, black furniture. The most noticeable thing are the large swords with guns for a handle, showcased on the wall. They're beautiful. With that in mind the woodsman cocks his head in gesture of the room.

"I'm not sure if you noticed but, the room you're offering me is your room."

"I know." Squall walks up to stand before him. "Like I said, Irvine and I are a couple, so this to us is what we do. ....Imari, just because you don't remember your life as Irvine, it doesn't mean that its forgotten. Irvine left a lot of people behind who love him, and miss him. You can't take his place in our lives, and we also can't stop you from wanting to leave us to live yours. Which is why... you have to remember."

Imari's face registered as hurt by that comment. _'These people don't care for me at all and apparently they won't even try to. They're just murdering dogs of the military, anything that stands in their way they take it out. Now they're going to do the same to me under this guys order.'_ He suddenly felt a lot less inclined to be a willing participant in restoring his memories. He's not going to have all his love erased because these people want back the person they love.

Sighing, Squall shrugs. "Imari, if you're uncomfortable sleeping with me then I'll share Kait's room."

"I can't have you do that."

"If it will make you stay then it must be done." Squall said rather tightly. "Besides, Kait sleeps in my room countless times, its not a big deal. Right, Kait?" Looking to his son he's surprised to see that during his conversation with Imari the child had laid down on the floor and fell asleep.

Smiling, Imari says. "There's always the floor for me, Kait seems pretty comfortable."

Squall scoops the sleeping child into his arms then carries him into his own bedroom to lay him in his bed. Returning to his room he takes a seat at the desk watching Imari unload his luggage into the closet and drawer. His movements tight, angry almost. "If you're having second thoughts, you should spend time with us ....you'll change your mind. Everyone wanted to have a dinner or lunch together with you, as a group, so we could talk with you and try to open a part of Irvine."

"Seems to me that Irvine is your only interest." He bites out.

"Its true. I love Irvine and miss his love in return; you can't cling to a body that isn't yours forever. Imari," He stands. "I've been thinking about what you said before, about dying, I really don't think that you'd be considered or even feel dead because you don't really exist. Like a machine, it doesn't feel anything when you pull its plu-...."

Squall landed on his butt after a good right hook met him in the jaw. Hand coming up to his face his about to stand and retaliate when Imari shoves him back, pinning him to the floor by his wrist, and knees on his feet.

"Damn you! Damn all of you! I will _not_ by treated as though I am no one just because you don't want me. Just like Irvine there are people out there that do know me and want me! I'm agreed to come here and allow Irvine's memories to return, if they chose to, but I'm not going to be ignored and treated as someone else because you all think its better to not acknowledge me! If I'm truly going to be nothing to you than maybe you should consider keeping Irvine deceased while I go about my business in Winhill. ....Don't love someone so much that you ignore all else, it makes you rude, it makes you a bastard ....I won't be ignored...."

Squall's gaze would have chilled and broken anyone else but Imari kept his hold on the male until it wavered, so for ten minutes both men said nor did a thing, just stared. Squall, surprisingly was the first to drop his tension, he cast his icy glare downward to Imari's bare shoulder.

"Irvine was never effected by 'stare downs' either, he would look at you like you were mental and laugh the tension off." Releasing a sigh he shoves the man off effortlessly, coming to a stand; Imari remained on the floor sitting on his legs, looking up at the man he'll be boarding with.

He can see why Squall has the nickname Lion of Balamb, with murder eyes like that he could do anything to anyone and not flinch or so much as feel anything. Like a lion in the Savannah, when its prey, you must kill. But Imari will not be prey. He may have been raised by peaceful people, but he is also his own person and will not become a push over by anyone's command. He can imagine he'll be butting heads with Squall a lot.

"Imari.... you will be acknowledged for who you are, but I can't say that the care for Irvine won't be there." His dual colored eyes became peaceful for the briefest moment before hardening again. "You are a ghost in his shell, to me and probably the others, you will be nothing more no matter how we are with you- happy- upset, we'll only be looking for Irvine's return. ....If you can't handle that than maybe you should go; but prepare for our advances to get Irvine back for as long as you live."

A dry smirk appears on his face. "You make it sound so damned welcoming."

"That was my intention."

"......Very well. The conditions are the same, I won't allow my flashes to be looked at as nothing... but in the meantime." He noticed Squall's raised brow. Must not be used to people making conditions for him once his word of law has been passed. "You can't make any passes at me."

"Excuse me?"

"I'm not Irvine; that kiss in my home was..." He would have said great but that wouldn't help the matter one bit. "It was what it was and it can't happen again. You're not giving love to Irvine, you're giving love to me."

"Fine. That being said, so long as you're occupying my boyfriend's body you won't be loving anyone either. Got it."

"Got it."

Turning to the door, he waves his hand for the man to follow him. "The date might have been set for your actual arrival but I'm sure the others can rearrange their plans and meet us somewhere."

Imari watched the mans departure with a sad expression. _'A ghost in a shell, huh? Its not like I asked to be in this body- Hell, most days I don't even like it. This hair for starters.... If Irvine's memories do return, I have to make a way to have myself remembered at least by some people. A diary to bury like a time capsule- I have a diary but I'm not gonna bury it because I wouldn't know where to do it that it will be found.'_ Looking to his animal companion he smiles. "You'll remember me, won't you?"

The bird kawwed before pecking under its wing.

"Thank you." Leaving the room he steadies his nerves for the oncoming pile up of people. He hopes they're friendly, of course, compaired to Squall, who isn't?

* * *

"Its true!!" Selphie leaps onto the man into his arms. "Irvine, you're alive!!"

It only took the small group ten minutes to get to Squall's home when he told them that Imari had arrived early. They've all be dying to see if Squall was telling the truth and sure enough, the man standing before them is Irvine.

Imari wrapped his arms around the tiny girl offering a friendly smile. "Sure, I guess."

"Selphie," Shoving a hand between Imari and the girl Squall pushes her away. "Irvine is Imari Karver, remember."

"Ohhh, right, the amnesia- sorry." She backs away as though she'd just violated the man in some way.

"Its okay."

Slapping a hand to her breast, Selphie says. "I'm-.."

"I already know all of your names, Squall showed me some pictures back at my house." Holding out a hand he adds. "Its nice to meet you."

"You too, what's up?" Wiping his hand along his shorts, Zell shakes Imari's hand.

"Not much. I've got some piled up work that needs to be done eventually but other than that just living."

"That's right, Kait said that you gave him too wood carved things. They looked so real! You know, I'm a bit of a hidden talent myself." He pokes himself with his thumb. "I happen to make excellent jewelry."

"No kidding!? How good are you, I might like a new pair of earrings someday."

Slapping a hand to his scarred forehead, Seifer gives it a shake. "And so the _Tweedles_ have re-united."

_'Is it Irvine coming through, or just Imari getting along with Zell?'_ Wonders Squall.

"So where should we go to eat?" Quistis asks cutting between the two's boastful conversation about their hidden talents in life.

"Let's go to Captain Seas!!" Selphie lifts her fist into the air.

"I don't mind seafood." Rinoa says watching the two men with a smile on her face. Their noise level made it seem just like old times.

"Where's little bird by the way?" Asks the energetic brunette. "Does he know his friend is here?"

"Kait fell asleep. He's got diarrhea and its got him feeling sick a bit."

"Mmm."

Overhearing, somehow, Zell says. "I can call Ma to come over to watch him if you don't want to wake him up."

"He'd murder me with the silent treatment if we left him out. I'll wake him up."

Seifer moves over to Imari the moment his rival was out of sight. "Admit it, you're faking because Leonhart fucked up somewhere and you're punishing him for it."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Imari shakes his head. "and besides, what kind of ass hole would fake his death just to punish someone for doing something wrong? I'm not that kind of guy."

"Mhm." Seifer rolls his eyes.

"Mhmmm." Imari mocked. Its a wonder Squall isn't going out with Seifer, they're so much alike in personality. He shuddered at the thought of the two being a couple. So much rudeness gathered into one place would surely cause an earthquake.

"What's your birds name?" Asks Rinoa.

"Pal." With a shrug he explained. "Because he's my pal. He was with me when I woke up in Shumi and has been with me since. He was only a little thing when I first saw him, though."

"He's beautiful." She admires the multiple colors of its plummage.

"It seems a bit strange, though," Quistis holds her chin between finger and thumb. "I've never seen a tropical bird with colors like that."

"I thought the same thing but, I've haven't exactly been everywhere to know." Imari furrows his brows. "With monsters in the world, why not funny colored birds, ya know?"

They nod.

"Everybodies here." Kait walks into the living room; pajamas off and now fully dressed in a baseball uniformed short sleeve shirt and a pair of blue jeans. "We're going out, are you coming?"

"Yeah we are," Zell tousles the childs hair. "We're gonna get some seafood."

"Can I have a cheeses burger?"

Squall, who's handing the child his sneakers, nods.

Kait made a grand show of hopping over to the couch before sitting down to slide his feet into the, blue and green decorated, white sneakers. As the crowded moved to the door, exiting one after another once Squall and Imari passed through the gunblader felt his hand twitch to grab onto his lover's until he recalled that the man is infact not Irvine. Its just like after he'd left Garden as a commander. He would get twitches and urges to rejoin and be on the throws of the battlefield or even to just escort someone somewhere with his blade at his side for just incase but, in time, that wore off and, in time, so will these urges- at least until his lover his back.

.................

Squall joined the table after buying something else for Kait to eat at the local burger place. The small group has been talking to the man's ear off about this and that and Imari has been doing the same. It was so weird, with Irvine you could hear his voice a good yard or so away but with Imari, well, you wouldn't even notice until you were right up on him.

"So you really don't remember any of us?" Quistis asks.

Imari shakes his head, eating a bite of onion ring.

She makes a saddened sound then waves it off. "It will come back to you." She sips her iced tea. "Like that time we all went to Deling for the winter festival and you- um, Irvine ended up as king of the festival."

The man shakes his head.

"Or when he and me got into a hot dog eating contest and he lost because he chose to do it with all supreme dogs." Zell laughs.

"Imari doesn't remember anything about Irvine." Says Squall. "Its a waste of time asking him."

"Not a waste, something might be jogged by the stories." Says the man.

Selphie snaps her fingers. "When we were kids, you used to follow me around alot. Do you remember that?"

Imari thought it over, trying to picture the tiny girl even tinnier but no images came. "Sorry."

"Imari's staying with us for a while, Zell" Kait looks to the blond. "what's a while?"

"Its like a commercial break."

"Then that's a long time." He blows into his straw causing the Seven Up inside to bubble away.

"Was it weird living with the Shumi tribe for a year," Selphie shakes her head with a displeased look on her face. "its so boring there, waaay to much peace."

"No, I actually really liked it; you know that you won't be jarred awake by sudden noises of the city or something."

"You must like quiet to live in Winhill." Comments Rinoa wiping her hands on a napkin.

"Out of all the places we made deliveries too that one grabbed me the most."

Rolling his eyes Seifer gets up from the table storming off. He's had enough. Squall follows him quickly.

"How can you stand that crap?" Seifer asks when he's sure they're out of earshot. "If a pop to the head fucked him up, surely another pop or two will bring him back."

"I wish it were that simple. ....Can you believe he doesn't even kiss like Irvine?"

Seifer cocked a brow of disinterest. "Yyyeah. Anyway, how'd you get the bruise? Don't tell me there's already trouble in paradise."

"We got into an arguement and he socked me." Squall shrugged. "Not like it hurt."

"That guy's an asshole, I mean Kinneas was a show boat but this guy gets under my skin and I only just met him."

"Tell me about it."

Snickering, Seifer gives his rival a shove. "Couldn't wait to get your paws back on the guy could you?"

"You kidding? Four years without sex, I would have fucked a picture at some point."

Seifer laughed gaily. Squall never admits things like that. "So fresh for a man with child."

"Well incase you didn't know, Kait's technically not my child. Besides, it only came up when he was away or sleeping." As if it dawned on him suddenly he says. "Why the hell am I telling you this anyway?"

"You're an idiot; you know this news will be all over Garden by the end of tomorrow." He smiles to show he's teasing. "Figure out what you're going to do about the imposter?"

"I'm hoping that spending time with us, in familiar places, will eventually jog his memory. You know, like recreating moments in our lives."

"Well count me in for anything. I want that guy gone and soon."

"Why Seifer, I've never seen you so passionate about anything other than becoming, SeeD,"

"Which I've done."

"Annoying kids that have done practically nothing wrong in disiplinary."

"Best pass time of my life."

"And of course loving your favorite emotional punching bag."

"True, Dinky is good stuff."

Imari couldn't help but cast a bit of attention towards the two males. Leaning in he asks "Since when did those two become so close?" in a voice very unlike Imari.

The entire table wide-eyed when hearing their friend speak. Was he back?

Daring to be the first to answer, Zell says. "They kinds always were close, they only don't mind showing it so much now that they spar over weekeds."

Voice like Imari's, the man says. "Mmm. With those blades with gun handles. I saw Squall's hanging on the wall in his house, they're gorgeous."

"You've got some pretty sweet guns yourself." Zell goes on. "The one you took out on that mission before....." He trails off. "Sorry, I probably shouldn't mention things like that."

"Its all right, but, I've been kind of curious about it anyway.... What happened to Irvine that everyone thinks he's dead?"

Quistis glances at Kait who seems to be in his own little world, playing with the toy that came with his kids meal. She says in a clipped, quiet tone. "Irvine had a mission out in the plains, he was only supposed to supervize a new group of cadets and help out if things got out of hand. From what the captain of the team says there was a strange G.F. with the Sorceress worshippers, but when Irvine tried to make a contract with it he vanished."

Selphie chimes in with a sad tone. "We looked everywhere for him but had to give up. He was declared dead."

Imari frowns. "Wow.... that's kind of bad."

"Hey! I'll bet that if you're taken back to the place where it all happened, you'll get your memory back!" Zell stands up, fist clenched in cheer of his brilliance.

"What place?" Asks Seifer walking up; Squall behind him.

"The place where Irvine went on the mission." Zell scoots from the table; gripping Seifer's arm. "It may jog his memory since its the last place he was."

"I don't know, Zell." Squall says shooting a glance at his emptied lover's face to see what he thinks.

"No, it might help. I'll go." Imari stands. "When can we leave?"

Hopping up from her seat, Selphie claps her hands. "The Ragnarok is out in the woods twenty minutes from here. If we hurry we can make it there and back before bed." She cocks her head Kait's way.

"We're gonna fly!?" Kait joins the converastion.

"No. You're going to visit with Mrs. Dincht while we take a short trip."

"Aaaa," He groans.

"You can come another time." Squall tousels the boys hair.

"Okay." He's hoisted into the air by his father.

"This is important, okay. Be a big boy, and be good for Mrs. Dincht. I'll get your drink boxes so your stomach doesn't hurt."

"Okay. Bye bye." He wraps his arms around his father's neck after waving goodbye to everyone.

"We'll get the ship ready while you're dropping him off." Selphie drops gil onto the table, paying for the entire meal, before walking away with the others behind her.

Squall heads in the other direction towards his home to grab the child's things. He was sure to have Kait use the bathroom before he brought him over, explaining to the woman about his situation and she said she was good to handle it. Zell's gotten a bad case of it once or twice since she's adopted him. Kait waved goodbye to his father before joining the woman in the living room. Squall didn't walk far before he saw the giant ship's shadow covering the ground. The ramp lowered, not enough to touch the ground but Squall easily got on either way walking up to the deck with the others. He has his doubts but it just might work.

"Oh shoot! We're gonna have to make a quick stop at Garden first." Selphie turns the ship around.

"What for?" Asks Zell.

"To pick up the team. Imari won't remember if we tell him because we weren't there to know exactly what happened. We just heard a story."

"Right."

"It won't take long."

The cadets could not believe their eyes, it was like looking at a ghost- literally. Imari didn't care for the stares but he knew that he would have to get used to it if he looks like Irvine.

The ship ride was a silent one. Everyone had something to say but no one really wanted to say it. Even with the male sitting right there with them returning to the place where the whole mess began just brought back those familiar painful feelings of misery and despair. Eurydice, Phinneas, Luna, and Rakuta felt it most of all since it was they who lost the man in the first place. Can this look-a-like really be Irvine? How is it possible? They found items of clothing; but no, this blessing from Hyne cannot be questioned. So what if he has amnesia, Irvine isn't dead and they should all be thankful.

"We're here." Selphie says as the gravity in the ship changes as it prepares itself for landing.

The area is dry and baron as usual. A hard wind blows in every direction it can through the group. Imari looks about the area with empty eyes while the others can barely stand the sight of it. Eurydice's mind is over-run with four year old memories of that day, stepping forward she says in a low voice.

"Um... we arrived and, Commander Kinneas offered us a stick of gum- to keep our mouths moist in the heat."

The other three cadets- once cadets now SeeD, nod. The others listen carefully while watching Imari for any type of recognition to go by.

"He and I used scan to look out over the area." She points. "We got into a small arguement about-.."

"Junctioning." Phinneas cuts in. "Luna, had a strong magic junctioned when she wasn't allowed."

The girl nods.

"It was then that-..."

Imari's eyes look far away as he speaks. "It was then that a woman screamed.... it was so loud and frightened." He started to walk over to where Irvine stood four years ago. "There were men holding her as she flailed madly to get free. Everyone got into position and a battle broke out."

Squall swallowed his voice back, he couldn't say anything, it might break the man's concentration. But he's remembering! He could kiss Zell, why didn't he think of this. To bring Imari back to the place he had disappeared, was genius!

"The battles lasted forever it seemed." Luna said. "They had some sort of machine that they tied the woman to and above her-..."

"Was a large monster...." Imari's eyes flash with Scan. The shock of the green lines covering his vision, the computer like screen shaded the rest as if it were a heavy day dream. "Wh- what is this!?" He calls out paniced at never experiencing magic before. "My eyes! What's wrong with my eyes!" He cried out.

"Get him, hold him!" Squall commands; joined by Zell, the two grip his arms, holding the man's hands to keep him from scratching his eyeballs out.

"Get away from me! Get awaay!!!!"

Before he could duck out of the way a large white light blinds him. Imari released an ear piercing scream before he blacked out.


	22. Hopeful

A.N: Thank you all for reading and reviewing its nice to hear from you again Vedensolina :-). Enjoy the chapter.

............

Irvine is standing very still in a large white- wherever he is right now. His image is blurry, and everytime he moves: turns his head, blinks, sways absently, his image is shadowed by a tail of his own reflection.

_'Where am I?'_ Taking a step forward his legs cease movement as they feel like wiggly Jell-o.

Something up ahead comes into view, it seems small but as it moves closer Irvine can start to make out what it is.

_'That's me! What am I-...?'_

The other Irvine walks up to him then passed, yet, its walking up to him again and again, and again.

"Stop!" He shouts but it comes out as a whisper, bouncing all over the invisible walls.

The images of him do stop walking, but strangely they begin to laugh. It was haunting, everywhere, and loud. He looks at them all, all fifteen of them wondering what its supposed to mean. Is he laughing at himself about something.

"You just don't get it do you?" Asks one of the images.

"What? What don't I get?" Irvine asks wondering why his voice is still at a whisper even though he's sure he's raised it to shout.

"How badly do you want to come back?" The other Irvine asks him.

Wondering why his voice sounds so weird Irvine looks down at himself, his surroundings then up at his image. "Come back from what?" Blinking in confusion, he looks to another image of himself. Cocking his head something dawned on him. He isn't even dressed as he normally dresses. "The hell is goin' on here- who are you?"

A grin spread across the persons face. "Why, I'm you."

"You ain't me. You don't sound like, or act anything like me." He sucks in a breath of shock as all the images draw bows loaded with an arrow at him. Raising his hands in defense he says calmly. "Surely we can talk about this, after all, I'm unarmed."

"Don't let them near me." Says the other him.

"Who?"

"The others.... keep them away from me."

It sounded so serious that Irvine had to wonder if he were talking about the other images of himself or someone else. Because from where he's standing he's the one that needs the protection. "Listen partner, I promise I won't let anyone touch you, or whatever but you've gotta lower your weapons."

The image began to breathe hard very suddenly before letting out a loud scream. All of them begin shrieking like banshees. Covering his ears, he's relieved to see them drop their weapons due to holding hard to a pain that erupted in their heads. The forms hunch over, crying out in pain. Concern, yet cautious, Irvine walks over to the image of himself wrapping an arm around its shoulders.

"Hey, hey.... what's wrong? A headache?"

The image of him looked up surprised, only.... his hair went from brown to pink. Infact, as he looks around, all the images are mimicing what's happening to the one he has a hold of.

_'What is going on?'_ He wonders noticing the different colors of hair that they're all sporting.

Purples, blues, greens, blond, reddish violet. What could it mean? Irvine was sure that he's seen them somewhere before but he can't remember from where. His mind has been foggy, drifting in snow.

_'I died during the mission.... I think that I drowned. If the others didn't find me then I really am dead as I suspect but then if I'm dead, what is this place?'_

The invisible floor shifted hard enough to bring him to his knees, taking the image of himself and the others down with him to a kneel.

"You were trying to tell me before, that I don't get something? Am I in a coma? Have I been alive all this time?!" He asks the pained image, nearly shaking it for answers. But it did not answer it only began to cry. ".....What.... What is it? Tell me."

It said nothing, only faded away taking the others with it.

"Don't go! I have to know!"

* * *

"Dammit!" Squall punched the wall hard enough to crack it. "I can't believe this happened!" He bit out angrily. "I was too damned hasty, I wanted Irvine back too much, and now look at him."

Selphie stood up from her seat to place a hand on the saddened male's back; giving it a gentle caress.

"Its my fault, Squall, don't beat yourself up." Zell says sadly. "I wanted him to go back to the accident spot. I'm the one who was too hasty."

"You should have seen us, though, I was snapping at him, telling him that we wouldn't give him the slightest chance to know us- that our only concern was for Irvine."

"What would you say a stupid thing like that for?" Quistis asks. "Imari is the only way to get Irvine back and you're not making it easy for him to submit saying things like that." She went on.

"I know that!" He snaps, but the woman was un-phazed by it. "But... if he recovers... I'll make it up to him and I won't pressure him to recover Irvine's memories."

Quistis made a thoughtful sound. "Maybe he should stay at a hotel for a while."

Squall shakes his head. "He can't afford to."

"Garden could pay for it." Zell suggest.

"_Garden_ can't afford it." Squall shoots it down. "He's going to stay with me, and things will be fine. I swear it."

Dr. Kadowaki exits the recovery room after having been in there for eight hours; her hands hold up to keep the small group- minus Seifer, from pummeling her. "He's stable now. But I want to know what happened."

They all glance at each other wondering whom should speak, Zell decidedly went first.

"Dr. K., we wanted Irvine to get his memory back and only ended up making it worse because now he's unconscious, he probably won't even remember what he saw and-..." He turns his head when a hand touches his shoulder. Its Seifer; shaking his head telling him to just stop talking.

Quistis could have thanked the man, taking Zell's place in the explanation. "Dr. Kadowaki as you can see Irvine is alive. He ended up at Winter Island with no memory of what happened to him or how he got there. Over the years he's gotten a name, Imari Karver, and a life together in Winhill, but we found him and asked him to come here. We wanted for Irvine to remember us and himself but when we brought him to the place where he disappeared he flipped out and ended up here."

"Is he alright?" Squall asks. "What happened to him?"

"I'm amazed at the resilience of you kids; dead one minute, amnesia the next." Expelling a sigh she reports. "Imari," Her use of the name was heavily loose. "has never been exposed to magic- from what I can guess after what you've told me. Irvine still had his magic junctioned but the use of it never came to be because Imari doesn't know the command to cast them. Remembering what happened to him must have triggered that much in his mind and the spells exploded out of him. We're lucky that Imari only recalled Scan and not the Pain the man had junctioned or he'd be in worse condition than a little fainting spell from the mental strain."

"So then he will wake up? He's not in a coma?" Selphie asks, hands clasped in hope that Hyne will keep her friend safe.

"Yes, he'll be fine. Its not like the nasty condition that happened to Rinoa a few years back."

The girl rubbed her arm uncomfortably. She can't recall what happened but her body ached all over when it was done.

"He should be able to return home with you in a day or so." She informs looking to Squall, knowing of his and Irvine's relationship.

The male nods.

"I removed the Silence cast on him and unjunctioned his other spells to protect him when he wakes up; casting that spell was good, quick thinking on your part, Zell."

The blond grinned then wiped it off to remain professional in the eye of tragedy.

"For now, tell him to take it easy with remembering things."

The group nod.

"I have other patients to attend to, so I'll leave you all to sit with him if you like. Remember what I said, though." She points an accussing finger Squall's way before disappearing.

Turning to them, the gunblader cocks his head in the direction of the room. "I'm going in. Zell, will you go home and be with Kait. He'll probably have to spend the night and I don't want him giving your mother any trouble."

"Got it." He pats his friend on the shoulder to comfort him before walking off.

"We should go too." Rinoa touches Squall's shoulder as well.

He receieved a raised hand of a 'bye' from Selphie and Quistis before he's left alone with Seifer.

"Still gonna force his memories?" Asks the ex-knight.

"No. I meant what I said, I'll be nice to Imari while gradually introducing things about Irvine to him."

Seifer shrugs his shoulders. "Alright. Good luck with that."

Squall cocked a brow. "I thought you said luck was for suckers."

"Exactly." He smiles fiendishly before walking away.

Squall watched his departure before going into the patients room. Taking a seat on the stool beside Imari's bed, he rests his hand down on the sleeping male's chest; watching as it rises and falls from Imari's breathing.

"I'm sorry." He says softly.

"That's okay." He smiles, eyes closed, he begins to giggle.

Squall's serene face soured. "I thought you were sleeping, I thought that you were hurt?" He removes his consoling hand.

"I am hurt but, I was faking sleep, though- I hate doctors, you see."

"I thought that your best friend in Shumi was a doctor."

Imari shakes his head. "He was more of a healer than a doctor." Grunting as he moves to sit up; he thanks Squall for his help to do so. "Doctors always smell weird, and poke and prod you with weird things. He just sort... I don't know, healed me." He smiles at the memory.

"Imari, I really am sorry for forcing you to remember things. I didn't think it would be painful."

"I know. You don't have to apologize." He sighs. "I wouldn't have flipped out so badly but.... what the hell was that?"

"What was what?"

"Its like... having a personal tattoo of a blue blanket needled to your eyes, and yet, everyone and everything else were coming in but you had green lines all over you and all this information was buzzing around in my head."

"Sounds like Scan, Irvine had some junctioned to him when he went on the mission. Dr. Kadowaki said that his magicks were bursting out of you because you unintentionally activated the spells."

"Geez. You military people must be strong to take that kind of mental abuse."

Squall smirks. "It does hurt the first time you learn how to do it, but in time," He holds out his hand forming a clump of ice in the center of his palm.

Imari looked spooked then amazed. "Wow."

"Its almost like breathing."

"That's amazing."

"Some cadets can't handle it so they never learn but they always become specialist in weaponary so they're equally as useful as anyone else."

"Hmhm. I can't imagine being part of something like that. I've been brought up to disagree with violence and I stick by it. Monsters are a necessary vanquish but people....." He shrugs with a shake of his head.

Squall said nothing.

"How long was I out for?"

"A good few hours, Selphie cried."

Imari frowned then smirked. "Tell her I'm fine."

"She knows, but I'll tell her." Standing, he says absently. "We're in Balamb Garden now.... do you wanna look around? I can give you a tour?"

Holding a hand to his head. "You would ask a bedridden man to move about after he just woke up?"

"You said you were faking it." Squall popped the patient on the shoulder.

Imari chuckles throwing the covers over. "I forgot," He winks. "let's move out then. Is this gonna be okay with doctor....?"

"Kadowaki. I don't see why not, you can move can't you?"

"Yeah."

"Good enough reason to walk around then."

.................

"This is the training center, there are monsters inside; they're caught weekly."

"How do they keep them from escaping into the school?"

"Barriers."

"Oh."

"Everything is colored, makes it easier, I guess."

Imari nods.

Squall couldn't believe how weird this was, it was like that time the school had been overrun by monsters and everyone was turning this way and that all flipped out about who really knew what. Irvine had come with him then, he needed him.... although, back then and still to this day, he wasn't even sure of why.

"Up here is the library," He points to the entrance. "they never have what you're really looking for, but they're willing to order it for you." He shrugs.

The cadets looked spooked to say the least, as they watched a ghost walk down the hall with Squall. Let them stare though, so long as no one comes over and says anything he could careless. Last thing Imari wants is a crowd of people he doesn't know swallowing up his personal space.

_'Kind of like what we planned on doing.'_ He scolds himself. "This is the cafeteria. The speciality of the school is hot dogs, they have all kinds of toppings to put on them. But everything else is good as well."

"Galbadia's specialty is chili." Imari says casually.

Squall didn't comment on it, but his insides churned with enthusiasm that having a tour of the school might do the trick. A nice gentle ease into his oldself might be just what he needed. Imari seemed to read Squall's thoughts because he shook his head sullenly.

"Its just like what I've told you about; I'll have these moments where I will say something or do something that isn't like me but there's nothing behind it. ....Its like I'm stuck in a snow drift, wind will blow flurries around me and I'll watch them move, but I can't feel the cold."

Squall's gaze lowered to the floor. "I know what that's like. Back when we were all fighting a sorceress named Ultimacia, I got stuck in time a compression; the sky was gray the ground was bare and there wasn't anyone around but me ....I gave up all thoughts of getting out of there, I was ready to accept oblivion wandering but Rinoa helped me, my friends helped me... She had gone in too and she brought me back."

Imari seemed to be thinking that over.

"Forget it. Let's just keep moving, over here is the parking lot." He points. "You can use it but you have to pay, we also have rentals from the school. The quad is over there- avoid it at all cost."

The crafter snickers. "Why? Too much gossiping?"

"Trust me, avoid it."

"Okay." He laughs quietly trying to see beyond the entrance as they pass it.

"The dorms are this way. Irvine and I shared a room, but...." He trailed off.

"You quit to raise Kait?"

"I quit to raise Kait, and.... I couldn't take being here, in that room alone. Before it was not a big deal to me, but once Irvine started sleeping with me everything changed."

Puffing up his cheeks he deflated them like a balloon being let go. "I can tell this is upsetting you, how 'bout we get something to eat. I'm starving."

"Yeah."

"I've never had a hot dog before, what should I put on it?"

"Maybe Zell's the one to eat with." Comments the male as they head for the cafeteria.

* * * *

"Agent Orphin, its Tall Hair, do you copy?" Zell releases the red button on his walkie talkie.

A gasp came over the other side before Kait says. "That's my middle name, how did you know?"

"Secret agent, Lion's Den told us."

"Who's that?"

"Your Dad."

"Oh."

"Agent Tall Hair, where are you?"

"I'm in the bathroom, bring the flash light."

"Okay."

Kait turns on a small pen light with a very bright white bulb. Sneaking through the dark hall of the house, he turns into the bathroom then walks back out.

"What's the matter?" Asks Zell behind him.

"Its dark in there."

"I thought that's why we have the flash light."

"Right." Sneaking back into the bathroom the two grab a monkey from the tub.

"We've rescued another one!" Announced Zell, throwing his hands up.

"Yay!" He jumped twice.

Listening to their game, Martha Dincht walks to the buttom of the stairs. "Zell, its time for Kait to get his bath and get ready for bed."

"Okay, Ma."

"Okay, Ma." Copies the boy.

Lifting the child from the floor he takes him into his bedroom. "You get ready for the bath, bring one toy; I'll get your towel."

The boy did as he was told, removing his shirt and jeans, tugging at the toe of his sock having it stretch as long as it could go before it popped off his foot, then does the same to the next one.

"Who wants to come into the tub?" He says in a comical high pitched voice. "Jojo will be your watch guard." He makes the clown take a bow. Choosing his farm pig he dashes off to the bathroom to drop it into the water.

"This shampoo smells like apples, you'll love it."

"Do I like apples?" Asks the boy.

"I think so, yeah." Sitting on the rim of the tub he places his hand under the water. It felt nice enough. "Is this temperature alright?"

"What's that word mean?"

"Uhh, is it too hot, or too cold, or just right?"

"Just right."

"Okay. How high does Squall fill it? Passed your tummy, or your hips."

"I get lotsa water." He's already making the pig nose around under the filling water.

"Alright. ...Is it alright if I sit in with you?"

"Uh huh."

"Just to be sure." Zell nods to the reply sitting on the toilet.

"Do you want a toy?" Ask the child eyeing the bubbles growing around him. He loves bubble sollution in his bathes it always smells like bubble gum. He can't wait until he's five so he can chew some like the girls do.

"No, I'm good."

By then the boy was making swooshing sounds while his pig dove from the soap dish into the water.

* * * *

Imari was not liking all the staring going on while he and Squall are eating. He feels like a celebrity only he hasn't done anything. Its kind of icky. As if Squall were reading his mind, he says.

"Don't look so surprised, you are a ghost after all."

"Yeah but the open stares are kind of weird." Looking at the main peepers he waves a hand to them. "Come over if you're gonna look."

Embarrassed the small group walks over to their table taking seats around it, some braved sitting right at the table.

"We don't mean to stare, its just that... you look exactly like Irvine Kinneas."

"He _is_ IrvineKinneas. Irvine wasn't dead, he went missing but he has amnesia now and doesn't want to be bothered. Spread the word so no one else gawks at him and go about your business." Squall snips without so much as losing a beat during his bite.

Frightened they all stand.

Imari gaped at the brooding male. How can he be so cruel? Trying to salvage the cadets pride, he holds out a hand, standing from the table. "Imari Karver, nice to meet you."

"Hello." A male says right away shaking his hand.

The others relaxed doing the same. Lunch was nice, the cadets were friendly and talkative; they found his archory skills fascenating and some even asked to be taught by him. He found that hillarious and said if he were still around then he would be glad to teach them. Squall found it all very irritating and yet, his friendly nature is so much like Irvine he had to sit aside the fact that this man is someone else so that he could for a moment pretend that his lover is the one carrying on conversation, holding everyone's interest as he often does or tries to.

Imari glanced to Squall seeing a very distant look on his face, with a soft smile he reaches across the table touching the male's chin between his fingers. "Get out of your head darlin', its not good for you."

Squall couldn't help but get heated cheeks from being called 'darlin'.' in that voice Irvine kept only for him. Its working, though, Irvine is pushing through whatever is holding him still inside of his body. Nodding, he stands from the table.

"Let's head back to my house, its getting late."

"Okay." He stands as well saying goodbye to the group of cadets before following after Squall to the trash bin and tray drop off.

Squall thought about going over to the Dincht's to get Kait, but the idea of being alone with Imari is very tempting, especially if glimmers of Irvine are coming out.

_'Dammit, stop thinking like this. I have to control my physical urges.'_

"I like this school, its nice... I mean, peaceful for a military school. I thought they'd have you doing drills or something."

"Garden's aren't like normal schools but they do teach basic education, we're not warheads."

Imari nods.

Squall didn't feel up for walking home, he just wanted to get into his bed- well, his son's bed since Imari is staying in his and clock out. Taking a car from the school, they're back to Squall's apartment in ten minutes rather than the half our to forty minutes it would have taken them if they'd walked.

"Is it alright if I take a shower?" The carver asks.

"Go ahead. I'm gonna call Dr. Kadowaki and tell her where you are, incase she's flipping out." He dials the woman's office phone.

"Well, well, you finally call. Where's Mr. Karver?"

"At my house. He says he feels fine, so I figured we'd eat and come home."

"Mhm. I should have known you'd abduct him, your friends don't stand a chance when it comes to you, do they Mr. Leonhart?"

Squall can hear the smile in her voice. She knows him well enough by now, and to be honest, no, he doesn't like his friends cooped up in a hospital for too long. But those were always under special conditions. Isn't action better than sitting around? "I'm taking good care of him, and I won't over-excert him in any way."

"See that you don't. But if he gets a headache tell him no asprins."

"Right."

"Just lay him down in a dark room and tell him to relax."

"I got it."

"Bye."

He hangs up the phone. Going into his room, Squall changes into his pajamas heading then into the living room he calls the Dincht home.

"Hey Squall, how's Imari- did he wake up?" Zell asks.

"He was never asleep, he said he hates hospitals so I sprung him out. How's Kait?"

"Being good as usual. He's asleep now, unless you wanna wake him up to bring him home."

"No, let him sleep. I'll be by after breakfast."

"Woo hoo, alone with your burning lover- what'cha gonna do with him?"

Blushing Squall grumbled. "Nothing. He's not Irvine, and stop mimicing Selphie, its creepy."

Zell only laughed.

"I'll be by tomorrow. Goodnight."

"Night."

Turning around, he's forced to swallow hard when the man walks out of the hall into the living, again, shirtless. "You don't have a top for that?" He waves him over to the couch when he sees the offered brush.

"I do, but I get really hot when I sleep and it keeps me up. Its either shirtless or pantless." He sits down.

"If it bothers you when you're sleeping then we have to make another rule that all clothes must be on until you're in the bed. Otherwise, I'll break your rule and end up sending you packing and I can't risk that." He brushes through his lovers hair gently one inch at a time.

"Oooh, am I too tempting." He laughs, making his chest flex impressively. Irvine never could figure out how to do that, he and Zell were practically making spectakles of themselves on the beach one summer.

Squall snickers giving him a shove. "Don't tempt me. I will screw you into this couch."

Imari chuckled but it ended as he popped up from the seat. "Shit, I forgot about Pal. He hasn't eaten anything all day."

Squall watches the man head into the kitchenette.

"Do you have any ground beef or something?"

"We should. Check the lower drawer."

"Here we go. Thanks." He heads into his room

"No problem." Mumbles the itchy male. Looking down at his lap he heaves a heavy sigh. "Fuck."


	23. Say it right

Disclaimers: I don't own Super WHY or WordWorld or any of the other shows that might be mentioned in this story.

A.N: Thank you to all who are reading and leaving reviews. The story is over after one more chapter I think, yes but that update will take a while since it'll be longer than usual so I hope you can wait it out.

................

It was ridiculous, he knew it the moment he got out of his son's, jungle blanket covered, bed that he shouldn't be wandering down the hall to slip into his bedroom to join Imari Karver, not Irvine Kinneas, to sleep. But he couldn't help it dammit! His lover is laying in his- should be _their_ bedroom and he's not with him and its eating at him badly. Imari will just have to suck it up if he happens to wake up and notice him; its not as if Squall intends to try anything with the man, just a nice comforting sleep.

The door opens soundlessly, closing just the same. The lovesick gunblader slipped across the room like wind would blow through a field, gentle and lifeless. His weight dipped his large and steady bed only a bit as he climbed into the covers, slid up into the man, and carefully he wraps his arms around his empty lover's body, resting his head onto his chest. Imari's heartbeat is steady and slow, making Squall smile, moreso, when the man's hand came up into his hair as Irvine's did, thumb brushing the hairline behind his ear.

_'I can't believe he sleeps naked.'_ Squall took notice of the uncovered amount pressing into his own, which is covered in his charcoal boxers. _'You're going to end up being such a pain to live with, aren't you?'_ Squall didn't mind so much for himself, but Imari should really consider the four year old that doesn't know the meaning of personal space to save his life. And where Kait may have the same thing going on downstairs, his is nowhere near the same and he doesn't want to end up answering a bunch of weird questions. Being uncomfortable is not his thing. _'Crap.'_

Imari nuzzled his face to Squall's, lips seeking his lips which he parted to kiss the, sleeping, male. Squall closed his momentarily shocked eyes melting into the feeling that he's missed for so many years. You can touch yourself until your hand comes off, but there is no way to simulate kissing; that wonderful burning feeling that you get when you're taking in someone's breaths and they your own nor can you copy the sweet sense of connecting with someone you care for taking the pleasure of gratification beyond what self love knows.

He hummed passionately feeling the slightest taste of tongue come into his mouth. Squall couldn't say much for Imari's alert make-out skills, but asleep his mouth moves as skillfully as Irvine's.

"Squall." The faintest accent used in his name sent a chill throughout his entire body making him stiff as a rod beyond the cotton fabric; Imari's erection presses readily into the other man's thigh.

Squall's hold tightens around the Irvine's back as he rolls them over so that the man is resting on top of him; thighs parted and knees bent, Squall digs his heal into the mattress to get some force behind his raised hips grind. He released a shuddered sigh from the feeling of his lover's weight dropped over him while the man continued to unconsciously kiss him all over his face from his mouth, chin, jaw, and cheeks; the gunblader's eyes roll up into the back of his head when his hips are met in the grind; Imari's knees come up at his sides, which lift Squall's legs to sit around the man's back, as he tries to gain access to Squall's entrance, but his boxers are still in the way. Should he ask the man to wait? Or somehow try to work his bothersome clothing away. Its worth the risk.

"Wait." He whispered just as quietly as Irvine had spoke his name.

The sleeping lover snickered, placing one last kiss against Squall's neck before moving aside. Squall has an old bottle of lubricant in his dresser drawer, blindly, he reaches for it with one hand while the other works his clothes off with help from precise shifts of his hips back and forth. Snatching the bottle its almost instantly removed from his hand by Imari or Irvine or whomever is in there now, and a healthy amount is squeezed into his hand- at least, he has to hope so once the sound of the cap being flipped up sounded. An arm is wrapped around his waist and he's rolled to his stomach; the tip of his lovers bulge met his entrance instantly, sliding quickly in all the way to the base. Squall cried out in pleasure, back arched ecstasy. He always said that with Irvine little prep was involved and even after all this time he still fit like a glove- minus that mildly painful extra inch or two his lover grew over four years. He didn't care, this feels real, this feels like Irvine; judging by the tenderness mixed with haste. Irvine always said resisting him was a nightmare and he longed always for their time alone.

A drawn out moan left both men when his lover began moving in and out; their hands, though, front on back entwine with each other as weight and force are met wantonly.

Through soft moan Irvine whispers. "Squall."

Turning his head to kiss the man on the cheek that's sort of exposed to him, due to Irvine's long hair resting just passed it. "Say it again." He pleads loving the way his name sounds in that accented tone and missing it just as much as he missed this.

Complying, he whispers his lover's name again. "Squall."

"Again." He groans as the set pace is picked up. "Again!" He calls out whenever answered; their fingers dig painfully into the gunblader's palms but he doesn't care, nothing can be felt over this: his rear being pounding, back being caressed by torso and his length painting streaks along the sheet its sensually brushing back and forth against. Squall could lose an arm and it wouldn't register until an hour after.

The bed is crying out with them, the wall painfully aware of it as there's sure to be a crack or even a hole somewhere along it. His name, Irvine's name, the wet slapping sounds of flesh against flesh rang out into the air ending with pillow muffled screams as the last pound found its way up the man's tunnel before pulling out. Imari lay on top of Squall, but that wouldn't due for the gunblader, shoving the man off he grabs him by the arms shaking him.

"Irvine, if you're still in there, wake up now!" He screamed into the unconscious male's face; swallowing hard as his only response is gentle breathing, Squall felt tears and vomit creeping up on him. For a good forty minutes he had him; he had Irvine, he was back with him and loving him and now.....

_Skkaarrr!!_

He jumped out of his skin hearing that damned bird of Imari's. He'd forgotten it was in the room, but the creepy thing about it was that it sounded as though... as though it had said his name. Surely he's losing it now or maybe it was his 'need for attention' as Seifer so crudely put it those few years back, thankfully Irvine explained it a lot better taking away that sore feeling that he's some kind of needy jackass. Looking at the dim paleness of his lover beside him, Squall replaces his clothing not bothering with the clean up, he's far too exhausted to care, and far too angry. But he won't press the matter, Dr. Kadowaki made him promise himself and he won't go back on his word.

_Sskaaarrr!!!_

"Shut up." He growls at the animal. Laying on his side, hands kept to himself he closes his eyes and waits for sleep to take over him.

.................

The next day. Squall woke up alone. Dual colored eyes open staring at the blinding sun coming in through the window. Letting out a sigh as last nights activity resisted his mind, he pushes up from the bed heading into the bathroom to clean up.

_'Dammit. I had meant to wake up before Imari. Who's to say he's even still here; he might think that I went back on my word or something and took off.'_ He splashes cold water on his face, running a hand through his messed up hair not caring if it came together in the end or not he leaves the bathroom. Nose in the air he can smell coffee brewing, what smells also to be eggs and some type of meat. _'I guess he's not gone. Maybe he doesn't know anything, just thinks that I slipped into bed with him. At least he's not mad.'_

Smiling at Squall, Imari calls. "Good morning!"

"Morning." Taking a seat on a stool at the counter, he looks at the stove. "Omelets?"

"For you and me."

Eyes moving to the time now, he notes that it's nine o'clock. "I have to get Kait."

"That guy Zell called, said he'd bring him over but he took him to ummm," He bites his bottom lip recalling the phone conversation with the happy blond. "his mother's diner for breakfast."

"Okay."

"Egg white, stuffed with chicken, cheese, and mushrooms." He shrugs. "I used what I found in the fridge."

"Chicken in an omelet?"

"I'm letting the mother see her babies one last time." He shrugs with a faint laugh.

Shaking his head in dismay, he cuts a slice from the food set before him. "Mmm. That's really good."

"Thank you."

"Irvine never eats healthy, if it could kill him instantly he'll eat it."

"Yeah?" Moving his plate with him he sets it down on the counter beside Squall. "I had the weirdest dream last night."

Squall licked his lips from the cheese that dripped from the bite he'd lifted. "Oh?"

"Yeah.... I was watching you and me," He blushes. "we were... you know.... having sex." He then laughed from discomfort.

"That's crazy alright." Squall comments casually. "But not too far off, maybe it was a memory of Irvine's."

"Some memory, is that your only pair of night clothes?"

Squall's words strangled for a moment. "No. I have a full set and random colors. I just bought these maybe two months ago."

"You were wearing that exact pair of night clothes in my dream, and if Irvine's never seen them it makes me wonder if-...."

Squall listens to the male all the while noticing his actions. He smiled softly then snickered.

"What?"

"Its just that, you don't eat like Irvine either." He turns his gaze to his own food unable to meet the deep two colored tone of his soulless lover's gaze. "He'd of been on his second or third plate by now, you.... you eat like a bird."

Imari only laughed at that. "I happen to like enjoying my food, thank you."

"I was just making conversation."

"I take it you don't do much of that," Imari takes another tiny bite. "you're kind of bad at it."

"Gee thanks. I never miss hearing that." Squall rolls his eyes. "Imari.... do you wanna hang out today? I mean, later on. I have work until the afternoon but then I'm free to do whatever."

"Y-... yeah, that'd be great." Imari had to feel good about that. Squall is asking him to 'hang out' with him. He who promised no sort of care in the world beyond getting Irvine back. This could actually be really nice. _'Hn. Look at me getting a crush on another man's man- hell a man at that. Guess I answered my own question that I gave to the Shumi's.'_

Squall finished his breakfast and coffee too.

"Do you want another one, I'll gladly make it for you."

"No. I'm good." Curious he asks. "What happened to the yolks, did you throw them out? Seems like a waste to me."

"No. I gave them to Pal for breakfast. He eats meat."

"Feeding bird to a bird. You really are odd." He pats the man on the shoulder before exiting the living room. From the hall he calls. "You'll have to watch Kait today, the others have classes to teach."

"What do you do?" He calls to the man who's probably in his bedroom.

"I'm an examiner."

"So what, you sit in on tests and stuff?"

"Yeah."

The bathroom door is closed and shower water is running soon after. Imari finished his meal cleaning the dishes putting them away. _'I've never babysat before, I wonder if its hard.'_ Taking a seat on the couch he stands back up when the door bell rings only seconds after his bottom hit the seat.

Opening the door he smiles when the child leaps into the air to be caught by him.

"Imari, you're still here?" He asks touching the man's face as though he might disappear or something.

"Yup, I'm still. How are you this morning?"

"I'm fine, where's daddy?"

"Showering." He steps aside to let Zell passed.

"He's fed and ready to start the day." Says the blond. "Ma even brushed his hair." Though he decided to tousle it right then.

"And don't you look sharp."

Laughing Kait wriggling to get down. "Don't touch me a'cause I'll poke you, I'm sharp." Darting down the hall he heads into his room then into the bathroom where his father is.

"I'm heading to work with Squall."

Imari nods. "I'm babysitting."

"Easiest job I ever had." Informs the shorter male.

"That's good. Any tips for me?"

"He's big on fruit, cut some of those for him and you're set."

Imari nods in all seriousness.

"And if you get tired, television, channel 112 has all his favorite shows."

"112."

"That reminds me, do you have a jewel or something that you want made into a ring or- you said earrings, right?"

"Yeah, I have to get them from shumi first, but I'll let you know."

Zell jumped out of his skin as the large bird landed on his shoulders, wings flapping rapidly. "What? What did I do!?" He steps back blindly trying to remove the animal.

"What's gotten into you?" Imari asks scooping the bird into his arms holding it like a bundled up baby. "You horny or something?"

"Real nice." Exclaims Zell brushing a hand along his back at in awkward movement until Imari turned him around to check for who knows what the man thought was back there. He did not wanna think about being raped by a bird- if that's even possible. He's heard about that guy that died after being fucked by one of his sheep- a sheep!

"You're good." He says. Looking at the animal that still seemed adamant in getting to Zell he exits the house setting the animal down on the balcony ledge. "Crazy bird, get out of here. You need to cool off or something."

Pal began skwaking in an uproar but did as he was told.

"And I'm usually so good with animals." Says Zell.

Imari waves off the comment. "Trust me, its not you. Pal's been acting weird since we left Winhill."

"Maybe he's homesick."

"Could be."

In the bathroom Kait is twirling a circle; Jojo swinging in his grasp. "And daddy guess what?"

"What?" He starts to rinse the shampoo from his hair.

"Mrs. Dink-tu, dintoo.... How do you say it?"

"Dincht."

"Uh huh, Dincht, she brought me to a dinner-"

"Diner." Corrects his father.

"diner and I got to have blueberry donuts for breakfast and some orange juice."

_'Poor Imari, babysitting a sugar hopped kid won't be a picnic.'_ He had to smile at the thought though. That will be his punishment for slugging him the other day. "Did you really?"

"Yeah, and then I got to ride in a space ship outside and it was fun- daddy it moved all around. Ooops!"

The clown went flying from his grip beyond the fish decorated shower curtain, popping Squall on the leg. Looking down at the shampoo and water soaked clown Squall bent over to pick it up.

"Fuck." Quickly brushing suds from his face, he reaches for his towel wrapping the doll in it. "Here Kait," He shoves it out from the opening behind him. "Go dry it off and I'll be out in a minute so you can talk to me."

"Okay. Thank you for saving Jojo."

Easing his tone he can tell that Kait panicked thinking that he'd be yelled at both for wetting his doll and for disrupting his shower but its wasn't his fault and Squall wasn't mad. As kindly as he could muster he says. "You're welcome."

The boy's foot steps exit the bathroom and Squall finishes his bath as quickly as he said he would. Going into his bedroom, mostly dry and boxers on his son follows after him talking about his day. Once he finished with every detail his four year old mind knew, he watched his father then asks.

"Where are you going?"

"To work, you'll have Imari to play with until I get back."

"Oh."

"Do me a favor,"

"Be good?" He piped wanting to impress his father with his memory.

"No. Today I want you to be a little bad, take the lid off your sippy and knock it over, run Imari ragged."

"How come?" He cocks his head.

"Because sometimes daddy wants to be...silly." He said of course meaning 'cruel'.

"And you can't because you have to work?"

Squall nods to the question. "Think of it like a game."

Kait seemed to be thinking it over. Turning his head when he hears foot steps in the hall heading for his room he walks over to Squall, who's at the closet taking a shirt from the hanger, then gives him a hug before disappearing.

Zell and Imari are in his room unpacking his clothes and things. Kait grabbed Imari's shirt giving it a tug.

"Is it ok if I'm bad today? Daddy said to do it." He asks.

Mouth agape in mild shock, Imari says. "He did?"

The boy nods. Zell couldn't help but laugh at how Squall was busted by his own son.

"Well, you know what? You can be as bad as you like, I'll even help you."

"Yay!" The boy seemed to sober from his celebration. "Oh but I won't knock my cup over, I like juice."

"Zell I'm ready." Says the gunblader. "Bye Kait," He walks over to him giving him a kiss, his movement almost let him down by shifting slightly to give a kiss goodbye to Irvine but he stopped himself, thankfully. "Bye, Imari and don't worry about doing anything wrong, Kait's an angel."

Zell could only pat his friend on the shoulder, laughing as he left the room.

"We'll have a great time. Don't you worry."

Smiling with his secret Squall exits the house.

"So my little troublemaker, what do you wanna wreck first?" Imari asks.

................

The students finished with their test sit frozen in mild terror as Squall's burning gaze looked them over to ensure that no one was cheating in any way. The cadets all know of Kait and Squall's great fondness of the child, a lot of them have even seen the man laugh and play with the child but in the work place, he's practically a demon of ice cold emotion and lack of tolerance for nonsense. One kid was caught texting to another for an answer and.... well, he hasn't set foot in the testing room for two years having to retake courses and help the janitors clean up at night. Squall said that if he were willing to cheat then he hasn't learned and is not ready to be out on the battlefield, therefor, he or she should be be reminded of how far they've come the hard way. And its working brilliantly; so far everyone who cheated and had to take the tests over did extremely well- some even thanked him for it. But it hasn't happened in a long time since the first twelve. Seifer always thought that he shouldn't be so hard on the failures, coming from a place where he had to repeat many tests over, but that didn't take away the fact that he thought it was funny as hell to scare the cadets shitless. His team is insanely talented and look up to Seifer greatly but he thinks that they could be better and that he and his rival should show them how perfection looks.

Squall said that he was flattered by the compliment and Seifer of course said that he did not mean him when he said that they should example perfection, only himself.

A student raised her hand wavering when the dual gaze fell upon her.

"What is it?"

"If we're done, may we go?" She asks in a meek voice.

"I don't care."

You could almost feel the shift in the air as the students restrained in the room praised that brave girl for speaking up where they could not. Four or five students looked pissed but kept their eyes glued to their papers so-as-not to be accused of cheating. Selphie bounced up to the open doorway waving her arms over her head to get the male's attention.

"Hey Selphie."

"Hi. I'm going to your place to check on little bird and Imari, any messages that you want me to pass along?"

"No."

"Okay. See us at lunch, we're eating together."

"Okay."

She waves over her shoulder as she exits the room. Squall had to wonder if Kait is being bad. Knowing the kid he told Imari about it just to ensure that he didn't get in trouble for knocking something over or coloring on the walls. He still intends to get the man back for hitting him, he just needs to think of a better way than forcing him to clean an entire apartment alone.

................

Imari strayed from the plan to mess the small home up a bit and decided that he and Kait should do some coloring instead. The boy was in the middle of asking his friend a dozen questions after telling him about the favorite parts in his most favorite shows. They had lunch of fruit kebabs and chicken fingers and a can of grape juice which Kait had to have his poured into his cup because he gagged twice when trying to drink it from the can- he asked if he could try, Imari couldn't say no to the boy wanting to learn a little. He even showed him how.

"Do you liiiike WordWorld?" Asks Kait grabbing a blue crayon from his happy face covered bucket filled with crayons.

"I looove WordWorld- taught me how to read."

"Me too, and daddy taught me how- do you know that I can read the stories in Super WHY?"

"I did not know that. That's pretty cool, I wish I could read around your age."

"How old are you?"

"I don't know."

"Because you're playing pretend?"

Imari smiled. "No, I've just never really thought about it. I don't know if you know this but I don't know a lot of personal things about myself."

"I know, daddy told me." He nods seriously. "He said that you were playing pretend but you couldn't remember that it was just a game."

"He said that?"

"Uh huh." Cocking his head he frowns. "How come you're staying with me and daddy?"

"Because he's... because your dad likes Irvine."

"I thought you were Irvine?"

"I am... sort of."

"You just forgot?"

"....Yeah." He looks down at the cat he's coloring, changing subjects he asks. "What color do you think the collar should be?"

"Purple."

"Purple it is."

Looking at his picture he then looks at Imari's. "How do you color so its not every place?"

"What you mean staying inside the lines?" Imari moves his crayon over to the picture next to the one he's doing. "See the black line right here." Kait nods. "You take your crayon and trace it really carefully and really hard so that when the scribble in the middle it bumps into the outline and keeps the crayon inside. Try it." He hands the boy the crayon sliding the book over.

Kait went in with full intention to impress but the purple color strayed. Watching Imari's moving hand, he shrank his hands movement smiling when the crayon color remained inside the puppy.

"I did it!" He cheered.

"Yeah, good job. You wanna start another picture" He turns his head hearing a sound at the door. "so you can practice some more."

"Nope, I wanna play outside. Can we go?"

"Sure, we can do whatever you like." Getting up from the floor he reaches he follows the quick child into the living room to retrieve his sneakers. "You know how to put yours on?"

"Uh huh." His feet are already inside the shoes. "I don't have ties on them."

"Maybe when you're older."

"Yeah. Do I need my jacket?"

"Not today, the weather is really nice." He opens the door when hearing a familiar pecking sound at it.

Gasping as though his best friend just walked through the door. "Pal, you're here too?" He walks over to the large bird that's almost his size, patting it on the head. The bird cocked its head bt leaned into the petting. "Can he come and play with us?"

"If he's feeling better. Pal was acting weird this morning so I told him to go out for the day."

"Oh. But he's better now?"

"Seems like it. Come on, let's go find a park."

The walk over was nice, he let Kait lead the way since he's never been in Balamb town long enough to locate anything on his own. He just did deliveries. But when a car came rolling by, he snagged the boys hand keeping him at his side. The park had a few other kids playing in it and the boy joined them for a moment but came back and asked Imari to play with him which he did. His energy was no match for a childs and between following Kait around the park like it were an obstacle course and chasing after Pal while the bird flew around the kids clown toy, then a round of holding the hands of every kid at the park spinning them so they could 'fly' as they said he was bushed and had to call a time out while the children play hide and seek around the equipment. You have to give it to kids and their ability to play. Every one of those kids was practically out in the open but the seeker walked right by them to prolong the game since they weren't allowed to go beyond the small park.

Watching Kait had Imari thinking about the quesiton he'd asked him_. 'I should know how old I am. But I don't._' He sighs_. 'I should know a lot of things that I don't. Living in the dark like this is getting kind of sad really. But what can I do?_' A thought crossed his mind just then. Squall did say that it was better for him to remember Irvine as much as he can. So something really Irvine should jog his memory and take away this horrible feeling that is about to live inside of him. Empty and lonely. Tilting his head back so it rests against the back of the bench, Imari closes his eyes opening them seconds after when something touched him.

"Ow..." Sniffled the four year old climbing into his lap. "Can you get it out?"

Holding the boys palm in his hand he uses his fingers like pinchers to remove a nice-sized splinter from his hand. Giving a kiss for good measure, he hugs to boy to him. "Better?"

"Uh huh."

"How'd you get a splinter in your hand."

"When I brushes off the swing." He points to the culprit. "Imari, I'm tired."

"Your tired? Wanna go home for a nap?"

"Uh huh." He more nods than gets the words out.

"Okay." Looking around he gives a whistle for Pal to follow them and the bird hovers right at the man's side.

They arrive at the Leonhart home in good time since he wasn't confined to a child's pace and he placed the boy in his bed, covers raised just to his waist. Exhausted as well, Imari heads into Squall's room removing a hunk of wood from his bag, he also takes out his knife and chistle. He should do some work before he falls behind. He has to make a 3 foot dragon and 12 horses. Imari wasn't sure how long he had been working, but Selphie stopped by to check up on him. He told her that he was fine and just doing some work so she stayed to watch.

"You're really good at that."

"Thank you."

"How long does it usually take you?"

"For things this size, two hours." He shrugs. "The dragon, though, that'll take a day maybe three."

"That's so fast." Picking up hunk of wood from the coffee table she looks it over. "I could never do anything like that. What time is it?" She looks at his watch. "Shoot, I've gotta go. See you later Imari and I'm glad that you're out of the hospital." She hugs him, eyes closed soaking in her friends life.

Smiling, Imari then frowns acknowledging Selphie as another person let down by his being around. Sighing he whispers to her.

"Hmm?"

"Nothing." He released her from the hold.

She knew that he'd said something but she wasn't going to push it. She really does have to go. "Come by Garden anytime if you wanna see me. My dorm room is in the third hall room seven. Okay?"

"Okay."

"Bye."

"Bye."

Imari sat for a moment thoughtfully nibbling on his thumbnail. "Say my name." He mutters to himself. "What does that mean?" Its what he had said to Selphie. He couldn't very well say it again, she would think he was weird- hell he thinks he's weird! But he said it and doesn't know why.


	24. Not Now But Soon

A.N.: Thank you all so much for reading this and leaving reviews, my friend is very happy that you like it. He's got FFVI stories that I can maybe post for him but I don't know if he'd want me to, but I'll check. Thank you all again.

.............

Awake. Imari sits at the kitchen table pen in hand, pad of paper set on the table. He's practically working his bottom lip into a bloody massacre trying to figure out what that sentence that continuely runs through his head: Say my name. Whose name, though? He has two: Imari Karver and Irvine Kinneas. He tried it out, saying the names one after the other, he even went as far as to ask Squall Irvine's middle name- if he had one, which he does, James. But nothing worked. Not even saying them backwards. So then why? Why does he continue to hear this sentence? Tapping a pen to the pad of paper he lays his head down on his forearm; sadness seeming to make a permanent home in his expressions.

He heard the yawn before registering that someone else is in the room with him. Sitting up he turns a bit in his seat, to see Squall standing by the couch, hand coming up to rest on his hip. Smiling he can hear himself tell the man that he looks handsome when he's delirious and desheveled, but Squall wouldn't believe that it came from him, he will chalk it up to something Irvine says and move on. Squall can never understand his crush on him, as weird as it is, that kiss before.... it really stirred something inside of him and it hasn't been able to calm down since his coming to live with the Leonharts.

"What are you doing?" He asks walking closer to the table to take a seat. Seeing that the notebook paper has nothing but his and Irvine's names written in random orders he cocks a brow then looks at the male to ask with a little more intention. "What are you doing?"

"Trying to figure something out." He reaches out a hand touching Squall's tousled hair; smiling when his hand is nuzzled into.

"How to spell your name? I think you've covered it." He grins cheekily.

"Ha ha." He smiles. "I keep hearing this sentence over and over again.... like a dull whisper. Say my name. It says."

"....Say your name? Have you tried it? Maybe its not something you have to write down." He looks the male over.

"Yes, I've tried it- numorous times! But still I get no relief."

"Maybe someone else has to say it." Squall takes the man's hand into his own, looking him straight in the eyes. "Imari Karver."

Waiting, the two glance about the room as if waiting for something to happen, when normalcy remains Imari shakes his head.

"I can still hear it."

"Irvine Kinneas." Again they wait and nothing. So Squall then says. "Irvine James Kinneas."

Nothing.

"See what I mean."

"Maybe you have to be in a certain place- maybe the place where you had the accident."

"Winter Island?"

"Possibly, or the place where you fell from the cliffs."

"Its worth a shot."

"We'll go tomorrow then, but after the picnic. The girls and Kait are really looking forward to it, we can get down to business later."

"About Kait, he seems to have changed since I first came here. He seems a bit put off by me."

"How do you mean?"

"When you're at work and we're alone, its like he'll act as though I'm not in the room and he barely speaks to me now." Imari looks down at his hand still in Squall's. "You don't think that he's upset by my staying here- it is your guys house. I'm just a guest."

"He may not be used to having you around all the time but he'll get there. To a kid two months is a long time, and to have a guest staying with you is out of the ordinary. He'll get used to you being here, I promise."

"I hope so."

"Trust me. Just talk to him about it, kid terms so he understands."

"Okay."

With an affirmed nod, Squall stands; taking Imari's chin into his finger tips he pulls the man in to a chaste kiss. "For Irvine." He then pats the man on the shoulder and heads into the hall.

Imari watched him go, knowing that his night torture would soon be underway again as he climbs into bed next to Squall, holds him close only to daydream about being loved by him while the male sleeps away in his arms. Squall said that he couldn't help wanting to be close to his lover and refused to sleep with his son any longer, Imari couldn't turn him away and so after the fourth day in the home Squall began to sleep with him. A lot of things have changed since he'd first came to live with the family. The gang treated him nicer- minus Seifer who acts like he won't be pleased with his being around until he can give him a good solid punch in the face, which isn't going to happen if Imari can help it. Then there's Kait, who was once his best young friend, he's now acting as though Imari is an intruder or that he likes the man but he's making the child uncomfortable because he's still in his home instead of seeing him briefly and leaving as he used to do. Then there's that sentence that's been bothering him ever since he got here and had been beaten by that flash back of a battle scene. He never noticed it before, it seemed only to sound like a low buzzing in his ears but after returning from the hospital it seems to scream now in its hushed tone not to mention Pal has just been acting plain bizzare, attacking people or being over affectionate. Maybe its all in his head or maybe......

The next day

Its nice seeing everyone dressed down and not as official as they act when he visits the military school with Kait; his full time babysitting job. Everyone relaxed and having fun; Zell teaching Kait some kicking and punching technics, the girls braiding each others hair chatting away, Seifer having a smoke, laying on his back head turned watching his boyfriend, he and Squall stading out in the field together and getting along better than he thought they would in the beginning.

"Casting magic is simple," Says Squall. "you just have to speak the words and focus on the effects coursing through you so that you can cast them out. Its a pain at first but it gets to be nothing after a while."

"You sure about that?" Imari asks, looking out to the wide open field before them. "I don't wanna flip out like last time."

"You won't, I promise." Holding Imari's arm up. "Irvine always does this to cast magic." He moves the man's limb around for him. "It should work alright if you do that."

When his arm was released he repeats the movement on his own. "Simple enough. What spell should I cast?"

"Something harmless, try Regan."

"Regan? What does that do?"

"Its like using a potion over and over- keeps your stamina going during a battle and your less likely to faint if the enemy frequently strikes you." He explained it absently. Pulling Imari down a bit he whispers the spell into his ear.

Taking a deep breath Imari chants the words quietly.

Off to the side the girls watch with interest. Seifer and Zell are playing Kait, doing hand stands and flipping.

Squall cocks his head then says softly. "Don't forget the movement."

Imari nods. Starting the spell over, he can feel something crackling in his gut. _'Guide it out with your movement.'_ He does the action and sure enough the spell is cast. Opening his eyes he watches a blue light flow around him. "Ahaha! I did it!"

Selphie screeched with glee. "Good job, Imari!" She waves.

"Thanks." He feels suddenly shy.

"It doesn't hurt or anything?" Asks Squall.

"Its kind of itchy."

Chuckling, he pats him on the shoulder. "It'll wear off, time spells usually do." He turns his head when the large bird comes to land on his shoulder. "Hey."

Imari watches Pal for a moment, his dual colored eyes almost fixated on his best friend. Being around the bird lately had been so weird. Its as if its talking to him, and not like a man would speak to an animal but like Pal is really talking to him. 'Say my name'. Last nights troubles resurface now. Is it Pal's name? How can he know its name if he named it? Its just an animal, plain and normal. .....But he has to wonder about that since even animals must name their babies something, its just not possible for animals to be as intellegent as they are and not name their babies. Its almost like the first time he'd seen the bird... he was his friend sure, but Pal- the name, it just sort of came to him he honestly thought that he'd put thought into it but thinking back- which was always such a wonderful feeling, he named the bird from a small whisper he'd heard in his ear.

_'What are you trying to tell me? What is your name?'_ He wonders.

"Lunch time!" Called the spunky brunette.

"Can I have jelly?" Kait's voice sounds after.

Concentration broken Imari shakes his head. Grabbing Squall's arm as he starts to retreat he leans down to whisper to him. "I think I know what's going on."

"What do you mean?"

"With me and Irvine."

"Yeah, he lost his memory and you were born." He said it very shrug-of-the-shoulders. "It'll come back. You only need to continue having familiar things introduced to you. We said we'd go south after the picnic"

"No, but maybe there's more to it."

"Daddy come sit by me!" Calls his the young boy.

"I'm coming." Pulling his arm free he says to Imari. "It will come to you. Just don't worry about it."

Squall walks away; Pal still on his shoulder looking as though it were actually smiling and not very kindly.

Lunch was a great spread: potato salad with celery and crab meat, deviled eggs, fried chicken, and a pile of sandwiches some meat some jelly for Kait an whomever else may like one and a large container of instant tea- lemon flavored. They're sitting on a large picnic blanket with smiling suns splattered all over it, the napkins were no better decorated with little boys or girls doing summer activities. Kait got a kick out of them so Selphie feels that she did her job. They talked together and yet over each other about nothing special. Seifer wants another match with Squall, Kait spoke of how he can stand on his head now, Zell is taking cooking classes because he wants to get an apartment with Seifer- which the taller blond didn't have a clue about, which turned their picnic into a small celebration for the two. Kait thought that that meant Seifer and Zell were going to live with them like Imari is but the ex-knight quickly wiped that image from the boys mind with a sound: bleh!

Selphie asked Zell if she could take cooking classes with him and he said sure. Rinoa spoke about being asked to lead the yoga class next week and she can't wait; lately they've been doing routines that she isn't very fond of so now its her turn to really enjoy herself. Quistis said she had no new news but work has been growing lately and she'd like to take a nice long vacation possibly to Dollet or Winhill.

"You could stay at my place." Imari offers.

"Thank you, Imari. I might do that."

Seifer rolls his eyes. He really can't stand the man or that flea bitten bird of his.

Kait listens to the adults talking; passing food to Jojo once in a while.

Selphie notices the jewelry in Imari's ears then looks to Zell. "You did a really good job with those earrings, Zell. It looks like you got them from a jewelry store."

"Second life, right?" Preens the male.

Selphie laughed. "Yeah. What kind of stone is that?"

"Wind stone, from Shumi. I picked one up when I went to visit around the third of this month."

"Oh."

Seifer has had enough. "Enough! How can you sit and talk to this imposter as though you don't want him gone!?"

"Seifer." Warned Quistis.

"No. I'm sick of it." Snaps the male. "Its been damn near three months and you're all acting as though nothing will change and you're fine with it."

"We don't wanna over stimulate Imari, so calm down." Rinoa tries her best.

But Seifer shakes his head. "Let's go Kaarver," He mocks the man's name out. "you and me."

Standing, Imari says. "Fine. You seem like you won't be satisfied with me until you've gotten in a good swing or two so let's get it over with."

"Imari, you don't have to fight him- this is just how Seifer ac-..."

"Shut up, Leonhart!" He cuts. "I don't need you explaining to people who I am."

The two men walk a distance away, not wanting the battle to spread out and hit someone on accident.

"Squall, stop them!" Shrieks Selphie dramatically.

"What for? Imari was right, Seifer won't be satisfied until he gives him a few blows to the head, may as well let him do it."

"Who knows, Imari might get in a few swings." Chimes Zell getting comfortable for the fight.

"Men are sick," Declared Quistis. "I give up." Her hands go into the air.

The wind blew gently picking up almost for atmosphere; it was like something out of a movie. But their actions weren't; Imari just put up his fist waiting for the encounter and Seifer moved in on the male before he could finish the act of raising his fist. Fist raised, in one quick swing he's side stepped and ends up sprawled out on the ground. Hearing Squall snicker only fanned the flames of his anger as he sprang back up and tried for the man again, but again, Imari stepped out of the way.

"Maybe you should stop trying so hard to hit me, then you might actually do it." Says the brunet to the bully.

"Shut up!"

Imari only laughed, taunting Seifer further. The blond charged forward raising his fist, only to be evaded again and again.

"The Shumi tribe taught me that fighting isn't ever necessary if the adversary runs himself ragged." Comments the man.

Seifer, poised to punch, changes his posture by sliding in the grass; one hand on the ground to brace him from going between his opponents legs, his own long legs scissor out knocking Imari to the ground.

"Now I've got you." Crawling over him, Seifer pours his fist down on the hated male like they were a meteor shower. Hyne it felt good when each hit came into contact with the man's face.

"Stop them!" Quistis stands to go do so herself.

It wasn't until Imari's lip split open that the man had had enough; the air shifted and Seifer's rapid punched slowed considerably to allow the beaten man to grab the blond's fist, one in each hand, Imari then jerks the male forward so that they're face to face.

Seifer's eyes went wide with a mometary panic. "What the fuck are you-..?" He mutters before his facial muscles tighten and freeze the stunned angry expression in place.

The others watch now with more curiousity than before. What are those two doing?

"You'd better not be making-out over there!" Calls Zell knowing how amped up a battle makes his blood crazed lover.

"I don't think that's what they're doing..." Squall takes one step forward.

Everyone can feel it, the shift of magic in the air. But who is it coming from. Seifer isn't stupid enough to cast a fire spell that close to someone- well, he is, but he wouldn't do it to a friend no matter who occupies his body. Before they could get any closer Seifer shoves up from the ground and Imari is on him like a school of piranha attacking a helpless fish- why isn't Seifer fighting back? Maybe its not that he won't but that he can't! The male might have come up from the ground but he isn't moving at all.

"A Stop spell?" Zell is the first to say. "Does Imari even know how to cast one of those?"

"I've seen him act like this once before," Says Squall. "in June we were cleaning the house and Imari was moving around like he was on crack or something. It was Haste, but what I don't understand is how he cast it on himself."

"Maybe the magic in him is seeping out again." Selphie offers.

"No. I asked his team after that first time if they knew what magics he had on and they were the basics minus what was junctioned into his gun."

"Then how-...?" Quistis, as well as the others, are silenced as a spell breezes passed them.

Dispel coiled around Seifer's frozen, battered body unfreezing him. The ex-knight lands on his back, legs in the air kicking the rushing male in the stomach, tossing him over his body.

"Seif' you alright!" Calls his boyfriend.

"I am, but Imari won't be." Mutters the man pulling out a dagger. Stalking over to the male, who's taken a nasty landing and is now nursing a pained shoulder looks up in time to see Seifer moving in on him, raising the dagger over his head he brings it down swiftly.

Pal was in the man's face instantly, flapping and squawking, clawing at his face with its talons. Seifer, swinging the weapon wildly, steps back away from the male hoping the animal will back off, but in all his trying to defend himself he took a slice into the bird. Pal cried out landing in the grass in a heap.

"Fucking animal- I hate animals!"

"That's enough Seifer." Snaps Squall at Imari's side. "You've done enough, you win."

"I won't win until that asshole is out of our lives." He looks over to Zell who has joined him at his side.

"Parties over." Declares Rinoa exasperated.

"How come they're fighting?" Asks Kait.

"Because men are idiots." The dark haired woman starts to clean up their picnic.

"Oh."

Lifting Imari's green shirt from his chest he sees a long slice healing from the Regan he had cast earlier. Its weird, though, because he can't remember seeing Seifer land any cuts on him, it was Pal that got....

_'It couldn't be.....'_ Thinks the male.

Imari moves away from Squall to tend to his injured pet.

_'What Imari was trying to tell me before.... Did he mean that its Pal? ....The G.F. at the battle, could it be that bird?'_

The elements seemed to wanna wash away the tarnish put on the beautiful day as the cloud opened up a sudden rain shower with a roll of thunder lacking lightning. They all went their seperate ways but Squall decided to head to Garden to do some research at the library which gave Imari the perfect chance to speak with Kait about his staying with them.

Bringing the child a cup of juice, he takes a seat beside him on his bed looking down at the DVD player he set up so the boy can watch a video. After ten minutes of silence he asks quietly. "Do you hate me, Kai? Have I done something wrong to make you angry at me?"

Hearing his name shortened the boy looks over at the man. "No. I'm not mad, I'm curiuts."

"Curiuts?"

Feeling misunderstood he tries again. "I'm wondering."

"Oh, curious. What are you curious about?"

"If you like my daddy and if you like me, then how come you're staying?"

Imari said nothing as he tried to make sense of the sentence. "You're afraid that I can't like both of you together?"

Kait shakes his head.

"You're afraid that I won't go home?"

Again the boy shakes his head. "I saw, one time, you kissed my daddy and it made me feel funny." Admitting that seemed hard for him as Jojo suddenly found itself stapled to the boy's chest.

"Ooooh, I see. You're curious about how you and your father will get along with me around?"

He nods but then shakes his head.

"Trust me Kait, your daddy does not love me like he loves you, none of the others do either." Imari swallowed hard as that creeping feeling started rising in him again.

"But you were kissing like Seifer and Zell kiss, not like daddy kisses me."

"Mm. I don't know if your dad told you or not but he and Irvine are like Seifer and Zell; if Irvine... if I didn't have that accident then you would have grown up with the two of them instead of it just being Squall."

"But what if I don't want two daddy's cause I like my daddy?" He starts to softly cry; more tears than sounds.

That broke Imari's heart. Pulling the kid into his arms he hugs him. "As long as I'm around that isn't going to happen for a very long time."

"But daddy already said that he likes you here."

Imari laughed. "He likes that I cook, clean, and play with you. But he doesn't mean that he likes me personally. Here," He pulls a handkerchief from his pocket. "blow your nose on this."

Taking the cloth he blows his nose comes out for a breath then blows again before handing it back and running a hand across his face. "But what about when you remember Irvine? Will he like you then?"

"He loves him, that's a fact but... Kait, Irvine loves you too- just as much as your daddy. Squall told me that he was the one who found you up in a tree, all alone, and he loved you instantly. He named you Kait, and your daddy named you Orphin but Irvine had to leave for a mission where he got very hurt and couldn't remember where he lived or who he was. Everyone thought that he was asleep forever but he was only lost" Kait's big blue eyes blink thoughtfully as he hears the story he's only somewhat heard from his father. "one day, then another and another, Irvine was seen by a young boy- that's you- and you liked him, at first you were curious but then you called him friend...."

"Are you the friend?"

"I am. And you like me don't you?"

Kait nods.

"And you'll like Irvine too. When you were a little baby, he would feed you, and change your diapers, and love you like his own child but he had to go to work, just like how your dad goes to work and the others too."

"You think that Irvine will like me now? He doesn't know me and I don't know him."

"He'll like you, I bet he'll remember you too."

"I hope so but, where will you go?"

"Where Irvine is."

"Where is he?"

"Its cold there, very cold..... so, I'll go home, to Shumi village."

"To live with the yellow mens?"

"Yeah, to live with the yellow mens." Laying his cheek atop his head he point to the screen. "Let's watch the movie, okay?"

"Okay."

He doesn't want the boy seeing him cry.

..............

Computer screen glowing in his face. Squall looks over the old history information that's been uploaded into the computer hoping that he'll find what he's looking for but so far all that's coming up are the usual Guardian Forces: Quezcotl, Shiva, Ifrit, Siren and so on. He needs to see deeper, though, further back at ancient times. There's got to be a reason that bird was with Irvine. Its got to be a G.F. The talking that Imari is hearing could be either coming from Irvine or from the Guardian. Typing in a date he sees that no information can be found. Trying another and another the screen opened up in the 1800's. Scrolling down the information he reads:

"In ancient times magic was forbidden and anyone involved in using such a thing was immediately killed or forced into slavery to use in the great war taking place. An empire seeking power searched the lands discovering a group of magic users that were not human but creature. They called them Espers. Espers?" He repeats. "The creatures were highly intelligant and could even speak and understand human mannerisms." Clicking on a link below he searches through the names and types of creatures. "Shiva of ice, a beautiful woman" Looking over the picture of an ice cold woman with light green hair he can't help but compare it to his own Shiva. There's also an Ifrit, with some similarities to their own. But the rest, a lightning wizard named Ramuh, and feline named Stray. "There are so many...."

That's when he came across a name that caught his attention quickly. Looking over the list of abilities he shakes his head in a frightened disbelief. "Time magic, it uses time magic... that's how Imari can do all those things." He looked for information about body possession but there is none. Pressing 'print' he takes a copy of the information with him to the dorms. The others have to know about this incase a fight is brought on. If this is an ancient creature that's taken over his lovers body who knows what may have altered over time, it could be stronger than ever with evolution over the years and they have to be ready.

.............

"Imari?" Kait says looking up at the man.

"Hmm?"

"What do you keep saying?"

"What do you mean?" He looses his grip on the child so that he can look at him.

Kait points to his head. "I hear you saying some stuff, up here."

_'It would make sense, some kids are very sensative to a lot of other-worldly things, maybe he can hear what I can't hear.'_ Standing he then crouches at the side of the bed, hand on the edge. "You have to tell me, what is it saying?" He asks sweetly.

"It just keeps saying Palidor."

Imari's eyes are wide right before they roll up to the back of his head, an intense cluster of shakes visibly rattled through him and before he could stop himself he tilts backwards hitting the floor in a hard thud.

Looking over the side of the bed, panic forming in his voice, Kait says. "Imari? ....Imari, what's wrong?" Climbing off the bed, he shakes the man but he doesn't move.

...............

"And you're sure about this?" Quistis asks while jumping into the car. "That bird is an ancient creature and its possessed Irvine's body? How is that possible? Unless a contract is broken" The car door closes. "a guardian force should exist within the body but not as the body."

"But this creature isn't like anything we've ever seen. The picture, you saw it, it looks exactly like that bird Imari has been living with minus the size. We have to get to him quickly."

Rinoa, buckling her seatbelt, says. "Especially since he's alone with Kait. You don't know what could happen."

"Kait should be fine." Squall says. "Imari said that he kept hearing some voice asking for him to say its name.... there's a chance it was Irvine." He recalled hearing the bird 'kaw' that one night. It sounded as if it'd been trying to say his name. Was there a switch made? Or did the bird simply replace Irvine as the host of his body and store him in a recess within his mind?

Seifer and Zell; though, its raining, follow on the man's motorcycle as they head for town.

.............

Kait rushed into the living room picking up the phone. He knows his father's number so he can reach him anytime he'd like, and now is one of those times. He listens to the rings and before he knows it...

"Hello?"

"Daddy, Imari's not feeling good. He fell and he won't get up." The boy has been crying, but he knows to stay calm in an emergancy- Quistis and Rinoa practiced with him with his toys on how to act in an emergancy situation. He's to state the problem clear and direct. "And I'm scared."

"Shi-... What do you mean, what happened? Tell me from the start." He kept his voice calm so that he wouldn't freak the kid out.

"We were watching Alice in Wonderland and then we talked about Irvine and then I heard somebody whisper and I thought it was Imari, and then he asked what I heard but when I told him he fell down."

Squall can hear the tears in the male's throat. "Its ok, don't cry."

"Is he gonna be ok? I didn't mean to do it."

"You didn't do anything, and I'll be there shortly," He put his foot down on the pedal. "Call Mrs. Dincht and tell her to come and get you, go to the house downstairs and wait for her."

"Okay."

"Good boy, and you're doing a good job."

He only received a sniffle as a response.

"I'm hanging up now, remember what I told you, head to the house downstairs and call Mrs. Dincht to come get you."

"Okay. Bye." He hangs up.

"What's happening?" Quistis wonders out loud.

"Kait said the name of the Esper and Imari collapsed. I think he's been lying there since that, and Kait thinks he might be dead."

Selphie made a hard gasp.

"I doubt he is, but that doesn't make it any less severe."

The car pulled up just in time to see Mrs. Dincht leave the neighbors home with Kait, who'd missed him since he wasn't out of the car before the woman got them into hers. The six dash up the stairs into the upper apartment wasting no time heading into Kait's room where Imari lay on the floor unconscious.

"I'll call an ambulance." Selphie has her cell phone in hand instantly dialing the number.

Squall is at his lovers side, ear pressed to his chest. "His vitals sound good, and he is breathing... Irvine.... Irvine?" He shakes him. "Wake up?" He shakes him again.

Shocked and a little scared the others brace their weapons suddenly; catching Squall's attention, he turns his head to see a grotesque man-bird walk into the room from the hall. Its the colors of the Palidor, but its the size of Irvine. The face.... the face even looks like the mans! His eyes are human, but he has feathers sticking out from his cheeks and his hair is a mass of lavender plummage, the beak is beyond startling, and his arms seem to be attached to the wings. It took one look over all of them and let out a low KAW.

"Is that Pal?" Zell asked, terror in his tone.

The wound from Seifer's dagger is bleeding gently at the shoulder making it no mistake of being the creature.

"It knows Time spells, we have to get out!" Squall shouts.

Zell bashes into the creature with his shoulder, knocking it against the wall. "Run, now!"

They didn't need anymore coaxing as the group fled the room and the home. If they're going to battle this body stealing monster it has to be in an open area where they can have the advantage and not cause any damage to the home. Sure enough Palidor follows them out of the house like a bat out of hell, wings flexed in a hunch since the hall keeps it from fully expanding them, as it chases the soldiers to the battlefield.

"We have to get this thing out of the town, make sure it can see you!" Quistis instructs.

A loud shriek filled the air as the Esper flew into the sky like a bird of prey ready to dive. The rain is making it a slippery mess beneath their hurried pace but they have to get far enough away so the town isn't effected by the battle. You can bet that they wished like Hell for it not to be as dark as it is right now, but they made it out of town and into the field.

"Do you see it?" Zell looks from left to right up in the sky.

"Don't tell me we lost it?" Selphie spins a circle as she looks into the area.

All of them jumped to attention when Quistis let out a pained yell. Palidor zipped past her clipping her side with his long, sharp bill and it seemed to be turning around for another snip.

"Let's finish this thing quickly, so we can get Irvine back." Squall commands.

A shimmer of golden yellow light dances around his body as Aura has been cast by him. He started to do his Lion heart attack but was cut off by Palidor slamming its feet down on his shoulders hard enough to break his collar bone. Brought to one knee, he collects himself and readies for another attack, he needs something quicker and his Renzokukens Rough Divide seems right for the job but as he prepares the strike he watches the bird dodge an attack fired at him by Zell, who's using his martial arts to keep the creature ground level long enough for someone to take it down, and he wonders if maybe Irvine and the bird are one right now? Irvine was possessed but there was no way of knowing which way it went. If they hurt Palidor... if they kill it.... will Irvine die as well?

Unleashing his Lightning Hazard attack the sky lights up with all sorts of streaks and colors as the bolts entrap the bird paralyzing it without electrocuting it. Zell is encased in Berserk energy and pounds away at the frozen Esper that will soon be freed from his Limit Break.

"Selphie! You're up!" Calls the blond as his strength returns to normal.

Swinging her chuckle like a fan out at her sides, Selphie whirls it over her head before slamming it into the ground unleashing her Metal Bomber attack. The mase at the end of her chuckle shoots out its spikes like the quills of a porcupine. The bird let out a loud shriek of pain as the pins stick into its body before exploding in contact.

Seifer could not properly use Bonfire in the rain because his fuel would be wattered down, so once the mini-psycho's explosions died down, he attacked it with Bloodfest using all of his energy in swinging Hyperions Blood around and around, landing some cuts and receiving some of his own.

Palidor had had enough and flew up into the sky out of their reach. Its eyes glowed bright white as it looks down upon the group. Screeching down at them sound waves blast the party down into the mud and wet grass. Wings flapping hard, blades of wind slice through the rainy weather tearing into them cutting them here and there. Rinoa was at her limit and using her weapon Twisted Jester, its attack Leech Life expands through the air with invisible, magic seeking, vines that snapped around the bird's ankle. It cried out as the energy is drained from it; its lost strength sending it plummeting from the sky.

"Is it going unconscious?" Rinoa wonders.

Squall gets up from the ground dashing over to the falling creature, sliding on his back reaching out to catch the creature and just as the large bird lands in his lap and arms; just as this happens the two of them vanish.

"This is not good." Selphie gets up only to slump back on the ground from a bad cut on her leg. "Where'd they go?"

The had all expected Shiva to show up but she did not and Squall and the Esper are gone.

* * * * *

"Where am I?" He looks around in the thick blinding white of the mysterious location. "Irvine?! Irvine!?"

"He's no longer here... ....Why do you want him back?" Asks the unconcious bird telepathically.

"Because I love him." He said plain and simple. "We all love him."

"But you forgot about him once you thought that he was dead. ....I got to live as a human lives, love as a human loves.... in my world no such thing is allowed when you are an Esper and mankind has shunned you."

"I don't know how you got here, but you're no longer in your world."

"I am aware of that!" The monster hissed. "Here I was shown that monsters and people can co-exist but as a means of their fighting tools. I've lived here, hidden for years and years watching the world evolve until one night while I slept a group of men stole me from my cave. I was locked inside of a gem called Magicite from where the people in my time used me for good and evil. I saw your friend..." The bird sputtered and coughed before speaking again. "He was on top of the hill speaking some words to me, and before I knew it I was being pulled to him- into him! I paniced and used my Warp to send him away but his spell to bring me in interferred and we somehow ended up in a very cold place... I was in his body and he was in mine. Your friend, Irvine, believed that he had died during his mission so he remained in that state of mind while I took control of his broken body not knowing where I was or what would happen to me. My body, somehow, managed to remain as a tiny bird that I found when I woke up."

"Is that what happened? The combination of magic errupted into a body displacement?"

"Yes."

"Then what happened to Irvine? Where is he now?"

"He was beginning to figure it out when he heard you all speaking, it got to the point where I had tried to tell him but I couldn't give up being human and being able to be loved instead of used. Your son was so kind to me.... and after a time you all became that way. I thought Irvine would be a thing of the past, but he started to speak to me over and over. I seemed to forget who I was myself but when your son spoke my name...." It trailed off.

"You..... you can stay, with Kait and me and Irvine but.... you have to give Irvine back!"

"....I can't.... your friend has gone....."

"What?"

The voice begins to fade. "But I will return to my body and sign a contract with him as he wished... maybe then you'll see your friend again...."

The bird- the world, starts to fade away.....

Squall's eyes open and he looks around. He's in the hospital. Irvine is laid up beside him, a mask over his mouth to help him breathe. "Ir-..." His throat is dry and hurts. It felt as if his skin has been microwaved by the sun. Was he dreaming that?

"Squall, you're awake." Quistis takes his hand. "How do you feel? You've been out for days."

"Days? What about Irvine, is he ok?"

"The doctor says that he's fine, he only needs the mask because his breathing gets eratic in his sleep. Squall, he woke up, he spoke to us but...."

"He's still not Irvine." He says sadly.

"...No. ...But he isn't Imari either. The Esper is at your house, as tiny as a sparrow... we caged it."

Squall nods. So Irvine is alive and well enough. He'll help him remember, though, even if it takes forever. With no Esper inside of him locking his memories with Stop he'll have a better chance at remembering sooner. Falling back onto the bed, he lets his eyes close so that he can sleep.

December 23.

Irvine skates over to the bench where Squall is seated. Plopping down beside him he wraps an arm around his lover. "Did I mention how great you look all covered up in winter wear?"

"Only a hundred times." Squall feels his cheeks rise.

"Well its true! Besides, I'd tell you a hundred more times so that I don't miss a minute of being with you."

"Daddies look at me spin!" Calls Kait to the two. Doing his spin he stops a little wobbly, having to spin his arms to keep his balance only to get plucked from under his arms by Zell to skate around the ice with the laughing male.

"He's so cute." Irvine snickers.

"I remember, you know?"

"Remember what?"

"You. You always had this look in your eyes and I never knew what it was for.... its terrible when you can't remember people and when people can't remember you. But that day, when you got your memory back.... it was raining just like it had been then... and you came outside sometimes and would take my hand." He takes Irvine's hand. "You would just look at me and smile, sometimes you would cry too... you would never say anything except for that first time when you did it. You looked at me and said... No one should have to be sad alone."

Irvine smiled a certain light in his eyes that Squall had never seen before. "We always hold hands to comfort each other, since then, huh?"

"Yeah. I thought it was weird when you grabbed it at the parade- you're a lech after all, but no... you just remembered what I didn't. Acting on an old impulse.... I never remembered because all the other kids talked and talked, but you... everytime we were around each other you never said anything. Which was just what I needed sometimes. I love you."

"I love you too." Kissing him on the cheek he gets up. "Now let's get out there and show them what team Kinneas is all about."

"Team Kinneas?"

The man only laughs to himself as he skates away.

_'Its good to have Irvine back, inside and out. And now, we'll always have a way to remember each other even when the other can't.'_ Skating out into the crowd he allows himself to bask in everything and everyone never wanting it to leave him again. Memories are nothing without the persons that put them there.

THE END


End file.
